Chapter Text
Noise. So much noise. Snide Laughter, clapping, then silence. Always silence. No way to distract myself from the burning, from the heat, from the torture.
Cats have 9 lives they say, but that's cats. Not mutants. I only have 1 life, but as many times as I try to take it, I come back stronger than ever. No scratches, no whip marks, nothing. Plain, pale, olive, healthy skin. Madness. That was what it was, I was insane, the constant ringing in my head, the fire building and burning my skull until there's not a shred of sanity left. Voices, always voices. My sensitive hearing could pick up a butterfly's wing beat; my eyes would even see it, but I could never see the bodies belonging to the voices. Even if I strain my eyes, search for all eternity, I could never find those voices.
I wished for none of this; I would give anything to just be a normal human. Just to be human, not to be a monster; a circus pet. An animal that can be broken and bend, manipulate in anyway that they deem right. But, it's never right; as much as they try it will never be right to hurt a person, let alone an animal. But that's what they saw me as, not human, an animal. A very dangerous animal. Every time I looked at myself in the shards of glass that lay on the concrete floor, I would see feral blue eyes, a small nose, broad shoulders from years of hard labour, and light blue hair, almost white when the sun hit it.
That's what they called me, Blue. I don't even know the name that I was given as a child; the memory had dissipated, fallen and broken into a thousand pieces when my family was taken away from me. All that was left was shards of glass, shards that I would never be able to put back together much like my mind would soon be. But, I was raised here. Here at the Circus.
I was born a mutant, sectioned from the humans, called a freak, raised as an outsider. From an early age I had blue hair; people would think that I dyed it, but I was still seen as different in the other children's eyes. It was bearable.
That was until my real power started showing; I would wake up in the night, shaking and shivering, my hands clammy and my hair clinging to my forehead, thick with sweat. My sheets would be ripped, my walls scraped to pieces, old wallpaper peeling off with claw marks branded into the paper. Memorys of the nightmare that plagued my mind would be etched into my head as I woke up, the same every night. Everything around me would be torn to shreds. But not a scratch on myself, never.
I may fall from great heights, but there would be not even a broken bit of skin in sight, I may be pushed over in the playground by bullies, never a blood stain, nothing would ever hurt… Physically that it, mentally… mentally I was a mess. I needed help; I needed a friend, a family; someone to rely on. I haven't seen my parents since they gave me to the circus, when I say 'gave', I mean practically thrown me at the Circus ringleader. Any opportunity to get rid of me, they would take it. But no one wanted me. Even if it meant giving me to a circus of animals, trained and torture to do things that hurt them. Abused and mistreated with no way to escape.
The circus that I had heard of when I was but a child was beautiful and serene. The animals were beautifully groomed, well fed and given plenty of room to graze and play in. At first I thought it would be fun, but as I think about it now, I was just a naïve little child.
After a year of being at the Circus I knew what pain was. The torture would hurt, it would hurt so much. I would heal, but I could always feel the pain, feel it spread throughout my body like a bush fire, tainted with hate and anger as it filled every nerve in my body. Stinging, but slowly recieding as I fought it away. The one thing that hurt more than the gruelling torture was the transformation, but it was the thing that kept me safe in a sense; safe from being hauled out and left for dead. But, the more I think about it, the more I would take my chances and escape.
When I ... changed, it wasn't painless; my bones broke and regrew; my skin ripped and shreaded under the pressure of my petruding bones itching to escape, they would reveal the crimson liquid below the surface, covering the remaining untouched skin and taint them with blood. My features would changed in shape, inhuman noises would escape my throat, echoing throughout my barren cell in a neverending cycle.
The only thing that didn't change was the colour of my eyes and my hair. However, my hair would no longer be a messy block of tangled locks on my head; it would dissipate, cover my entire body. I could no longer see my pale skin; I would be covered with blur fur from head to toe. My nails grew out, thick and sharp like razors, they protruded from my paws and cut into the ground like it wasn't even there. My talons would slowly etch into the surface of the concrete as my other features changed, though I would never notice the power that I would withheld.
My teeth grew out of shape, long and pointed at the ends, all of them now canines, sharp and ready to rip through flesh. A growl would hum in my throat and strength would surge through my body, the only strength that I had left. The only motivation that I was given.
All my features were completely different. I was no longer a human-looking girl, I was a monster. The closest thing I could describe my horrific form as, was a lion without a mane.
A lioness.