Archive of Our Own

______๑♡⁠๑______

karen had been vaguely talking about the pool all morning, as she had been for the past two months. she liked to talk about who called to say they were going, how lovely the temperature was, or how she wanted a coca cola—but only one from the pool vending machine—though she never explicitly asked if you would go with her. whether she was embarrassed or just liked to be a tease, you never told her no.

she stood by the dining room window, raking her hands through her blonde curls, looking out at the bright august morning. the sun was beaming down, and she was stuck inside, missing the warmth on her face.

“it’s supposed to be eighty-two today,” she mumbled to herself, but made sure you could hear her all the way from the kitchen. “and not too humid. pretty nice.”

“is that right?”

she shrugged her shoulders, turning slightly toward the kitchen. “mhm. do you think the pool will be open?”

you had been dating her long enough to know the pool was most definitely open. it had the same hours all summer, not once differing unless there was a thunderstorm, and even then karen spent extra time in the bathtub to get her water fix.

all summer she had been carrying her pool card around, acting as though it was as important as her id. she kept it in its own slot in her little pink wallet and often admired the verification photo of herself on the front. you couldn’t exactly blame her for that—she did look gorgeous.

some women her age might have felt silly spending their entire day at the pool, surrounded by teenagers and noisy infants, but karen never seemed to care once she was there. she loved the water, loved the sun on her skin, and loved pretending to read when she spent more time watching people than turning pages.

you loved that she loved something that also gave you the benefit of watching her tan and sip fizzy drinks.

looking down at your unfinished bowl of cereal, you sighed. “would you like to go to the pool?”

karen turned to face the window again, trying not to smile too wide at your offer. “well, only if you want to.”

it was ridiculous how pleased she was about something as mundane as chlorine and a bit of vitamin d. she tried to hide how excited she was, pretending she hadn’t been waiting to say something for the last twenty minutes, but you knew her, and you knew the look in her eyes when she glanced back at you. 

“should we get ice cream before,” you asked, “or after?”

“what about before and after?”

per usual, you expected her answer. she loved ice cream, especially on warm summer days. she loved strawberry, vanilla, cotton candy, butterscotch, and even mint chocolate chip. there was a little stand near the pool that opened at the end of spring and closed up in mid september, so during that period you were bound to get ice cream daily.

you and karen had gone to an ice cream parlour on your first date, and that had really sealed her passion. she wasn’t particularly fond of sharing her ice cream, but when it came to you she found she loved watching you try all sorts of flavours.

when karen went upstairs to get ready, you already knew better than to expect her back quickly. going to the pool with karen was never a mindless task, and for the better part of the day you were either at the pool or getting ready for it.

she had to find the right swimsuit, cover-up, sandals, and even perfume. you knew she was only going to smell like sunscreen within ten minutes of being there, but you still helped her pick which scent to go with.

when she changed her mind and asked your opinion three separate times, despite already knowing what she wanted to wear, you were obedient and told her just how gorgeous she looked in all three options.

she put on her cover-up before you could see the fourth option, but you didn’t fight to see it, knowing she’d only feel the need to change again.

she sat down at her vanity to do her makeup, first dabbing blush over her cheeks. they were naturally pink, but she insisted they could never be pink enough. they were your favourite part of her face, so you didn’t argue when she wanted to enhance them.

“what’s wrong?” she asked, meeting your eyes in the reflection of the mirror.

“nothing.”

“you keep staring at me.”

“well, can you blame me?”

she rolled her eyes, but that only brought out the natural colour in her cheeks.

she put on light blue eyeshadow, which was her latest obsession. she had the loveliest brown eyes, and the blue surrounding them only enhanced their beauty. she held out the mascara wand toward you behind her, knowing you were still watching her.

you stood up from the bed. “you trust me with that?”

“why wouldn’t i?”

you moved in front of her, using her shoulder for balance as you took the wand from her. she only ever seemed to put full trust into things with you, whether it was something small like doing her makeup or something far more serious. either way, you were thrilled that she had faith in you.

you brushed the mascara on carefully, trying to avoid smudging the powder she had just blended under her eyelids.

“look up for me,” you mumbled. “now blink.”

her lashes fluttered against the wand, and when you finished the second eye you took a second to look over her face completely. you resisted the urge to kiss her nose or ruin the blush on her cheeks, choosing instead to admire the delicate expression she wore to not ruin the mascara before it dried.

karen then reached beside your hip toward one of the containers on her vanity. “lip gloss,” she explained, trading you the mascara for a small tube of strawberry lip gloss.

you uncapped it for her, and she parted her lips, expecting you to behave for once, but you leaned down and kissed the corner of her mouth first.

she gasped in surprise before tilting her head the slightest bit so your lips actually met, using the corner of your cover-up to pull you closer.

the gloss ended up forgotten in your hand when she parted her knees, making room for you to stand between them.

as much as you wanted to taste the strawberry lip gloss actually on her lips, you knew you were bound to get the chance again and settled for the natural sweetness of karen’s lips. you could still taste the syrup from her pancakes that morning.

when you pulled away, her lips had almost gone the same pink as her cheeks, and you had accidentally ruffled a few of her curls near the base of her neck.

she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed. “i still need some of that on my lips, angel.”

you laughed, stealing one more quick kiss before she could stop you, and handed the tube back.

while she fixed what was left of her makeup and adjusted a couple of her curls, you grabbed her favourite towel from the bathroom closet. it was baby pink with embroidered flowers around the edge. karen had been using it for the past few years, and she refused to replace it no matter how much the colour began to fade. your own towel was a baby blue one, which she always said she was going to embroider for you too.

you put both into her oversized bag along with sunscreen, sunglasses, one of the books she had mentioned wanting to start reading, and cash for drinks. no matter what she said now, she would absolutely want something later and then complain her stomach hurt on the drive home because of it. once again, you’d put up with it.

when you got to the pool, you carried the bag for her like you always did. karen walked beside you with one hand looped around your arm, her sunglasses pushed up into her hair, and her pool card ready before you even reached the gate. you knew before arriving that you were heading to the same corner, with the same chair, and the same cluster of women she sat with.

you had never liked them much, and on more than one occasion you had said so to their faces, but karen, for reasons you still didn’t understand, kept being polite to them. you knew she struggled with placing boundaries, and especially with chatty women, she got shy.

you made your way over to the usual row of loungers near the shallow end, setting the bag down on the little table beside her chair. it was half in the sun and half in the shade, because she liked having the option to complain she was too warm and needed a milkshake while still getting her legs tanned.

“thank you,” she murmured.

you would have been content with just the softness in her voice. that alone was enough to make your heart flutter, but then she reached for the little knot around her waist, undoing the cinched tie of her cover-up. you stood there like an idiot while she slipped it off. she glanced back at you as though she expected your eyes to meet hers.

last weekend, karen had bought a new bathing suit, and you still hadn’t gotten over it. it wasn’t scandalous or particularly sexy. it covered exactly what any decent bathing suit was supposed to cover, the colour a light purple that made her skin look warmer and her hair even lighter in the sun. she still looked beautiful.

you had loved women before her. you had wanted women before her. but before karen, you had never looked at someone and felt that aching need to make them feel adored, cherished, and safe all at once.

she slipped off her sandals and nudged them under the lounger before sitting down. she tried once more to catch your eyes, shielding her face from the sun with her hand. “are you okay, sweetheart?”

you managed to give her an awkward thumbs-up before sitting in the chair beside her. she knew you couldn’t confess how utterly in love with her you were right then, but she’d expect it later.

karen lasted about an hour just tanning and reading. you had watched the water while also watching her pretend to read, knowing she was only getting through about every third page. when she finally let the book fall into her lap, you already knew what she wanted.

“can you get my back?” she asked, holding up the sunscreen.

“i thought you’d never ask.”

she turned in her chair, lifting her hair off her neck while you squeezed the sunscreen into your hand. you spread it slowly across her shoulders and down her back, rubbing it into her warm skin.

karen let out a quiet sigh and leaned back into your touch.

“too hard?” you asked.

“no,” she said quickly. “just right. thank you, my love.”

you knew better than to point out the way her voice had gotten squeaky, or how her hand had drifted closer to your thigh.

her friends were no more than five feet away, and the fact that she had called you something so openly romantic in front of them surprised you. it was normal for women around town to use pet names with each other, sweetheart and honey and darling were common, but none of them said my love the way karen did.

twenty minutes later, she wanted a coca cola. you got up and went to the vending machine and bought two, one for her and one for yourself. fifteen minutes after that, when she had finished hers and drank half of yours too, she decided she needed the restroom and, naturally, did not want to go alone.

“karen.” you tried not to laugh as she stood beside your chair. “it’s ten feet away.”

“and?”

“and you’re a grown woman.”

“yes, and i would like you to come with me.”

inside the small bathroom, with the door shut behind you, she finally let herself breathe.

“those women are tiring,” she muttered, leaning back against the sink. “all they do is talk about everybody else. whose husband drinks too much, whose daughter is dating whose son, who gained weight, who spends too much.” she wrinkled her nose. “i don’t even think they like each other.”

you rested your hand near hers on the counter. “you don’t have to sit with them, you know.”

“i know. i just don’t want to seem…rude. they’re my friends. they want me to be like them, and i don’t want that to change. i don’t want them to…talk badly about me.”

“you don’t owe anyone your company just because they expect it, karen. you can be yourself. you are perfect the way you are, and no one else should have any say in your decisions.” you leaned in and kissed her cheek. “you don’t need to subject yourself to their bitchy gossip, and anything they say about you isn’t true.” you waited for her to say something but she didn’t. “do you want me to talk to them?”

“oh, no. no. thank you, sweetheart, i appreciate that, but i’m okay. they don’t bother me that much.” karen forced a smile. “i don’t want to upset the balance.”

you accepted that, though you could tell your words had reached her even just a little. as much as she didn’t want to upset the bullshit “balance,” you had still helped her come to the realization that she could not control it whether she tried or not. sooner or later they would gossip about her, even if she was polite. you just hoped one day she would finally tell them to fuck off, so at least the gossip afterward would be honest.

︶ ⏝ ︶ ୨୧ ︶ ⏝ ︶

as the late afternoon sun fell and most of the younger kids and their parents started to head out, the overall commotion around the pool finally died down. karen closed her book for good and stretched her arms out beside you and reached for your arm. her fingers were still a little pruned from the swim she had taken earlier.

“i’m ready to go,” she whispered, putting the book back into her bag.

you picked up her cover-up and held it open while she slipped her arms through the sleeves. she looked up at you with a sleepy, satisfied expression, which made it hard to remember you were in public.

“i can’t wait to get ice cream,” you said softly, rubbing your thumb along her arm.

that sparked her attention. “i want strawberry,” she said, suddenly more awake as she reached for her bag. “with the little strawberry pieces if they have them. do you think they’ll put extra in if i ask?”

you had learned the hard way that the easiest way in the world to get karen moving was dessert. she gathered her things much faster after that, shoving them into her oversized bag while you picked up the towels and slung the strap over your shoulder.

one of the women in the next chair over glanced up, looking ready to say something, but you gave her a quick wave that made it very clear neither you nor karen were stopping to chat.

you rested your hand against the small of karen’s back and gently guided her toward the gate. “you should get extra sprinkles,” you whispered. “and maybe chocolate drizzle.”

karen giggled and leaned into your side. “you really know me.”