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Cosmo stared at the gleaming blade. He didn't know why he always returned to this exact point. He was sober, right? Or did he hurt himself when he was stressed again? Did that count? Or does it have to bleed and drip down. Did ripping out hair from his scalp count? Did scratching his arm count? Maybe.. yet the blade made it go quiet. Cosmo wanted to cry but nothing came out. It felt like his heart was being weighed down with something heavy. It hurt more than crying. He just needed it to stop. So he grabbed it slowly and shakily then pulled up his sleeve that showed old scars that are healed giving him a reminder how far he was from reaching a month-long streak of not cutting.
No one cares anyway. Cosmo only used his arm because once he did it on his legs or thighs he couldn't stop.. it was a difficult area for others to find out. So he used his wrist instead so at least he could stop. Because he did, he really did wanna quit. "I'm sorry.." he muttered to himself referring to anyone he has been a burden to. He pressed the blade on his wrist making sure to use the sharpest point of it. Before swiping it quickly which made him wince in pain. It burned.. but it felt like a kiss to his feelings he kept bottled up constantly. The cut turned white before it started bleeding down his wrist. 'Why does everyone hate me? Why do I wanna die so badly?' He thought to himself. 'Maybe it's because you don't communicate maybe it's because you're a stupid bitch and that everyone wishes you were dead? Maybe it's because I didn't matter to anyone.`
'No matter what I do it seems like I'm always at fault and that no one loves me and I'm just seen for my naiveness. Why? I don't know.' Cosmo let out a shaky sob but tears never came he felt guilty for what he did. But he deserves it anyway. Because you know why? Because despite Cosmo wanting the best for everyone and helping everyone. He will always be dumb in everyone's eyes. And most of the time always the wrong one. He hated himself and once school strikes he will get the courage to do it.
*To end himself.* Now maybe you're wondering why Cosmo doesn't do it at home. Well.. he doesn't wanna upset his mother. He knows that he's worthless and unloved. But he knows his mother will be horrified to find her son's lifeless body on the floor choked from Cosmos'own hands tightening a cloth on his neck until he suffocates. Can you Imagine her baby boy, her baby she raised and rocked, singing lullabies gone in a blink of an eye? No.. Cosmo couldn't be selfish to her. He loved his mommy.
But does anyone love him back?
No, no one does. 'I just want to be understood, to be seen for something else not staring at a blank paper crying wondering how to solve an equation. I don't wanna be the dumb friend that people make fun of..'