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Benjamin Orion, thirteen hours old.
The baby carrier is a lot heavier than it looks, Luke finds as hauls it up the front step and into the foyer. The house is nice and warm, a pleasant change from the crisp afternoon chill outside. He sets the carrier down on the floor and breathes out a sigh of relief. He shakes his left hand out a little bit to return feeling to it as he crouches down on the floor.
“Babe, careful,” Han warns. He hovers around Luke, holding up his phone, recording every breath, every moment. “The doctor said that you should take it easy and”—
“I know what the doctor said,” Luke replies evenly as he pulls the tiny, gray blanket out of the carrier and sets it on the ground. It’s the one with the elephant stitching. “I just wanna hold him.” As soon as he unbuckles the straps, Luke’s attention shifts completely and it’s like Han isn’t even there. His entire existence has been narrowed down to the newborn sleeping in the carrier. His voice drops to a soft whisper. “Hi—oh, hi, look at you…” He shimmies closer so that he can scoop the baby into his arms, holding him to his shoulder and bouncing him a little as he stands up. “Did you like the car ride? Huh?” he coos, kissing the top of Ben’s little head, “Did you like your first car ride?”
Han catches a glimpse of Ben’s little face, perfectly still as it rests in the nape of Luke’s neck. It strikes him, not for the first time today and probably not the last, that Ben has his nose. They look so perfect together, Ben and Luke. Their son fits perfectly into Luke’s arms. Han spreads his thumb and index finger across the screen, zooming in the camera and settling it on Ben as Luke carries him through the doorway. He hasn’t stopped recording him since the second he was born.
“See?” Luke bounces Ben a little as he parades him around the foyer. “This is our front hallway! You’re home! Isn’t that exciting?” Ben, of course, is fast asleep, but Luke doesn’t seem to mind. He glances up over his shoulder at Han and rolls his eyes fondly. “Will you put that thing away?” he asks lightheartedly, smiling, “I look awful.”
“I’m not lookin’ at you, I’m lookin’ at the baby,” Han protests, following Luke into the kitchen, “And plus, you don’t look awful, you’re just fishing.”
Luke grins at him and it’s so stunning that Han’s heart nearly stops.
“So what if I’m fishing? Do you have any idea of what I’ve been through these past few days?”
Han pockets his phone and sneaks up behind Luke. He slides his arms around his waist (it’s easier to do now) and leans down to kiss Ben’s tiny head. He’s already got quite a head of dark hair on him—not the soft peach fuzz that one might expect for a newborn. He smells good. Han didn't anticipate this. But he's Luke’s kid, so of course he smells good and looks good and is absolutely perfect.
“Yeah, I know,” Han murmurs, rubbing his palm over Luke’s lower belly through his sweater. It’s just a habit now, one that it’ll probably take a while to break. “You act like I wasn’t there.”
With a happy little sigh, Luke turns around and gives Han a quick kiss on the chin. He smiles so widely that the corners of his eyes crinkle. “I know…Thank you. You didn’t miss a beat—you were awesome.”
Han snorts. “I was awesome? You were awesome. I didn’t even do anything, I just sat there. You’re the one who did all the heavy lifting.” Nine months and two weeks of heavy lifting, if we wish to be technical, and then just over forty eight hours of grueling, visceral work. Yet here Luke is, walking around like nothing even happened, and here Ben is, shaking their world to its core.
Luke steps away from him and turns around so he can look Han straight in the eye. “Hey. You were awesome, okay? You were with me the whole time, and I couldn’t have done it without you.” Ben’s little rump sits in the crook of his right arm, and the palm of Luke’s left hand supports his little head. Luke leans forward and kisses Han once, twice on the lips. “I love you. You’re my hero. Now hold your baby.”
Han kisses Luke back, opening up his arms. “Don’t mind if I do.” Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think that something as simple as holding a baby would completely flip his planet sideways, but it has in the best possible way. The first time Dr. Unduli placed Ben into his waiting arms just a few hours ago, he couldn’t imagine what his life was like without this tiny, warm little weight tucked safely against his chest. He can’t imagine what he was like. When Luke gently transfers Ben into the crook of Han’s shoulder, the world suddenly falls into place. “Hey, buddy,” Han mumbles, kissing the top of his head and bouncing him a little.
Ben’s still wearing that cute little hat they gave him at the hospital, though it does nothing to cover up his spectacularly large ears. It suddenly makes the fact that they chose an elephant theme for his nursery very fitting. By baby standards, Ben isn’t all that small. In fact, he's a bit on the larger side—he’s about twenty-two inches long, and he already weighs ten pounds. Han feels like he’s just walking around with a warm, wiggly sack of sugar.
Luke has picked up where Han left off, holding his phone in front of him and capturing every second. “This is the kitchen, Ben,” he informs him softly, “This is where we keep all the yummy food. You’re gonna be drinking formula for a while, but once you’re old enough you can try Papa’s home cooking and see what you like!”
“Yeah, I’m gonna make you all sorts of treats.” Han walks the perimeter of the kitchen slowly. It’s not like Ben’s looking around—he’s fast asleep—but even if he were, Han knows that his eyesight isn’t that great yet, and he wouldn’t be able to see much of anything. “I’m gonna make you cookies, and cupcakes, and bread, and whatever you want…” Ben wrinkles his nose and lets out a little sleepy sigh in reply. “You’d like that, huh? I bet you’re gonna have a sweet tooth just like Daddy, ‘cause you’re so sweet…”
“And because all I wanted to eat was sweets these past few months,” Luke chimes in with a wide grin that scrunches the bridge of his nose, “If I never see a Thin Mint again it’ll be too soon.” During the past few months, Thin Mints had been Luke’s vice of choice. Han would come home to find him fast asleep on the couch, book resting beside him, with an empty box sitting on the top of his belly. Although he reminded Luke that he could very easily duplicate the original recipe and even correct it, Luke insisted that there was nothing like the original, and anyway, it was going to a good cause. After all, what if their baby wanted to be a Girl Scout someday? Luke laughs and adds “I’m pretty sure I single-handedly won that troop the trip to pony camp this year.”
Han laughs loudly, catching himself and muttering a quick “Shit!” as Ben starts to fuss in his arms. So far, he hasn’t proven to be a relatively difficult baby, but bright lights and loud, sudden noises definitely get him whining and grunting, if not crying. “I’m sorry, kiddo…”
Luke steps forward, hovering in Han’s orbit with the camera. He carefully lifts his arm and sets his right wrist on Ben’s warm little body. For a moment, he wishes there was still a hand there, so he could give his son a comforting squeeze. The thought slips away quickly. “Aw, did Papa’s laugh scare you? Huh? Does he have a big laugh?”
Guiltily, Han gives Ben another kiss on the head. “Sorry, baby Ben…” He glances helplessly at the camera as the baby in his arms continues to whimper and squirm. His eyes, wide and worried, ask “Luke, what do I do?”
Luke’s soft, warm smile confidently replies “You already know.”
Sure enough, Ben settles down and goes back to sleep after Han shushes and bounces him for a few moments. The tension bleeds out of Han’s shoulders. It’s still strange, suddenly needing to use all these nurturing instincts that he didn’t even know he had. Because of his job, Luke is constantly in what he calls daddy mode, even though he’s tending to children that aren’t his own. He’s always been, in some way, a father, but Han’s only been a papa for just a little over twelve hours. He’s only just learning how to take care of a baby, and he’s already driven himself half to madness wondering if he’s good at it.
“See?” Luke asks, stepping away, “You’re a natural. Wanna give him the grand tour?” He documents the cute little parade of Han carrying Ben to the bathroom, to the living room, and to the dining room. He even shows him the garden in the back yard through the big window towards the back of the house. As he follows along behind them, Luke’s heart pounds and swells with an impossible happiness. Before they take him upstairs, a sudden squeeze of pain hits his back and lower tummy. Hissing through clenched teeth, he leans against the wall.
Han is at his side in an instant. “You okay?” he asks, nudging at Luke’s cheek with his nose.
After a moment, Luke swallows hard and nods. “Yeah…I’m fine. Just sore.”
“I’d be sore too if I were you…” Han kisses his cheek. “You should lay down.”
Luke’s smile is only half-there. “No, I’m fine. Really. I want to show him the rest of the house, and then I need a bath. And then”—He presses his lips to Han’s worried frown—“I’ll lie down. But only if you two are with me. Deal?”
“Deal. Just be careful on these stairs. Nice and slow.”
As they walk up the stairs together (nice and slow, nice and slow), Luke thinks about the walls that surround them. How soon they’ll be plastered with pictures of Ben. Ben, their son, who’s really here now. And they don’t have to give him back. Luke’s whole body still aches from him, but now he finally has his reward for all the work he’s done. His reward, who’s fast asleep in Han’s arms. Luke keeps close to them, making sure some part of him is touching his baby. He’s still not used to having him on the outside yet, having to share him.
“I can’t wait for him to meet Artoo,” he mumbles as they reach the top of the staircase. He grips the railing to catch his breath, “Dad says he’s gonna drop him off after work on Thursday. I think they’re gonna be fast friends.”
Han brushes his thumb over Ben’s chubby little cheek. “Do you really trust him around the baby? I mean, he’s used to older kids, right?”
“I trust him with everything.” Luke backs up off the railing and slings his arm around Han’s waist. “But if you want, I’ll keep him from getting too close.” He trains the camera on his boyfriend’s perfect face. “Smile for me.”
Han ducks his head in hopes of escaping the lens, but Luke only holds his phone closer. “Aw, come on, babe—focus on the baby, won’t’cha?”
“I am focusing on the baby,” he teases, “I’m just also focusing on the beautiful, perfect man who gave me the baby.” When Han finally lifts his head with a bashful smile, Luke beams at him. “See? Look at the two of you. You already look so much alike, my handsome boys.” His voice drops to an excited whisper. “Come on. Let’s show him his room.”
They poke into other rooms along the way—they show Ben the bathroom, where he’ll eventually take his baths, and Luke’s office, with a nice big desk for him to hide under. They pass by the room on the left. The one that’s always locked. Luke stops. Stares at it for a second. At the doorknob that he hasn’t been able to touch in two years. Maybe, if he opens the door this time, the room won’t be empty. Maybe there will be someone inside.
“Babe.”
He jumps a little, shaking his head and turning to look at Han. “Huh?”
“Babe, come on—we can’t change that. We gotta focus on what we got now. C’mere. Take Ben. He needs all your attention.”
Guilt pangs at Luke’s heart as he steps away from the door. Han’s right. He can’t change the fact that the room will always be empty. He can’t change what they lost, and he can’t change that it’s never coming back. He sets Han’s phone on the hall table and opens up his arms. “Oh, come here, little one,” he whispers softly as Han carefully passes him Ben, “Did you miss me? Huh? Oh, I missed you a lot.” It’s hard to be away from Ben even for a second—even if they’re still in the same room. Soon, he’ll have to learn to share, but not right now. He presses his lips to the little hat on Ben’s head and inhales. He smells new.
“I think he missed you too,” Han replies as he sets a hand on Luke’s forearm. He notices how Ben wiggles a little bit before falling back to sleep, even deeper than before. He kisses Luke’s temple. “I think you’re his favorite.”
Luke pouts. “That’s not true. He just knows me better. But he’s going to get to know you too…aren’t you, Ben?” He opens his mouth in a wide smile. “Are you gonna get to know Papa? Is Papa gonna be your best friend, huh?” Ben’s little nose twitches as he takes a deep breath. Luke can feel it every time he inhales, every time he exhales. He can feel everything still. “Do you want to see your room now? I know you do. It’s got all sorts of presents from us, and your Aunties and Uncles, and Bubbie and Grandpa…I think you have too many toys—you won’t know what to do with them all!”
“Too many toys?” Han pretends to be scandalized, gasping and holding a hand to his heart. “How could you say such a thing, Daddy? There’s no such thing as too many toys!”
“And that attitude is exactly why you’re going to be completely overwhelmed when you get big enough to start playing.” But Luke’s still smiling as he breezes past the master bedroom. There’s a tiny cot right next to the bed that Han set up ages ago so that Ben can sleep with them for the first few weeks before staying in his nursery on his own. After a good few days in the hospital, it feels so good to be home. Every tiny detail fills Luke with warm, fuzzy feelings. The sensation of the carpet underneath his socks. The peach colored walls. The smell of lavender from all the wax melts, and candles, and oil infusers in every room. The light streaming in from the window.
They reach the door to the nursery, and Luke holds Ben a little closer so he can see the line of gray pegs from which there hang white letters spelling out B-A-B-Y’S R-O-O-M with small elephant ornaments guarding the B and the M.
“Baby’s room—see? That’s you. This is your room!”
Han reaches over Luke’s shoulder to turn the doorknob for him, plucking up the A-B-Y in his free hand. “I’m gonna have to change those to Ben real quick,” he whispers. He pushes the door open and turns on the light.
Ben’s nursery looks just as they left it. The walls are the same soft gray with the same big, white polka dots. The white-trimmed cradle still has the gray and yellow blanket hanging over the edge, with the little mobile adorned with hanging white stars above it. The gray and white striped rocking chair still sits in the corner by the bookshelf. The changing table, the dresser—they both look the same. Ben’s toys are still sitting on surfaces around the room, the toy elephant Han bought the day after Christmas last year taking front and center and sitting on the rocking chair, a yellow and white bandana tied around her neck. The carpet is still soft and the color of butter. It looks the same, but it feels different. It suddenly feels like more than a room.
Luke shows Ben every detail. Every toy, every book. Ben, of course, is mostly disinterested and more focused on staring at his Daddy’s face and slipping in and out of sleep. However, when Han scoops up the elephant from the rocking chair and holds her close to Ben’s face, he suddenly becomes very focused, reaching out with his little hand and smacking at her trunk.
“You like that?” Han asks, grinning, “This is Ellie, and she’s really excited to meet you, see?” He presses his lips together and pushes forth air, making an amateur elephant sound. Ben, of course, yanks his hand away from Ellie and jerks in surprise, scrunching out his face and letting out a loud, long cry. “I’m sorry, baby…!” he whispers, kissing Ben’s little cheeks, “Oh, I’m sorry…I’m really screwing all this up so far, aren’t I?”
“Oh, you’re doing great,” Luke reassures him softly, “He’s just not ready for loud noises yet. Everything’s so new and loud.” He tickles Ben’s chin with his finger (which Ben, of course, sucks into his mouth). “You’re not used to all these nosies yet, huh? You’re just used to everything being nice and quiet, but there’s nothing to be scared of. It’s just Papa—he used to talk to you every day, do you remember that?” He bounces Ben lightly until he falls back to sleep and presses his face into the crook of his shoulder to hide his own yawn.
Han drops a kiss onto Luke’s chin. “Come on, babe. You need to rest.” He kisses a long, slow line down his jaw, grinning a little when Luke lets out a content sigh. “I’ll get a bath ready for you and then you can take a nap, yeah?”
“And then dinner, right?” Luke asks, yawning again, “I’ve had enough hospital food to last me a lifetime.”
“I’ll make you whatever you want.” Han sifts through the basket of alphabet blocks on the dresser until he finds an E and an N. “You deserve it.” Luke deserves the world and then some just on a regular day—but he just had a baby. That warrants something special.
Luke kisses Han’s cheek and beams sleepily at him. “I love you.” No matter how many times he says it, Han’s heart will always squeeze whenever Luke tells him he loves him. “So much. You’ve given me the best gift ever.” He’s given him Ben. What could be more precious, more important than that?
Han presses his thumb into the dimple on Luke’s chin and kisses his smile. “I love you too,” he mumbles, “So much. You’re amazing.” He looks down at Ben and kisses him, too. “And so are you, little guy.” He makes sure to keep his voice low and soft. “You’re amazing too.”
As they leave the nursery, Han hangs the E and the N on the pegs. BEN’S ROOM. That looks better. He trails behind Luke and heads straight to the bathroom connected to their bedroom as Luke sits down on the mattress, rocking Ben gently. Luke’s prosthetic hand sits on the table next to him; it’s a nice, light teal color. It looks good on Luke. Goes with his eyes.
Luke groans and stretches out his legs. “You have no idea how happy I am to be back in my own bed.” He props himself up against the headboard. The sheets at the hospital were too scratchy, and he never had enough blankets to keep him comfortable. Now that they’re home, all of this is real. They’re parents now. Their baby is here, on the outside, and they never have to stop looking at his little face.
“I can imagine,” Han calls from the bathroom as he starts filling up the tub. If he feels gross, Luke probably feels disgusting underneath all those happy baby hormones. Both of them have gone days without showering, but Luke’s body has been pushed to its limit (and then past that, probably). Han makes sure the water is nice and hot, just like how Luke likes it. He dumps a fair amount of the shiny, cinnamon pumpkin body wash Luke loves into the water and lights the corresponding candle, filling the whole room with a homey, savory smell. He makes sure that he’s laid out only the softest towels, and that Luke’s favorite seasonal lotion is in reach. When he heads back to the bedroom, the sight that greets him is one that he never wants to forget.
Luke is still sitting in the same place, but he’s shifted Ben so he’s laying against his shoulder. He’s humming to him softly and kissing his head, and they’re so perfect that Han feels like he’ll ruin something if he joins them. So he just stands there, watching.
“You can come over here, you know,” Luke offers. His eyes are tired, but alight with happiness. Filled with love. “We’re not complete without you.” He smiles as Han crawls onto the mattress with them. He’s never loved anyone more than he loves Han and their child. All of this has just made Luke fall in love with him all over again. “See? That’s better. You belong here with us.”
It’s a very poorly kept secret that family, that belonging, are sore spots for Han. It’s where all his insecurities gather and fester like a blocked pore. Luke is the balm that slides over his skin and clears everything out, makes him feel fresh and new. And he’s right. Han does belong here, by Luke’s side, with their son.
“Your bath’s waiting for you,” he mumbles as he presses a kiss to Luke’s temple, “Left the fizzy thing out for you. I know you like to watch it dissolve.”
Luke beams at Han and leans against him. “Thank you. You’re right, I do like to watch the water change colors.” He gently lowers Ben into the crook of his elbow and sets him into Han’s arms. He’s not used to being without him yet, and he’s definitely not used to sharing. But Han and Ben look so good together that he forgets about any fleeting twinges of jealousy. “There you are,” he whispers, “Look at my boys. So handsome.” He strokes his fingers down Ben’s little body and kisses Han’s lips softly. “Take good care of him while I’m gone.”
Han grins easily. “Come on, babe—don’t you trust me?” he teases, though for a moment he wonders doesn’t he? Han knows that for a pretty long time, he wasn’t the most trustworthy guy, that he wasn’t deserving of anyone’s trust, not to mention Luke’s, whose trust he reveres like treasure.
Luke kisses him on the nose this time. “I wasn’t talking to you.” He presses one more kiss to Ben’s tiny head and groans as he rolls off the bed, limping towards the bathroom. He’s still aching, and he’s still bleeding, which was expected but it still sucks.
Han hears the water sloshing and fizzing as Luke drops the bath bomb in, and he gets comfy against the headboard as he cradles Ben gently. “You like your house, kiddo?” He kisses Ben on his head and winces when he opens his eyes—he’s half expecting him to start screaming again, but instead he just looks up at Han and opens his mouth almost like a smile. “Hey, hi…you’re so handsome, huh? Look at those eyes. You look just like me!” Except Ben is way cuter than him in every possible respect. The two of them just stare at each other for a while, until Han remembers what he read about newborns’ eyes not being so great. He lifts Ben a little closer, chuckling quietly when his son makes a happy little baby noise and slaps at his face. He’s never felt more whole in his entire life.
Then, as babies are wont to do, Ben makes a new sound and scrunches up his little face, and then begins to cry.
“I think I can guess what that means. Come on, kiddo. Let’s get you changed.”
As Luke soaks in the bath (and most likely falls asleep in the tub like he always does), Han gives Ben a quick change (although it’s not particularly pleasant, it’s not as gross as people say it is), kissing his little hands and feet when he's done.
“What to wear, what to wear,” Han mumbles as he goes through Ben’s drawers, “You’ve got a lot of clothes, you know what? And you’re gonna grow out of ‘em fast too.” Finally, he sets his eyes on the perfect outfit: a little orange onesie with a jack o’ lantern on it, a pair of tiny pants with a nice pumpkin pattern, and an itty bitty pair of candy corn socks. “How about this? You think it’ll look good?” He carries the clothes over to Ben for inspection. “I’m not much of a fashionista myself, so you’re gonna have to bear with me, okay?” Ben is perfectly still as Han bundles him up in his cute little outfit, and even gives him a few reflex smiles. Han steps back to look at his handiwork. “I think you look great, how ‘bout you?”
Ben replies by falling asleep again.
Han scoops him up and kisses the dark, soft hair on the top of his tiny head. “You think fashion’s boring too, huh? Come on. Let’s give Daddy some time to rest while we get everything ready for tonight.”
Han zips Ben up in his little pumpkin bunting and puts on his little hat for him.
“God,” he mumbles as he sets Ben in his little rocker on the living room floor, “You’re too stinkin’ cute, you know that?” He kneels down and gives Ben a little push, watching him snooze as the cradle swings back and forth. “Holler if you need anything.” He drops one last kiss to Ben’s head and tries to ignore the way his knees pop when he stands up. He yawns, stretching his arms over his head.
He can’t remember the last time he slept, but he makes some coffee and quickly forgets how exhausted he is. There isn’t much left to do, since he’d completed the final Halloween touch-ups weeks ago, unsure when they’d have to drop everything, grab the overnight bags from the closet, and hop in the car. Still, there are still little details that he needs to take care of.
He dumps the candy into two bowls (one regular, and one allergen free at Luke’s insistence), and makes a simple little sign to prop up between them that informs all the neighborhood children that there’s a new baby in the house who’s not too keen on the doorbell, and politely asks that they take a piece of candy and be nice and quiet. Admittedly, Han’s favorite part of Halloween is answering the door for the little ones, but he’d much rather spend tonight sitting on the couch with his family.
He’s peeling potatoes for tonight’s dinner when he hears Luke wander down the stairs. Han feels him before he sees him, grinning when Luke wraps his arms around his waist and leans against him.
“Hey, you,” he mumbles, turning to kiss Luke on the head. He’s wearing that goofy sweater that Han knows he loves—the purple one with the little black bats. “Did’ja sleep good?” Luke nods and mumbles something against his shoulder that he can’t quite hear. “Huh?”
“Missed you,” Luke confesses quietly, rubbing his eyes and stepping back a little, “And my baby.”
“He’s over there takin’ a nap if you wanna see him,” Han offers, jerking his head towards the living room.
“Are you sure you don’t need any help?” Luke’s hand gently strokes Han’s cheek over his shoulder. “I know I can’t cook, but I can at least peel stuff…or wash stuff…?”
Han rolls his eyes fondly. “Um, no. You just had a baby. You’re gonna lay low for a while. I’ve made enough pot pies over the course of my career—I can handle it. Go sit down.” He gives Luke a firm kiss on the corner of his mouth, nudging his shoulder.
“I’m not made of glass,” Luke protests. Still, he can’t resist the internal force drawing him to the baby in the other room. With one more kiss pressed to Han’s cheek Luke vanishes. “Oh, look at him…! He looks so cute!” Wincing, he lowers himself onto the carpet and stretches his body out so he’s laying on his tummy. “Especially the hat.” He spends a good few seconds staring at Ben’s perfect face. He feels like if he blinks, he’ll forget it. “Hey there, pumpkin,” he mumbles, gently stilling Ben’s rocker so he can give him a kiss on his warm little belly, “I’m so glad you’re finally here…You know, it feels like you’ve been in my life forever…it’s hard to imagine that you’re only a few hours old.”
He unbuckles the straps keeping Ben nice and secure and he lifts him into his arms, rolling over onto his back and laying his baby on his chest. Right over his heart. He rests his good hand lightly over Ben’s back, feeling his little body rise and fall with every tiny breath. Eventually, the warm pressure of having his son on top of him lulls him back to sleep, and he doesn’t even notice Han draping a blanket over them. He wakes up to the smell of warm, home cooked food and the feeling of Han kissing him on the head.
Luke opens his bleary eyes and smiles. “Hi.” In this exact moment, he’s more in love with Han than he’s ever been in his entire life. “How long was I out?”
Han drops another kiss onto Luke’s forehead. “Not too long.” His hair is still wet from the shower, and it tickles Luke’s cheeks and makes him smile. “Dinner’s almost done, thought we could feed Ben first.”
“Do you want to feed him?” Luke asks, carefully cradling Ben’s tiny body as he sits up, “It’s a great way for you to bond with him…”
“Yeah, sure, okay,” Han replies eagerly as he scoops Ben into his arms, bouncing him gently and standing, “Thanks.” They’ve only fed Ben a few times so far, and each time Luke has done it. Now, Han finally has a chance to prove to Ben that he can provide, that he too means food and warmth and comfort. Not that, rationally, he needs to prove anything to his son. Maybe he just needs to prove it to himself.
Luke drags himself to his feet, and Han notices that he’s wearing his right hand again. “I’ll heat up his formula.” He yawns again and heads to the kitchen, walking gingerly.
Han can’t imagine the toll that all of this must have taken on Luke’s body. He’s not sure he wants to. He sits down on the couch with Ben in his arms. “You know, you put your Daddy through a lot,” he tells him very pointedly, “And I know you couldn’t help it or nothin’, but he did it all because he loves you very much. I love you very much too.” He presses his lips to Ben’s chubby cheek and grins. He faintly hears the microwave beep, but it’s far away, off in the distance. His sole focus is Ben. Nothing else matters, except maybe for Luke, who’s slowly lowering himself onto the couch next to him.
“He’s beautiful, isn’t he?” he murmurs, resting his good hand on top of Ben’s pumpkin hat. “He looks just like you. Han, he’s perfect…”
Han grins. “I know.” He takes the bottle from Luke and holds it close to Ben’s mouth, mindful to not just shove it in. “Hey, buddy…want some milk? Yeah?” After a moment of hesitation, Ben latches his little lips around the nipple of the bottle, sucking happily. Han’s entire body feels like it’s filling up with towels that just came out of the dryer, soft and warm and fuzzy. He’s providing.
“We’re all he knows, you know?” Luke leans his head onto Han’s shoulder. “We’re his whole world right now. Just you, me, and that bottle. That’s all he’s focused on.” He rubs his thumb over the leaf hanging from Ben’s hat. “…Han, we made him…can you believe it? I never thought I could ever be a part of something so amazing.”
Yeah, Han thinks, no kidding.
Luke presses a kiss to the side of Han’s neck. “I love you.”
“I love you too—oh…” Han laughs quietly. “Aw…” Ben’s eyelids grow heavy, and then slide shut as the bottle slips from his mouth. “He’s asleep again…” He’s done that every time he’s nursed so far, like he’s so warm and content that he just can’t keep awake.
“He’s too cute…Try rubbing his cheeks a little, that worked last time.”
Han gently takes Ben’s face between his thumb and forefinger and rub gentle little circles into his cheeks. “Come on, buddy,” he murmurs, “You gotta wake up and finish your dinner, then you can nap all you want.”
Luke smiles against Han’s neck. “We’re lucky. All he does is sleep. We don’t have to worry about him staying up all night screaming, though I’m not sure I’d mind it if he did…He has such a perfect little cry…”
“Don’t jinx us.” Han’s grin widens as Ben’s sleepy little eyes open, his mouth searching for the nipple of the bottle again. Han offers it to him, and Ben takes it and starts drinking all over again. “There you go, little guy…” He feels strong like this, providing for his son. He feels earthy and masculine and important. He feels like he has a purpose. Luke’s body relaxes against his, and Han remembers that he has a second purpose: providing for his boyfriend. It makes him feel good to know that he’s taking care of them, that as long as he’s around they’ll want for nothing.
Ben finishes up his bottle and Han lifts him up onto his shoulder, patting his back gently until he signifies that yes, he’s done with his dinner now officially, and is ready for another nap. Han kisses his head.
“Okay, little guy, back to sleep.” Han slowly slides off the couch as not to disturb him, and buckles him back into his rocker before looking over at Luke, who’s wrapped in a blanket and has a serene, cozy little smile on his face. “Whatcha lookin’ at?”
“You.” Luke doesn’t even try to play coy. “You two are perfect together…I’m so lucky.” He yawns and moves to sit up, but Han’s big, gentle hand directs him back towards the sofa. “What? I can help…”
“I know you can. But lemme bring it to you, okay?” When Luke arches his eyebrow, Han rolls his eyes. “Please? It’ll make me feel better to know that you’re taking it easy. Lemme spoil you a little.”
Luke smiles brightly, and if Han were any more in love with him he’s pretty sure he’d just straight up die. “Okay. I don’t mind being spoiled.” Luke gets nice and snuggly under his blanket. He sets his phone on the coffee table. It had been blowing up all morning until Han, his knight in shining armor, had sent a group text to all their family and friends earlier this morning saying that everything was fine, and that the baby was here, and that Luke needed some rest and privacy. After all, he’d much rather spend quality time with his new son than answer text and Facebook messages. All of that can wait until tomorrow. When Han returns, setting a bowl of fresh, warm chicken pot pie into his lap, Luke tilts his head upwards in a silent request for kisses.
Han kisses Luke’s forehead, his nose, his lips, and then his chin before sitting down next to him and stretching out his legs.
They eat in relative silence, their eyes focused on Ben as he sleeps peacefully in his rocker. He’s more exciting than any play, any TV show, any movie. Once they’re done, Han takes their plates and sets them in the sink. He places the candy bowls outside on the front porch. He’s already eager to be back on the couch with Luke and Ben. When he gets back into the living room, Luke has turned on the television and is watching Hocus Pocus with the volume nice and low, with Ben snoozing in his lap. He slides under the blanket and wraps his arm around Luke’s shoulder, rubbing his neck gently.
“Good day?” he asks quietly, pressing his lips to Luke’s cheek.
Luke turns his head to kiss him. “The best day,” he whispers, “Happy Halloween.” He bows his head and smiles at Ben. “Happy birthday, little pumpkin.”