Archive of Our Own

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holly was turning twenty-one that november, and even though all you really wanted was to keep her to yourself for the whole day, to spend every hour of it beside her, the late evening had already been claimed.

nancy and robin had asked weeks in advance if they could take her out for her birthday. dinner, they said, somewhere nicer than the places the two of you usually went. being young meant being short on money, unfortunately. nancy had sounded strangely serious when she asked. she seemed to realize holly had spent most of her life being everybody’s little sister and wanted, for at least one night, to make her feel special.

you had smiled and told holly she should go, and because holly was holly, she had disagreed the second you said it.

“are you sure?” she asked again, even though it was only a little while before they were supposed to pick her up. “because i can tell them no. we’ll go out some other time. nancy will understand.”

“you are not cancelling your birthday dinner because you don’t want to leave me alone for three hours.”

she frowned. “i just don’t want you to feel left out.”

even on her birthday, she was worrying about you.

“i’m not left out,” you reassured her. “i’ve got the whole rest of the day with you. besides, i might fall asleep if we cuddle for another hour.”

you had been awake before sunrise, as you were too excited to sleep anymore. you had spent the night before blowing up balloons until your lungs hurt, tying ribbons around the chairs you’d found on someone’s lawn for free, and taping streamers around the living room.

with her stuffed animals, you had made paper party hats and put them on their heads, then arranged them on the bed around her sleeping body.

when she woke up, you admired her sleepy blinks and yawns, resembling a cat. she stretched out her legs and wiggled around, fluffing up her pillow before she noticed you standing beside the bed, holding coffee and smiling like an idiot.

her hand flew to her mouth. “oh my gosh, what’re you doing up so early?”

you nearly dropped the mug laughing. “happy birthday, sweetheart.”

she pushed her hair out of her face while she looked around at the balloons tied to the bedpost and stuffed animals surrounding her. she’d never looked more stunned in her life.

before you could say anything, she wrapped her arms around your waist and buried her face in your chest. she didn’t stop praising you until breakfast, telling you just how special you made her feel by doing so much for her. she hadn’t been so excited about her birthday since…well, last year, but this year was somehow even better.

you made pancakes for her, covered in blue, pink, yellow, and white sprinkles. you had made them as fluffy as possible and stacked them as high as you could, given the amount of time you’d had before she woke up. you set the plate down in front of her and her eyes lit up like she was five years old.

after that, you’d given her gifts.

you had stacked yours by the couch in a pile, wrapped in various shades of paper you knew she would like. beside them were the ones mike and karen had dropped off earlier in the week because neither of them could make it on the actual day . mike had classes he couldn’t get out of, and karen was out of town with joyce. both of them had called, very guilty, and holly had spent over an hour reassuring them she understood.

you knew she missed them, so you had tried to make sure she never had a second to feel disappointed.

she opened every gift enthusiastically, and every few minutes she would stop just to stare at you before telling you how grateful she was or how you knew her too well. she loved her newest good luck bear and wish bear, which she immediately ran to put with her other beloved bears.

for her last gift from you, or so she thought, she opened a narrow box with silverware inside. holly stared down at the spoon, knife, and fork set in her hand, each with an engraved care bear on the handle.

you had seen them months earlier and bought them on the spot. they were a little pricey, but you knew you’d regret it if you didn’t get them for your girlfriend. she loved all sorts of things, and oddly enough, silverware was one of them. she collected just about anything and everything.

her eyes were filling with happy tears as she climbed into your lap and wrapped her arms tightly around your neck. “thank you,” she whispered. “oh, thank you so, so much!”

the money never really mattered. you would have spent twice as much just to see that look on her face. you’d have spent a million dollars just to watch it replay again forever.

karen’s gifts had been three absolutely beautiful crochet pillow covers, each a different colour scheme so you’d always be able to display at least one no matter the theme of your house. she’d been planning them for months, and you knew just how much she wanted to give them to holly in person. she’d also done a fantastic job wrapping her second gift, which was a handwritten copy of all of her favourite recipes that holly had loved growing up. joyce had given her a mug she’d painted herself with little bunnies, plus a crocheted mug cover, as karen had taught her the crochet basics.

both women sent holly a card, joyce’s being completely homemade out of craft paper with a bunch of stickers all over the front. on the inside, she’d written a short but sweet letter. she’d referred to holly as her daughter, and that had caused another ten-minute gap of crying before she could read karen’s card. although it was a generic, store-bought one with flowers and “to my lovely daughter” on the front, karen had completely filled both sides of the card with her love. though holly didn’t read it aloud, it was evident she was happy with her words.

mike had gifted holly two white wicker chairs for your front porch. he’d found light green cushions and baby pink pillows, and with it he gifted beautiful green and pink floral teacups. you weren’t sure when he tuned into holly’s interests so perfectly, but did he ever now. she was more than grateful, and you had to hold her back from calling him in tears. mike and will had also sent a marvellous painting that will had done himself. it was of a forest, with gorgeous flowers and greenery, and a small unicorn in the centre. she’d wanted to hang it up immediately, and you knew it would most likely hang in your living room for as long as you lived there.

your house was so new that it surprised you to remember it actually belonged to both of you. you hadn’t settled for an apartment with thin walls, nor a dorm room with even thinner walls.

a real house.

her family was close enough that nobody had to worry, and neither of you had to give up anything school-related. it was probably the most perfect compromise either of you could have hoped for.

and now you had beautiful decorations.

you really thought the day could not have gone better.

︶ ⏝ ︶ ୨୧ ︶ ⏝ ︶

you sat on the bathroom floor while holly painted her nails, leaning your back against the side of the tub with your legs out so she could rest her hands on top of your knees. she had been staring at the abundant amount of nail polish bottles she owned for so long that you’d zoned out.

she ended up choosing a sparkly purple for one hand and a metallic blue for the other.

once her nails were done, she sat on the closed toilet seat as you plugged in a curling iron.

“i still think this is unnecessary,” she mumbled.

“you say that every time i do your hair, honey.”

you curled the ends of her hair, using one of your wider barrels so she could have loose, flowing curls. holly’s hair had a natural wave on its own and all you really did was help it do what it was already doing.

“okay,” she sighed once you were finished. “maybe it was a little necessary. i really like it.”

“thank you.” you kissed the side of her head. “i guess i’ll accept your apology.”

holly never wore much makeup. a little mascara sometimes. lip balm more than lipstick. she always said she liked looking like herself, and you loved that about her. tonight, however, she let you sit on the counter and stood between your knees so you could help her.

you added blue eyeshadow to her eyelids and put on a little mascara after, then a light lip gloss that tasted like pineapples. you hadn’t trusted her word and had given it a thorough taste yourself, resulting in holly needing another layer on her lips.

as you set everything aside to clean later, she turned toward the mirror.

“i look…” she smiled at herself. “i feel beautiful.”

because you knew her, you knew how rare it was for holly to say something like that in the presence of another person. she could acknowledge her pain, but her beauty wasn’t something she’d always known existed. for so long, she’d been oblivious to just how stunning she was, and she certainly didn’t need makeup for that to show.

she changed into the dress she’d had set out since that afternoon. it was purple, went to her mid-thigh, and had sweet bunches of dark purple flowers all over the fabric. over it, she had put on the black leather jacket joyce had given her the year prior, the one that usually looked out of place in a closet full of pastel cardigans and thick, fluffy sweaters.

she either wore her yellow raincoat or the baby blue puffer jacket that she would soon bring out of the winter storage bin. black wasn’t a colour she typically wore or wished to possess, but a gift from joyce meant more to her than colour coordination. there was even a soft lining on the inside that allowed her to wear short-sleeve outfits, which was another bonus.

she stood in front of the bedroom mirror, looking at herself from different angles.

holly’s lips moved, though she wasn’t speaking aloud. it took a second, but it became clear she was mouthing affirmations.

“you look pretty.”

“you deserve to have fun.”

“you will have a good night.”

ever since she’d started therapy at eleven years old, ten years ago, holly had learned how to openly express her feelings and practice self-love. both nancy and karen confided in you that they worried she might struggle for a long time, given her age at the time everything happened with henry creel. fortunately, holly knew life had changed for her, but she would not let that stop her from finding joy. she graduated with outstanding marks, and thus far, college was going well. she never gave up, no matter how difficult her situation was. there was still progress in terms of appearance, but it seemed like she was actively pursuing that goal now.

you looked away before she could catch you, giving her privacy while she finished getting ready.

you started checking over everything you had set aside for later. flour. sugar. candles. a hidden tub of pink frosting.

you had promised holly a cake after she got home because she seemed upset by the fact she might not get any cake on her birthday, and that you might go to bed without a slice of cake on a very good day to excuse twenty pounds of icing in your stomach.

you turned around just as holly came around the corner. she was holding the strap of her purse and looked nervous, but you could truly only focus on her beautiful eyes, the curls in her gorgeous hair, and the nail she’d accidentally smudged while it was drying but covered up with a rainbow bandaid.

“too much?” she asked quietly.

“not even close.”

she looked down with that embarrassed little smile you loved, feeling her face warm up.

︶ ⏝ ︶ ୨୧ ︶ ⏝ ︶

by nine in the evening, holly had returned.

even after living together for months, sharing a home instead of just visiting each other in your parents’ places, the sound of the door still did something to you. you had always loved that sound because it meant holly was on the other side of it.

you finished the cake about an hour earlier, and you’d been trying very hard not to nitpick at it since.

it was vanilla with rainbow bits in the batter, had thick pink icing spread over the top, and you had tossed on far too many sprinkles. you put candles in it, but definitely not twenty-one of them. you were not trying to burn the house down.

the balloons were still floating around the living room where they had been all day. the handmade banner was barely holding on, though it hadn’t been perfect in the first place, so you didn’t want to complain and risk losing it completely.

while she had been gone, you had done the one thing holly never seemed to make time to do for herself, which was fixing the bedroom. when holly got overwhelmed, the first thing that slipped her mind was always her own space.

you stacked her books in piles beside the bed instead of the dangerous towers she made for herself beside the doorway. you gathered up loose papers from the floor and sorted her study notes on the desk. her pens were back in the mug where they belonged. her sweaters were folded. you even stripped the bed and washed the sheets so when she climbed into them later they would smell like lavender.

you set the kitchen table too, with her new care bear fork beside one of the floral plates karen had given you both as a moving gift, though you both considered them too pretty to actually eat from unless it was a special occasion.

beside her plate was your actual last gift.

it was wrapped in bright blue paper and was significantly smaller than the others from that morning. it had cost less, but only technically, because the gift had other necessities that tended to get expensive the more love you put into it.

you had spent the entire evening wondering if it was too much or too soon, but ultimately you went through with it and hoped for the best.

you heard the front door open, but before you could call out, you heard a loud sniffle.

you looked out the kitchen window and saw nancy’s car still sitting in the driveway. nancy had just gotten out of the driver’s side, robin from the passenger side, and both of them stood beside the car with the same confused look on their faces.

your stomach dropped as you ran to the entryway.

holly was still in her purple dress and leather jacket, but her hair, which you had curled so nicely earlier, had obviously been disturbed. the blue eyeshadow was intact, but her mascara had smudged badly as tears were sliding down her cheeks.

“holly, what happened?” you asked softly, grabbing her shoulders. “what’s wrong? what happened?”

you could see her trying to answer, but nothing more than a whimper would come out. she wrapped both arms around you and squeezed as tight as she could manage.

“oh,” you whispered, cradling the back of her head. “oh, sweetheart. what’s wrong? talk to me, please.”

nancy stopped in the doorway, robin just behind her.

holly was now shaking and crying harder into your chest. she had only been holding it together long enough to get through the front door.

you gently rubbed her back. “hey, can you tell me what happened?”

she shook her head.

nancy hesitantly moved closer. “holly?”

the second she heard her sister’s voice close by, holly audibly choked and sobbed harder.

you were more than worried now. “breathe. just breathe, please. you’re safe, sweetheart.”

holly hiccuped, clearly struggling to do as you asked. you didn’t know what could have made her so distraught, and you couldn’t fathom that nancy was clueless to it.

you watched as she rubbed her nose with her hand, clearly wanting to get the words out. “i don’t…i don’t want to see nancy right now.”

you were too surprised to say anything, and nancy looked just as stunned, but she’d at least been quick to respond. “what?” she asked softly. “i mean—i’m sorry. but i…don’t know what i did.”

nancy sounded genuinely hurt. she’d come by so happy, wearing a baby pink coat with a butterfly clip in her hair. she’d been excited to take holly for dinner and had planned to spoil her with gifts. she was still holding one, though when you noticed, she set it beside the coat rack. judging by how big the bag was, nancy had genuinely gone all out.

“no—” holly mumbled. “no, i’m sorry. i’m sorry. i just really want the night to be over. i’m so sorry, nance. just—please? can i call you later?”

nancy seemed to understand that this was bigger than whatever had happened in the car. she was an emotionally intelligent woman, and she’d always been that way. she knew her sister, and she also knew when it wasn’t her place to make her talk.

now that was your responsibility, and you didn’t take it for granted.

“okay,” she said softly.

robin put down the other small gift bags they had brought, making sure they wouldn’t tip over by leaning them against the wall.

nancy rubbed your shoulder, silently passing on her luck, and kissed holly’s cheek. “i love you, hols. we’ll call tomorrow, okay? robin and i loved seeing you.”

holly buried her face deeper in your shirt, but after a second you heard the smallest, “love you too.”

when the door shut behind nancy, holly stayed where she was. she tried to calm herself down enough to even think, and the only thing helping was your hand moving slowly up and down her back.

eventually, she looked up at you, and your heart sank. her eyes were enormous, full of tears and absolutely terrified. her mascara had dripped down her face and stained her cheeks. she looked exhausted. embarrassed.

“hey,” you said quietly, pushing hair away from her face so it wouldn’t stick in her eyes. “it’s okay.”

you slid the strap of her purse off her shoulder before it could continue digging into her skin and set it on the table by the door.

you unzipped her jacket for her and slid it down her arms, then hung it on the hook by the door beside your own, where it looked just as out of place as it always did.

you crouched in front of her, a cue she understood immediately, and rested one hand on your shoulder as you slipped off both of her shoes, too. from down there, you looked up at her.

her eyes had drifted to the wall beside the stairs with over a dozen photographs.

you had started hanging them only a week after moving in because the house had felt too empty without pieces of your life in it. now the front entrance was crowded with several different colours of frames you had collected from thrift stores and yard sales.

there was the photo from the day you met, both of you so young and awkward, trying not to smile while you held each other’s hand. somehow you knew that day would be important. there was another from your first date where holly was laughing so hard her face was bright red and you were looking at her instead of the camera. then there was one from halloween where she had begged for a picture in your silly matching costumes.

normally, when holly stood there, she looked at those, at the two of you.

but then you actually followed her eyes. she wasn’t looking at your pictures. she was staring at the frame in the middle, a heart-shaped one, with karen and joyce.

karen’s arms were wrapped around joyce from behind, smiling at the camera while joyce laughed and clearly struggled to keep her eyes forward. it had been taken the day they told both of you the truth, when they had come out to the family. when quite literally every single one of them was in a queer relationship, it was surprising just how shocked everyone was. they’d known ted was never their mom’s preferred partner, but they had not paid attention to her relationship with her best friend, nor realized it was more than a friendship.

that day was also karen’s second year of sobriety.

you looked back at holly, and suddenly you had no idea what she was seeing in it.

instead of pushing, you stood and took both of her hands. they were freezing. you wrapped your fingers around them and squeezed until she looked back at you, giving her the softest smile you could manage. “come here, sweetheart.”

you guided holly into the kitchen, though you’d forgotten the state you’d left it in. the cake, the plates, and the candles were still waiting for her.

she stood there in awe for a few seconds. you let go of her hands, but only so you could rest one against her lower back. “i can put it in the fridge. we can save it for tomorrow if you’re—”

holly shook her head. “no. can you—can you cut me a slice? now? can i try it now, please?”

oh, how relieved you felt. you had thought she was going to start sobbing again at the idea of her cake going in the fridge and tasting icky the next day.

“you have to blow out the candles first,” you said, hoping something silly would cheer her up.

“oh. right. sorry.” she quickly wiped her cheeks, trying to catch whatever tears were still there.

you grabbed the lighter from the counter and leaned over the cake, then slid it closer to the edge so she wouldn’t have to lean too far.

holly pushed pieces of her hair back behind her ears, but ended up holding them there just to keep it out of the way. the candles reflected in her eyes, and one last tear fell, sliding down her cheek and landing on the countertop.

she blew them out.

you smiled, moving closer to her side and placing a soft kiss on her cheek. “happy birthday. i’m so proud of you.”

she let go of her hair and held the spot you’d kissed.

you moved quickly after, pulling the candles out before the wax could drip. you grabbed a knife and cut into the cake, giving her a generous slice, then one for yourself, and put them on the floral plates.

holly sat down in her chair a little slower than usual. you brushed your thumb under her eyes, cleaning up what was left of her makeup. while her cheeks were ruined, you managed to get most of it on your thumb and not in her eyes.

you put your arm along the back of her chair, rubbing her shoulder, then sat down. “so…what happened tonight? did something happen during dinner? was there an issue getting home?”

holly picked up her fork and ran her purple nail over the care bear on the handle. it was love-a-lot. you could see her brows furrow for a moment, thinking about something.

she cut off a small piece of cake and brought it to her mouth. “it’s really good,” she mumbled once she swallowed.

“i baked it with love,” you teased.

you didn’t want to pressure her by asking again, so you took a bite of your own cake. it definitely tasted better when it was fresh. you’d looked at her new cookbook for the recipe, as you trusted karen’s baking more than any other middle-aged woman’s.

“i was scared,” holly blurted out, just as you got a taste of the frosting. 

you swallowed what was in your mouth as fast as possible so you could answer. “scared?” you repeated, turning your knees toward her. “why?”

she set her fork down. “well…i don’t really know. everything was good. i was happy. i felt like i was on top of the world or something.” she sighed deeply. “then it scared me.”

you tried to follow what she was saying, but truthfully, you didn’t have a clue. “it? what’s it? scared how?”

she shook her head, evidently frustrated with her own lack of understanding. “i don’t know. i guess i started thinking. what if this is it? what if i have everything i’m supposed to want and it’s still not enough for me? what if…i keep wanting more and i don’t even know what ‘more’ is?”

“hm?”

“i get these…little aches. they don’t feel like anything big, but they’re there. and i don’t know where they come from, and i don’t know how to fix them, and i keep thinking maybe there’s…something i’m missing or something i should be doing differently and—gosh, it’s confusing.”

“what do you feel like you’re needing?” you asked softly, hoping to help her vocalize her feelings.

holly closed her eyes. the answer was right there, she just didn’t want to say it.

“nancy and robin took me out for dinner. it was nice. it was really nice. i ate so much i thought i was going to vomit. and after they mentioned going to a bar. some fancy place that had ‘great’ cocktails.”

your eyebrows lifted. you were surprised nancy would suggest something like that. you didn’t think she’d want to be a part of that rite of passage with holly, but you also saw how she might’ve felt obligated to make sure her little sister knew what to do before she went out and did it herself. you could see both sides.

“that’s not the problem,” she added. “they weren’t trying to pressure me or anything. they were awesome all night. nancy kept checking if i was okay, and robin made sure i drank water between everything.” holly’s lashes fluttered, like the closer she got to the truth, the more she wanted to cry again. “i had a drink. two and a half, actually. just littles one, though nance said they were stronger. it was…stupid. they tasted fruity, more like apple juice than alcohol. it didn’t even feel serious.”

based on her expression, you guessed it was more serious than she was making it seem.

“but i could still feel it,” she admitted. “right in my throat, just sitting there. i was happy. i was sitting there with them and everything felt good and i wasn’t nervous and i wasn’t overthinking everything and i…felt good. really good. unbelievably good.”

you nodded, encouraging her to keep going.

“but the more i drank it, the more i started thinking. what if i’m missing something and i just don’t know it yet? what if this is what makes everything feel…easier? what if…drinking stops me from searching for alternatives, with being happy where i am now?”

you opened your mouth to answer—

“then i felt guilty,” she blurted out. “i was sitting there thinking about how good it felt and how happy i was and—and i had a drink in my hand. it actually felt like it filled something.” holly looked even more terrified than she had been when she’d come in. everything she felt at the bar was resurfacing. “it sounded like something my mom would say.”

suddenly, all the pieces made sense.

she’d lived through everything with karen when nobody else was around. holly had seen the relapses and had actually been there for the fights between her parents. more than once, she’d tried to pull a bottle off the shelf and toss it before her mom woke up. she’d drained so many glasses and held her mom’s hair back when she vomited so often that it became a routine.

ted had always been vocal about how much he hated karen’s drinking, but he’d been less vocal about holly sleeping in bed with her mom when she couldn’t be trusted not to go downstairs and drink more.

holly knew when the prices of bottles rose because she’d seen them so often. she had learned how to uncork and unscrew just about anything. she knew her mom kept a flask in her apron when she was cooking, and not even joyce knew about that.

the fights she’d witnessed had ended her parents’ marriage, though neither of you blamed karen for that at all. ted was the one giving her money for the alcohol, for keeping beer in the fridge when he knew nancy and karen stole it. he liked having the excuse that karen was crazy, and that she “never knew what she was talking about” because she was drunk.

holly had messed that plan up when she started repeating everything he said during their arguments, and thus he’d taken it out on her too. holly’s stories typically ended after that, and you never pushed her to continue. you truthfully feared what she would say.

“i didn’t like that it felt good. i didn’t like that i noticed it. i don’t want to be like that—i don’t want to be like her.”

holly pushed her hair back from her face like she was trying to clear her head, but it only made her look more overwhelmed. her breathing started to pick up again.

“hey.” you rested your hands on her shoulders, trying to hold her eyes. “you’re not going to be like your mom. not in that way. you’ll never be like that.”

you could see her trying to believe you, but the doubt remained.

“all of this is because you’re imagining the worst version of what could happen. alcohol…probably isn’t something you should mess around with. not with everything you’ve been through.” you tried not to sugarcoat it. she deserved the honesty. “but that doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of it, or afraid of yourself. you aren’t a bad person because you feel this way.”

holly bit down on her lip. “i liked it. i liked it so much, and i know i’m going to hurt someone. i just know it.”

you could no longer stay in your seat hearing the pain in your girlfriend’s voice. you leaned in and wrapped your arms around her, guiding her head against your chest.

“no, no, no. it’s okay. it’s okay, sweetheart. you know that won’t ever happen. that’s not even remotely true.”

she heaved against you, her chest moving rapidly as she fought to get air in her system. you could feel how fast her stomach was moving, and you worried she might be sick, given how much she’d apparently drank.

she tried to muffle her sobs in your chest, hugging you tighter.

you were grateful, in some sense, that holly let you see this. she didn’t shut you out when things got hard, and when something scared her, she came back to you with it instead of hiding. you wouldn’t know what to do if she wasn’t so giving.

“you know why it felt good, holly. that’s what it does. that’s the whole point. it’s supposed to feel fun and rebellious, and of course that made you feel wrong. you’re not that kind of person. you’re not your mom, holly. you saw what it did to her, and you know why you shouldn’t repeat that. you’re not walking into it blind.”

she sniffled against your shoulder.

“and one drink,” you added, “one moment where you felt good…doesn’t mean you’re going to become anything. you’re a smart girl, and your mom is a lovely woman. i know you, nancy, mike…you all forgive her, but her actions affected you. that’s okay. that’s expected, sweetheart.” you pulled back to cup the side of her face. “you didn’t keep drinking,” you pointed out. “you didn’t ignore the feeling. you noticed it, and it scared you, and you left. do you know how strong you are for doing that?”

hearing you say that seemed to release a bit of her worry. her eyebrows uncreased, and she could actually breathe again.

you could feel her thinking, and you found yourself thinking too.

you knew karen was doing better now. you knew she had been sober for a while, that things had changed, that holly loved her and didn’t hold it against her in the slightest. but that didn’t erase what holly had seen, or what she’d absorbed.

“i really think it was just a passing thought. one of those things that feels bigger in the moment than it actually is. maybe one day you’ll be in a bar with nancy and you won’t even think about it. you’ll just be there, having fun, not worrying about what it means.” you shrugged nonchalantly. “or maybe you won’t go at all. either way, it’s up to you. you don’t have to drink. you don’t have to be around it if you don’t want to. you don’t owe that to anyone. not your siblings, not me, not anyone.”

holly leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your cheek, which was when you noticed your own tears. you hadn’t felt when they had started, but apparently, sometime throughout the conversation, you’d gotten just as weepy as holly. she cupped your cheeks, taking care of you now. “thank you, angel. i do feel a little better now. i didn’t think of…well, any of that.”

you nodded, leaning into her hands. “good. i didn’t want you crying on your birthday.”

“i didn’t want to either,” she admitted with a soft sigh. “but…it helped. getting it out, i mean. i’ll talk to nancy and robin tomorrow. i…want to be honest about it. i think they’ll understand, and i feel really bad about making them take me home early.”

finally, holly looked back down at her cake. it had been sitting there this whole time, untouched except for the one small bite she’d taken.

you leaned your elbow against the table. “hey. what’d you wish for?”

“it’s silly,” she muttered, embarrassed.

“i won’t laugh. what was it?”

she pressed her lips together, debating. “i wished for my mom to never feel like that again. the urge, you know, to drink. i—i get it now. why she did it. i understand it more than i used to. i hope neither of us ever feel like that again.”

you felt your heart warm at her wish. she’d always been so selfless, caring so much about her mom despite everything. “no, no. that’s incredibly thoughtful. it’s not silly at all.”

you let her words sit for a second before picking up the small wrapped gift beside her plate. you had been hoping in the back of your mind that you hadn’t waited too long, but you didn’t want to interrupt holly. it might even be the perfect thing to help her feel better.

“maybe when she and joyce get back, you can tell her that. it might help both of you.” you extended the gift toward her. “and i think she’ll want to come home sooner when she hears about this.”

“that’s a big expectation,” holly said suspiciously. “she’s enjoying her time in florida. i don’t think she’s left the beach in days.”

“just open it, sweetheart. you’ll see.”

she reached for it slowly, careful like she always was, and tore the paper away. she folded it and set it aside. you watched her face go blank, lost in pure confusion as she lifted a tiny pink and purple collar out of the box. it was small and had a tag hanging from it with your landline number. you’d sized it perfectly, and though you knew you’d have to buy a new one as the months went on, it would fit just right for now.

“…what? what’s this?”

you stood up and quickly went down the hallway. when you pushed open the bathroom door, curled up on top of holly’s pink fluffy slippers, completely undisturbed by the world, was the smallest, sleepiest kitten you had ever seen.

she had orange and cream fur with white whiskers and the littlest pink nose. she felt like a cloud, and she was incredibly talkative, so you’d known from the moment you saw her at the adoption centre she was the one.

you crouched down and scooped the kitten up, supporting her tiny body as she stirred to let out a soft purring noise. “hey,” you whispered. “perfect timing.”

you carried her back to the kitchen, hoping she wouldn’t get a boost of energy and start meowing before holly saw her. just as you hoped, everything shifted when holly noticed the fluff of orange you were holding.

her eyes went wide, and she stood up, setting the collar down on the table behind her. “—is that a cat?”

she ran toward you before you could answer.

“careful,” you murmured, handing over the kitten.

holly gently pet the top of her head, letting her snuggle against her chest. the kitten looked up at her sleepily, purring louder once she realized she’d been transferred to holly’s arms.

“she’s so small—” she whispered, her eyes filling with tears once again, though these ones made you smile. “look at her—oh, this is the best gift ever!”

you placed a kiss on the side of her head. “happy birthday,” you said, one last time.