Chapter Text
[Boy savior] just now
Hey, haven’t talked to you in a while
How are you?
Read
What the fuck. What the actual fuck.
Jinx could have never predicted Ekko out of all people to message her. Let alone ask her how she is. They hadn’t talked since what? Senior year?
And that was her fault. Of course she felt remorseful! When didn’t she? The memory of the look on her beautiful boy saviors face. That devastated, broken look he wore when she had told him she wanted nothing to do with him any longer. His glassy eyes, full of broken trust and pain forever carved into her memory.
It wasn’t that she truly wanted him away. No. It was quite the contrary. She wanted him so much closer, her feelings towards him were ineffable. Not even someone as poetic and refined as Shakespeare and Socrates merged could find the words, the sentiment, the passion, to describe what she felt towards him.
But she wasn’t permitted to feel that. That—meaning the burning sensation she felt whenever she felt the light squeeze on her shoulders while he was attempting to gain her attention, or that desire to let herself love him whenever he was close enough for her to smell the faint vanilla in his hair from his shampoo. A desire she could hardly fight. She couldn’t bear to see him every. single. day. And not be able to let him hold her while she fell apart and told him everything she never could. She was scared.
That’s why she left him. To avoid feeling that anguish whenever he smiled at someone else. Or that ache in her heart each time she remembered she couldn’t have him. He deserved someone better. Someone stable, and loving. Someone who could give him the security that he deserved. Not someone who broke apart because of little things. Definitely not someone who was horrible when they were slightly agitated, or was in tears after a slight accusation. Someone who wouldn’t numb out all possible emotions in every situation. He needed someone who could be loved. Someone who wasn’t her.
Either way, he couldn’t have loved her back. He was too perfect, unlike her.
She thought, that after all these years, he would forget about her, and she would have him. But here she was, still thinking about him, and apparently, so was he.
Shit.
SHIT.
Realization waved in rapidly, except it had already been too late. Said realization sent her directly into panic. She had accidentally opened the message.
Shit.
Now, Ekko would’ve noticed. He knew she had seen the text. She had to answer. She had to. She had to. He would probably hate her even more if she simply pretended she didn’t see it. He knew she did. Maybe he would be relieved she didn’t answer? No that couldn’t possibly be what he was thinking. He messaged her seeking an answer. Now she owed him one.
She begun thinking about what to say.
“Hey, sorry I avoided you for years because I was scared of you realizing I loved you and you hating me, but I actually made you hate me anyways since I avoided you the rest of the year. And actually, I still love you!” No. Definitely not.
Fuck! Why was this so difficult? It was never this challenging talking to Ekko when he was just little man.
Maybe that why. Because she avoided him for an entire year and a half. She missed him. She really did. But it was—seemed easier to just push her emotions all the way to the bottom of her heart and ignore them. Ignore him.
But she shouldn’t. And she wouldn’t. She was used to avoiding sentiments. Anything that showed weakness, sensitivity. But she was the same girl who took everything to heart. Ekko knew her. And she knew Ekko. She knew her boy. He would worry about her, and drag himself into a spiral. So she would answer. For him, only.
***
[Jinx] typing…
Then the dots disappeared. Then appeared again
Fuck.
This was still so hard. Harder than she imagined.
She stared at the message he had sent.
Undoubtedly, she had pictured scenarios of them meeting up, talking, her telling him everything and they ended up laughing, like before.
But that was easier said than done.
★ ★ ★
Finally, after about fifteen minutes of thinking and slowly driving herself insane, she believed she decided on something, short and simple.
Hey! Long time no see Ekko! I’m good, thanks for asking, how are you tho?
But she didn’t. No. That was too many exclamation points, and way too formal. He would notice. He tended to.
Fine. She’d retry.
[Jinx] Just now
Heya Ekko!
I’m doing good thanks, hbu?
Sent
She didn’t use nicknames, not wanting to make him uncomfortable after so much time apart, but she wished she had. It was too late to change it anyways. It was already sent.
Jinx laid on her bed, flat on her stomach, with her legs up, kicking her repeatedly while staring at her phone with anticipation and uneasiness.
Then, she saw it
[Jinx]
Heya Ekko!
I’m doing good thanks, hbu?
Read 8:54pm
[Boy savior] typing…
Fuck.