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Ilya loves Shane. This is a known fact, along with things like the sun rising in the east, he is the Ottawa Centaurs captain, and Shane loves him, too.
This does not mean Ilya is blind to his husband’s faults. Oh no. In fact, Ilya loves him even more because of it. This wonderful human being, whom everyone thinks is Canada’s perfect golden boy of hockey, is, if not more than, a menace just like him. Whenever Shane slips into that behaviour these days, people think it’s because of Ilya, but the truth is, you simply can’t entrench yourself in this sport for most of your life and come out a complete saint (although yes, Ilya is very much a proponent of the “Shane is a saint compared to the rest of the league” movement).
But. (And this is a big but). Shane Hollander is an asshole. A mischievous one. Like that character from that play by Shakespeare: Puck.
The league is starting to find out now that his husband is not a captain anymore, not even an alternate, and, thus, has no more expectations from him. (What, Shane? Playing exceptionally well is not an expectation from you! It’s what you just do!) The worst had passed — they had been outed, Montreal chased him out, and some of the sponsorships that cared soooo much about public image did not renew their contracts — and Shane just simply let go. His shoulders are much looser these days.
Case 1: Game Pressers
October 2021
“Question for Hollander!” A reporter called out, making the husbands look that way. “Two days from now, you’ll go against Montreal for the first time. Any words?”
Ilya’s face darkened. From the corner of the room, Gen (who got promoted when Harris did) was about ready to step in, in case this goes haywire. Before either could do anything, though, Shane shrugged.
“It’ll just be any other game.”
“Care to clarify?”
“We play, we score points, they lose,” Shane said matter-of-factly. “Been that way for other teams since the season started, yes?”
One could hear a pin drop in the 3-second silence that followed. Ilya turned to his husband, mouth agape. Uhm, what the fuck?
Another reporter pushed for more information. “And do you think that’s because of you and Rozanov?”
Shane almost looked bored as he answered that question (which was fair. It’s been asked at least once every presser since September). “The team’s pulling their weight, which is more than I can say for other teams out there, but I mean,” he paused to gesture between him and his husband. “We’re also the two best players in the league.”
Gen took that as her cue to end that day’s presser.
As soon as they were out of sight of the reporters, Ilya pulled Shane against him and gave his husband a resounding kiss. Shane responded accordingly.
“Not that I’m complaining,” Shane said, almost breathlessly and with a hint of mischief in his eyes, after they came up for air. “But what was that for?”
“You were so hot over there, Hollander. All smug and confident. So sexy, da?” Ilya answered, ducking to continue kissing Shane’s neck.
Shane laughed.
***
December 2021
Due to the player rotations on who will address the media, and the fact Shane’s not holding any leadership position, it wasn’t until December that he got to do post-game pressers again. This time though, Shane was with Bood and Barrett after a game against New York, the three being the ones able to score. It was a close game but they won in overtime: 3-2.
That wasn’t what the reporters would like to focus on though.
“Question for Hollander: any response to Hughie Thompson’s post from yesterday calling you a, quote, washed f-word, unquote?”
Ilya, who was watching from the sides, unseen, saw Shane look confused. Bood and Barrett tensed up. Ilya also felt the reporters in the room wait with bated breath on what Shane has to say. Harris’ hand on Ilya’s shoulder was the only thing stopping him from reacting dramatically.
“Who?” The confusion was so genuine Ilya almost believed it.
Almost.
They heard about the post last night, at the same time, after the triplets (LaPointe, Young, and Holmberg) complained about it loudly in the group chat. Ilya was also pretty sure Shane knew who Thompson is because he was supposedly a promising rookie and his husband always studies up on his opponents.
Bood and Barrett looked at Shane, also confused and wondering what he was playing at. Harris was smirking. The rest of the reporters in the room were either looking at each other to verify that they heard what they heard or scribbling some notes to no doubt post on the socials ASAP.
The reporter who asked the question clarified, a little confused with Shane’s direction as it is common knowledge that #24 knows everything and everyone related to the sport. “Uhh, he’s a rookie drafted by Nashville. Number 12, left wing?”
Shane gave a second to think about it but gave up and shrugged. “I don’t know him.”
Another reporter pressed on that. “But you just played Nashville at the start of the month? He was on ice for the second period.”
Shane seemed to consider but, again, gave up after a few seconds. “Doesn’t ring a bell. There are so many players in the league you know? If I don’t personally know you or you don’t score over 50 goals a season then…” he gestured with his hand as if to say that was that. Then, a smirk gracing his feature, added. “It’s probably why I remembered Rozanov in the first place.”
The room erupted in laughter.
Ilya was awestruck. Part of the information his husband would study on is the players’ stats and Ilya knew damn well that Thompson, dubbed as the promising rookie, has not quite lived up to the expectations so far. Many rookies imitated his confident answer from so long ago (I never said 40 goals. I said 50.) when asked by the media about their debut season but would spectacularly fail to deliver each and every time, some worse than others. Not only was Thompson not any different, he was also on the worse side.
And Shane knew, from his research, that this is a sore spot for Thompson.
Next to Ilya, Harris grinned at him. “If I didn’t know he received intensive media training, I would be really worried about your husband’s capability to be in front of the reporters.”
Ilya nodded. It was all he could do to hide his growing erection at the sight of Shane being a fucking menace off the ice.
***
February 2022
It was their first All-Stars since they have been out and married. However, due to some bullshit, it was arranged so that not only Ilya and Shane are on different teams, but they are also captains of their teams. For old time’s sake or something.
That said, the press conference that morning was typical: What are you looking forward to the most? Any teammates you’d like to work in tandem with who is not from the Cens? How excited were the husbands to return to the rivalry? Etc etc.
Both of them were almost mechanical in their answers but a question got Ilya straightening on his seat.
“For Hollander: You have been accused by some players of purposefully tripping last year to–” the poor reporter didn’t even get to finish their question before Shane answered.
Rolling his eyes, he muttered straight to the microphone, “Oh my goooood…” He took a deep breath as the reporters all leaned forward to better capture his words. Ilya’s hand found its place on his husband’s knee. “The players accusing me of these things don’t even have half as good of stats as I do. I’ll maybe take them more seriously if they’re anywhere near what I have.”
Ilya’s hand gripped Shane’s knee tighter. Shane looked at him and winked.
“But Hollander, is there any credibility to the alleged cheating?”
“Guys,” Shane started, his smile is all teeth. “It’s already common knowledge that I won three cups while I was with Ilya. If we’re talking about cheating why don’t we start with the players who are actually cheating in their own marriages?”
The air has been sucker punched out of the room as every member of the press took in Shane’s words. Actual cheating scandals from other players?!?!
Ilya tried to re-centre the room. “I hope we all enjoy this year’s All Star Weekend! Watch me beat Hollander’s speed record, huh?”
His husband wasn’t done yet, though. “Maybe you’ll also catch some of these cheaters red-handed this weekend, if you pay attention.”
All Ilya could do was giggle behind his hand.
Case 2: @OttawaCentaurs
If the post-game pressers showed more of Shane’s shit-stirrer ways, the social media posts show more of his mischief. It wasn’t that Shane hated anything to do with social media, it’s just that there were expectations set before him as a Metros captain that required him to be more guarded. But he’s not one anymore and he feels safe here with the Cens so he’s also displaying more confidence with whatever the social media team comes up with.
The posts would usually do well, mostly because whatever happened back in March “broke containment” as described by Holmberg. The months leading up to the 21-22 season even had non-hockey enthusiasts also checking out the Cens’ pages, which the Communications department, especially the social media team, really took advantage of. Some went viral for a number of reasons but the two videos that really did well were because of Shane.
***
Measuring Tape
“Hey Shane,” said Emily, the one in-charge of content creation for the team, as Shane got out of the locker room. It was after practice that day and the guys were finishing up with their showers as they head on out for the day. She held out a tape measure in front of the camera, with the numbers facing away from him. “Can you measure 9 inches for me?”
“Sure,” he said, eyes focused as he pulled the tape measure to eight inches. He took a moment to think, squinted, and added one more inch, stopping at just the right measurement. As he did, Wyatt and Zane were walking out of the room, saw them, and were now looking at them as they got closer. “There.”
“Are you sure?” Emily asked.
“Yes.”
“Okay,” Emily then turned the measuring tape around to show them. “Wow! Well done!”
Shane pumped his fist in the air in celebration.
“What’s happening?” Hayes asked.
“Oh, we’re asking everyone to measure 9 inches without looking at the numbers.”
“Ooh! Me next!” Zane said, practically shoving Wyatt to the side. A sound of indignation can be heard from the latter.
“Ok AC, show me 9 inches using this tape measure.”
His actions were similar to Shane’s. Except he stopped at 7.5 inches. “Awww man.”
“Wyatt, your turn!”
Wyatt did better than Zane but was still short of an inch. “Damn. Did anyone get this right apart from Hollzy?”
“I’ve only had five of the guys before you three and so far only Shane got it.”
“How the heck did you get that right, Hollzy?” Zane asked at the same time Ilya got out of the locker room, spotted them, and walked towards them.
Shane saw his husband coming closer and smirked. “Oh you know…” he offered while gesturing to Ilya’s direction.
The camera zoomed in on and froze at Wyatt and Zane’s shocked faces.
***
Question of the Day
“Hey Shane!” Emily was once again filming a little video for the Cens to promote upcoming games. This time, they were right in front of the locker rooms with some of the team visible from behind the camera, milling around. “Question: Is there anything you’d like to confess right now?”
Shane thought of it for a moment. “I don’t think–” he stopped himself when one of the triplets passed by him and he saw it from his peripherals. The viewers can definitely see the transformation from his neutral face to an impish one. “Actually, yes. I need to tell Young something.”
Elijah Young, who, by then, passed by and had his back turned to Shane did an about-face so dramatically that it caught everyone’s attention. Looking at Shane’s face, his usual golden retriever expression turned wary. “What? What is it?”
“Before I tell you, why don’t you tell the viewers about what you’ve been experiencing in the locker room?” goaded Shane.
Eli nodded enthusiastically and launched into the tale. “About a month ago, I was the last one out of here ‘cos my skates had a problem and it took a while for Dale, our equipment manager,” he paused to look and point at the camera. “Shout out to Dale and the equipment team! I love you all and I’m sorry I kept breaking stuff.”
“Anyway, back to the story. It took a while for my skates to get fixed and I was alone here and suddenly I heard whispers.”
A mocking sound from the guys behind them can be heard with Cameron LaPointe shouting, “We told you that you’re just making stuff up!”
Eli looked back at them and said. “No, I swear! I looked around and no one was here! The nearest people were at the office and that’s like on the other side of this building.”
“Yeah yeah,” came from another member of the team.
“Anyway, it wasn’t the only time I heard it. The week after that, I was alone again because as I said, I kept breaking stuff okay? And Dale liked to torture me with waiting.”
“Probably because you kept breaking equipment,” the dry retort from Ilya came from behind them as he passed by to get to the other side of the room.
“I know! But back to the story, I heard whispers again and I swear this time, I saw a white sheet cross the room super fast and I ran out of here screaming. I never stayed late here again. These bozos still don’t believe me.”
“‘Cos you’re full of it!”
Emily got them back on track. “Spooky! So Shane, what do you have to confess to Eli?”
Shane’s grin was shit-eating. “That was all me.”
Elijah stared at Shane in shock. “No. No way. Nuh-uh.” he was shaking his head.
“Yes. It was me.”
“No.”
The guys, even Ilya, were quiet behind them, watching the exchange.
“Yes. I hid a phone here so you could hear my whispers while I was out of the building. The sheet? I literally just threw a towel across the room but you were busy screaming your ass to even check where it landed.”
“Okay, let’s say I believe you.” Elijah paused to grip Shane’s arms. “But why, Hollzy? WHY?!” He rocked the other man as he asked.
“Because,” Shane then glared at him, eyes levelling at Eli’s, as his hands landed heavily on the younger man’s shoulders. “You took the last donut from the media room that one time.”
The laughter from everyone rang out. The camera even caught Ilya falling on his knees, clutching his stomach. Elijah Young’s face showed that he remembered what Shane was talking about and that he was regretting every decision that led him to this moment.
Case 3: Squashing Rumours
They both know that everyone has a preconceived notion that Ilya is the one who is unhinged about this relationship. This is understandable as Ilya has made multiple posts online and declarations offline loudly proclaiming his love while Shane stands on the side, smiling while blushing.
However, what people don’t understand is that Shane can be just as unhinged about this marriage.
Although Shane and Ilya don’t pay attention to tabloids, they still hear what those say as paparazzi would sometimes follow them (especially when in L.A.) and shout out questions addressing whatever certain creative minds produced recently or when the triplets would curse a tabloid because it’s been spreading gossip about either one of them (which would then usually be followed by either Zane or Wyatt using it as teasing material: “Oh sorry, we can’t all be rich and famous and always on tabloids like this.”)
***
Ilya
The gossip had been going on for two weeks at that point. It started with the paps taking a pic of Svetlana and Ilya while in Boston on a night out. Shane was back at the hotel that night, doing what he does after a game, and so the rumour mill started churning about Ilya stepping out on their marriage. Never mind that Shane practically pushed Ilya out the door so his husband can make it to dinner.
Then, it built up: ‘sources’ saying the marriage is strained. Shane being photographed while out and about with Rose in L.A., smiling, then posted side-by-side while he was out with the team and frowning (pfft, that’s just Shane’s face after hearing the triplets communicate in full-on internet slang, who were also, it should be noted, right next to him in that shot). Then, supposedly, multiple women came out saying Ilya’s been partying and making out with them in clubs.
Wyatt and Zane had been relentless in teasing them, too, with the others joining them.
Ilya should’ve seen it coming. Of course, his husband would respond to these in his own puckish ways.
It should not have been a surprise to Ilya that Shane then uploaded a video on Instagram. Three short ones compiled, all shot hidden-camera style.
The first one featured them in bed, preparing to go to sleep. The phone was propped up on the night stand but in a way suggesting that it’s not in Ilya’s line of sight. Shane was already lying down under the covers while Ilya was getting ready to slip in as well. The text on top said: What happens if I go straight to sleep without cuddling my husband.
A second in and the viewers heard Shane speak. “Turn off the lights, please. Good night.” Shane then turned around and burrowing further into the covers as if to really go to sleep.
Ilya, behind him, mid-lifting the covers, looked confused and flabbergasted. “What?”
“Yeah, turn off the lights, please. Good night.” Shane repeated without turning around.
Ilya blinked. “No cuddles? No watching animal videos together? No talking about tomorrow’s plans?” his voice and expression becoming more devastated as he listed out their routine.
Shane couldn’t help it anymore and giggled. He turned to Ilya, arms outstretched and said, “Sorry! That was a prank!”
“Oh thank God!” Ilya’s sound of relief was genuine as he went straight to Shane’s arms.
That clip cut there and was followed by another. This time, it showed them by the front door with Ilya hugging Shane, his face deep in his husband’s neck. Because of their positions, he couldn’t see that Shane was taking a video of the whole thing using the mirror they had by the door.
“Moya lyubov, I don’t want to go out,” the last word was drawn out, like a kid whining.
“You promised Marleau you’ll hang out with your old teammates tonight. You have to go.”
“Why can’t you go with us, too?”
“Because they’re your friends and you guys need buddy time.”
“No, I only need you. Why can’t I stay in, instead?”
Shane laughed softly at that. “Because, moy lyubimyy, I would like to do my post-game rituals in peace.”
“Aren’t I part of the rituals, too?” the viewers couldn’t see it, but one can definitely feel the pout at that.
“You distract me.”
“You liked that sort of distraction.”
A hint of a smirk can definitely be seen from Shane, giving the viewers a hint on what kind of distraction that was. “I do. But, you promised your friends. Now go.”
Ilya let out a whine, not unlike the ones from dogs when they’re mildly inconvenienced and being dramatic. “Fine. But I’m only staying for one hour.”
That clip was also cut right there as the last one then came on. This time, it was in the living room and Shane was on the couch. It was shot in POV style, showing Shane’s legs, covered with a blanket, and an entryway. Anya was on her dog bed, looking for all the world a spoiled princess bored with the world as she gazed upon nothing in particular.
Ilya came into view a second later, eyes focused on his phone. He was about to sit when Shane spoke up. “Sweetheart, can you please get me water?”
Without hesitation, Ilya pivoted and went to get him a glass of water. The video then cuts to when Ilya came back, eyes still on his phone, but holding out a glass of water to Shane. He took it and waited for when Ilya was about to sit again before asking him for something else.
“Thank you. Can you also get me snacks?”
Much like before, Ilya went without question and got him the snacks. For the third time, Ilya was about to sit when Shane then said, “Sorry, I forgot my socks upstairs and my feet are cold. Can you get it please?”
And again, Ilya went. When he came back, he didn’t hand the socks over but instead, took Shane’s feet and put on the socks himself. He was so focused on his task that he still didn’t notice the camera. When he was done, he tucked in Shane’s feet under the blankets again and sat down on the opposite side of the couch, resuming to watch whatever it was he was watching.
Shane then switched to the front camera. His eyebrow was raised, the corner of his lips turned up slightly, and gave a look to the viewers.
The caption of the video was: My husband ♥️
***
Shane
Again, it was common knowledge that Shane Hollander, #24, generational talent, and perhaps the best player that the league has ever seen (bar Ilya Rozanov, some would argue rightfully), lived and breathed hockey. He has been playing since he was a child, he knows everything and everyone in the sport, and he will probably be a regular in hockey coverages either as a commentator or analyst. That is if he doesn’t coach in the future. Who knows? Right now, no one can tell because everyone and their mothers can not imagine an MHL without Shane motherfucking Hollander in ice as every opposing players’ worst nightmare.
Anyway, that said, because of this, people assume that he loves Ilya less than hockey. Which was untrue. But interviewers tried to subtly needle this out of him, having at least that decency and finesse not to ask directly.
Which is not always the case for content creators (for better or worse). And which is why he said yes to being interviewed by this Youtuber – first, to encourage more donations to the Foundation; and second, so that Shane can set the record straight, allowing the questions about him and Ilya after previewing the set of questions she sent a week before the filming.
Shane enjoyed it more than he thought he would. The host asked him questions about hockey, though she unabashedly declared that she knew nothing about it but listened to him anyway, with a few disruptions here and there. She then went on to ask about Rose and their friends and the team and the foundation before moving on to Ilya. It was all sweet with a hint of spice, and profanities, as was the format for this channel. All while wearing capes and crowns.
As the interview wrapped up, one final question remained.
“You have one last question to ask me,” he dared her.
“I mean I think from everything you said, the answer to the last question was quite clear.”
Shane rolled his eyes playfully. “Girl.”
“Okay okay!” She answered, a bit flustered but squared her shoulders and went ahead. “Hockey or Ilya?”
“Ilya.”
She raised her hands and let it fall. “See, I knew—“
“But some people don’t get it,” he then looked at the camera focused on him and pointed. “Yes, I’m talking to you naysayers!”
The interviewer laughed. “I think they’ll get it now.”
“Good.” His gaze went back to the woman next to him. “I mean, I’ve told quite a few higher-ups in the league that it will always be Ilya over hockey.”
Her eyes widened and jaw slackened. “What? You did? I mean, I’m not surprised that it will be him but you really went up to them and said you will always choose him?”
“Oh yes. Not a hard choice to make." Shane looked at the camera again. "Always Ilya.”