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you're not used to this feeling.
well, probably, yes. but this feeling is unusual.
it's more painful than the time where you asked him if you can take him out, and he had to explain that he's taken. and he. loves. her.
"do you want to go grab lunch with me?"
"haz, i- i, uh, um, i'm taken."
"it's um, okay. w-we can still continue this, right? it'll be our secret."
or that time where louis left you on your birthday because eleanor was feeling lonely...or whatever girls feel when their boyfriends aren't there.
"i'm so sorry, haz. i'll just drop off the gift tomorrow, okay? i love you."
or that time where your mum caught you in an intimate moment and she sat you down and you had to explain that you two aren't together. and it's a buddy-buddy thing.
"i can sense something more than friends with benefits."
"we're okay...we're- we're okay."
or that time where you got too possessive, and he had to remind you that you are not his. and he is not yours.
"he- he was holding you! what would you expect will i do?!"
"jesus christ harry! what is it to you? we're not even together and you act like we are! you're more possessive than el, always bitching about this and that, why did liam hug you? what did you do with niall? you don't even mean a thing to me! we're just fuck buddies!"
or that time he proposed to eleanor.
"what happens to us, louis?"
"we're done, harry. we've been done since the day i told you we can't have lunch together."
there were many things louis did to hurt you.
but nothing hurt more than being invited to his wedding.
you think, what was he thinking?
does he like hurting you?
does it make him sleep at night knowing that he hurt you?
when you got the invitation, your first instinct was to cry. you cried until your eyes are swollen and your chest is aching. you cried until your head was pounding, you cried until you weren't.
the next thing you did was to call him.
and scream.
and scream,
scream,
scream,
"do you really like hurting me?"
"you got the invitation, didn't you?"
"you're a fucking horrible person, louis. you're such a bitch, and a child, and you're a selfish fucking prick, and you fucking love the person that isn't me, and- and you love to hurt me! fuck you! just- fuck you! and- and you know what's the most fucked up thing in here? that i still love you, even though you don't love me, even though you fucking invited me to your wedding. i want to move on! three fucking years, louis. three. fucking. years and i still love you, i love you, louis. i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you. god, i fucking love you so much. louis, come back, louis. please. i know you don't love her. we can run away together. please."
"...haz, i-"
"please?"
"-i'm sorry. i'll see you at the wedding."
so you did.
you came to the wedding, and you plaster a big smile for the people. you tell niall and liam and grimmy and everyone who will ask you that you're fine. and you're okay. you're fine.
i'm fine.
i'm better now.
i'm okay.
he's happy.
i'm sure.
i'm alright.
they recite the vows, you shed a few tears. they ask you why.
"he's just my best mate and he's...grown...already. he's already going to have a family. i'm just so proud and happy for him."
the pastor asked if anyone wanted to stop the wedding.
and no one spoke.
he's happy.
he's happy.
he's happy.
he's happy.
they resume the wedding.
and then they seal their vows with a kiss.
you see louis smile at eleanor after they break the kiss.
his smile is so genuine.
so bright.
so beautiful.
so nice.
so special.
and you know it means something.
and you now realize that when he's with you, he doesn't smile like that. he just needed a release.
because eleanor was a strong believer of marriage before sex, and he respected that.
so all the frustration that has been pent up,
louis released to you.
now you feel so used. and you remember all the times where louis talks about his family, and his life, and you feel so special knowing that.
but now you thinks that maybe eleanor knows that too.
and probably more.
you leave after the wedding, ignoring everyone calling after you, and you walk everywhere. smiling at everyone passing by you. hugging everyone who looks sad, talking to everyone who wanted to talk, played with everyone who looked bored, ate with people who were lonely.
and thats where he meets zayn.
the raven-haired boy who had miserable-looking eyes.
and now that's a beginning another story.