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Can someone really escape hell?
He ruled over us. We did whatever he told us. If we made him angry, he'd yell at us. It was always our fault.
Then it ended. Mum said we were free to live life.
But we weren't.
She had been sick while we were with him and I thought she would die, but she didn't. She kept fighting.
Then we escaped. I thought we'd be fine when we left.
But we weren't.
He haunts my every moment. When I break down, I hear him whispering I will never be strong enough and that only he can protect me. When I try something new, he tells me I'm too broken to be normal. When I fail, he yells at me.
Can I leave? Can I start my own life? Can I actually be normal for once?
Is it even possible?
You will never be normal and 'fit in'. Your only home is with me.
Everyone is telling me to leave. "You can't keep doing this," they say. "You need to take care of yourself. You're cracking."
If I was stronger, would I be able to save her? If I was braver, would he never have hurt her?
You were always too weak. I will always be in control.
I know I'm cracking. My mask shatters every day. I need to get out, but I'm scared.
You can't get out. You'll always be mine.
I don't have what it takes...
Mum says the way to escape is get a job, a car, move out of home... then I'll be free. It seems too good to be true. Even though I get closer every few months, the chains just latch on so much stronger. I can't break them. I want out.
You can't break my chains. I will always own you.
Please, please leave me alone!
Even if you put the pieces back together again, I'll just drop you from the wall and watch you shatter below; just like you did when you were little. But if you come back to me, I will hold you close. I will keep you safe.
You aren't safe! You made me who I am today!
I kept you safe.
You locked me away so you could hurt me!
I did it to protect you.
WHY? How is this love? I begged you for love. Even when you didn't care, I still ran after you, but you threw me back.
I do love you.
I still see myself trapped in a room. You stood in that door and I was afraid to pass by you. You looked so tired and disappointed in me. You knew I was leaving.
Did you stand there to trap me? Did you want me to feel like some helpless rabbit ensnared in a hunter's net? Did you want answers? Did you want to frighten me into apologising for leaving?
I CHOSE to not stay trapped. I could have called someone to come, but NO. I CHOSE to walk by you. You do not own me!
You are MY son.
And you are not my true father. You have no claim over me. I will not stay.
There is an escape out of this hell. I will break free. I will live my life. I won't remain a victim. When I next see you, I will stand tall, because I fought and defeated all those monsters you said I could never face.
I am not a helpless child.
I am not yours. I will choose who I will be.
I will live life to the full. I will help others. I will show love and kindness.
Unlike you.
Doesn't matter how far you run. I'll always be there.