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Mia trots behind Johnny, playing around as she helps her grandpa lead the animals inside for the night. As he turns around, she winces, reaching up to her chest. The scar, again.
This keeps happening. Over and over. Each time it hurts more than the last. It'll start as a small ache and keep escalating for days until it peaks and then she goes numb again. Not pain free, numb. Like she did when she died at Panthea's hands, the same coldness in her fingertips. Just as the sensation takes hold, she goes back to feeling normal and alive. It has some cool down time, one that grows smaller each time, before it starts all over again.
Her grandpa gestures from afar, whistling to grab her attention as she remembers what she's doing, and she pushes through, considering it's just starting. She doesn't want to let it control her life; the memory is bad enough as is. That is apparently the wrong choice, based on how she has to run to the bathroom as soon as Renzo loses sight of her, keeling over on the sink. She tries to throw some water on her face to calm down, her hands shaking to the point where the movement is only half efficient and quite clumsy. Mia bites her tongue to stop herself from making a sound until the wave of pain is finally over.
The lack of reminders of Panthea seemed to aid her slightly. That's what she's sure accelerates it. She's around Ono without feeling sick or in pain, and while the scar does act up with regular stress sometimes, nine times out of ten, it had something to do with the hag. A crone that is rarely ever mentioned anymore, save for the recent time travel and the mention during her... Chat with the guards.
Like clockwork, she's called to Centopia, which makes her mind automatically switch its set of worries and concerns to the magical category.
The guards seemed empathetic towards her plight when they'd seen the scar. After her staged outburst, she counted on the shock of the horrific scar to be enough to avoid questions. And they seem to stay relatively far from her, even considering she disappeared from their supervision for a couple days.
Trying to juggle the oracle's directions and the Iriditopians, Yuko and Mo snuck off to try to find more information on the previous, legitimate queen of Centopia, something Mia wanted to avoid in case they found more on Panthea, to stop the scar from getting more ideas. They also thought it'd be safest to stay and attract attention to herself, all three of them leaving would've been too suspicious, and considering the guards have probably clocked the fact she vanished, they'll focus on her now she's here. Hopefully enough to not notice they're gone.
She's entertaining the younger kids, deliberately avoiding big shows of magic and instead acting as their fly ball referee. They run and fly around the courtyard as she sits by the big old tree in the middle. She doesn't miss the looks the guards send her, and she braces herself to play dumb. She's prepared to lie. At least she thinks she is.
"Mia?" It comes from an older female voice she's barely grown familiar with.
Mia instinctively looks towards the sound, scrunching her nose at the direct sunlight. She knows it's Savia, so she looks back to the kids instead. "Hi."
The captain walks a bit closer at her acknowledgement. "You know, vanishing out of nowhere isn't a good idea. We can't protect you if we don't know where you are."
"I don't need it. The younger kids-" Not that she isn't incredibly young, "are here and they're safe. Plus, it's arguably the safest time to walk around the island."
Instead of trying to bring up the same cyclical "you have to listen" argument that relies on trust and experience that isn't here yet, Savia momentarily changes focus. "Can we talk about something?"
"I'm not it, and I'm not telling you who is." Mia prefaces, firm but not unkind. The heir conversation is getting a little old, and nerve-wracking.
Savia can't help but chuckle at her ground rule. "It's... not about that."
Mia has kept up a nicer attitude towards her, except for the calculated moments she's faked being more reactive. She knows that maybe being the more approachable of the trio would also make her seem like the most convenient when it comes to information. Even aware of that, her face softens when Savia gestures, silently asking if she can sit. Mia can see the weight behind her expression. Her first worry is that maybe something bad happened with the kids or such.
Mia sits up straighter. "What's going on?"
"Everything's stable." Savia reassures, watching as Mia's posture relaxes. She sits down. "We've been patrolling the island, mapping out anything we might not know."
Mia nods along, remembering the guard's detailed but outdated map. She worries she'll bring up how they didn't see her anywhere after she slipped out of the palace, but as she remembers the places they didn't have on the map, she feels another surge of worry. The blackwood forest, Tessandra and Phuddle come to mind.
"Mhm?" She hums, feigning innocence even as her facial muscles tense.
Savia is tight-lipped, looking towards the space where her scar should be, if she weren't actively hiding it. Her voice is gentle. "Can you show me your spells?"
Mia looks confused but lets her hand light up its usual pink color. Savia seems displeased, Mia can tell it's not directed at her but as if she's confirming something she dreaded.
"Pink." Savia notes, pained on her behalf. "You... said you fought Panthea, right?"
Mia's confusion grows during the next couple seconds, before she processes the situation and her face starts to fall. The other place the guards hadn't explored was Panthea's old palace, and when they inevitably did, what they'd find was the gruesome reminders of what happened to her. How her dried blood, the same pink color of her magic, covered the floor of the throne room. Savia slowly moves her hand, laying it over hers. Mia surprisingly doesn't move, the guards are inconvenient, but she knows she's not unsafe around them. They wouldn't directly hurt her.
The scar on her chest starts to feel prickly. She looks away, suddenly finding the light coming through the leaves very interesting. "Please don't say you're sorry."
Savia acquiesces, staying silent for a moment. "There are things that are... off, about all of this. I was wondering if you could help us explain it."
Mia's first instinct is to run from the memory, but her logic reigns her in. She knows that she doesn't want to pass the responsibility of recalling the brutal event to Mo or Yuko, she wouldn't want to talk about their ordeals either. Maybe helping the guards focus on Panthea instead of the current heir problem will be a good move. She can handle it, bringing up old stuff she already thinks about might not hurt too bad if she's vague.
Savia pays attention to her face, seeing her rationalize it before ultimately agreeing to talk with her. She smiles reassuringly, squeezing her hand. "I know it's not easy. If you want to stop, just tell me."
Mia puts her free hand over her chest, shielding it. Savia did let her storm off the other day when she didn't want to talk, she hadn't forced her or anyone. "...Okay."
"Can you tell me how long ago it was?" Savia says, they have a rough idea of the timeframe, from all but two reports that leave a big gap in the timeline.
"A little after that Newcomer’s Day." Mia sees her face sour more at the implication. The war was at its peak and they didn't know better than to send a group of young elves to fight in place of the older group that was leaving.
"And it was you, and I assume Yuko and Mo?" Savia says, already getting a hang of the dynamics.
Mia nods, swallowing thickly. Her fingers drum over the hidden scar. "Yeah, we were the ones that had to go to her palace in the end. We thought we knew how to defeat her at first, but she wasn't... Like the muncs."
Savia tilts her head, not quite understanding it at first. "Well, yes, dark elves are a little different than-"
Mia fervently shakes her head. "She wasn't a dark elf." Regular elves that are in the process of joining Drakon are also classified as such, but she means in the literal sense.
Savia's expression goes blank. "What?"
"She only made a deal with Drakon, she never actually turned." Which would have been nice to know before the battle. The scar starts to burn at the story, but Mia tries to hide it. She still seems small and fragile, almost feeling ashamed to get so vulnerable with a stranger. Her voice suddenly sounds lower, staring off with a distant look. "She... hurt me. There was a lot of blood."
Savia is still reeling at the information, starting to do the math now she knows Panthea never fully changed... She notices how Mia quiets down, squeezing her hand and trying to find something visual to grab her attention. "Isn't that ring adorable?"
Mia looks to it, momentarily distracted by the feeling of Savia's thumb running over her knuckles. Savia smiles at her. "It looks just like you."
It does, the butterfly's wings are pink and rounded, matching the softness of her smile and her overall pink appearance. Even Mia thought as much when Mo first gave it to her, like it had been made with her very being in mind rather than something that happened to match her. "My friends picked it."
"They did a good job. They really love you, and they're okay now, aren't they? And so are you." Savia affirms, knowing just who the friends she's referring to are.
Mia's first thought is whether she's way too obvious about her love for them in turn, but she tries not to blush. She's... right. They're safe. She's safe and she’s loved dearly and it is okay. She can get through this retelling as some postmortem revenge on Panthea to use her as a scapegoat for their current inconveniences. Slowly, she lets the illusion that covers the scar on her chest go again.
The scar suddenly decides to twist the insides of her chest, making her wince. Savia's hand hovers nearby at the change in her expression. She looks dumbfounded, like she hadn't even considered the possibility. "Does it still hurt?"
Mia breathes out carefully, blinking through the tears and nodding. Savia holds onto her shoulder, careful not to touch it. "Can you tell me what made this?"
"Ono's horn." Mia admits, making Savia go through the five stages of grief in approximately five seconds. She knows, in theory, that her getting Ono's horn was bad, based on the fact that Midos said Drakon wanted it. "He's okay now, but she'd taken his horn and put it on her staff."
She thinks she's doing well emotionally, considering she's not shaking horribly or otherwise out of it. From Savia's perspective, her thick, wobbly voice and the way she's started to curl in on herself are heartbreaking enough, as is.
"Mia, hey." She runs her hand over her forearm. "You're ok." The way she says it is meant to be reassuring, but her eyes scan her in confusion, looking at her scar and then at nothing. The guards reported the blood loss of whoever had been there had been severe enough their body could not have reasonably sustained life. The scar looks like the wound was aimed directly into her heart...
"My friends had to use a lot of unicorn tears, even with their magic, to save me." Mia explains, obviously not having been conscious enough to know what happened at that point. She sniffles, "We did the same to Panthea, and that did the trick."
The horror of almost dying aside, killing another elf, even an evil one, must've also been quite heavy. Savia's mind goes back to the blood, trying to pry as gently as she can. "We didn't find traces of Panthea."
Mia shakes her head, her breath shuddering a little as she wipes away a couple tears. "She didn't bleed like I did, s- she started to draw a spell I'd never seen; it looked like death. My friends took the staff away from her, and we... well, she turned into these... Ashes."
Savia stays silently shocked for a moment. Mia hears the kids’ voices fly by closer again, quickly rubbing off the tears from her cheeks. Rhea sends her a look from afar, silently asking if she wants her to bother Savia to get her to leave, but Mia gestures for them to keep playing. They don't see her expression close enough to notice anything, and they're soon distracted, flying off again.
She feels Savia pulls her closer, and she surprises herself again by accepting the hug. "Oh, my dear. I promise everything will be fine now."
It's not the empathetic sorrow in her voice that catches her attention, most of it goes to the term itself. Mayla always used it, from their very first interaction, not unlike Savia. It leaves a sour taste in her mouth, having to remember the betrayal and confusion. The reminder that maybe only their little group is truly safe.
Her hand runs through her hair, and for a second, she just closes her eyes. She knows she's been trying to trip the guards at every step. That they don't want to hurt her, but they might ultimately ruin whatever she needs to do to protect her friends, all of Centopia... But it just feels so nice to pretend she's right for a moment. That the Iriditopians will have the answers and she'll have someone to trust again. Someone older that isn't trying to fool her or ignorant of the whole picture.
It's uncomfortable to feel like a child, even if she knows she's essentially a toy version of an adult at best. A child soldier is more accurate, but she still can't stomach the fact that it was done to her. She cared for Raynor and for Mayla. She was sure they cared for her, especially after what she'd lost, but to think they might have had an opportunity to call for help and didn't, sending her off to literally die not long after. What if she made a mistake freeing Raynor and Mayla? She's not going to confess until she knows for sure, but the feeling gnaws at her.
She stays in the embrace for a tad longer, because she's earned a moment of peace. Mia looks down at Savia's uniform, seeing her shoulder wet with tears. "Sorry."
"No- no, you..." Savia says eloquently, not trained for counseling rather than war. "You've done nothing wrong."
Mia swallows thickly, not sure how to phrase that maybe she had. She wants to talk so badly, if only she had assurance that it would actually help. It probably won't. She finally hugs Savia back. The captain’s breath hitches, no doubt stuck between the sadness and anger at all the injustices done to them and the small surge of joy at making progress with her.
Maybe it's not the worst thing to pretend she's right. Her grandpa is good, yet he certainly wouldn't agree with what she does either. Most people wouldn't, she doesn't even like what she had to do at this point. There's nothing wrong with accepting care, Savia means to be good, even if Mia will have to keep lying in the future. The same way she must lie to a ridiculous amount of well-meaning people that would inadvertently doom Elarion in trying to protect her. Because morality doesn't mean helpfulness.
Savia notices her conflicted expression, wiping off the few stray tears on her face. "You're still holding back something, aren't you?"
Mia expects her to sound more upset than she does. Yes, she obviously is but having it be acknowledged so openly throws her for a loop. The lack of anger almost makes it harder, and she looks away again, just wanting the feeling of being held, even if Savia cannot even imagine everything she requires comfort over.
"We didn't mean to leave you alone; you do know that don't you?" Savia sounds affected as well, squeezing her. Mia nods against her shoulder. "Then why can't you talk, huh? What's wrong?"
Savia's voice is still gentle, probably assuming it might be fear toward the usurpers keeping her silent. How can Mia even begin to explain to her it's not one specific person. It's the entire situation putting all its weight into trying to leave Yuko, Mo and her alone in a little metaphorical, maybe also literal, island, with all other bridges burnt. And she doesn't want it to be like that, so, so bad, but it's not something either of them can change.
"I can't." Mia insists. Savia sighs, but doesn't stop holding her, having to swallow down her own emotions.
"Ok. So, you can't tell me who the heir is, and you can't talk, and... You can't sit still in the crater." She runs her hand on her upper back, above her wings. There's a sense of finality in it, knowing that not much else is going to come out of today. "A little bird told me you kept eating all the bread the other day. Maybe you should stick closer to the kitchens, so you get more."
It's a very blatant way to bribe her and keep her under supervision before she inevitably does whatever she wants again, but the captain seems to know that it's obvious. She stands up, extending her hand. Mia looks back at the kids, but they're safe, busy chasing after the ball.
She accepts her hand. Savia probably expects her to let go after that, but Mia doesn't pull her hand away, shyly glancing up as if asking her to please hold it. She needs it after relieving that day.
A few guards send Savia surprised looks when she walks by with the notorious runaway. Rino discreetly approaches, glancing at Mia's slightly swollen face and her.
"Everything okay?" They ask.
"She’s okay, we just had a chat." Savia informs Rino, something they didn't anticipate either. Mia still holds her hand as she looks around the kitchen, watching the ingredients literally fly around.
Apelo notices her reddened face, waving her over jovially. Mia finally let's go of her hand, tentatively interacting with the guards that are helping with the cooking. Apelo leans closer, asking what she likes, or more so accurately guessing it, based on Mia's small, sweet nod.
Savia pulls Rino out into the hallway, the stress evident on her face. "She told me some things that might confirm our worst fears. We need to communicate with Queen Linoa."
One of the guards draws a small illusion, making the dumpling on his hand have these big, googly eyes. Mia's surprised chuckle draws her attention back, delighted at the whimsical use of her spell skill.
"You know what I used to play with my friends here? I'd use my illusions to..." The chatter fades to the background. Savia watches as they start coaching the girl in all the fun uses of her magic she should know, rather than fighting.
"You're doing good, captain." Rino reassures her, seeing the look in her eye.
Savia runs a hand over her face, huffing. "She's still fully convinced she can't tell me more than the bare minimum and even that made her cry."
"You didn't make her cry though. Whatever happened did. She knows that, she wouldn't have walked in holding onto you if she didn't know you mean well." Rino reminds her.
"I know. She knows we won't hurt her, she's just... terrified of something." Savia looks at her in worry, even if she's seemingly bounced back from her crying spell.
Rino sighs. “It's soon, they've been through a lot, we're new. Whatever's happened to these kids won't be an easy fix, Captain.”
Savia just stares at the shenanigans transpiring in the kitchen. “Let's just hope Queen Linoa has some wisdom on how to deal with this.”
"I'll keep an eye out." Rino says.
Savia nods, already pulling out a speaking stone to report to Queen Linoa. She spares a glance back before walking away.
When Mia finally sleeps in her own bed again, on Grandpa Renzo's farm, the sinking feeling in her chest takes hold again. It's okay, everything's going to be okay, the word okay and its synonyms have probably been repeated to her in a thousand reassurances over the last few days. It doesn't even feel like a real word anymore.
It's well-meaning, like all the indulgence she was shown by the guards today, trying to get her to open up in vain. It's empty, because no matter how much they try, she's not sure anyone else could help her, no matter how much she wants them to.
She buries her face in her pillow, feeling the burning amp up. No amount of kind words can soothe the ache, Yuko and Mo have certainly tried, just as she's tried to help their wounds. The physical pain, the reality, always wins in the end.
She tosses and turns until the pain is too great for even that to work, and she resigns herself to sobbing into the mattress. Then the pain starts to feel more detached from her mind, and a crushing sense of panic starts to fill her, it’s the worst kind of dread she can think of, and all her brain can do is scream at her that she’s going to die. There’s this strange white noise in her ears, her vision darkening at the edges like she’s in a tunnel. She starts sweating profusely, even though her extremities feel numb and notably cold, and the pressure on top of her chest starts to accompany the burning of the scar. Her heart starts to feel like its skipping beats, breathing with difficulty until, almost as if someone snapped their fingers, she falls unconscious.
After a couple seconds, Mia sits up with a sudden breath, springing up like a jack in the box. She puts a hand over her chest, trying not to hyperventilate. It’s not her imagination, the time between incidents is getting shorter, and she doesn’t want to think of what might happen when the time eventually becomes minutes or even seconds. Will she truly die? Is this all some curse or the universe knowing she’s on borrowed time? Maybe it’ll just restart and go back to acting up occasionally, she hopes that’s the most likely outcome, for her sanity.
She fidgets with her ring, for all the guard’s nosy interventions, she did give Mia a nice idea to cope, the ring. If Yuko and Mo aren’t here to comfort her, it’s the next best thing. To her chagrin she has no other option but to repeat the darned phrase to herself, “It’s okay."
She must hold on, it’ll be okay eventually, it’s the hope she lives for. It’s always darkest before dawn, and Yuko, Mo and her will make sure the sun comes out again.