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Hanahaki Disease - It's a disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals. The disease starts when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when it's done, the victim forgets about how to love and/or their lover.
Fauna lays in bed as she rereads the definition again before she drops her phone onto the bed next to her. It’s ingrained into her head. Hanahaki disease. A disease. A disease she’s heard about in different types of media before but never in real life. Maybe this could all be a lie. That someone made all of this up believing the fiction was real. She grabs her pillow and pulls it close to her chest, resting her chin on it. She searched this up just for fun. Never thought that this silly made up disease was actually real.
And that Fauna has it.
That Fauna has this stupid disease.
She had been coughing up petals for a few days now. At first she thought every time she did it was a dream. That none of it was real. Until tonight. Tonight when she searched it up just to see, on the slight chance, it wasn’t her imagination. And it wasn’t.
Hiding her face against her pillow and letting out a deep sigh, Fauna tries to think of a way to think how this is possible. She knows she loves Sana. She’s loved her for a long time so then why is Fauna getting affected by this disease now? Why hadn’t it affected her before back when she first fell for Sana? Why is it only now-
A violent cough rips her out of her thoughts. She pushes her face against the pillow to try to muffle the noise but it doesn’t help. Her throat burns as the petals make their way through, tears coming to her eyes. When she pulls away she sees small pile yellow petals with spots of blood on them but none on her pillow, luckily.
Fauna pushes them off her bed and into her bin near instantly. She doesn’t want to see them. Be reminded that she really does have this disease. That she could die because she’s too scared to tell Sana she loves her. If only she could have more confidence in herself like Kronii does.
Moving to lay on her back, Fauna stares up at the glow in the dark stars Sana had put up for her. At first, Fauna didn’t mind the tightness in her chest, she often gets that thinking of Sana. But now the more she stares, the more her chest tightens, the more it hurts, the more she gets reminded of Sana. The more she remembers this disease.
She forcefully moves her eyes to look away. She loves the girl but she can’t get reminded of her right now. It’ll hurt too much.
Instead, she looks to the side to see her cats. “Oh..” she mumbles weakly. She forgot Snail and Clover had decided to stay in her room that night. She’s going to have to leave her door open then. It’s a welcome distraction from the storm in her head.
Rubbing her eyes to get rid of the tears in them from the coughing, she swings her legs off her bed to go grab a drink. Her throat hurt after coughing up those petals. She moves her hand to her throat and rubs it a little to try to soothe it as she stands to leave the room. She hopes she didn’t wake anyone. She really doesn’t want to explain herself to her family.
When she walks back in with a glass of water after successfully not waking her family, Fauna sees Snail and Clover now awake and walking around. She smiles a little and keeps the door open. It’s nice to see them act normal compared to what is happening to Fauna right now.
Fauna sits back down on her bed, glass to her lips before she sees Snail in the corner of her eye smelling her bin. “Snail!” She puts the glass down and grabs the black cat to place him on the bed. She sighs and looks down to him. “Don’t… do that.” She knows it’s futile and that she overreacted, but she still had to say it. She also didn’t want him to smell the blood in there.
Sighing, she finishes her drink and lays down on her bed again, on her side so she doesn’t see the stars this time, she hopes to finally fall asleep. She feels Snail curl up beside her, his fur pressing against her back. This made her smile, maybe she’ll be able to sleep.
This thought didn’t last long.
As Fauna closed her eyes to sleep, she got a glimpse of long, blonde hair tied into two ponytails. She tries to keep them closed, to try to sleep but she keeps seeing her. Her smile. Her bright eyes. The way she looks at Fauna. Keeps feeling the tightness in her chest. The fear. She opens them. It got too much for her.
“Could I make myself fall out of love?” She asks herself as Clover jumps up onto the bed next to Fauna’s face. She sighs and strokes his back as he curls up next to her. “No… I don’t think I could.” And it’s true. Fauna has been in love with Sana since they were 12 and they are now nearing 18. She has liked her for nearly six years. Fauna has seen all of Sana’s phases just like Sana has seen Fauna’s and yet she is still in love with her.
Fauna pushes her face into Clovers’ fur before letting out a sigh. She has school tomorrow. She has to sleep. But she can’t stop thinking about Sana and this disease she now has. She’s scared about what will happen.
Letting out another sigh, she forces herself to think about something different to ignore the tightness in her chest.
Soon enough Fauna fell asleep.
Fauna lets out a yawn as she leans against Kronii. She feels the girl stiffen a little but she doesn’t push Fauna off so she takes it as a win. Kronii is surprisingly nice to lean on. She’s warm. Fauna closes her eyes, they feel heavy, but she won’t sleep, school is starting soon.
The next thing she knows, she is getting woken up by Mumei poking her cheek. “Fauna. Faunaaa. It’s lesson time. Come on, we gotta go to our table.” She had fallen asleep against Kronii. Guess the taller girl really was just that comfy.
Fauna pushes the hand away with a small yawn. “Okay, okay, I’m awake…” she pushes off Kronii and rubs her eyes to try to wake herself more. Blinking, she looks around the table where her friends sit to not see familiar blond hair. She should be here by now. “Where’s Sana?” She asks, making sure the girl isn’t just somewhere else in the room.
“She isn’t in today.” Bae replies as she slings her bag over her shoulder.
She isn’t in? Fauna looks back to Bae with a raised eyebrow. “Oh, okay. Did she say why?” She glances around to see if anyone knows but they just shake their heads.
“Nah, she didn’t.”
She shouldn’t feel happy about this. Something could have happened to Sana but Fauna is thinking about how her disease might not act up if the girl isn't here. That’s selfish, don’t think that. She worries about her friends and she won’t let this disease stop her from that. She nods, standing up and grabbing her bag. “Alright, I’ll go visit her after school.” That's right, this won’t stop her.
She feels the same burning feeling in her throat she has before. Just thinking about it made her react. She quickly pulls out a handkerchief before she coughs into it. She pulls it away from her face and just as quickly stuffs it into her pocket, hoping none of the petals - she knows that are in there - fell out.
So much for Sana not being here making it better. She sighs, looking towards her friends to make sure they didn’t see. It worked because all she got was a look from Bae and Kronii before the two started to also get ready for class. She silently thanks whoever was watching her as she makes her way to the back seat next to Mumei.
“Are you okay?” Is the first thing Mumei asks Fauna, “You never sleep before school. Did you have a bad night?”
Fauna just nods silently and pulls out her note book. The cough left her throat raw, not wanting to speak and she doesn’t exactly have a drink to soothe it. She feels a little bad not replying to Mumei but at the same time she doesn’t exactly want to make her throat feel worse.
Mumei stares at Fauna with wide eyes, trying to see if she could spot anything wrong with Fauna, but when she couldn’t, she just nods, “well if something is wrong, just tell me!” Mumei smiles widely before she turns around to look back at her own note book.
Fauna softens her eyes slightly as her hand moves to pat Mumei on the head as a thank you. She sees Mumei’s mouth open again but their teacher walks in so Mumei closes it again and Fauna looks towards the front again.
Oh how she hopes this day won’t be too bad. She hopes this disease doesn’t affect her too much.
The day had dragged on for far too long. Fauna didn't get a moment's rest whilst there, if her mind wasn’t on Sana and the disease, she was asked to do something, and when she thought she could relax, her brain went to Sana and this disease. It’s honestly a miracle that no one has asked her if something is wrong.
Now Fauna is standing out in front of the Tsukumo household. She’s been here more than enough times to not feel nervous but now she knows this disease is linked to a certain Tsukumo and she is inside of the house. Fauna takes in a deep breath to try to calm herself. Come on Fauna, you are just going to see a sick Sana.
Before Fauna can fully gain the confidence she desperately needs, the door opens and space dad stands there, looking at Fauna. “Fauna? Are you here to see Sana?” He asks, his poster relaxed as he leans against the doorframe.
“Ah, yes.” Fauna nods, looking towards him. She shouldn’t be so worried, she’s been here more times than she can count. She can’t help it though.
“Come on in.”
Fauna nods again before she follows space dad into the Tsukumo house. She glances around the house to see the decoration she’s seen so many times before: pictures of Sana and her younger sister litter the wall as well of their parents. They seem to like pictures a lot. Fauna smiles a little at a particular picture of Sana and her on their first day of school.
“That brings me back.”
A voice says behind her Fauna making her jump. She turns around to see its space mum with a face mask. “Here love, wear this so you won’t get sick.”
“Thank you.” Fauna Smiles softly, taking the mask before slipping it on. “What’s wrong with Sana? It takes a lot for her to not come to school.” She asks, glancing up the stairs.
“She caught a really bad fever,” space mum sighs, leaning her cheek on her hand. “Hit her last night. She wanted to go but we told her to stay home and someone would visit. Looks like we were right.” She smiles, looking at Fauna.
Fauna just smiles behind the mask and nods. “I guess you are.”
“Well, I’ll leave you be. You know where her room is.” Space mum waves as she turns around to walk back to the kitchen.
Fauna waits for space mum to turn the corner before her shoulder slump and she lets out a small cough. Luckily, nothing came out. Maybe it’s just sore from all the petals.
She nods to herself and starts to make her way up the stairs towards Sana’s room. She walks past doors until she gets to the room with a planet hanging with the word ‘Sana’ on it. She knocks once but doesn’t hear anything. She knocks again but still nothing. “Sana?” She calls out as she slowly opens the door to her room.
No light escaped from the room meaning either Sana is either asleep or just hasn’t got the energy to have the curtains open. Fauna sees a small lump in the bed but she doesn’t walk over right away, she walks over to the desk to turn the small lamp on just so she can see better.
With the light turned on, Fauna can now see Sana fast asleep on her bed and medicine on the table. She smiles a little before dragging the chair from the desk to the bed so she can sit next to Sana and wait for her to wake up. She pulls her phone out to text the other that she is at Sana’s house and is checking on her before putting it back into her bag. She leans back in the chair and looks around the room.
It’s space themed, and she hadn’t changed it even after all these years. Fauna smiles a little at being in this room when they were young and pretending they were in space, it was Sana’s favourite game. Her love for space never left. The walls are a dark blue with posters full of space and astronauts, the ceiling is a galaxy that Sana had painted when she was 14. Even though she is a better artist now, she refuses to repaint the ceiling saying ‘we painted it together! Why would I repaint it?’ Fauna lets out a huff at the memory because Fauna just sat in the corner as Sana did all the painting. She’s not complaining though, she likes how it looks. Imperfections and all.
She gets interrupted by the memory by her throat starting to close up. She turns away from Sana and moves her hand to mouth despite wearing a mask to cough into it. She can feel the petals leave her mouth and land in the mask. She grimaces a little at the feeling. Pulling the mask off, she quickly moves the petals into her bag so Sana wouldn’t see anything.
When Fauna sits back up, she sees two sleepy brown eyes on. Fixing the mask she looks down to Sana. “Hi Sana…” she reaches over to rest her hand on the sick girl's hair. Sana hums a little and leans into the hand before Fauna starts to move it.
“Hmm… hey Faufau…” Sana says, her voice hoarsed from lack of use. She closes her eyes again and it looks like she can fall back asleep right there just because of Fauna’s hand.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like hell.”
Fauna giggles softly and starts to stroke Sana’s hair. It’s an unconscious action at this point. She’s always done this when Sana is ill, not that she doesn’t do it to her other friends, it’s just Sana is the one she does it most too. “That bad?”
“Yeahhhh… it wasn’t bad this morning but it feels like a truck hit me.” Sana groans, moving her head to lean more into Fauna’s hand. “Might not go to school tomorrow either…”
Fauna frowns at this. Sana isn’t known to take more than one day off normally. She rarely takes one day off but if she is that ill then Fauna won’t push her. “Alright, I’ll give you my notes for the day and tomorrow if you don’t come.”
“Thanks…” Sana mumbles, starting to fall back asleep already.
Fauna just huffs a little as she watches. “Sleep well.” She whispers, watching Sana fall asleep again. She stays for a little while just stroking the girl's hair. She can tell Sana enjoys it and honestly, so does Fauna. Sana’s hair is always so smooth even when she has been asleep and in bed all day, it’s still so soft.
But it's time to get going, she can’t stay the whole night, not when Sana is ill and definitely not with this disease. She stands up from the chair before pushing it back to the desk where it originally was. She’ll tell the others that Sana might not be in tomorrow either. Walking back to the bed she picks her bag up before stopping. She turns and stares at Sana for a moment. Her brain overthinks about this disease. About everything that has happened to lead up to this point. She pushes everything down her fears and thoughts before she starts to lean down. She pulls the mask down and presses a small kiss to the top of Sana’s head. She pulls the mask back up and leaves the room the fastest she ever did with her face bright red. She knew Sana was asleep but she couldn’t risk it. Can’t risk her knowing.
But she also thought that maybe if she showed the girl she likes romantic affection maybe the symptoms of her condition might go away? Fauna doesn’t know, she’s just guessing. Hoping. Or that’s just what she’s telling herself.
Fauna waves to space parents and leaves the house as earth sister walks into the house. They give each other a small wave before Fauna leaves to walk back to her own house.
Her chest hurts. Her throat burns. She knew it wasn’t a good idea to come and she should have said that she was busy. Should have said someone else should go. Said anything to not go. But she can’t leave Sana like that. She always goes and this disease wouldn’t stop her from doing something she loves - caring for her friends.
Fauna looks down at her desk, quietly sketching in her notebook waiting for her friends to arrive at school. They don’t come as early as her, except maybe Kronii but after she and Mumei started to date she started to arrive later than she used to. Fauna doesn’t mind though, they all get here before the bell rings, so they can at least talk before class starts and she is happy for the two of them.
It’s been a week since Fauna went to visit Sana and a week since Fauna found out about this disease. Honestly, she’s been weighing the options to just confess to Sana about her feelings. But then all the thoughts that kept her back started to resurface. She wants to stay friends with the girl. Always be with her even if that means just being friends. She just wants to be with Sana in any way. But she also doesn’t want to die. Fauna doesn’t want to die.
As Fauna sits there, she feels the ever so familiar feeling in her throat she’s felt for days now. Noting no one is in the room, fauna makes no move to hide her disease as she coughs into her hand. It feels even worse this time, like the petals are clogging her throat. That they are actively trying to kill her. It’s getting harder to cough them out already. She didn’t think she had this for too long.
When she pulls her hand away, she sees exactly why. The yellow petals she’s grown used to have gotten bigger and she can tell what flower they actually belong to - a marigold flower which is funny with what they mean. She lets out a sigh and moves to put the petals into a napkin so she can bin them.
What she didn’t see was Sana standing by the door.
As Fauna gets back to her seat, that's when she sees Sana standing by the door with something in her hand. Fauna’s eyes widen a little before she smiles a little, hoping that Sana didn’t see it. “O-oh Sana, I didn’t know you would be here this early. How long have you been here?”
“What was that?” Sana asks, getting straight to the point. The question Fauna didn’t want her to ask. That isn’t like her. The tone is wrong. Sana knows something but Fauna doesn’t want her to know.
“What do you mean?” Fauna turns her head towards Sana with a smile like nothing is wrong, but Fauna can see in Sana’s eyes that she doesn’t believe her but oh how she wishes Sana does. She doesn’t want anybody to know about this. Not now. Not ever.
Sana walks over to the table before standing next to Fauna. She doesn’t say anything to her but she places her bag down onto the table as well as the thing that was in her hand. Fauna looks at Sanna as Sana looks back at her. She shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “Erm, Sana?”
Sana doesn’t reply before unwrapping the cloth in front of Fauna. It’s a petal. A yellow petal.
Fauna tries to look confused at the petal that Sana placed down but it didn’t stop there when she walks over to the bin Fauna just put all the petals that left her throat earlier. Her eyes widen as she realises what Sana is about to do. Her chair scrapes the floor, nearly topping over from the speed she stands up. “Hey wait, Sana, what are you doing?”
Sana picks up the napkin up before opening it to see all the petals Fauna had discarded. “Fauna?” She calls out her name for the first time today.
“Y-yeah?” She tries to not sound nervous but she stutters. She can’t help it, she’s scared Sana is going to find out Fauna has been trying to hide since she found out a couple of weeks ago. She hopes she is just over thinking and Sana isn’t about to find out.
All her hope crashes down as she sees Sana walk back over and place down the napkin Fauna had put in the bin on the table. And just to make everything worse, Sana opens it to show the now yellow flowers.
“Fauna.” Sana says again, softer this time but Fauna doesn’t reply.
She looks down to the table. She can’t believe she was this sloppy in hiding this disease. She thought she was better than this. Thought she could hide all of this. She can’t do anything about it. She can’t confess but she doesn’t want to forget how to love either but she also doesn’t want to die. She doesn’t know what to do. Tears come to Fauna’s eyes before she can realise what is happening. She moves her hands to cover her eyes. She doesn’t want Sana to see this. To see Fauna Ceres fall apart. She can’t stop her body from shaking. Can’t stop the tears.
Fauna just wants to be alone but she can’t bring herself to move.
She doesn’t hear Sana walk over to Fauna but Fauna does feel strong arms wrap around her. She can feel the heat radiating off Sana. she leans into the familiar hold. She tries to keep herself together, more together than she is now anyway. She doesn’t want to bother anyone. But not Sana. Out of everyone why does it have to be Sana. The girl Fauna loves.
Fauna tries to compose herself but when Sana hugs her just that much tighter and tells her, “it’s okay.” In that stupid voice Fauna loves. In the stupid accent Fauna finds herself daydreaming about more and more. She finds it so much harder to. She wants to cry even more. Tell Sana everything that is happening. How she loves her so much she got this disease. That she’s scared to die.
But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything. She hides herself in the taller girl's neck and cries. She knows Sana will want to talk about this and Fauna will need to try to find an excuse but for this moment she’ll let herself cry. She’ll let Sana help her. She’ll let herself be truly scared of this. To stop hiding.
Fauna honestly doesn’t know how long she was crying but it must have been long enough for others to start coming in because Sana led them to the bathroom that nobody really uses and Fauna still didn’t stop crying. She really didn’t know that she was feeling like this. She thought she was doing a good job at handling her emotions but when it comes to Sana, she can’t truly hide from her.
By the time Fauna had calmed enough to talk, it was already time for the lesson. Fauna glances towards Sana, all too ready to go to lesson just to avoid the conversation. But Sana doesn’t move. She grabs a tissue and starts to clean around Fauna’s face. Typically, Fauna is the one to do this to her friends whenever they cry, she hasn’t been on the receiving side for far too long. It makes her emotional again.
New tears come to her eyes but Sana wipes them away before they can begin to fall. Fauna lets out a small chuckle at this. Sana has always been there for Fauna no matter what and it makes Fauna happy knowing that it’s still the same.
Soon enough, Sana backs off and Fauna walks over to the mirror to see the damage done. Her eyes are bloodshot and puffy, of course they are. She couldn’t hide the fact she was crying at all. How is she meant to go to lessons like this? She lets out a sigh before turning back to Sana with a smile. Honestly, she feels better after crying, even if it did nothing to help this disease, it was nice to cry.
Before Fauna could open her mouth to thank Sana for this, the closing of her throat started to happen, the burning, the pain. Turning back around, Fauna leans against the sink with her hand around her throat. She doesn’t want to. She’s in front of Sana. If she does now then it’s like this disease is actually real and Fauna wasn’t making it up and it would be confirming Sana’s suspicion.
Please don’t.
A cough breaks through. Then another. And another. Soon enough the fit started. At first it was a cough or two and that was all she needed but now? Now she makes her throat go raw from how much it takes now. Fauna barely feels the hand of Sana stroking her back as Fauna coughs into her hand. She can’t stop herself.
She doesn’t want to see Sana’s reaction. She doesn’t want Sana to know but it’s all too late. A near full head of yellow marigold is coughed into Fauna’s hand. It’s progressing so quickly. Not too long ago Fauna just found the flower and now it’s nearly a full head.
Fauna leans against Sana again. She feels weak. Weak after crying. Weak after coughing. Weak after everything and she hasn’t even spoken to Sana yet.
Wait.
Fauna freezes against Sana and now it hits her truly that Sana knows. If Sana knows this disease like Fauna thinks she does then she knows. Sana knows Fauna is in love with someone, not the who but she knows Fauna loves someone. Why did she have to have this stupid disease that revealed this? Why did she fall for a girl she can’t have? Why? Why? Why?!
New tears start to swell but they don’t fall as Sana cups her cheeks to make Fauna look up.
“Fauna.” Sana says softly, wiping away the stray tear with her thumb. She’s heard Sana speak like this a few times but it will always catch Fauna off guard but it also will make the girl fall further in love.
“Fauna.” Sana repeats. This time Fauna nods softly. She doesn’t trust herself to speak at all.
“Is this hanahkaki, Fauna?”
Fauna nods once again. Of course she would know. Sana is much of a nerd as she is, if not more.
She hears Sana let out a sigh. Fauna can tell Sana is trying to keep it together. She doesn’t know why. Maybe because Fauna didn’t tell her? Maybe she’s freaking out that this is real? Fauna really doesn’t know.
The two fell quiet. Fauna not wanting to talk and Sana trying to find the right words to say. But Fauna leans into the hands still on her cheeks and closes her eyes. Her eyes feel heavy from all the crying. She feels like she can fall asleep right here with Sana holding her.
Before she could drift off, Sana finally speaks again. “I’m going to help you, Fauna.”
What? “What?” Fauna eyes snap open. Ignoring the pain in her throat she talks. She wraps her hands around Sana’s wrist. “You don’t have to Sana. The person I like doesn’t like me back anyway.”
“Well, we’ll just have to make them like you back!” The passion Sana has to help Fauna all but breaks her argument back. She can’t say no when Sana looks like that. She never has. She loves her too much.
Fauna lets out a small sigh before moving to lean against the girl again. She hopes she doesn’t mind. She’ll just blame it on this disease and cry if Sana asks. Fauna doesn’t think she has too though as Sana takes her hands off Fauna’s cheeks and wraps her arms around her.
When Fauna isn’t crying and now just being held by Sana, she feels like she can just fall asleep and never have to worry about anything ever again. She likes this feeling after the constant dread she has felt for the past week.
This calm feeling gets washed away with all but a simple quest Sana asks.
“So, Faufau, who exactly do you love?”
Fauna doesn’t reply and rather just shakes her head. She isn’t ready. She does not want this to be how she confesses but she knows she has to say something. Before she could even think of saying an excuse as to why she can’t tell Sana, the girl coughs herself. Fauna falls rigged. Does Sana have it too right? She pulls away from Sana to look up but not far away enough for Sana’s hand to leave her waist.
Luckily, it just seems Sana just had to cough. Horrible timing truly but Sana did just get better from a fever so maybe it’s still lingering. Fauna sighs and her remaining energy leaves her. She just wants to sleep in all honestly but she knows she has school. That it’s their lesson right now and they are skipping. She never skips.
“Why don’t we head home?”
And that was all Fauna needed to push her into fully skipping. She nods her head before she feels Sana pull away slightly.
“Go wait by the gate, I’ll go do everything, okay?"
Fauna just nods again. She knows she isn’t acting normal, neither is Sana but she is just so tired to truly care. Tired mentally and physically. She lets out a soft yawn and leaves the bathroom, missing the worry and fear in Sana's eyes.
Next thing Fauna knows is that she’s waking up in Sana’s bed and not her own. When did I? Fauna sits up and looks around. It has the same galaxy on the ceiling, the same posters on the wall. It’s definitely Sana’s room but why did they come here rather than go to Fauna’s own home? She can’t even remember why. She can’t remember walking here. The last thing she remembered was Sana meeting her at the gate with their things.
Was she that tired?
Faund hadn't been sleeping well the past week and when she cried earlier definitely didn’t help with her exhaustion so maybe she was. Honestly, she’s still tired.
She lays back down on Sana’s bed with her back to the door, content with going back to sleep to catch up on some needed rest but also wanting to prolong Sana asking her questions. She knows they will happen in due time but Fauna wants to wait for as long as she can before she has to answer them.
That’s when the door to the room opens. Fauna doesn’t move. She keeps her eyes closed as Sana walks around her room. Fauna doesn't know what she’s doing but she can’t open her eyes to check. So she listens.
All Fauna hears is paper on Sana’s desk getting moved and Sana writing. Honestly, Fauna could really fall back asleep now. Just knowing Sana is in the same room makes her feel more at peace even despite this disease.
Fauna nearly does fall back asleep, the sound lulling her nearly to sleep. Then it stops. Fauna wakes up again, not fully but more awake. The bed dips and Fauna feels a hand in her hair. If Fauna wasn’t trying to sleep, she would ask what Sana is doing. She’s always been touchy with Fauna but never this. She wants to ask why but doesn’t want to blow her cover so she doesn’t.
She waits to see if Sana would do anything but nothing happens. Sana sits on the bed stroking Fauna’s hair as she fakes sleep. Fauna can tell something is on Sana’s mind even when her eyes are closed, call it intuition but she knows. She can’t ask though because she’s faking being asleep. She could just say Sana woke her, but then she would have to talk.
Fauna didn’t get far into her dilemma when Sana began to speak. It’s soft, quiet, not what Fauna is used to from Sana but it’s clear she doesn’t want to wake Fauna so she’ll stay acting like she’s asleep.
“Why’d you hide this from me Faufau… You know I would help you no matter what…” Sana sighs and moves slightly making the bed creak. “You always want to do things on your own and not let anyone else help.”
What Sana says is true. Fauna does. She doesn’t like to burden people with her problems and she would much rather help other people. And this time is no different. She wanted to fix it herself instead of dragging others into it. Dragging Sana into it but it’s too late now.
“You need to ask for more help, Faufau.” Sana moves her hand to move Fauna’s hair behind her ear.
But I can’t.
Fauna feels Sana move away from her face and the dip in the bed leaves. She thinks Sana is leaving now, to let her rest. Fauna hopes she does so she won’t have to face her after ‘waking up’. She hears clothes shifting around and footsteps leave the room.
A sigh leaves her when the footsteps walk further away. Sana must be actually leaving. Fauna relaxes back into the bed and gets ready to fall back asleep. She’s about to fall back asleep when the door opens again. Fauna doesn’t pay any mind to it this time, already half asleep. Well thats until the covers gets lifted and Sana joins her in bed. It’s not like this is the first time they shared a bed but Sana normally asks. This time she just got in.
Don’t overthink. She just thinks you’re asleep.
Arms wrap around Fauna. Strong, warm arms Fauna knows all too well. She feels a warm body join by pressing against her back and a face in the back of her neck as well.
Okay. Sana has never held her like this before. Not ever. Is it because she thinks Fauna is asleep? Surely Sana can hear her heartbeat. She surely knows that Fauna is awake. That thought left as she hears Sana’s breathing level out and she falls asleep.
She’s going to be the death of me. Fauna exhales through her nose but wraps a hand around one of Sana’s. She’s really warm, it’s nice with how cold it’s been. The cold hasn’t been helping her sleep either. Fauna relaxes against Sana and finally falls back asleep.
When Fauna wakes up again, she feels a lot better than last time and more awake too. She goes to sit up but that’s when she feels arms wrapped around her waist and something pressing against her chest. Looking down, her eyes widen at what it is.
It’s Sana.
Sana is pressed against Fauna.
And she is fast asleep.
Fauna has never felt her face heat up as quickly as it did now. This does not help her at all. Sana looks so peaceful against Fauna. So happy to be sleeping against her. It makes Fauna smile a little.
Yes, Sana and Fauna have been friends for a long time. Yes, they have shared a bed before. Yes, they have even cuddled before. But never like this. Sana has never laid there before. She had always joked about it but never acted on it.
Sana pushes herself closer to Fauna. Fauna freezes, ready to act asleep again in case Sana wakes up but she relaxes again. She’s pushed herself to Fauna. She can feel her heart against her chest. Fauna makes up her mind then and there to get out of the bed. If she doesn’t, she might die of embarrassment.
Sana being this close makes her too giddy to be good for her heart. But it does make her happy. This. Sana being so close. It hurts but it's a good hurt. Fauna doesn’t want this to stop but she knows it will, with this disease and all.
So Fauna continues to make her way out of Sana’s arms. Just as she thinks she’s in the clear, Sana now holding a pillow, her body has other plans though. The closing of her throat comes back. The burning. The pain. This time Fauna had no time to prepare. She pressed her hand to her mouth to at least try to muffle the coughing. She doesn’t want Sana to wake up. She definitely doesn’t want Sana to start to worry about her more. Not again.
It won’t work. She knows this. Her body is shaking from suppressing the coughs and Sana is right next to her. It’s only time for Sana to wake up. Only time for her to start worrying again. Fauna doesn’t want it. Stop. Please. You have to stop. You can’t wake her. Tears pool around her eyes but tries to stop them. She can’t start crying now. How pathetic is she?
“Ughrr… Fau..?”
There it is. Sana is awake. She woke Sana up with her stupid flower disease. Fauna turns her back to Sana as she continues to cough into her hand. She doesn’t want Sana to see. Not again. Just like before though, Sana strokes her back again to try to soothe Fauna through this.
It took longer than normal to get the flower out. This disease is developing too quickly. Fauna hides the flower bud though. She doesn’t want Sana to see how much blood is on it. She moves her hand and wipes her mouth to at least try to clean it. Now there is no more blood. Sana won’t see the blood.
Fauna keeps the flower in her hand as she lays back down on the bed, facing away from Sana. She can tell Sana is looking at her. She can feel it. Sana doesn’t talk though. She stays sitting up on the bed with a hand on Fauna’s arm, slowly moving her thumb.
The two sit in silence for a while. They haven’t felt this awkward around each other since they first met. It’s all because of Fauna. It’s because she doesn’t want to ask for help and rather deal with it alone and probably die. It’s because she’s too scared to confess.
Before Fauna can fall too far into her self-deprecating thoughts, Sana speaks up and Fauna desperately hangs onto the words.
“Fauna,” Sana starts in a slow voice, “I’m ready to talk any time you are, but please, I saw the size of the flower. Your time is running out.” Her voice breaking near the end.
Fauna knows. Of course she knows. She’s been researching this disease since she first got it. But she’s too scared. Too scared of everything happening. She knows she should just tell Sana she loves her. Being rejected and friend zoned is a lot better than dying. That doesn’t stop Fauna from being scared.
“Please, Fauna, I don’t want to lose you.” Sana begs, her voice sounding quiet and wet.
She’s crying.
Sana is crying and it’s Fauna’s fault.
“Let me help you. Please.”
Fauna’s heart breaks as she hears Sana’s voice be filled with so much raw emotion. She hasn’t heard Sana sound like this since they were young. But now Fauna has made Sana sound like this again. She feels terrible but she doesn’t have the courage to confess.
She hates this.
A hand touches Fauna’s arm, a warm hand she knows all too well. It’s trying to coax Fauna into turning around to see its owner but Fauna doesn't want to. She can’t. She can’t face Sana.
“Fauna…” Sana’s voice breaks once more as Fauna feels the girl press herself into Fauna’s back. “Please… please let me help you…”
Sana crying. The pain in her chest and throat. The flower in her hand. It’s all becoming too much for Fauna. She hates how scared she is of this. She hates not being able to tell Sana she loves her. Hates she made her cry. This stupid fear is stopping her.
But, if I could… Maybe I…
She speaks before she can change her mind.
She has to commit.
Fauna’s voice is quiet, softer than normal as she speaks. “Sana…” She can feel Sana perk up at her voice but Fauna can still feel the dampness of her back. She continues speaking before Sana has a chance to reply, “Next saturday… we can talk then… come to our spot.”
She feels Sana nod against her back.
No more words are said between the two but Fauna can tell, it’s better between them. This makes Fauna smile and for the first time that morning, she leans into Sana’s hold. It’s been a heavy morning already and Fauna doesn’t want to get up just yet. She closes her eyes and relaxes against Sana until she has to leave.
Saturday came too quickly for Fauna. She thought she would have more time to prepare. But school and this disease took up more of her time. She didn’t have time to prepare for Saturday. She didn’t even get to think about it until the day came. It didn’t help that their friends could tell something was up between them and kept asking her.
That is actually happening right now. They are still asking.
Fauna is on the phone to Mumei and Irys and they won’t stop asking questions.
“Come on Faunaaa,” Irys whines, “what’s happening between you and Sana?”
“Nothing.”
“We all know that’s a lie. You two have been acting weird all week.”
“Yeah! It’s like you got into a fight.” Mumei joins in.
Fauna doesn’t reply. She just continues to brush her hair, watching her friends from the corner of her eye. For once happy she doesn’t have her camera on, not yet anyway; she needs to ask for their opinion about her outfit.
“Wait, did you?” Irys looks up from her laptop to look at the camera. “Now you say it…”
“We did not fight Irys.” Fauna lets out a small giggle to try to calm them down and stop speculating. “Something came up but it’s being sorted out today. You don’t have to worry.”
Her two friends stare at the camera despite not being able to see Fauna. They look like they are talking with their eyes. Fauna smiles softly and puts her brush down to look at her hair. She decided to keep it simple, one less thing to be worrying about, as a braid. She splits her hair into three partings to get to work.
“Are you sure? We are always here to talk too.”
“I’m sure, Mooms. Thank you.”
Grabbing her phone she props it up properly after finishing her hair. “Girls, can you see if my outfit is good?” She gets nods instantly from them. Fauna nods to herself and turns her camera on. Walking back from the phone so they can see her outfit, she waits for what they will say.
Fauna isn’t wearing anything flashy but it’s clear that something is happening today, something important. A dark brown strappy dress with flowers riding up the skirt is worn with a pale green cardigan hanging off her shoulders. Leg warmers cover the top of her docs as it’s still cold out. Her hair is in a simple braid pulled to the front with a moon necklace Sana got her as well as her signature earrings in. “Well?” She asks, spinning around so the dress flares out slightly. “Is this okay?”
“Are you going on a date?” Mumei asks. “Because it looks like you are.”
“Yeah! It does! You’re pretty Fauna but it’s like you decided to be even prettier!” Irys joins in.
Heat starts to creep its way up Fauna’s neck. “I am not!”
“Oh my god. Is it Sana? You’re going on a date with Sana! Did she finally pick up your googly eyes?”
“Huh? My what?” Fauna looks at Irys with confusion, the blush stopping. She hadn’t been that obvious, right?
This time both Irys and Mumei look confused. “Well, you know,” Mumei starts and Irys continues, “the eyes you make at Sana. Like you are in love with her. You, you do like Sana right?”
Fauna stares at her friends. They stare back. The blush on her neck finally reaches her face and the tip of her ears in no time. They know. They know she likes Sana.
“So you do!” They talk together.
Fauna lets out a whine of embarrassment as she hides her face against her hands. She didn’t know she was this obvious! Does their whole group know?! How long have they known?! “Uuu…” Peaking out from her fingers she sees them grinning.
“Okay Fauna, spill the deets. How long have you liked our resident space lover?” Irys has put her laptop away, forgoing her school work to focus on this conversation.
A sigh leaves her, trying to calm down. Fauna glances at the clock. She still has time before she has to leave. Looking back at Irys and Mumei’s expectant gaze, she decides to tell them. After all, if today goes well, then they’ll be dating, Fauna really hopes so. Waking to her desk, where her phone is, she sits back down to get ready to talk.
Just as Fauna opens her mouth to talk, the door to Irys’ room opens and familiar red hair walks in. She walks over to Irys and leans against her. It’s Bae.
“Iwwyss.” Bae whines, pushing herself against Irys. “Sana has been complaining all day about what to wear, I want to cuddle.” This time, Irys’ face turns red. She reaches forwards to turn her camera off but also mute herself.
Fauna and Mumei look at each other through the screen before laughing.
“Now look at who's embarrassed.” Fauna giggles. That’s when the alarm on her phone goes off to tell her to leave. “Ah, I have to go now. I’ll see you girls soon.” Fauna waves slightly to her phone before leaving the call.
After she leaves the call, she leans back in her chair. That went different to how she originally planned but she should get going. Grabbing her phone and bag, she makes her way to the door to leave.
It’s time to confess. She can’t back down now. Especially now this disease has gotten worse. It’s getting harder to breathe. She fears it’s going to be too late if she doesn’t do it now. So it is now or never.
Sana isn’t at the spot when Fauna gets there. Fauna thought that Sana would get here early. Or is Fauna just really early? Looking down to see the time she sees she’s 30 minutes early. Earlier than she planned,
She smiles a little before walking to the tree to sit against it. Might as well sit down. There aren't benches around here, even after all this time. Pulling her skirt forwards, she sits down on the floor, leaning against the tree.
This tree means a lot to Fauna and Sana. It's where they first met after all. It’s how it became their spot. Fauna can remember it like it happened yesterday:
A young Fauna sits curled up to a tree. She’s new to the town and she’s already gotten lost. She wandered off to get some ducks but when she turned around, her mom and dad had disappeared. She tried to find them. But she couldn’t. And now she’s scared and alone.
A small sniff leaves her as she curls up more into herself. If she doesn’t leave this spot then maybe her parents will find her.
Soon enough, she heard footsteps. Looking up, Fauna hoped it’s her parents but she saw another child but she looked to be Fauna’s age. The child's hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, the blond hair threatening to break the tie. Her tanned skin and clothes were full of dirt, it looked like this girl just finished rolling around in dirt.
“Hello! I’m Sana Tsukumo!” Sana smiled, her front tooth missing.
Fauna sniffed again and looked back down, not replying. That doesn’t stop the girl though. Fauna heard her huff before moving to sit next to Fauna without permission.
“What’s wrong?”
Fauna doesn’t answer.
“Did you lose your mummy?”
This time Fauna just nodded, still not wanting to speak.
“Well, Sana will stay until your mummy comes!”
Turning her head, Fauna saw Sana smiling brightly towards her. This made Fauna smile a little as she nodded. It won’t be as bad waiting alone.
“So, what’s your name?” Sana asks, after the two fall quiet. Seems like Sana didn’t like it when it’s quiet.
“Fauna…” Fauna mumbles.
“Huh? What’d you say?”
“Fauna… my name is Fauna…” She said, slightly louder.
“Fauna.” Sana said, testing it out. “That’s a pretty name, Fauna.”
Fauna nodded again. She turned her head to rest on her knees as Sana started to just talk.
Soon enough, Fauna hears her name being called by her parents and she looks over to them. They saw her and ran over to her before picking her up. They turned to Sana and asked where her own parents were and Sana pointed to a small family a bit away. Fauna turns back to Sana and waves to her slightly, “bye bye Sana…”
Sana waves by more enthusiastically, “bye Fauna!”
Fauna smiles softly when she comes back to the present. It wasn’t really the best memory, losing your family in public at seven did scare her, but Sana did make it better even if Fauna was mean. Just like how Sana made everything in her life light up.
She turns her head when she hears footsteps walk towards her. It’s Sana. She’s wearing denim shorts, a plain white shirt and a green jacket? Sana doesn’t normally wear green. It looks nice on her. Fauna also notices Sana is wearing the matching necklace to her moon one, a sun.
Fauna goes to stand up but Sana sit’s next to her before Fauna even has a chance to stand. A huff leaves her before she turns to Sana. She’s looking forward with an unreadable expression.
Oh yeah. Sana thinks we are going to talk about my disease. Well, they are but not in the way she thinks. Fauna cocks her head to the side to try to start this conversation. How does she do this? She can’t just say she loves Sana. That she loves Sana so much that it caused this.
Luckily, Sana starts. “So, Fauna,” Fauna winces at Sana saying her full name, “you’re going to tell me about this right? No more hiding? I’ll do anything I can to make the person you like, like you back.” Sana turns to Fauna with blazing determination and grips her hands. “I promise you.”
Fauna goes from surprised before her face softens. How could she ever think Sana would hurt her. “Okay.” Fauna finally says, nodding. “I’ll talk about it and I won’t hide anything.”
So that is what Fauna does. She tells Sana about hanahkaki. About how it affected her. How it felt coughing up the flowers. How far it has progressed. About how scared she is. She can tell by Sana’s face just how much this affects her as well. How scared she is of losing Fauna.
“What…”Sana mumbles, trying to get her emotions under control, “what about the person you like? Who is it? We’ll make them like you”
Sadly, before Fauna could tell Sana, this stupid disease acts up. It feels worse. The pain. The tightness. It’s hard to breathe but Fauna coughs to get it out. She has come this far. She can’t let it take her without at least telling sana she loves her.
She can see the fear on Sana's face when she starts to cough. It is pure fear. Fear Fauna hasn’t seen Sana's face before. It makes Fauna’s heart ache more than it already does not.
The flower leaves her throat. Fauna doesn’t bother covering it this time. She lets the flower fall to the floor, the blood making it sound wet as it hits the ground. A groan leaves her as she leans back to the tree. “Sorry about that…” She chuckles, “horrible timing really.” Fauna pulls out a tissue to wipe away the blood she coughed up.
Turning to look at Sana, she doesn’t seem happy with Fauna’s poor attempt at a joke. Moving the tissue away she moves to pick up the bloodied flower, she’s guessing Sana doesn’t want to see that either.
“So, what was I about to say?” She tries to sound lighthearted, but her voice is raspy after the sudden coughing attack.
“Who do you like, Fauna.” Sana passed Fauna her water bottle without any prompting,
Fauna smiles towards Sana and takes the bottle to drink from it. “Ah, thank you. And who I like.” Fauna turns her head to Sana with a serious look. Sana looks back at her with the same look. Ready to do anything to make this mystery person like Fauna.
The serious look on Fauna’s face falls into something more soft, more personal.
“It’s you.”
The silence between the two dragged on for longer than Fauna would have liked. But Fauna didn’t talk. She watches Sana’s face morph from emotion to emotion but it settles on confusion.
“Huh?” That's all Sana can say.
Fauna giggles a little. It’s cute how Sana acts when confused.
“It’s you Sana. I like- no, I love you.” Fauna tries to fight the blush off her face but she can’t. After saying I love you to sana after so many years. After years of yearning, wanting, she finally said it, even though it’s only because she is dying.
“You. me. Faufau you love me?” The nickname fell into place like it always has, like it always should. Sana stares at Fauna, her eyes wide but Fauna can see the grin she’s trying to fight off her face.
That makes her feel a little more confident. It doesn’t make it any less embarrassing. Fauna nods. “I do. I really do.”
Arms wrap around her pulling her closer and before she knew it lips met hers. It’s Sana. They belong to Sana. A sound of shock and confusion leaves Fauna but she kisses back. Her hands grip the front of Sana’s plain white shirt so Sana doesn’t disappear. She hopes this isn’t a dream before she dies.
The two only pull away when neither of them can continue. They both heave for air; neither can keep the smile off their face.
Fauna is the first to recover. “So, does that mean-” Fauna doesn’t get to finish as Sana cuts her off with a kiss.
“Yes Faufau, I love you too.”
Hearing those four words makes her head ache but in a good way. After six years of yearning for Sana. Of wanting these feelings to leave her. Sana told her she loves her back. She can’t hold back the tears. Fauna leans against Sana and lets the tears flow freely. She’s so happy right now.
She feels arms wrap around her. The same arms belong to the woman she loves. The tears don’t stop falling, not until she has no more to give. Sitting up slightly, she wipes her eyes. “Ah, I got your shoulder wet.”
Sana just waves her off with a smile. “It’s fine. I’m just happy you're going to be okay. You are going to be okay, right?”
Fauna nods. “I should be. Yes. I’ll be okay.”
The two fall into a comfortable silence as Fauna leans against Sana. She honestly felt like falling asleep. She didn’t sleep much last night. That’s until Sana asks a question.
“So, Faufau, when did you start to like me?”
Fauna freezes before letting out a giggle, “you’re going to make fun of me.”
“What? No I am not. Come on, tell me.”
“Fine but you have to tell me when you started to like me too.”
“Fine. Deal.” Sana smiles down to Fauna, the same smile she fell in love with.
“When we were twelve. I have liked you since we were twelve. Now when did you start liking me?” Fauna sits up and turns to Sana with an expectant stare.
“Two years ago.”
The blush comes back to Fauna’s face. She doesn’t realise Sana is blushing as well. They really are made for each other. They liked each other for years but neither said anything until Fauna was dying.
“A-anyway!” Fauna starts, abruptly standing up. “We shouldn’t waste this nice day. Why, why don’t we go on our first date as a couple?” She looks down at Sana and smiles.
“A couple?”
The question makes Fauna stop. Had she seen this wrong? They kissed and said they liked each other. Doesn’t that mean they are dating. “Are… we not?”
Sana just smiles up to her. She stands up and takes Fauna’s hand in her own. “We are. My girlfriend. It does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
Fauna smiles and nods. “Mmhm! Now come on, I heard there’s this new cat cafe.”
The two smile at each other. They start to walk to this new cafe Fauna want to see, hand-in-hand, as girlfriends.
This truly is the best outcome Fauna could have hoped for.