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Sanji shot awake with a start, hands flying to his face and his heart pounding.
No metal helmet…
He looked around in a panic, taking in his surroundings. A single round window on the wall that let moonlight flood the room. No bars. Haphazardly strung hammocks with various sounds of snoring and breathing coming from them. No laughing or jeering. The unmistakable smell of salt and musk in the air. Not iron.
He wasn't back in that cell, he was on the Sunny with his crew. His real family. He was safe. It was just another nightmare.
Even amidst the comfort of knowing that his dream wasn't real, Sanji knew that he probably wouldn't be able to simply roll over and fall back asleep. This was the third time that this had happened in as many nights. Adrenaline still coursed through his veins and he had to consciously remind himself to unclench his jaw. He let out a shuddering sigh and swung his legs out of his own hammock, wrapping his blanket tighter around his shoulders with one hand and swiping his pack of cigarettes off of a nearby barrel with the other. Bare feet padding against the cool wood of the deck, he slowly made his way to the main deck to have a smoke and hopefully calm himself back down.
Of course, sometimes the simplest and best-laid plans never go the way we hope.
When Sanji finally made it out to the main deck, he spotted a shock of green hair in front of him and he froze. It took a moment longer than it should have to recognize it as the back of Zoro's broad form leaning up against the mast, his swords laid out meticulously in front of him as he cleaned them.
It wasn't him, it was Zoro. His nakama. He was safe.
Safe didn't necessarily mean free from embarrassment, though. Sanji knew he wouldn't hear the end of it if he was noticeably more tired in the morning after Zoro spotted him out here. He mentally debated climbing up to the crow's nest for his smoke, but he didn't want to bother Jimbei, who was on watch that night. There was always the kitchen, too, but he'd have to cross behind the swordsman to get there, and by then he would realize that he wasn't alone —
"Come on, Dartbrow, I know you're there."
Stupid Marimo and his stupid observation Haki.
The blonde huffed out an annoyed breath but nonetheless complied, if for no other reason than to give the damned brute a piece of his mind at being bossed around. He circled the mast and faced the other man, brow furrowed in annoyance. Zoro seemed nonplussed at his presence and inspected Kitetsu's blade.
"What do you want, Mosshead?"
"I could ask you the same thing, Shit Cook" countered Zoro. "You're the one out of bed and sneakin' around the ship."
"I'm not sneaking around the ship," Sanji huffed in a low voice. "I just wanted to have a smoke and some damn peace and quiet while I did it!"
The swordsman finally looked up at him and, seeing Sanji's state of dress, cocked his eyebrow and shrugged before taking his rag back up. "Far be it from me to stand in your way."
Fucking bastard —
Sanji took a deep, steadying breath in through his nose and let it out through his mouth as best he could, refusing to rise to the bait. He pointedly sat down on the grassy ground with back towards Zoro and felt himself going through the routine motions of lighting a cigarette. Inhaling the comforting nicotine, he drew his blanket tighter around his shoulders and exhaled again, this time heavier.
To Zoro's credit, he seemed content enough to pretend that Sanji wasn't there. Aside from the occasional sounds of cloth sliding against steel or a click from the cap of the polish bottle, the blonde could almost pretend that he was alone as he stared up at the starry sky. The niggling prick of his own observation Haki told him that the swordsman's steadfast presence at his back hadn't moved from its original position, and while there was some annoyance at him being there, Sanji would never admit aloud that having someone watching his back right now was somehow just what he needed.
One cigarette became two. Two became three. By the time he'd smoked his third cigarette down to the filter, the residual fear and anxiety from his nightmare seemed to have ebbed away, leaving behind exhaustion in its wake. Sanji honestly didn't want to move from where he was to go back to his bed.
"You can sleep, Curls."
Sanji's back straightened instinctively at the sound of Zoro's low voice cutting through the white noise of waves against the ship. He wanted to take offense somehow at the comment. Maybe the marimo had seen just how tired he'd looked when he came out onto the deck and was trying to pick another fight? But he seemed sincere, almost indifferent about it. Almost as if he was giving Sanji permission to rest while he sat sentry…
Shaking the thought from his mind, he nonetheless complied and laid down on the soft grass, back still facing towards Zoro. He situated himself on his side so that one of his arms cradled as a pillow beneath his head, and before he knew it, the first rays of sunlight were warm against his face. He hadn't even realized he'd fallen asleep.
Sanji let out a sleepy sound as he sat up and stretched, his blanket falling from his shoulders, and he turned around towards the mast. Zoro was still there. At some point during the night he must have fallen asleep too, arms crossed and eye closed. His swords were in their scabbards again and carefully propped up at his side. Something in Sanji's chest clenched at the sight, realizing that he really had stayed out there all night with him.
He stood up and, after sparing one more glance towards the snoozing swordsman, made his way to the bathroom to shower and change before getting breakfast started for everyone. But the blonde did make a mental note to set aside an extra bit of rice to make onigiri later.
~~~~~
Zoro's imposing figure loomed over him, Wado Ichimonji drawn and ready to strike.
"You made me give my word."
There was no pity in that voice. No remorse. And Sanji knew that he didn't deserve it. He knew what he'd asked of Zoro during the raid on Onigashima. He forced himself to look behind the swordsman at the faces of his nakama; that proved to be a mistake. Tears streamed down Franky's cheeks as he was supported by Brook and Jimbei, Robin at his side. The older woman held onto Nami as she sobbed, her own eyes misty. Chopper's face was buried against Usopp's legs as the sniper's chest heaved, one of his hands at the back of the reindeer's head and the other swiping away in vain at the snot and tears accumulating on his face.
Luffy's face was the worst of them all. It was stone cold and Sanji could hardly make his eyes out beneath the ducked rim of his straw hat. He could feel them boring into him, though, as if staring through his very soul.
A soul he didn't have anymore.
"Do it, Zoro," their captain commanded. "The king of the pirates doesn't need a monster like this on his crew."
Sanji turned his gaze back up to Zoro and blue met brown as the cook felt himself give a single nod. Zoro's jaw clenched and he inhaled slowly, bringing Wado up higher before bringing her down in an arc towards Sanji's kneeling form —
"No!"
Sanji bolted upright again, panting heavily. He frantically touched his face, his hair, his chest as if taking stock that they were all still there. Faint moonlight bled in through the porthole window and the symphony of snores around him brought the blonde back to reality: he was on the Sunny. It was another nightmare. But fuck if this one wasn't worse than his previous one.
He scrambled out of his hammock and didn't even bother grabbing his cigarettes this time. It was common knowledge that Sanji kept a pack or two squirreled away in the crow's nest anyway, and in spite of it not being his turn for watch, the last thing that the blonde needed right now was to be alone. Feet seeming to move of their own accord, he made quick yet silent time to the ladder at the base of the mast and climbed it swiftly, pushing the trapdoor open to hoist himself up into the room.
Zoro turned his head towards him, equal parts surprise and curiosity painted across his features. He recovered quickly, though, turning back towards the sea and taking another swig of the bottle in his hand.
"Need somethin' from me, Swirly Brow?"
Sanji registered but didn't acknowledge the words that were being spoken to him. He replaced the trapdoor back before crossing towards the couch in three long strides, rooting around under the cushions. Once his fingers found purchase against the familiar cardboard packaging and cool metal of a spare lighter, he mechanically went about lighting it as he tucked the cigarette between his lips. That first lungful of smoke seemed to wash over him like a balm.
"Oi, Cook, I'm talkin' to you."
"Just leave it, Mosshead," sighed Sanji. He drew his knees up to his chest and held them tight with one arm, leaving his other free to hold his cigarette aloft. Zoro, for his part, either didn't seem like he wanted to ask or he was giving Sanji his space and time to come to terms with whatever the fuck he was dealing with. Either way the blonde was grateful as he slowly let himself calm down from the fear and panic of his bad dream.
A handful of cigarette butts crushed into an ashtray later, Sanji at least felt calmer than he previously had. He still hadn't changed his posture from holding his knees, but both of his arms were now wrapped around them, head resting atop his arms, in an effort to try to hug himself as tight as he could.
"What're you doin' up here anyway?"
Either Zoro's curiosity or patience must have gotten the better of him. Maybe both.
"I- I had a nightmare, okay?" the blonde confessed, voice barely above a whisper. He knew that the green-haired man heard him, though. "A really bad one."
"You wanna talk 'bout it?"
Sanji let out a scoff in spite of himself. "Never pegged you to be one to talk about feelings, Marimo."
"And I never pegged you to run to me for comfort, Shit Cook."
"I didn't run to you for anything —"
"You had a nightmare last time too, didn't you?" Zoro asked, finally turning back around to look at the blonde on the couch. "That's why you made me rice balls the next day."
From the way he'd instinctively tensed up, and from the glint of understanding in that amber eye, Sanji knew that Zoro knew the answer regardless of his verbal confirmation. He let out a sigh and raised his head to properly look at his crewmate.
"Been having them more and more lately…I think it's just the culmination of all the shit we've been through the last few weeks."
Zoro let out a grunt of affirmation and took another swig of his booze before lifting the bottle in offering towards Sanji.
"Want a drink?"
"Stupid alcoholic Marimo," groused Sanji with an exaggerated eye roll.
"Sometimes shit's less hard to talk about when you're drinkin'. And you're a lightweight, Curly, it wouldn't take much if you needed to — ."
"It was you, you know?"
Sanji didn't mean to just come out and say it like that. Maybe he should have taken a few swigs of whatever the hell Zoro was drinking so he could have blamed his slip of the tongue on that. But at least it managed to get the swordsman to fall silent for a moment, his eyebrow raising in question but more than likely holding his tongue until Sanji elaborated more.
"My nightmare," he finally continued, averting his gaze from his crewmate. "It was…it was all of you, really. But mostly you and Luffy. You were…I was on the ground in front of you and Luffy…that promise you made to me back in Wano…you had to do it…"
"Ain't gotta worry 'bout that," said Zoro. Something about the sureness of his tone, almost arrogant, made Sanji look back up at him.
"What are you on about, Marimo?"
The green-haired man gestured towards Sanji with the hand clutching his booze. "The fact you're even cryin' about it tells me you're still the same Swirly Brow as always."
Immediately one of Sanji's hands flew to his face. Sure enough, tears that he hadn't felt himself shed dampened his fingertips and cheeks. He really should be pissed at Zoro for pointing it out, but his bluntness had a silver lining to it: Zoro didn't mince words. He didn't believe in embellishing what he said or in using flowery reassurances the way that Sanji did.
If Zoro said he didn't have to worry, then he didn't have to worry.
The relief in that single backhanded reassurance made the blonde's shoulders sag under its weight, his forehead pressed against his forearms again as anxiety ebbed out of his body and exhaustion sank in.
"Get some rest, Cook."
There it was again: that nearly identical order from the other night. When Sanji chanced a peek up towards Zoro, he saw that the swordsman was facing back towards the ocean again, his bottle resting on the ground by his feet. Slowly, as if any sudden movements might bring Zoro's attention back towards him, Sanji disentangled his limbs and laid down properly on the couch. He hugged one of the spare pillows to his chest and closed his eyes, letting out a soft sigh.
When he woke up, Sanji found himself alone in the crow's nest. The sun was already well past risen but nobody had come to get him. Zoro must have told them where he was, but there was no telling exactly what the mosshead told them with respect to why. He felt equal parts relief and regret — relief in knowing that his nakama let him get the rest he clearly needed, but regret in that he was their chef and cooking them breakfast was part of his job.
He sat up properly and, upon shifting, he felt a slight weight slide off of his body. Whipping around to look behind him, Sanji saw a well-loved grey blanket pooled on the couch cushions that he definitely hadn't pulled over himself before he fell asleep.
~~~~~
As much as Sanji wishes he could say that was the last time it happened, he couldn't do it. His nightmares were relentless. While he might have a day or two's reprieve between them now, he was still plagued with reminders of things he'd sooner forget about: his brothers, that giant rock in the middle of nowhere, being ripped away from his crew, that damned promise. And somehow, whenever he couldn't manage to calm himself down after waking up, he always managed to find Zoro wherever he was on the ship and fall asleep while the swordsman kept watch over him.
Zoro never said a word about their 'arrangement'. They'd still bicker and spar like normal when the sun was up. The only real difference was that Sanji would be sure to wordlessly thank him with extra helpings of snacks or sake. By night, though, it was like Zoro was a different person. He might raise an eyebrow at Sanji when he'd randomly just appear in his sleep clothes during a watch or if he was just sitting on the deck meditating in the quiet of night, but he'd hardly ever make a comment about it. Not after that first night in the crow's nest. And he never once turned Sanji away.
Just what was going through Zoro's head?
One morning over breakfast, Robin and Nami told everyone that there was supposed to be a meteor shower that night. Luffy excitedly announced that there'd be a mandatory slumber party out on the main deck so that everyone could see them. Sanji's heart fell through his shoes. He'd finally managed to make it two nights in a row of sleeping through til morning, and at the thought of potentially worrying his crewmates with his bad dreams ate away at him all day.
Thankfully Sanji managed to keep himself occupied and prepared extra snacks and drinks throughout the day for everyone later on. Nightfall seemed to come far too fast, and damn near every pillow and blanket on the Thousand Sunny was brought out onto the main grassy deck to accommodate Luffy's request. Only an hour or two after sundown, just as Nami had predicted, a truly breathtaking display of meteors streaked across the otherwise empty night sky.
Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper cheered, pointing and gawking up at them like children might. Franky declared that it was a 'suuuuuuuuuper' cool light show as Brook played a soft tune on his violin to accompany the display. Robin and Nami sat side by side, the younger woman's head on the elder's as Robin gestured to the sky and explained the historical significance behind this particular meteor shower. Jimbei sat quietly with a serene smile on his face, eyes twinkling with what could only be described as wonder.
Sanji felt a tiny smile rise to his lips as he looked up at them, too, midway through passing out snacks. It wasn't until calloused fingertips brushed against his that he snapped out of his trance. A single amber eye blinked up at him as Zoro accepted the onigiri that Sanji was handing him. The swordsman quirked half a grin as he took a large bite of the rice ball, turning his attention back up to the sky. Sanji rolled his eyes and forced himself to continue with his task of feeding his nakama.
Food and drink having been dispensed and the show above coming to a close, the blonde let out a shuddering breath at the realization that it was now time for bed. Before he could do so, Robin offered to take night watch and bade everyone goodnight as she climbed the ladder to the crow's nest. Sanji let his gaze scan across the deck at the rest of his nakama.
Luffy, Brook and Usopp had taken up residence within a big pillow and blanket fort that they'd built. Nearby, Chopper was curled up in Nami's arms as the pair snuggled under a flowery blanket. Jimbei sat with his legs crossed and eyes closed in what looked to be a meditative pose off to one side. Franky's back was resting against the mast, arms crossed and head bowed with a blanket wrapped around his enormous shoulders. Zoro, in an unsurprising display, was already out cold, snoring loudly on his back with his swords beside him.
The blonde hesitantly collected a pillow, blanket, and a rolled-up futon from the massive pile in the center of the Sunny's grass and made himself a place to sleep a bit away from everyone else nearest the kitchen. If asked, he could claim that he was stationing himself there to prevent Luffy from stealing any more snacks. But the truth of the matter was in not wanting to potentially disturb any of his nakama should another nightmare disturb him as he slept. If he slept at all, that is.
Sanji closed his eyes and huddled into his blanket as tightly as he could, hoping beyond hope and willing beyond measure that the rest of his evening would be uneventful. He kept his eyes closed for an indeterminate stretch of time, in a limbo state between wakefulness and sleep that could have been minutes or hours. The first rays of sunlight danced across his eyelids and he let out a heavy sigh, knowing it was about time to start making breakfast for his crewmates. He sat up and stretched his arms above his head, inhaling the salty sea air and listening to the waves crash against the hull of the Sunny before opening his eyes.
Except he wasn't on the ship anymore.
His head whipped around, taking in his surroundings. Wide open expanses of deep blue sea spanned in all directions. A giant burlap sack by his feet lay in disarray, torn to ribbons with stray crumbs of moldy bread and old cheese crushed into the fibers. What had previously been an off-white bedroll beneath him was now unyielding, wet rock. Shakily, Sanji brought his hands up in front of his face and his heart dropped into his stomach at seeing just how small and filthy they were.
No…it couldn't be…
Those tiny hands threaded themselves through matted blonde hair, tugging at the roots as he tried to stand. He immediately felt his balance shift and he landed harshly on his side, head spinning as his stomach gave a loud sound of protest.
He was starving…
Sanji reached towards the sack, his fingertips protesting at the harsh texture of the burlap as he tried in vain to scrape out the last vestiges of food. He opened his mouth to try and squish the meager attempt at sustenance inside and his cracked lips almost seemed to break apart with how dehydrated he was. The impulse to want to cry bubbled up within his chest, but he knew intrinsically that there wasn't nearly enough water left in his body for tears. Not nearly enough of anything left in his body.
The bag…the shitty old man had a giant bag with him! There had to be more food in there!
Hesitantly, Sanji brought himself up on his knees and, not trusting his legs to support him, began to crawl along the massive rock towards where the geezer had been before. His knees and palms got scraped up along the way but the pain hardly registered with the driving force of killing the old man for his food being louder. After what felt like hours or maybe even days, Sanji saw a familiar boot laying on the ground. He shuffled forward faster and couldn't stifle a weak scream at the sight before him.
The old geezer was still there alright; same with the giant bag he'd had before. But the man lay motionless on the gray stone, his skin having taken on nearly the same pallor as the rock beneath him. One of his legs was severed at the knee and the blood-stained cloth tying off the stump was fetid with rot. Those stupid twin braids of his mustache were caked with grime and those cold eyes that bored straight through Sanji before were now sunken in and lifeless.
Sanji forced himself to tear his gaze away from the pirate and crawled towards the giant bag of food that still lay tied off mere feet away. Using the knife he'd held onto from his previous ship, he sliced a jagged line down the side of it and gold pieces and gems began to spill out onto the rock.
No…that's not possible! He had so much food!
"—ji."
This can't be how he dies! He hasn't found the All Blue yet!
"Sanji."
Judge and his brothers were right, he was useless. Pathetic. Weak. He deserved to die —
"Sanji!"
The man took a startled breath and sat up ramrod straight, his heart hammering in his chest as he took in greedy lungfuls of night air. His hands clutched at the first things they could find purchase on: a soft, green blanket on his lap and somewhat fluffy bedding beneath him. Scattered stars dotted the inky black sky and the soft sounds of snores interwove themselves with the rhythmic crashing of the waves against the ship's hull.
He was back on the Sunny. It was just another nightmare. He was safe.
Letting out a shaky exhale, he turned his head to the side and met the gaze of none other than Zoro. He cocked his head and blinked slowly at the blonde, as if he were curious.
"You good?"
No, Sanji was decidedly not good. In a move that he'd be more ashamed of if he were in his right mind, the blonde scooped up the blanket that was pooled on his thighs and scrambled to his feet, making a beeline straight to the kitchen. He pushed through the door and made quick strides to the aquarium, which was probably the most centralized room on the Thousand Sunny and the furthest from all of his sleeping friends. There, he curled up in the corner as small as he was able to make his body and draped the blanket around his shoulders before anxiously pawing at his sweatpants for the familiar comfort of nicotine.
He managed to smoke two and a half cigarettes before Zoro found him. Thankfully, in the time it took for the mosshead to discover him, Sanji did at least manage to calm down a little bit. And Zoro did at least look a bit frantic when he burst in through the door, his hands subconsciously seeming to hover near the hilts of his swords. When he saw Sanji's huddled form against the wall, his shoulders dropped slightly and he strode right up to the blonde, his boots sounding like thunder against the deck in the quiet of the night.
"Where the fuck were you goin'?" asked Zoro.
Sanji managed a noncommittal shrug and took another drag of his cigarette. "Away," he muttered.
"Why?"
"Was fuckin' embarrassed. That what you wanted to hear?"
"No, but you're gettin' warmer." The green-haired man plunked down and crossed his legs to sit right in front of Sanji. "What'd you dream about?"
"I don't really want to talk about that, Marimo."
"You were talking in your sleep. Kept saying 'no' over and over and saying somethin' about the old geezer."
Sanji pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and shrunk in smaller on himself. "It's really none of your business," he snapped.
Zoro let out an indignant scoff. "I figure it is if I'm the one that stopped you from wakin' everyone up."
"Shitty swordsman."
"Stubborn Swirly Brow."
The blonde took in his last lungful of smoke and let it out slowly, blowing it directly into his crewmate's face and allowing himself a tiny snort at the way Zoro's whole face distorted in disgust.
"Fuck you," huffed the swordsman, moving as if to get up. "See if I help you next time —"
"No, please!" Before he could leave, Sanji reached out and grabbed onto the hem of Zoro's robes, clutching it tightly. That single amber eye met his own and narrowed slightly. Like a puppet whose strings had been cut, Sanji slumped forward in defeat and sighed. "I'm sorry. Please don't go," he begged, voice barely above a whisper.
Zoro's posture didn't change. The blonde's chest clenched when the other man followed through with rising to his feet, but instead of walking back towards the door, he stood and moved to sit beside Sanji against the wall, just close enough that their shoulders brushed against each other.
"'M not goin' anywhere," he reassured softly. "If you wanna talk, talk. If not, I'll stay 'til you fall asleep."
"And if I don't fall asleep..?"
The swordsman shrugged. And somehow that single gesture spoke louder than any words could have in that moment. Sanji looked at the smoldering filter that he still held onto and hastily crushed it into the ashtray at his other side, tugging his blanket tighter around him with his newly freed hand.
"I was back on that rock," sighed Sanji. "In my nightmare. I was seven years old again and stranded on that giant fucking rock in the middle of nowhere…but it was different this time. Zeff…he was dead when I found him. And he looked like he had been for a while —"
A lump in his throat made it hard for him to continue talking, lest he start crying. And he'd be damned if he did that in front of Zoro again. To his credit, though, the green-haired man remained quiet and made no effort to talk over him. He was just a silent, stoic presence in that moment, and Sanji was incredibly grateful to not be alone right now in spite of how he'd run before.
"It was bad," he finally continued, voice a bit shaky. "I…I always hated to imagine what might've happened if we didn't get rescued when we did. But sometimes it was damn hard when you're starving and there's literally nothing else to do but think."
Zoro gave a hum of what sounded like understanding. "You're not there anymore, though."
"Astute observation, Marimo."
"Even if you know it, sayin' it out loud and remindin' yourself of it can help keep the nightmares about it away sometimes."
"You speaking from experience?"
"I get 'em sometimes, too."
Sanji turned to look at the man beside him, his mouth falling open in surprise against his will.
"Don't gawk at me, shithead," scoffed Zoro. "It's just part of life."
"Can…can I ask what yours are about..?"
The green-haired man sighed heavily and closed his eye. "Not being strong enough," he said plainly. While Sanji didn't know much about Zoro's life before he joined the crew, he could think of a few times that the swordsman might not want to relive: Mihawk cutting him at the Baratie, Thriller Bark, the crew being separated at Sabaody…
Never in a million years would he have guessed that the Demon of the East Blue, recently redubbed the 'King of Hell', would suffer from nightmares, too.
"Get some sleep, Cook. I ain't goin' nowhere."
Sanji startled at the other man's voice drawing him back out of his thoughts and he blinked, looking back at Zoro. His eye was still closed and the back of his head was against the wall, one of his arms resting against a bent knee. He looked peaceful…like he'd already been sleeping had he not just spoken. Hesitantly, Sanji made to stand but Zoro's voice ringing out again made him freeze.
"You don't gotta move unless you want to. Sometimes sleepin' near others helps mine, too.."
Surely he didn't mean..? But that did somewhat explain why he often took naps on the main deck around the rest of the crew…
Hesitantly, Sanji scooted a tiny bit closer to Zoro, and the other man didn't so much as flinch. He moved slowly, as if giving Zoro all the time in the world to stop him, to gingerly rest his head on the swordsman's broad shoulder. Still no reaction. Consent seemingly given, the blonde readjusted the blanket around his shoulders and let his eyes fall shut, a relieved sigh escaping his lips.
And if Sanji woke up in the morning in the exact same position, feeling better rested than he'd felt in ages with the mosshead still softly snoring away next to him? That was nobody's business but their own.