Chapter Text
It had hit her all at once, on a Tuesday - it was an ordinary day, and the Rainbooms were at band practice. They had finished their setlist, Rainbow Dash assigning positions for their next event. Fluttershy clutched her tambourine, knees shaking as she admitted that she didn’t want to be standing in the front row, but preferred to stay near the drums, with Pinkie Pie.
“Oh, come on!” Rainbow threw her hands up. “At some point, Fluttershy, you need to like being recognized. How are you going to join a band and show off your amazing tambourine skills if you won’t let others acknowledge it?”
Applejack stifled her laugh at the guitarist’s exasperation. For someone who loved the spotlight, Rainbow Dash had a hard time imagining why others wouldn’t want it. Although…
“She’s right, Sugarcube.” Applejack placed a hand on her quiet friend, smiling in reassurance. “It’s high time you get some recognition. Besides, you’ll have so much fun playing, that you won’t even remember the audience is right in front of you.”
“I do forget sometimes,” Fluttershy admitted.
“That’s settled, then,” Twilight said, and Sunset checked off the remaining items on their list.
Applejack winked at Fluttershy, who had paled in the few moments, thinking about her position once again. “And if you get stage fright, peek at Rainbow Dash. She’ll definitely be the center of attention.”
“That’s not true!” The Captain retorted. She rubbed the back of her neck as a blush overtook her cheeks. Uh-huh, Applejack thought, smirking. It balanced out—most of the girls preferred not to be recognized—herself included. She couldn’t imagine having fans screaming in her face, or having to wade through the crowd while ensuring that no one hurt themselves.
"Darling, you always know the right thing to say." Rarity smiled.
"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie shouted, hands creating a rhythm on the drums. "If Fluttershy's an animal whisper-er, you're the Fluttershy whisper-er!"
Fluttershy herself nodded in agreement. "I'm shy, but you always seem to know what to say to boost my confidence."
"Aw, shucks." Applejack tipped her cowboy hat back, slinging one leg over the other as she leaned against the window. "The only reason I'm so good with it is because I had a childhood friend like you, Shy. You remind me a lot of her."
She froze as soon as the words left her mouth. It had been a while since… well, you.
Pinkie Pie gasped. The sound echoed in the band room, causing Sunset and Twilight to share a knowing glance. "You never talk about your childhood friends!"
"I've met her once." Rainbow squinted her eyes, thinking. "Freshman year. I don't think she said a single word - and I asked her as many questions as Pinkie Pie. But she was nice, I think."
"But did you answer all those questions? Friendship is much about giving as knowing, you know." The energetic pink teen wiggled her brows, and Rainbow rolled her eyes in a sort of fondness.
"Wait-" Twilight pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "She goes here?"
Applejack shrugged, her fingers thrumming on the chords of her bass. It was odd, she thought. There were no plans to talk about you today with her friends, not when the two of you were essentially strangers. Though, you weren't once before.
"We grew up together," she commented.
"You what?" All the girls shouted.
Together, the two of you faced, well, everything. You were a city-slicker coming to a more suburban, small town, hiding behind your hair. It was hard to say what about you pulled Applejack in. But she took one look at you in middle school, your eyes wide with fear, and her heart ached. Her fingers itched give you a hug or plant a smile on your face.
She wanted to say it was pity. If only her room wasn’t memorabilia of all the things you two had and lost. Every time she wore her red-and-white checkered flannel, she remembered how the length of it came down past your thighs. Every time she put on a certain pair of cowboy boots, the apples covered in small gems—a fashion choice Rarity exclaimed with delight—she remembered coming home, seeing you and Applebloom on the ground, adding gems while giggling.
"How come I've never heard of her before!" Pinkie shouted, rising on the tips of her toes. "You guys must've been glued together!"
"They were, from what I remember," Rainbow muttered.
"You're right, darling." Rarity blinked, as though stunned by the thought. Freshman year now was a hazy memory, and one the group often avoided remembering - especially Sunset Shimmer.
"I s'pose we were, huh?"
You were quiet and shy, but you saw something in her. Because though Applejack didn’t mind being honest, she didn’t like being vulnerable. Yet with you, a single glance stripped her bare. When her eyebrows were knitted together, and she sighed, you eased the crease with your thumb. During harvesting season, you had come to help her pick apples, attempting to carry heavy, bulky buckets.
And you hadn't complained once - which was something Applejack couldn't even say for herself, or the hired workers.
"Oh- did you guys have anything in common?" Fluttershy sat on the ground, crossing her legs together. The room was quiet, save for the faint whirr of the heater blasting. The October gust creeped through the windows and nipped their skin.
Applejack took a step back at the intensity of their gazes - did she really talk so little about, that her friends wanted to know so badly?
"Common," Rainbow burst out laughing. "Good one, Fluttershy."
"What's so funny?" Twilight frowned.
"You would know." The athletic girl smirked. "She was an egghead."
"I'm an egghead."
"We know, Twi. But we love you anyways."
"I mean, you must've had something in common, darling." Rarity twirled her hair. "Applejack and I are polar opposites, but we even managed to do things together and have fun."
Like carrying her bags around during shopping sprees, the cowgirl thought. And restructuring her closet. There were spa days, too, though the most “fun” they’d had were when their legs were tangled together, in bed.
"I dunno, Sugar." Applejack murmured. "We were in middle school. We just ended up doing everything together, and if I was busy, she'd just come 'round and sit on my truck while I did my chores."
That’s what she meant. Since you were young, Applejack noticed that you craved quality time. You’d bring your snacks, your books, and the pie she made in the morning. Some days, if you had sleepovers, you’d come down bleary-eyed with one of her sweaters, hopping on the back of her truck and drawing your knees to your chest.
Never disturbing her. Sometimes, so quiet that she had forgotten you were there in the first place.
It was hard to say what her feelings towards you were back then. Being in each other’s orbit had become so normal, Applejack had taken you for granted. It was only until the anchor disappeared that she realized she was drifting farther from the shoreline.
"So what happened?" Fluttershy asked.
"We grew apart. I mean, there was that time that we fought Sophomore year, and I don't think we were really the same after that."
Sunset groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Don't tell me it was me who did something about it."
"I don't think it was, Sugarcube. I mean, after that fight with Rainbow, the two of us just grew awfully close, and then-" Applejack's cheeks flush, glancing at Rarity. "And then Rare and I dated."
If she was honest, it was hard to imagine how the two of you had been friends at all. But there was something about you. Applejack hadn’t realized. Because I’m an idiot. Her and Rarity—she had dated the fashionista briefly for a year. And though Rarity remained one of her closest friends, Applejack realized how much your steadfastness meant to her.
"But why were you not friends after?" Rarity pressed. "Or during? Heavens, I can't believe I didn't know about her until now!"
Regardless, the breakup had been rough.
Rough, because it was mutual.
Rough, because Rarity insisted that for someone so honest, she had too many walls up. Her fingers tightened around her instrument at the thought.
"She's a bit of a wallflower," Applejack murmured absentmindedly.
"What's her name?"
"Wow, Fluttershy, you're really invested." Twilight released a soft laugh when the girl blushed.
"I just- I have a feeling I'd know her, if she's not as extroverted as you all are. Introverts have a tendency to flock together."
Applejack placed her bass on its stand, giving out your name. The girls' eyes widened - none of them seemed to recognize you, except Twilight and Fluttershy, who clapped her hands together.
You lingered in the back of her mind. She had seen glimmers of you here and there - hanging with Trixie and Treehugger. Heading to the library, books covering your field of vision. You had walked past each other countless times in the hallway, and yet, you never seemed to notice Applejack.
And she didn't want to notice you. Not at the school dances. Not at the pep rallies. And certainly not at her shifts, eyes searching if you'd walk past her stand at the mall. Though… Applejack smiled, rubbing a hand over her chest. Huh. It did feel better, speaking about her feelings.
Too bad she missed the sneaking glances the other girls threw each other's way.
* * *
You walked through the halls of Canterlot High, books clutched to your chest, eyes brimming with excitement. Gosh, today was a good day. Because your favorite author had released another book in the romantasy series, and you knew if you begged Trixie, she'd accompany you to the bookstore during lunch to get a special edition.
Which was probably why you didn't notice a certain pink-haired, mischievous girl standing beside your locker. You hummed Enchanted under your breath, opening your locker when-
Confetti exploded out.
"HI - I'm Pinkie Pie! I saw you, and I gasped, because I thought you looked familiar, and I thought, 'Oh, it'd be awful if I didn't have anything to introduce myself with, since I wanted to be friends with you!' And so I decided on what makes me happy, and it's confetti cannons, and so--"
Wow. You blink, momentarily blinded. From her sparkling teeth, or from the confetti, you weren't sure. The burst was powerful enough that pieces of blue and pink paper tangled in your hair. That, combined with the small glitter bomb, your book was covered in bright purple.
Though that wasn’t what caught your attention. It was the fact that this was Pinkie Pie.
“This is my locker,” you told her. And then double-checked. She was known for throwing surprises, but that certainly didn’t extend to you. Because the two of you never had a reason to interact, and hadn’t. For all three years you've gone to school together, you would’ve never thought you’d cross paths with her.
Pinkie Pie wiggled her brows. “I know. Just introducing myself.”
"Uh - I know who you are." AJ's friend. Applejack, you corrected. Turning back to meet Pinkie's grin, your eyes shifted, searching for her friends in the hall. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, silly!" She shook your hand—you swore your teeth rattled at its force. Upon releasing you, she her mouth curved into one of her signature beams. "A friend of Applejack's is always a friend of mine!"
Your brain drew a blank. At the entire statement. You hesitated to tell her that you and Applejack, and the entire Apple family, had not spoken for years. And thus, were not friends. Even you and Apple Bloom resorted to awkward side glances, peering down at your phones until you've walked past one another.
"I think you've mistaken me for someone else," you added, hesitant.
"NOPE! SEE YOU LATER!" The girl shouted, arms flailing in the air, before dashing off. She disappeared in such a blur, it sent the remaining confetti within the blue locker to gust out into the hallway. A flush rose up your cheeks as people turned to stare.
Woah. You hadn't had to cope with this much energy and outbursts since Trixie. Still, a small smile grew. Pinkie was odd, but you liked this kind of odd.
Maybe in another world, you could've been friends.
* * *
Though, that wasn't where the weirdness ended. You stared out at the fall foliage, grateful for the lunch break. Trixie drove while you curled up in the passenger seat, flicking through the radio before settling on something nostalgic. One that won’t distract the magician from belting out.
"Trixie," you muttered, "Something weird has been happening."
Your friend smirked, one hand on the steering wheel, the other darting out to clench into a fist. “What? Is it something the great, and powerful--"
"Trixie," you repeated. "This is urgent."
With a sheepish smile, your friend chuckled. "Oh- it wasn't you freaking out over the chem project we have due next class? Or that you don’t have time to re-read your Daring Do series?"
You shook your head, pressing down the laughter that threatened to escape. She knew you well. Perhaps too much. "I've been getting weird glances all day. No, not even weird glances. I've been approached! From people I don't normally talk to."
"Like who?" Now she appeared intrigued. Even she had to admit, it was a bit uncommon. After all, the two of you were only friends because Trixie had slid an extra coin in the vending machine for you and then vented about how she had failed the English test that morning. You’d offered to help her study for the next one—and then realized how much of a softie she was.
Though Trix often had an infamous, too “out-there,” personality, mixed with a spoonful of arrogance, you loved that she dragged you along in her antics. And you dragged her along for yours.
"Applejack's friends," you admitted. "They've been coming up to me and each introducing themselves. But I’ve never interacted with them!"
"Why is that weird?"
"Because..." Your eyes widened. Pinkie Pie could've been a coincidence, but the others? "Rainbow Dash even talked to me." The captain of all captains had approached her during history class and dipped her chin in your direction.
"Okay, that's weird," Trixie said. "But also not. Rainbow Dash does whatever she wants. She thinks she's the best guitarist in CHS, which is not true- getting off topic again, sorry."
Definitely as energetic as Pinkie Pie.
You chewed on your lower lip. No - something was off. These were the girls who had saved CHS, and the universe, multiple times. Not to mention the Rainbooms were gaining an exponential amount of popularity online. Sometimes, you’d tune into their livestreams, trying to avoid the pressure on your chest every time Applejack’s voice filtered through the screen.
You hold up your brown tote bag—it was suede, plain. Nothing to write home about, especially because it was a bit battered and bruised. "You don't get it, Trix. She looked at this and said I have a cool bag."
"That?" She wrinkled her nose. "Rainbow Dash said that?"
"I know! It's just a bag!"
"This is getting confusing. No offense to your bag, obviously. What about the others?"
You fill her in about what occurred with Pinkie Pie, and the other girls.
Twilight had approached you during English... and asked about the book you held. Whilst holding the same book. Since it was the one the entire class was reading together. You thought you were in a fever dream for a second, triple-checking to make sure it was the exact same title and edition.
Rarity had handed you a hairbrush in the halls, insisting you kept it since the jewels on its back matched the color of your eyes. Fluttershy stood beside you, asking about your day. Your fingers tightened around the strip of your tote—Fluttershy? The three of you, including Treehugger, sometimes met to do some yoga in the early mornings. But that was because Treehugger invited you, to, as she said, ease your vibes.
Because of that, the two of you had never interacted, since Treehugger served as a medium. So when the animal-loving girl approached you instead of darting behind Rarity, you had blurted, “It’s not my birthday. And I didn’t do anything, I swear!”
Sunset had tried to make conversation with you in art class, which was difficult - and made you a little starstruck - since you had been blasting their latest single, Music in Me. You swore her eyes had narrowed into a knowing, slightly smug expression as the song blared in full volume around the classroom.
You had never pressed the pause button faster.
“Did you do something I didn’t hear about?”
“That’s exactly what I asked!”
Trixie hummed. “I don’t know what to say. That is odd. And all on the same day? What about Applejack?”
“I didn’t see her at all. You know we don’t share any classes.”
“Okay. I have a theory, but you’re not going to like it.” You sighed before resting your head on the window. It was obvious what the theory was going to be.
"Is it so bad?” Trix said. “If you and Applejack became friends again?"
You ran your hand down your face. Yes, you thought, the word catching in your throat. But also no. It was just—you couldn’t pinpoint an exact moment when the two of you had separated. There was no exact cause, but simply an effect of time.
But you missed it like it was yesterday. Without Sweet Apple Acres as your refuge, you returned to an empty house. One with parents who chose their careers over their child, who resorted to half-hearted texts rather than phone calls.
On nights you came home instead of sleeping over at Trixie’s, the loudest noise within the four walls was the sound of your breathing. There was no life in it. No Granny Smith barking about the lack of chores getting done, no Apple Bloom accompanying your excursions. Heck, no Big Mac ruffling your head, like he did to his sisters.
The feeling gnawed you, inside. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.
She stopped at a red light and pulled you into a hug.
"No matter what happens, you're my best friend," the magician declared. "And your parents are utter losers for missing out into the woman you've grown to be."
You laughed, but the fullness of it caught in your throat. Entering CHS seemed so exciting until it wasn’t. The Rainbooms were the first cracks you should've noticed, but you'd never resented her for that. Not when she had a gift for it, and when her friends were so sweet and amazing.
"Band practice," she had commented. "You understand, right?"
You remembered messing with your braid, and nodding. Of course you understood. And you understood when Applejack’s competitive nature came out Rainbow Dash, the spark in her eyes when the two had a 1-1 in the mornings. The cowgirl had soared through the field, unfiltered laughter ringing in your ears.
Doubt had crept into your mind—even today, elements of it remained. Maybe I weighed her down. I shouldn’t have followed her around so much. Maybe she got tired of me.
Except, the happier you had tried to be, the more frustrated she seemed.
"Applejack. I don't want you to have to balance both your friends. Sometimes it's okay if we're going on different paths, and you hang out with the Rainbooms more."
"So you don't even care if we don't see each other anymore?" The farmgirl had snapped.
"You know it's not like that. I want what's best for you."
“And how do you know what’s best for me?”
It’s better this way, you think. This way, I won’t need to get my hopes up over something that won’t happen.
* * *
"What are y’all scheming about over there?" Applejack crossed her arms over her chest, raising a brow in her friends’ direction. All of whom were huddled in a corner, not even interested in their instruments, but instead whispering amongst one another.
And she had a sneaking suspicion who the conversation was about.
"We're not!” Sunset exclaimed.
Applejack rolled her eyes. "Y'all are more nervous than a worm in an apple on cider making day. And practice started a couple of minutes ago.”
The six had guilty and expectant expressions on their faces, and Twilight’s eyes kept darting to the door.
Yeah, they were definitely scheming something.
* * *
The school bell rang, the shrill sound shrieking in the hallway as you darted to your locker.
“It was here moments ago.” You told Trixie, hands flying to your hair. The tote bag had been hanging in on the hook before you went to the bathroom. In a panic, you thought you had left it in your last class, and darted to the history room. But there was nothing there, and no sign of damage on your locker.
It’s fine. Don’t panic—“How can this be possible?”
Trixie held your shoulders, forcing you to face her. “I’ve got it. Let’s wander the halls again, okay?”
“Okay.” You blew a relieved breath. Most of the students had already left minutes ago, so you were grateful for the vacant space. At least you wouldn’t have to go around dodging the others.
Though Applejack and the Rainbooms are probably practicing. You tampered the thought down, rounding the corner. As you two neared the practice room, the floor vibrated to the beat of the drum, their song sneaking out from under the door and filling the hallways.
“You don’t think someone’s picked it up, did you?” Your nervous chatter caused you to completely miss the smirk widening on Trixie’s face. “I could check the lost and found again, in case they returned it—”
Trixie shoved you. You yelped at the force, body slamming against the door and pushing it wide open.
You stumbled in as the music trailed to a stop.
I wish this was a fever dream. All seven girls' eyes were on you. Pinkie slammed on her drums, the joke sound effect falling on deaf ears.
"Trixie," you hissed as she sprinted down the hall. When did she even have time to scheme this?
Trixie the traitor. No wonder she was so willing to find your bag through wandering. Usually, the lost and found would’ve been the first place she checked. Or she would’ve dragged you to Principal Celestia’s office to report this “crime against humanity.”
You were going to kill her the next time you saw her.
"Sorry." A blush crept on your cheeks. Though you attempted to shuffle out, your arm hit the side of the door. “You guys sound great- I mean- We didn't mean to interrupt. I think Trixie planted something here- I mean, I think I left something here is all. My bag."
Heads swiveled to Applejack, who appeared frozen.
I really am going to kill her. Because if there was a chance of reconciling, you wanted it to be on both your terms, not some forced, awkward meeting.
White-knuckled grip on her instrument, the farmgirl gave Rainbow Dash a very pointed look. One that sent a zip of electricity up your spine, as though she had thrummed a cord in you.
Her warning look. Not yet stern, but slightly amused.
Because you definitely remembered that look, all too well. It was one that made you giggle every time she sent it your way, as though she was fond of your antics.
"Rainbow Dash," you said, fight-or-flight kicking in. And you were definitely flight. "Can you grab my bag for me?"
"Yeah, Rainbow," Applejack repeated. "Why don't you give her the bag you just darn hootin' gushed about?"
The guitarist raised her eyebrows in return. "It's closer to you, AJ. Go ahead and do the honors."
Your hand reached back and grasped the door handle. It's fine. You could leave without taking your bag - anything would be better than having your ex-friend pity you, and give you your bag because someone else told her to.
Ugh, this was all becoming impossibly complicated.
Applejack threw another jab at Rainbow Dash's way, as though exasperated. Your eyes widened when she took your bag and came over to you.
“Sorry ‘bout that—” It was a couple of steps, but—oh. The scent of spice and apples entered the bubble you created to keep her out. All at once, you were hyperaware of her green eyes set on you. Of the freckles on her cheeks.
It was like your brain had reset.
Take the bag. You reached out to grasp it, but before they enclosed around the strap, something in her expression changed. Her brows knitted together. Applejack retracted your tote.
"Are you okay, Sunshi-" She cleared her throat.
A slip of the tongue, you rationalized. Some habits were hard to break—and one of them was failing to ignore the flutters in your stomach every time Applejack's eyes softened, when pinned in your direction. And the drop that followed, knowing that it was a look of pity instead.
"I'm fine," you blurted. "Can I have my bag, please?"
Her lips twitched. Even years later, you knew she was hiding a smirk. "Well, I found it. How does that saying go. Finders, keepers, isn't it?"
You blew out a breath. You could be civil.
"Applejack, if you could-"
"That's not my name."
Your eyes narrowed. “Not your name? I can't possibly think of what else your parents could've named you. Stubborn Jack? Asshole Jack?"
She hovered the bag in front of you, voice laced with something teasing. A knowing. "Got a backbone now, huh?"
"AJ!"
Applejack laughed, but it's softer.
You must be imagining the thread of intimacy - all those years of the two of you running up the apple orchard, all those years laying on the ground, watching the sunset. Hearing her laugh like this was like finding an old sweater in the closet, like coming home and sinking into its warmth.
For a moment, you stood, stunned at how it floored you. How it crushed a tiny part of you, too.
The blonde stopped, hands flying to rub the back of her neck. "Sorry, uh, didn't mean to tease."
"It's okay," you reply quietly. Stood stiff and awkward as she handed you the bag.
Time to go.
And then - habits. Fingers brushed against your skin, Applejack tipping your chin up, so you'd glance up at her. Your breath hitched. You didn't know whether you wanted to cry or to laugh. Because she had always done something like this to lighten your mood.
If only every action didn’t come with its memory. You turn away from her touch, and bolt out into the hallway.
* * *
“Well,” Rare interjected. "That certainly was... something."
Something, alright, Applejack thought. She bit the inside of her cheek, knowing she definitely hadn’t imagined the dark circles you’d hastily covered with concealer, and how exhausted you appeared.
The moment you entered the room, it was as though she had been punched straight in the gut. Every protective instinct she believed she had forgotten flared to life at the sight of you, all shy, toes grazing the floor.
Before she had time to control her actions, her hands had flown to your chin, inspecting you closer.
There were moments, seasons, where some nightmares were worse than others. This looked like one of them. The first time Applejack had experienced it, she hadn’t known what to do. You had tossed and turned until the cowgirl had pressed her weight upon you, wrapping an arm around your waist and placing you against her heartbeat.
You stilled every time.
Pinkie Pie rotated her arms as she sprawled across the floor, legs pushing her towards Applejack’s direction. "Yeah, I could've swam in that tension."
"Enough," Applejack snapped, her voice taking on a harsher tug. "None of y'all go 'round bothering her. She's got enough on her plate."
"On the contrary, darling, she could do with a few more veggies on her plate, if you get what I mean.” The fashionista inspected her nails to conceal her smirk.
"Oh, are we the veggies?"
Not you too, Fluttershy. Applejack groaned.
"Why can't we be the main course?" Pinkie asked.
"Because someone else takes up that spot." Rainbow and Sunset high-fived at their own innuendo, and Applejack placed her hands on her hips.
“I mean it. Don’t go horsin’ around, you hear?”
“I thought you wanted to be friends again.” Twilight raised her brows. “And don’t deny it. After years of being around you, we can read your expressions pretty well.”
But she didn’t want to cause you any pain in doing it. Seeing you again had her realize how much she had missed you, but also how worried she was for you half the time. She’d never admit to you how it brought her more peace to have you near.
Like when you rubbed your wrists—another flare up? She had always ensured that you didn’t carry heavy objects after you couldn’t feel anything in the area. And you were clumsy, maybe she should’ve checked if there was anything—for Pete’s sake.
Friends. Applejack wondered if that was too loaded of a word, to go from friends to strangers to friends again. She didn’t want to erase the entire history you two had. Not when she had learned everything about you, from watching you grow as a person, from you watching her do the same.