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Rui Kamishiro was currently standing downstage on the Wonderstage, yelling something across the platform to Emu who was… spinning for some reason. That girl just had too much energy! He turned his head in the opposite direction and was faced with his other troupe members, his childhood friend and best friend Nene Kusanagi, and his other close friend Tsukasa Tenma. Nene had always struck him as someone to stay close to, they were just a good pair. Tsukasa struck him in the same essence except… more. He had his ideas on what that entailed; it reminded him of times in middle school, way before Mizuki had come out to anyone when he had a small period of similar fondness for her. He didn’t want this to explode into anything grand (spoiler alert; it had) so he tried to keep cool. It wasn’t as easy as he thought, though, as Tsukasa was always so—
”Rui! Earth to Rui, hello, what are the next sets of choreography for these lines?” Ah, Tsukasa’s voice. Loud, yet something to be fond of. “Oh, my apologies. What you want to do is walk a bit this way, and then turn back to the audience and…”
Rui’s voice went on about the directions as he felt like every inch of his body was exploding with something he wished had never existed in the first place. Tsukasa is clearly not like him, so why should he feel like this?
Tsukasa stood in front of him, reading over the script in his hand as Rui spoke. It was getting late; rehearsals would probably be coming to an end soon. The sun was setting, casting a glow onto Tsukasa's blonde hair. He glanced up as Rui pointed to the stage, taking note of how Nene was frantically trying to get Emu to sit still. He smiled softly, before directing his gaze back to his script.
Over the past year or so he had grown fond of his groupmates. Emu, despite her inability to sit still or do anything with a straight face, was still an incredible actress and a dear friend to him. He considered Nene a close friend and a very talented girl as well, even if they sometimes fought over small, mundane things. And Rui... Well, he considered Rui to be one of his closest friends, despite his constant teasing. He didn't consider any of them more than close friends, though. He was a future star, after all! There was no time for him to think about silly things like that.
Tsukasa was snapped out of his thoughts once Rui finished speaking, asking if he had any questions about the stage directions. He simply shook his head and grinned. "Nope! I'll go over this tonight, and tomorrow I'll come to rehearsal with it memorized and ready to perform to 12,000%, promise!"
Rui smiled at the boy, fondly so. Nene rolled her eyes in the background and whispered something to Emu, the two giggling. Rui chose to ignore them and continued listening to Tsukasa make dumb statements of his glory. If he was honest it was kind of cute, but he’d never tell that to his face. The four had decided it was time to pack up and head home. Nene and Emu slyly headed out as Nene gave Rui an out of the ordinary shit-eating grin. Whatever was up with those two, he’ll deal with later. Now, he has to deal with him and Tsukasa Tenma. Alone
”Hey, are you willing to help clean up with me? Nene and Emu kind of just ditched.. so..” Rui’s always been a bit socially awkward even if he was comfortable around someone. ”I mean, you don’t have to! It’d just be nice to get a hand”
Rui wondered when it got so difficult to act normal around this guy. Not that he ever noticed anyways so why it matters is unknown. Still, it’s the thought of it.
Tsukasa glanced up from his bag, tucking the script away before moving back to where Rui was standing. He looked around the area. Discarded props, costume pieces, miscellaneous machines that Rui had made and asked Tsukasa to test out for him. He never declined, of course. He sighed, reaching for Emu's hair bow that was currently laying discard on one of the benches.
Tsukasa brought his free hand to his chest, smiling smugly as he turned back to address Rui. "Ah! Why of course I'll stay behind and help! A future star such as myself would never leave his dear friend to clean up such a mess by themself." He brought his hand to rest of his chin, thinking for a moment. His brows furrowed as he thought. "I'm not sure my parents are home... Though I'm sure Saki can handle being by herself for another half hour or so."
Rui rolled his eyes and laughed at Tsukasa’s worried tone
”Tsukasa, she’s what, 16? She can fend for herself, don’t worry.”
Rui knows Saki, they’ve met countless times but their conversations were always vague since he had always showed up to the Tenma residence for Tsukasa, if that wasn’t obvious. He enjoyed when they hung out, they got to talk a lot more than when they rehearse or when they’re in school. He learned the little things about Tsukasa that he loved to take note of. With that thought, Rui realized now was a perfect time for them to just talk like normal. Cleaning up doesn’t require that much brain power.
”So, has anything new happened in the last day or so I haven’t talked with you?” Great start, Rui. Super specific and creative.
Tsukasa walked over to the stage and put his hands on the edge, pulling himself up onto it. He brushed himself off before grabbing one of the props laying on the ground. "I know, I know. She's perfectly capable. I just worry, that's all." He said, pushing one of the set pieces into the wings. "And no, I can't say that anything particularly new or exciting has happened to me recently." He added.
Tsukasa glanced at Rui. His back was to him as he cleaned up the seating area. Tsukasa hummed, subconsciously reaching for his phone in his pocket. He considered calling Saki to tell her to go to one of her friend's houses until he got home, but decided against it. Rui was right. She was perfectly fine staying home by herself.
A loud explosion pulled Tsukasa out of his thoughts, catching him off guard. Fireworks. Phoenix Wonderland set off fireworks every night at eight. It was that late already? The sky was dark, he realized, and the only lighting was the lamps that lined the path to the Wonder Stage, along with the colorful fireworks in the sky.
Rui glanced up at the loud display, something about the beauty of color combined with engineering and technology always made him giddy. It also made him think about some things. Fireworks make people think about love lots of times, and he was definitely thinking alright. Maybe he should at least test the waters for once. The night is when the most truth comes out, after all.
Rui walked towards Tsukasa, peeping up right behind him, using his height to his advantage. ”Since you don’t have any bright ideas.. any guys or gals caught your eye at school recently, hmm?” Rui asked, a bit curious and a bit hopeful. The loud booms and vast variety of colors of the fireworks were similar to his heart right about now. Maybe he is a firework, who knows.
Tsukasa jumped when he heard Rui behind him, but kept his composure nonetheless. He finished putting the props backstage and turned to him, taking note of how the different colors highlighted his features. He raised an eyebrow at the question, as it was kind of out of the blue, but thought about it anyway. He hummed, his gaze dropping to the ground.
“Nobody at the moment.” He finally said with a sigh. “My parents keep worrying about my studies, so I haven’t really had time to think about girls, you know?” He added, kicking a piece of debris on the ground before looking back up to meet Rui’s eyes.
Rui nodded along, understanding how Tsukasa’s parents are, having hung out with him countless times. Still, he only answered half the question, leading Rui to restate it.
”Ah, I see. You ignored half the question though, what about guys? I mean, I understand the girls at Kamiyama are… something, so I also asked about them.”
For Rui, this was just a casual question. He was gay after all, so it’s always polite to not assume anything. Tsukasa actually knowing he’s gay (and definitely does have a crush on him) is another story. Maybe it wasn’t right to say that then if it could imply that Rui’s some flavor of the rainbow, but he doesn’t mind. He’s out to… what, two people? Yeah, he’s real comfortable about this stuff, you know.
Tsukasa paused, crossing his arms. He hadn’t really ignored him, he just.. didn’t give it much thought. After all, it was such an odd thing to ask. Tsukasa’s hand found the collar of his shirt, running his fingers over the fabric. He looked away. Rui was joking, right?
He steadied himself, fixing his face and looking back at Rui. “Quit joking around, Rui. Why would I even consider a guy?” He said with a laugh, though it seemed somewhat forced. He let go of his collar, crossing his arms again.
Rui looked at him, a bit stunned, his eyes darting everywhere but Tsukasa. ”Wha— What do you mean? Cause people are gay? I don’t know, I was just asking. I thought it was normal.”
Rui’s face drenched in worry and betrayal, his heart pounding. What if this implied Tsukasa was homophobic? And not just as painfully straight as he usually acts? That’d be it between them, as Rui will probably show admiration for some guy at some point or something and Tsukasa would hate him forever! He isn’t even bi and can just play it off, he 100% only likes men. Which is weird to admit in this circumstance, but it came to mind anyways. He doesn’t know what Tsukasa’s gonna say next and honestly he’s ready to bolt if needed. Honestly, he doesn’t even know if he wants to hear what Tsukasa plans to say.
Tsukasa raised an eyebrow. He looked away as well, trying to distract himself with the fireworks. He didn’t want to see Rui’s face. Had he offended him? Did that come off as rude? He exhaled slowly, looking away from the fireworks and back towards the ground, which suddenly seemed a lot more interesting than it had earlier.
“Oh, uhm..” He mumbled, mentally smacking himself in the face. “Yeah, I mean.. I guess if you’re into that sort of thing.” How awkward. “I’m just.. not..”
Another nervous laugh escaped his mouth as he dug his nails into his sleeve.
“…I should probably head home.”
Rui nodded solemnly. ”Maybe that’s for the best. I’ll see you tomorrow, Tsukasa. I just have to put a few more robots away so please, just go without me.”
He turned his head away, not wanting to see Tsukasa’s face for the rest of the night, or ever if he could. It was embarrassing that tears pricked at his eyes, glistening with each loud, colorful, bang from the fireworks. So much for being colorful anymore. Rui knelt down and picked up some scrap papers of blueprints as he heard his… friend? Ex-friend? Walk off into the distance, ripping the two of them apart step by step. Some jealous pit in Rui begs for Tsukasa to turn around, apologize, call for him, yearn for him, love for him like he does. Something. Anything. But he doesn’t. He just keeps on step, step, stepping away, further and further from the rainbow array of fireworks that have enveloped Rui for so long and—
Okay, maybe he wasn’t thinking about fireworks anymore. He just needs to clean up and go to sleep, enough of this moping. He must move on. He packs the belongings he brought with him and quietly walks to his car, ignoring the stream of tears that don’t seem to want to stop any time soon.
Tsukasa walked past the crowds of people, all of them watching the fireworks in awe with their loved ones. His grip on his bag tightened as he walked through the main gate. He passed the parking lot. Rui typically drove him to and from rehearsals, but he had a feeling he had given that up tonight. Rui was clearly upset with him, he could see it in the way he looked at him, but he couldn’t understand why. What had he said? As he turned the corner, he felt a drop of rain touch his hand. Then his nose. Then his arm. Lovely.
The rain got heavy fast, causing his hair to stick to his face and the back of his neck. “Shit.” He mumbled, fishing his phone out of his pocket. He checked maps. Still a five minute walk to his house. He sighed, walking slightly faster.
He was drenched when he reached the house. Nevertheless, he pushed open the door and kicked off his shoes. Saki was sitting on the couch, eating some form of chip as she watched TV. Instead of greeting her and then scolding her for eating unhealthy food that could disrupt her recovery or her stomach, he made a beeline for the stairs, skipping a few here or there as he went to his room.
He closed the door, which really had no use, considering he only had three walls, and flopped onto his bed. His clothes were wet, which would cause his comforter to get wet, but that was a problem for later. He grabbed one of his pillows and screamed, something he had never considered doing before.
A voice from downstairs shouted. ”HEY! Keep your voice down! What’re you even screaming for at this hour anyways?!”
Saki was dead tired and as much as she loves him, she’s not really in the mood for her brother’s loud tone when doing absolutely anything and everything. So, she just decided to subtly tell him to shut his trap before he went up another 15 decibels. Unfortunately for Saki, that increase in volume was the exact reaction she was gonna get. She was also a little worried because he went straight upstairs! He never does that! Not even a single “hi” to her!
Tsukasa sank to his knees in front of his bed, pulling the pillow down with him. When Saki yelled up, he felt something snap inside of him. He had never been anything but kind to his sister, and this is what she has to say? After he most likely ruined his relationship with his best friend?
Tsukasa hugged the pillow to his chest. “BE QUIET, SAKI!” He yelled down the stairs. It wasn’t rare for him to raise his voice, he was typically very loud. But he never yelled in such a negative way. He shocked even himself.
Tsukasa felt something on his face, and instinctively reached up. His finger was wet when he brought his hand back to look at it. Surely it was just the rain water from his hair dripping onto his face. A star such as himself shouldn’t be crying over such a silly thing.
But another tear fell from his eye. Then another, and another. He was crying. He was crying over Rui Kamishiro.
Saki knew this wasn’t normal Tsukasa. He was being aggressive, distant, loud (in a different way), amongst other things, and it was a side of him Saki doesn’t know that she’s ever seen. She immediately takes matters into her own hands and walks up the steps to his room-corner-missing wall concoction. He’s kneeling on the floor and despite being wet and dripping from rainwater, even Saki can tell when someone’s crying.
”Tsukasa…”
Saki walks over to him, sitting down next to him, her arms outstretched. It’s usually the other way around, but Saki never minds comforting her older brother. With her arms open, it’s up to Tsukasa whether he wants to accept her embrace and open up or hide. She doesn’t mind either, she’s always there for him no matter what he needs. Although, this seems like the kind of moment that would be better for him to open up about.
Tsukasa hesitated, clutching the pillow tighter before leaning onto her. It felt so wrong. He should be the one comforting her, not the other way around. He didn’t say any thing for a long while, just stared at the wall. Eventually, he spoke up, pushing himself off of Saki.
“Saki, you’ll catch a cold.” He mumbled, gesturing to the water still clinging to his hair and the now wet patch of her shirt.
“I’m fine.” Tsukasa said as he sat up straighter, using his sleeve to wipe his eyes. It didn’t work well, considering that it too was already soaked through with rain water.
Saki pulls him back in to a tight embrace, maybe a little forceful but she’ll be damned if her brother’s sobbing without her here for him
”No—No! You’re not okay, you’re crying and upset after a rehearsal, something you love more than life! Something happened, Tsukasa. I don’t want you to speak on some- some bullshit that you’re “fine”? I-I’m not leaving until I know you’re okay! Whether you tell me why or not—I just want to know you’re okay! Okay?”
Saki herself was getting upset and worked up over this, it scared her so bad. Tsukasa was never, eve like this. She knew something had to have gone horribly if even after practice he was in such a mood. He wasn’t even loud. He was quiet. As quiet as could be, and that was the most terrifying part.
Tsukasa shot her a look at the use of profanity, but his expression softened nonetheless. He sighed, ditching the pillow on the floor as he stood up. He took off his jacket, draping it on the side of his laundry basket before turning back to Saki. He didn’t even know where to start with this.
He ran a hand through his hair, then dragged it down his face. “I screwed up, I think.”
He started, bring his hand to his chin as he thought about what to say.
“At the end of rehearsals, Rui asked me an.. odd question. He asked me if I liked anyone at school, and when I told him that no girls had my attention due to me not having the time for a relationship, he brought it back up. He told me that I ignored half of his question and asked about guys. I didn’t really know what to tell him, so I laughed it off. Then he got.. really upset. It got really awkward after that, and I left. It seemed like he didn’t want me there anyways. I just don’t understand what I did, and I’m scared I just ruined my relationship with my best friend.”
Tsukasa looked to Saki, who was watching him silently. “I mean, what do I even do..?”
Saki had a knowing look on her face. Almost… empathetic. Not sympathetic.
”Ah. Okay, the real question, how did you word your ‘laughing it off’? Cause I know what it sounds like but I don’t wanna jump to conclusions or anything.”
Saki really hoped it wasn’t what she thought it was, that it was just those two being weird and sort of stupid sometimes, but the reality could be quite the opposite. If her own brother was a fat homophobe, how would she even go about being around him? She knew who she was, she had Ichika and she’s a wonderful girlfriend! But if Tsukasa thought otherwise, she may just crawl up into a hole and die if he thought of her as disgusting.
Still, it didn’t sit right with her for him to be like that. In fact, before this, she may have even thought he was a little like her. I mean, seriously, a guy in a theatre who acts like he does? Quirky and all? If that doesn’t scream suspiciously queer she doesn’t know what does. She still hopes for this, but worry is laced throughout every bone in her body.
Tsukasa took her question into consideration. He didn’t remember saying anything particularly bad, but he supposed it could be taken in more ways than one.
“Well, I told him to stop joking around.” He said, crossing his arms. “…and that I wouldn’t consider a guy.” He added, trailing off slightly towards the end.
Tsukasa dug his nails into his arm, looking away from Saki and towards the empty walls of his bedroom. He thought about Rui, and how he had looked at him. Just thinking about the betrayal that Tsukasa had seen in his gaze made him sick.
“…I really didn’t think it was offensive.” He finally added, lowering his gaze.
Saki felt a bit better, but still needed more info out of him.
Saki hugged her arms to her chest, feeling her own secrets stabbing her as she spoke. ”Okay, well, how did you say it? I mean, it could have been a normal meaning, but the difference between saying it polite and all or saying it..”
She trailed off her words, not wanting to imply that he was being rude. Or, that it could have been offensive to Rui in specifics. She had her suspicions about him too, sometimes even more than Tsukasa, but again, she didn’t want to assume anything far from the truth.
Tsukasa didn’t answer for a moment, the floor was just incredibly interesting! Seriously though, now that he was thinking about what he had said, it did sound kind of harsh. But he hadn’t expected Rui to take it so poorly. He finally looked up to Saki again, before looking away again as he crossed his arms and started to pace around the almost empty room.
“Well, I.. I think I laughed and said, ‘Stop joking around, Rui. Why would I even consider a guy?’” He trailed off. “Something like that.” He mumbled
He paused his pacing, turning back to Saki. “…Is that bad?”
Saki just sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. ”It doesn’t sound… good?”
She was somewhat able to judge his tone and… very poor word choice, but to be honest she didn’t have many other thoughts. What he said was clearly rude but she couldn’t just say that to him outright, either. She stared off past the balcony of his missing wall and into their house, pondering.
She tried wording this in a way to not hint too much at her suspicious of the two of them, but she was still hesitant in her speech ”Hm.. well, if someone had that said to you, hypothetically, and you liked guys, hypothetically, and it was hypothetically someone REAAAALLLY close to you, how would that make you feel? How would your trust with that person be affected?”
She realized this whole situation reminds her of something she similarly experienced with her friend group and band, Leo/Need. It’s really ironic how tables turned after that and how she and Ichika became what they are today. Which… yeesh she’s kinda glad she’s past that “homophobic” phase in her life, unlike her brother apparently. At least, she hopes.
Tsukasa froze, turning to stare at his wall. He brought his finger to his mouth, biting down on it before wincing and shaking his hand away. He contemplated her words for a moment, speaking up without turning to meet her gaze.
“Are you inferring that Rui is gay?” He deadpanned, finally turning to look at her, his expression a mix of confusion, shock, and.. something else. Regret, maybe. “Saki, that’s not..” He trailed off, running a hand through his hair.
Saki drew a blank expression, similar to when Tsukasa caught her doing something she wasn’t supposed to as a baby. She couldn’t lie to her brother, after all.
”Okay… um… maybe? Maybe I am? Okay, come on! Have you seen Rui? I mean the way he acts around y—“
Saki really needs to learn to shut her mouth, regret already seeping into her chest. It takes one to know one after all.
”Whatever— um. That’s beside the point. Like I mean you never know, right? Totally. This is why we try not to bring up these subjects, yeah?”
Saki nervously bullshitted her way through that, an awful actress and liar. Tsukasa got all the acting genes. Nevertheless, she hoped he took something out of this to at least be respectful to the concept of Rui being some kind of gay.
Tsukasa sighed, twisting a strand of his hair between his fingers before aggressively grabbing a handful. He pulled, before stopping himself and moving his hands to cover his face.
"You think he is." He murmured, his voice muffled by his hands, but still audible. "And I basically told him to his face that I thought it was weird." He lowered himself slowly, keeping his hands over his face as he crouched.
"I'm a horrible friend, aren't I?"
Saki sat down next to him and patted his back ”Hey, hey! Look—I mean, yes what you did kind of was really bad and rude and I would kill someone if they acted that way to me— BUT! I think you and Rui are really close and can get over this. Please, just talk to him and reiterate that you don’t think it’s weird. I’ve never seen you so… close… with someone before. I wouldn’t want you to lose it.”
Saki really hoped nothing permanent ended between the two of them. Rui was a great friend for Tsukasa, he influenced him in the right ways and helped push him to be a better actor and person. Tsukasa literally would light up whenever Rui came over, she would glance from the hallway and look at them through her brother’s weird balcony room. They always seemed so bright.
Of course, she could fangirl about romance like in her j-dramas and say they were in love, but she really is unsure now. She did have her suspicions both ways for them, more obvious on Rui’s side, but she also saw the way her brother acted around Rui, something soft, yet still loud. Very. Loud. Her brother was very fucking loud. Moving on, such a threat to their friendship could really damage them more than they think it could.
Tsukasa removed his hands from his face, resting his arms in his knees. He turned his head to look at his sister, reaching out to smooth the fabric of her sleeve out of habit.
"I don't understand why you're so persistent about this. It's my problem, not yours." He mumbled. "Me and Rui are close, but.. not that close."
Saki gave him a soft smile as she spoke, continuing to rub soft circles on his back ”Tsukasa, look at you two. You’re attached by the hip, he’s over here all the time. All I hear out of your mouth is his name, if you’re not talking about the whole troupe at least. Or Toya. Whatever! Just— I don’t know. You guys seemed like you had something that shouldn’t be lost” Saki looked away a little solemnly, wanting to give her best advice, but still worrisome for how her brother will take it.
She turned back to him with an empathetic look in her eyes ”Tsukasa, I know how this feels. Thinking you lost a friend, not realizing how important they are to you. Trying to push it away because you’re worried. What feelings you get out of this aren’t mine to decide, but atleast know this; You mean a lot to Rui. More than you probably think. Don’t waste it, okay?”
Tsukasa hesitated, before nodding slowly. "You're right." He finally said. "Rui's probably my closest friends next to Toya, it would be a real shame if we stopped talking over one misunderstanding." He spoke as he pushed himself up so that he was standing. "I'll call him later..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "No, I'll just talk to him tomorrow. He probably wants some space right now."
Tsukasa glanced at the clock on the far wall. "It's gotten late, have you eaten?" He asked, turning back to Saki. "I could make you something quick?"
Saki smiles at his revelation ”I’m glad you realized that! It brought back old memories of how I was the same way with Ichika when we had a fight once, and then after I realized how I felt about her, we worked everything out and now it’s great!” Saki was beaming about finally being able to find relation with her brother with problems. Despite how similar they acted, their problems always differed.
Saki stood up from her position and trailed behind her brother ”And no, I haven’t eaten a proper meal. That’d be really nice of you!”
Tsukasa led her down the stairs and into the kitchen. He opened the pantry, looking around. He settled on a box of uncooked noodles, bringing them back over to the counter and opening them. He glanced up at Saki.
"You realized how you felt about her? Thats an odd way to put it. I thought you two have always been freinds, no?" He asked, moving to fill a pot with water to boil.
Saki stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes widening at the sudden realization of what she said, what he said, and what he thought. ”Haha, um… Yeah! Always been friends, that’s all! Nothing—nothing else!”
Saki’s hands fidgeted with the hem of her shirt, wanting to hide away forever. Despite her brother’s more recent verbal acceptance of these things, it still scared the shit out of her. A thousand thoughts swarmed through her mind, each one worse than the last
Tsukasa paused at the sink, the pot overflowing for a moment before he caught himself and poured some out. He turned off the sink and put the pot on the stove with a sigh.
"Saki, you know you can tell me anything." He said, his back still to her as he cranked on the stove. "You're my sister. I'm not gonna judge you or anything." He turned his head to look at her. "...you know that, right?"
He turned fully, crossing his arms. He looked hurt, but then again, he wasn't all that surprised.
Saki stared dead at Tsukasa as tears welled up in he eyes, she couldn’t stop herself from hugging him tightly
”The— the way you talked about Rui, the way you were talking, I-I thought you liked him. It reminded me of— of how I talk about Ichika.” Her speech was broken up by hiccups and sniffles, alongside a beat of silence afterwards.
”Me… me and Ichika are dating. We’ve been together for a-around 5 months. I didn’t— I was so scared because what if you hated me— and, and what if you were disgusted and I couldn’t even pretend because I don’t like guys at all and—“ Saki broke her rambling off with more choked sobs as she cried into her brothers shirt, she couldn’t even hold herself together anymore. “Sorry. T-this wasn’t supposed to be about me.”
Tsukasa hugged her tightly, one hand cradling the back of her head. He didn't say anything for a few moments, just looking off into the living room, until he finally pulled away. He looked down at her, wiping away her tears with a sigh.
"I support you no matter what, Saki." He murmured. "Despite this being a... new topic for me, you're still my sister, and as you're big brother, it's my responsibility to make sure that you don't have to hide anything from me out of fear." He smiled softly, pushing her hair out of her face. "Please don't ever hesitate to tell me anything important again, okay?"
Saki nodded along, looking up at her brother's smile and feeling warmth flood back into her heart ”Thank you I-I was worried and—I’m just glad that—yeah. Um, yeah”
She didn’t really know what to say, the weight was off her shoulders and her mind was at ease. For now, she just wanted to eat some dinner with her brother, both of their tears dried and minds somewhat at peace. At least, Saki was at peace.
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔:
Mizuki was sitting at her desk, idly running her finger over the grooves of the desktop as she listened to Ena and Mafuyu bicker. An editing app was open on her monitor screen, but her mind was elsewhere. She was snapped out of her thoughts when her phone, which was sitting on her bed, started ringing. She raised an eyebrow, clicking off of the editing software and back onto Nightcord, pulling up the ongoing call.
"Hey.. I'll call you guys back in a few. My phones ringing." She didn't wait for a response as she hung up.
She walked over to her bed, flopping down and picking up her phone. It was Rui. She was skeptical, to say the least. The two were close in middle school, sure, and they still talked in school or if they saw eachother out and about, but Rui never called her. He had other friends, she had other friends, and they just.. grew apart. Nevertheless, she answered the call.
"Hello?"
Rui wanted to click the hang up button, already regretting calling her. He pulled through just enough to muster a few words out, the tears streaming down his face persistent. ”Mizuki I— he hates me.. god he hates…”
He trailed off, pulling at his hair as he curled up on the couch, leaving the phone next to him on speaker, just in case she wanted to respond. He didn’t know what to say, what to do, all that enveloped his mind was the disgust in Tsukasa’s eyes, his voice, his entire person. Their time apart just made his worries worse. He couldn’t never go back there he—he just couldn’t! Seeing his face again was something Rui doesn’t think he could ever handle.
Mizuki's eyes widened slightly, she brought the phone up to her ear. "Woah, hold on— what? Rui, calm down. What are you talking about? Who hates you?" She said, the tone of his voice made her nervous.
She picked at her nail, waiting for Rui to respond. This wasn't like him at all. Every time she saw him, he was so composed. What could've possibly happened to make him act like this?
”Mizuki he— he thinks I’m disgusting! It’s—I can’t. I just can’t. I thought Wonderlands.. I thought they’d be okay. With, um, me. If I told them I was ah— gay. That stuff. And then he… he’s spewing all of this bullshit about—“ Rui groaned into his hands, done with the entire situation. He just was rambling at this point, unable to really be coherent with the message he’s trying to get across. He just wanted to lock all his doors and stay inside his garage-room for all eternity.
"Okay, okay, calm down! When you say he, I’m assuming you mean Tsukasa, right? What did he say?" She asked, glancing at the clock. She kept the phone pressed between her ear and her shoulder as she moved towards the mirror, reaching up to untie the bow in her hair.
She cared deeply about Rui's feelings, yes, but in all honesty... she was also really nosy and wanted to know the details. Whoops.
Rui sighed, sitting back up regularly in an attempt to compose himself ”Yes— yeah. Tsukasa. He—we. We were talking about like… crushes.” Rui cringed to himself, a little embarrassed about bringing back up his earlier conversation. ”Well, it was just small talk, and I was asking him if he liked anyone at school, um, blah blah blah and stuff. But he had said no girls and I was—so stupid. So stupid. I pushed, and… and I asked about guys. He— he said something like I was joking around, like ‘Oh why would I consider guys!’ or some homophobic bullshit.”
Rui sighed and laid down on his back, his phone now lying on his chest, propped up. ”I just don’t know anymore, Mizuki. How do— how do I even see his face again?”
Mizuki sighed, running a brush through her hair as she listened to him ramble. She paused once he told her what Tsukasa had said, putting down the brush and sitting back down on her bed. She tried to think of something to say to reassure him.
"Well.. I'm sure he didn't mean it like that. Maybe he just— uhm.. I don't know, maybe it's just, like, a personal thing or something. I don't think he would judge you." She said, and immediately thought better of it. Who was she kidding? What Tsukasa had said meant exactly what they both knew it meant.
Rui rolled his eyes at her, he would give her a knowing glance if he could see her properly. ”Mizuki, you and I of all people know what he meant. We’ve dealt with it before, I mean, how many times was I called a ‘fag’ back in middle school? Or those guys back then who would— um. Say similar things about your situation. Whatever.. it’s just—“
Rui paused for a moment, trying to think of how to word this. ”We know he meant what he said and how he meant it. Nice guy or not, he has his views and I have mine. That’s that.” Rui’s eyes filled with tears again, thinking about his friends this time. ”God, the troupe’s gonna have to split up, aren’t we? I just— I can’t find any other way of going about this. I don’t know, Mizuki. I don’t know.”
Mizuki was quiet for a moment, staring down at the floor as she kicked her leg against her bed subconsciously. She was trying to think of any way to make this look better than it was, but it was hard. Really hard.
"Well.. what was he like after? Did he seem upset? Like he knew he screwed up? Or was he just oblivious?" She asked quietly. "Maybe he just— isn't that educated on the subject?" It sounded stupid, even to her, but she really was just trying to find a way to help. "Sorry, I'm just throwing out ideas here."
Rui pondered. ”Well, I mean, he did kind of trail off afterwords and seem a bit like he fucked up, but still! I just can’t lose him like this, Mizuki. He— fuck he’s the only person I’ve truly fallen in love with and he hates people like me! I mean yes, I've had small feelings for people, like you back in middle school! Before, ah, you came out to me as Mizuki. Still, um, he’s just so… so Tsukasa.”
Rui then realized he just spilt his guts and feelings out to Mizuki on a silver platter, and immediately embarrassment rushed his tone and face. ”Fufu… sorry for loading all of this onto you. It’s- kind of stupid and… yeah.”
Mizuki, who had been idly twisting a strand of hair around her finger, froze. "Woah, hold on. Pause. You liked me?" She asked. Rui could practically hear the laughter she was trying to hold back. "Like, for real?" She added, openly laughing now.
Rui paused and flushed, forgetting half of what he had said but apparently realized that had fizzled out of his mouth. ”Ah, shit. Well, I mean back in middle school, yeah. I guess” Rui’s tone got a little more annoyed as her laughter grew louder. ”Hey— quit it! I was being serious! But even then, I knew I was gay, the second you stated ‘yeah no I’m a girl’ everything sort of fizzled away. I still love you as a friend, of course, but I don’t like women, no matter what kind. Apologies to the ladies who cannot have me, but I already have my eyes on…” He trailed off again, remembering the original topic, the melancholy back in his voice.
Mizuki immediately pulled herself together as she heard his voice get quieter. She resumed her hair twirling, leaving her phone to lay on the pillow next to her. She thought for a moment, before coming up with something.
"Well.. why do you like Tsukasa? If you can give me a good reason, then you shouldn't be letting him go this easily." She paused, flipping to lay on her stomach, her chin resting on her palm as she kicked her legs. "I mean, me and Ena have disagreements all the time, but y'know what? I can still find a ton of reasons why I love her!" She smiled, humming to herself, before catching herself. "Ah! Sorry. But, my point is, if you can find a reason to love a person, you can't let go of them as soon as one thing happens. There’s always hope to change mindsets.”
Rui thought about her words carefully. Why does he love Tsukasa? Well, the list goes on. Every thought made him flush more and more until he was sitting in silence, beet red.
”I mean, I love a lot about him. I guess, everything. His personality, his looks, his voice, his laugh—oh, his laugh is so interesting Mizuki! His hair is also so perfectly ombré, how does it even do that? He’s the perfect height, a little shorter than me but still my height… ish. He’s so kind. Have you seen him around his sister? He treats her like a princess! He’s great with kids. Not that I’ve thought about that! A lot! Um. He’s… also a better person than he gives himself credit for.” Rui pauses, realizing his on and on talking of the boy he loves.
He sighs, covering his eyes with his arm. ”I’m ranting again, aren’t I? Well, I mean—gah! You’re right, Mizuki. I can’t let him go. I have to talk to him. If he doesn’t love me so be it but I’m not letting a friend like that hate me for eternity!” His newfound confidence seemed to come out of nowhere, just the mention of Tsukasa in conversation brightening him up.
”Also, I’m glad you and Ena are doing well.” He adds last minute, remembering her talking about her very beloved girlfriend she talks about whenever they cross paths.
Mizuki smiled. "Aww, thanks!" She said, glancing at the photo strip hanging on the wall beside her bed. Her and Ena had taken it in a photo booth at the mall a few weeks ago.
"Also, Rui, I'm sure Tsukasa talked about this with his sister when he got home, and I'm like— 90% sure his sister’s dating some blue haired chick also from Miya girls. She definitely talked some sense into him." She reassured him, turning back her phone and dropping her head down onto her pillow.
Rui’s stunned tone does nothing to hide his shock ”Really? Saki? Blue haired… hm. She does have one friend with blue hair! What was it… Ichako? Ikochi? Ichika, I think. That’d help the cause though, Saki does seem to get through to him easily.”
Rui now thought of Saki with a girlfriend, something he never really thought of. It wasn’t very surprising honestly, she seems like a type who could be into girls. Just, not by her looks. Moreso her personality.
”Thank you, Mizuki. I— I feel a lot better. I think I’ll talk to him tomorrow. What’s best, I have options. School day, before troupe practice, or after? I really don’t know and just need this one last bit of advice.” Rui was anticipating now, whatever time the two decide is best could decide how his whole day goes tomorrow.
Mizuki thought for a moment. "Well, definitely not after your rehearsals, because then the whole thing will be awkward.. You two are in the same class, so I wouldn't wait until after school at all.. Maybe during lunch? That'd be a good time." She said, her voice slightly muffled by the pillow.
Rui nodded along to her reasoning ”Hmm, yeah! Maybe we could meet in SEK— secluded area! Somewhere nobody else is, yeah?”
Rui forgot that other people are unaware of their SEKAI and all it offers; so used to talking to his troupe, Tsukasa included. ”I think I’ll text him about it now. Thank you. Really, Mizuki.”
Mizuki smiled, taking her face out of the pillow and picking up her phone. "Yeah, of course. I'm glad you called. It's been awhile since we actually talked."
"...Let me know how it goes, okay?" She added, pushing her hair out of her face with a yawn.
Rui finally let out a small smile, grabbing his phone and properly sitting up ”Don’t worry, I’ll keep you posted. And I’ll call more often too. Bye, Mizuki!”
With a muffled ‘bye’ from the other end, Rui clicked the end call button. Now, for the hard part. Tackling that of texting Tsukasa Tenma. It was late anyways, he likely wasn’t up. Someone enjoys their 8 hours of beauty sleep too much. He opened the messaging app, clicking on the contact named ‘Tsukasa ⭐️💫’ (Emu advised him to use those emojis so he “wouldn’t get confused between another Tsukasa”… or something). Now, he got to typing.
hey. can we meet up in the sekai during lunch to talk? tomorrow?
Rui thought about adding please afterwords as politeness, but remembered this was really serious and that he couldn’t sound needy or like he was begging Tsukasa for anything. Putting his worries aside he clicked send, hoping whenever he responds that he agrees.
Tsukasa had very strict sleep schedule, and it was making him quite angry that he was unable to sleep because of the events of the day. Saki was already asleep, and he was trying desperately to do the same. When his phone started going off, he grabbed his pillow and put it over his head. It took him a few moments, because he was debating if he should ignore it or not, but he finally sat up. He fumbled for his phone on the nightstand, unable to see in the dark room. He finally found it, tapping on the screen. He huffed as he was temporarily blinded by his lock screen, but opened his messages anyway. His breath hitched when he saw a message from Rui. What was he supposed to say? He brought one of his nails to his lips, before quickly typing out a response and throwing his phone down on the bed as soon as he hit send.
Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
He hesitated, before picking the phone back up and sending another message.
Goodnight, Rui.
Rui was surprised to hear his phone going off almost immediately after sending his text. Why wasn’t Tsukasa asleep? He should ask him tomorrow if he’s okay at least, even if it’s before their conversation. He’s still someone he cares for, after all. He opens up his phone and reads the first message, glad his (and Mizuki's) plan worked out well. He was about to close the app when his second text came in. A goodnight message.
Rui's face heated up and a smile crept its way onto his mouth as he saw that. It was simple, mundane things like that that always seemed to mean the most to him. He just loved the idea of slice of life romance. Writing back a response because of course he would, he sent a reply and drifted off on his couch, anxiety, fear and excitement all seeping into his bloodstream.
goodnight, tsukasa.
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As soon as the bell rang for lunch, Tsukasa was gone. He was there one moment, and then nobody could find him. He was currently sitting on the edge of the stage in the Wonderland Sekai. His lunch was sitting next to him, but he couldn't bring himself to eat it. He was waiting for Rui. He wanted to apologize, and tell him that what he said was wrong, and messed up and— insensitive. He leaned back until his head hit the stage, putting his arms out to his sides. He stared at the intricate ceiling, zoning out until he heard footsteps entering the theater.
Rui bent over to stare right down at Tsukasa, towering over him since he was lying down. He could never bring it in himself to not be a little silly, it was in his nature. Tsukasa screamed and sat up, of course, causing Rui to let out a light laugh. As Tsukasa was calming down, Rui plopped down next to him on the edge of the stage, looking out into the empty audience, meticulously avoiding eye contact. That was due to his fear, but also his love for the other and his words.
”Hey.” Rui said, not really knowing how to start such a conversation.
"Hi." Tsukasa mumbled, keeping his head down. God, he sounded like a child trying to be friends with the kid his parents forced him to talk to. He had so much to say, but he didn't want things to be weird. What if Rui already thought that he was a horrible person and that things wouldn't change? Or— what if he thought that he was apologizing out of pity, and didn't mean anything be was saying?
No. Rui wouldn't think that of him. He just had to calm down, and find a way to say what he had to say in a calm, composed manner.
...
"Rui, I'm so sorry about what I said— I talked to my sister about it and I realized that what I said to you was really, really screwed up. I want you to know that I don't see you any differently than I did before, and that you're still my best friend, whether I'm ready to admit that or not. I just want you to forgive me so that things can go back to the way they were and that things aren't awkward between us. I want to be able to talk to you like a normal person, because I miss you. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so worried that you hated me, and.. I don't know. I'm sorry."
Or not. His hands immediately covered his face out of embarrassment. He had initially planned on doing this calmly, and instead, he rambled on and on about his feelings. How awkward was that?
Rui’s heart beat faster and faster with every word Tsukasa said. This was going… perfect? He didn’t expect this much of an apology, if at all. He didn’t want to keep his hopes up, anyways. He saw Tsukasa try to hide away, so he did the opposite of letting him hide. Much to his heart’s liking, he turned Tsukasa towards him and pulled him into a tight embrace, rubbing soothing circles along his back.
”I missed you too.” were the first words to come out his mouth. Of course they were. ”And I accept your apology. You um, definitely said some things that were hurtful, and a bit rude to.. um..” Rui stammered over his words, realizing it’d be easier for both of them if he just spit it out.
”Okay, look, your words hurt me a lot more because I’m gay. That’s why I was being considerate before and all. If it’s a surprise so be it but I guess some think it’s obvious.” Rui sighed, more and more weight being lifted off his shoulders. ”In all honesty, I thought you hated me. You seemingly hated queer people and I, which I guess you could only theorize before, a gay man, fell under that umbrella. It tore me to bits thinking my cr—close friend hated me. I… you mean too much to me to lose you and I really am glad you understand now.”
Rui sighed after, all that talking taking a toll on his airflow. He continued hugging Tsukasa, letting the other boy pick when to back out of it, showing his undying trust to that of his close friend. He still had a tinge of hope in him for the ultimate best—feelings from the other—but that was unlikely since, you know, he’s still painfully straight. He doesn’t mind that though. People can have their romantic interests and he’ll have his, as sad as reality may be.
Tsukasa breath hitched when he was pulled into Rui's arms. He froze for a moment, before slowly wrapping his arms around the other. "Yeah.. Saki helped me realize all that, so thank her."
Tsukasas face heated up, and he immediately pushed off of Rui. "Uhm.. But, Rui I need you to know— I really am sorry. I-I'm not just saying it because, like, I want the troupe to stay together or anything."
Rui saddened at the sudden push away, but it reminded him of something else to mention. ”Don’t worry, I know you’re sorry. You wouldn’t have agreed to come here if you weren’t.” A small smile found its way back to Rui’s face, his arms still loosely around the other. He pulled them back and hugged his own chest.
”But, um… this does remind me. Of something else. To uh— to say. That I have to say to you. I think it’s only right.” His face blossomed a bright pink and he turned away from Tsukasa, his face cast downward. He was embarrassed, scared, and so afraid of the rejection that was bound to come from a straight guy. He just thought Tsukasa should know. The quicker he tells him and gets rejection, the quicker his feelings can rot away and he can be normal.
Tsukasa glanced back at him, taking note of the fact that Rui had looked away. He was quiet for a moment, watching how the others hair fell infront of his face, and how he was practically hugging himself, and how— ok.
"What is it?" He finally asked, subconsciously sitting up straighter and turning to face Rui entirely. When Rui didn't immediately answer, Tsukasa sighed. "You can tell me anything, Rui. I wont judge you, I swear." He paused. "I told Saki the same thing last night." He added.
Rui inhaled deep. It’s just like ripping the band aid off. He has to get it over with now to save himself later. He backs up from Tsukasa, small tears in his eyes that he’s trying to fight back. It was of little use, as a few slipped away. He just wanted to forget all of this, go home and never come back to SEKAI ever again. He was done being embarrassed by those he liked, yet here he is. Except this time it’s worse. It’s love. Once and for all, getting it over with.
”I think I’m in love with you, Tsukasa Tenma.”
Rui instinctively backed up a little and turned back away, his heart dropping and his brain clouding with all the things that are likely to happen. Just after he got him back, he’s gonna lose Tsukasa yet again to some stupid feelings. He’ll miss him every day, but he couldn’t just keep pretending anymore that the one in front of him he just saw him as a close friend and not the light in his darkness every day. A star. His star. But Tsukasa would never reciprocate, so that light will slowly fizzle out to a black hole and suck him into nothing. So many more of these detrimental thoughts clouded his mind and he awaited a response.
Tsukasa stared at him, eyes wide. He opened his mouth the speak, and then closed it. He slowly turned his gaze away. The most logical thing to do would be to reject Rui, but suggest they stay friends. That would be better, of course it would. Tsukasa didn't like guys. But why was a part of him against it? A part of him, something small buried in the back of his mind, wanted to accept Rui's confession, whether it was because he really wanted to, or if he just wanted to make Rui happy after everything he'd put him through, he couldn't tell. He stared at the ground, in shock, if anything. What was he supposed to do? Sure, people had confessed to him before, but it had never been this difficult to turn them down. His nails dug into the wood of the stage. His mind was going a million miles a second, he wanted to say something, anything. All he could manage was one sound.
"Huh?"
Oh it's over. He put his head down out of embarrassment. Rui had just confessed to him, and all he had managed to do was sound stupid.
Shame filled Rui as he heard nothing but confusion in response. Even though he was comfortable in his sexuality, that familiar feeling of disgust snaked up his back as tears began really falling, dropping on his arms, the stage, his legs. He was drowning in his guilt.
”I’m sorry, I know- I know we said it’s not disgusting but- but I… I still feel like I’m…” He paused, looking for the right word in between quiet sobs. ”Wrong? For liking. Um, loving you. You— you deserve such more than me. You deserve such a nice girl.” That last line hurt Rui more than he’d admit, but he still said it. It was only fair.
Tears continued to roll down his face as he didn’t want to even grace Tsukasa’s eyes. He was too ashamed to do anything and didn’t want to upset the other any more than he already did by having him look at his sobbing face. He knew Tsukasa was an empath, anyways.
As if on que, as soon as Rui started crying, Tsukasa felt horrible. Without thinking, he reached out and rested his hand on Rui's shoulder. He couldn't deny the fact that throughout this whole situation, he had realized that he did feel something for Rui.
"Rui.. please don't cry. I haven't even answered yet." He mumbled. "I don't.. I don't know. I'm confused. I don't like guys— I thought I didn't, anyway. But I can't deny the fact that I feel something for you."
Rui’s eyes widened and his head shot up, his face bright red and glistening from the tears. He spoke softly, something almost unheard of for the bold director. ”You… what?”
He rethought about what the actor infront of him had said, and continued. ”You just said you don’t like guys and you…” he paused and sighed, looking back up at Tsukasa. ”It’s okay. Really, you don’t need to pity me.” He let out a soft smile to let the other boy know it was all okay, resting his hand on the one Tsukasa put on his shoulder
Tsukasa sighed. "No, no— I told you already that I'm not trying to pity you! I don't... I don't know, Rui. You're different. I don't think I've ever felt whatever I'm feeling right now for anyone else." He said, his eyebrows scrunching as he tried to decipher what he was feeling.
Tsukasa turned to look at the empty audience. He gently removed his hand from under Rui's, placing it with his other one in his lap. He didn't know what to do. He felt like crying.
He brought the sleeve of his blazer up to his eye. "God, what would my parents think..?"
Rui realized the true issue at hand, why Tsukasa acted like that. So reserved and ashamed of it. It made so much more sense and Rui felt more pity now for Tsukasa instead of disappointment for his past words. ”Tsukasa I… you know what? I don’t care what your parents think. Hey, hey look at me.” Rui paused to cup his face and tilt his head back toward him, so gently. So lovingly. ”Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to cry, feelings are weird, okay?” A bit hypocritical, but he tried.
Rui flushed remembering Tsukasa’s feelings for a potential guy were towards himself… apparently. ”But um… putting your parents aside, you’re sure you know what these feelings are? L-like um, they aren’t just best-friends-who-are-really-close feelings?” Rui looked into his eyes, somewhat longingly. He hated seeing Tsukasa this overly upset over something that, if true, was uncontrollable. “Love is love”, “It’s not a choice”, all that kind of stuff.
Tsukasa instinctively leaned into his touch, bringing one hand up to rest over Rui's. He was openly crying now, not even bothering to hide it. He was overwhelmed by his feelings. Everything he felt at the moment was new to him, and he wasn't sure he could handle it. But he had to get his thoughts out. For Rui's sake, if anything.
"I... I'm sure. I just— I really don't know what to do." He mumbled. His tears had slowed, now he was just sniffling occasionally. "I— I mean.. My parents... They expect me to bring home a girl one day, and when they find out I have—" He paused. "I have... feelings... for a boy...? They'll freak out, Rui."
Rui was internally screaming with joy, never realizing what he thought was the end to a friendship could suddenly become the blossoming of something more. Of course, he kept this all inside because there was a bigger task at hand. The tables flipped around out of nowhere, but he was always okay with comforting Tsukasa. Rui took his other hand into his own, squeezing it and softly smiling as he spoke. ”Look, I understand your concern for your parent’s opinions. They’re important people in your lives.”
He paused, taking a moment to think. His face saddened a big as he continued. ”I would completely understand if you didn’t want us to do anything with these feelings due to your parents. That’s… fine.” He practically had to shove the word fine out of his throat. ”But listen, if they ever,
ever, say, plan, or do anything to you because of this, you are always welcome in my home, okay? Don’t ever forget that. I don’t care what terms we’re on, if we hate each other, if we… love each other. My home is always open for you just in case.”
”All of this is up to you. What you do with this feelings, how you deal with them in relation to your parents, that’s your call. I will not hate you for whatever you choose, if you do want to bring home a lovely lady someday instead, that’s okay.” His voice was calm, gentle. It was like he didn’t want to break Tsukasa even if his own heart broke just a little from the idea of the two of them fizzling away from one another.
Rui was never one to be very physical, minus around Tsukasa occasionally, to the surprise of few. Still, all he wanted to do right now was wrap the blond in his arms and never let go. His face, his sadness, Rui would absorb it all from him. It was truly heartbreaking that it was indirectly his fault.
Tsukasa stared at him for a moment, thinking. "I don't know what I want to do." He admitted. "I feel like I'm letting my parents down if I do something about this, but if I ignore it and hope it goes away, I think I'm just hurting myself." He sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly. He looked down at his hand in Rui's, catching a glimpse of the watch on his wrist. Classes were starting back up in a few minutes.
He quickly pulled away and got off the stage, grabbing his phone from his pocket and his uneaten lunch. "The bell rings for class in five." He mumbled, already moving to unlock his phone and open his playlist. He paused, glancing back at Rui.
"I'll.. I'll think about it, alright? We can talk about this at rehearsals tonight."
Rui also got ready to go back to school, standing up alongside Tsukasa. ”Alright.” He said calmly. ”I’ll be waiting. Whenever you wanna talk, you come let me know. I’ll be here.”
Rui locked eyes with the other boy and smiled softly, then glanced down at his supposed lunch. ”And please, eat something before rehearsal? We all know how you get when you’re hangry.” He teased, trying to lighten back up the mood and bring a sliver of their usual banter back, before quickly adding, ”’Cause you know… I care. Okay?”
With that, he got whisked away into the light of untitled as the song began to play, their conversation now only a memory. Rui was still in disbelief as the school came into his view, his mind and heart still racing.
Tsukasa ended up on the rooftop, staring blankly at the ground for a moment. What just happened? Did he really say all that? He had suspected that Rui hated him, but that was clearly wrong because Rui had just confessed his feelings for him, and he had… reciprocated them. He sighed, running a hand through his hair. He had told Rui he was thinking about it and would talk to him at rehearsal, but he was so overwhelmed, he suspected it would be extremely difficult for him to even attempt to focus on what he was supposed to be thinking about.
He was brought back to himself when the bell rang. He put his phone away, rushing down the hallways to his class. He pushed the door open, grimacing when he saw the back of Rui's head. He really didn't want to talk to him until he inevitably had to. He walked to his seat quickly and sat down, keeping his head down.
Rui saw Tsukasa walk into the class out of the corner of his eye, sensing slight nerves and discomfort in his stature. Of course, he knew why. It was his fault, after all, whether that’s for good or bad interpretation is unknown for now. He opened the textbook needed for the current lesson, fiddling with the corner of a page as the teacher spoke.
He kept stealing quick glances at the blond, each one making his heart race impossibly faster. He needs to compose himself, after all with all the attention they get for being so “loud, chaotic, and definitely weird”, it would draw more attention if both were quiet and reserved for once. He tried acting as usual, no matter how much butterflies wanted to blossom out of his chest every time air entered his lungs.
Besides, things would all be decided at rehearsal. At? After? Sometime soon. Whether or not Rui was ecstatic or dreading it, even he couldn’t answer
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔:
Practice was incredibly awkward. Tsukasa tried to go about it without thinking of the inevitable conversation that he had promised Rui they would have afterwards, but it was hard when the guy he was trying not to think about was the one giving him stage directions. When Emu and Nene finally left for the dressing rooms, he considered making a run for it, but stopped himself when he felt someone staring at him.
He met Rui's gaze. He took in the sight of the other’s eyes. Yellow, with specks of cyan, darkened by the setting sun. These were the eyes that he didn't know if he could bring himself to look into again if things went wrong tonight. He set down his things, walking over to where Rui was standing.
Rui stared into Tsukasa’s eyes as he walked over. Longingly, possibly. He didn’t know what was about to come, and it could make or break the next big chunk of his life or— hell even his entire life! He saw in front of him the boy he cared so deeply for, the boy he fell in love with. He also saw a strong actor, ready to take on any show. A good friend and troupe mate to many. He saw someone who loved his sister more than the world and was the best big brother. He saw so much in just his eyes, colored like the sky around them. He had so much love he didn’t know what to do with it.
”Hey, Tsukasa.” Rui said, smiling softly and even a bit shyly, very unlike his usual sly personality. He didn’t know what else to say, so he just waited.
Tsukasa took in his expression with a sigh. He had all day to think about this, but due to his stubbornness, he had refused to think about it. Now it was here, punching him in the face. He blinked, his usual confidence in himself wavering.
"Uhm.. hi, Rui." He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. He desperately hoped Rui wouldn't be able to tell that he hadn't thought about this at all, despite promising he would. "...Long day, huh?" He asked, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction than the inevitable.
Rui stayed smiling softly as Tsukasa spoke, noting his shyness. He knew what there was to talk about and clearly neither of them felt like approaching it. Still, someone had to do something.
”You’re telling me…” He chuckled quietly before continuing. ”Here, let’s sit.” Rui sat down at the edge of the stage, patting the wood right next to him and looking up at Tsukasa. His gaze was filled with every ounce of kindness in his body, not wanting to scare Tsukasa away. He wouldn’t let that happen again.
Tsukasa walked over and pushed himself up onto the stage. Emu and Nene were definitely gone by now, and it was just the two of them. He could feel Rui's eyes on him. He knew the other meant well, but he couldn't help avoiding eye contact. He could feel his face heating up, and that was incredibly embarrassing.
However, despite the lack of eye contact, he knew he couldn't push this off forever. He owed Rui an answer, whether it was good or bad. He had to stop leading him on.
"Rui, I..."
Rui saw him hesitate and struggle to get the words out his mouth. He didn’t want him to be scared of anything anymore. ”Tsukasa.” He took a bit of a bold move, turning his upper body to fully face the blond and resting one of his hands on one of Tsukasa’s.
”If you aren’t ready to discuss this, we don’t have to. Nothing can change between us until we discuss things. I would never be mad at you. Not again.” His face was flushing by the minute, every inch of his body burning a fire he couldn’t control anymore. ”But look, if we are discussing this now, I’m okay with whatever you say or decide. You’re one of my closest friends and will stay that way no matter what.”
Rui resisted the urge to call him some little nickname of sorts, trying not to give any pressure into the other choosing or saying specific things. Tsukasa had his time to think, whether he used it or not. Rui just didn’t want him to close up or hide. He’s seen what hiding and running away from these things has done to people he knows and even himself; it’s never good.
Tsukasa glanced up when Rui touched his hand and immediately regretted it. He was looking at him like he was something precious. Tsukasa didn't deserve that. He looked away.
He knew what he had to do. He had to decline. No matter how much it hurt himself or Rui, he had to. There was no way he could go about this with his parents in the way. He knew he was about to break Rui's heart, but he had no choice. But before he could even think of what to say, his mouth was already moving. He spoke from his heart rather than his brain.
"Rui, I— I think we should go out sometime!" He all but shouted, his words blending together due to the speed he was speaking at. It took him a moment to process what he had said, his face heating up as he played the words back in his head.
Rui was stunned at his bluntness but his shocked expression was soon replaced with a huge smile plastered across his face. ”Yes of course!” He blurted out without a single thought. He then took a moment and remembered all of Tsukasa’s pain, his hesitance and decided to confirm with him. He wanted to make sure, for certain, he was really ready for this.
Quickly continuing from his last words, his smile calmed down a bit as he cleared his throat. ”Ah—ahem, I mean, are you sure you want this, Tsukasa? I know you know my stance and my emotions, but I really want to make sure this is okay. If this were to ah…” His face was practically red at this point as he spoke with less confidence, his eyes darting away. ”To actually become a prepped relationship at some point, I wouldn’t want you to regret it or—or worry too much that it makes you more upset than happy and—“ Rui paused and took notice of his jumbled words
”Fufu… I’m rambling aren’t I? Sorry, but you understand my concern, yes? If uhm… you still stand by your words however…” Rui beamed as his gaze met back with Tsukasa’s. It was like he was practically shining with joy and admiration. ”I’d love to go out sometime.”
"I-I.. Uhm.." Tsukasa stammered, struggling to find his words.
What was he supposed to say? Take it back and absolutely destroy Rui, or go with it and have his parents look at him weird for the rest of his life? The spotlight was on him, and for once in his life, Tsukasa wanted to be out of it.
He felt like crying, which was something he found himself wanting to do more than usual in the last day or so. He didn't let it show, not wanting Rui to worry. He just had to breathe.
Once he came back to himself, he finally met Rui's gaze without looking away. He made his decision.
"Yeah. We can do something sometime." He said, tilting his head to the side slightly.
Rui smiled wide and moved his hand from atop Tsukasa’s to have their hands become intertwined. “Yeah? Yeah—I’d like that a lot.”
The purple haired boy didn’t know what else to do, just basking in Tsukasa’s presence. Suddenly, however, he heard a loud boom somewhere near them. The bright colors flashed, shining in Rui’s eyes
“Tsukasa! Look! Look!” Rui tugged the hand he was holding as he turned his whole body to face the bright sky, watching them in awe. His legs swung back and forth over the edge of the stage in excitement.
Tsukasa glanced down at their intertwined hands, then followed Rui's gaze to the fireworks. The bright array of colors flashed across their faces, bathing them in different hues of green and purple. Tsukasa could practically hear his heart beating out of his chest, along with the chatter of the theme park around them. None of that mattered, though. All that mattered right now was Rui.
He glanced at the other, his eyes softening just slightly. This boy had given him so much, brought a light that he hadn't even realized he needed into his life. Now that he thought about it, Tsukasa wasn't sure what he'd do without Rui and his albeit crazy idea's, his stunts that got him chased down by security guards and teachers alike, and every other little thing that made him Rui.
With a reluctant smile, he leaned over and rested his head on Rui's shoulder.
Rui glanced down as Tsukasa’s head hit his shoulder, smiling. He decided to be a bit bold and pecked the top of his head before reciprocating the lean. He couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that Tsukasa’s face seemed fifty shades redder. Tsukasa just glared at him for that, but at least Rui knew he was okay with small bits of affection. They were in this weird limbo of not officially dating but definitely not just friends, after all.
Rui was glad that Tsukasa was okay with this, with them. After everything he had been through, everything he shared, it made Rui a bit reluctant himself to accept his offer for a date. Nonetheless, Tsukasa liked him like that. Like the way Rui did. Rui would make sure he knew that it was okay. All of it.
If Tsukasa was scared, Rui would be there.
If Rui was upset, Tsukasa would be there.
It was like the puzzle had finally been completed, a piece neither ever knew to be missing slotted into place. All the colors brightly shine from the small plastic pieces and into their life. Each and every color belonged in it.
Things are different now. A lot different. But it wasn’t bad. Far from it.
And they were okay with that.