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Atsumu would’ve called himself an experienced lover. He’d had plenty of relationships, though none lasted longer than three months. He got the ick too easily, fell out of love too quickly, and always ended up bored.
Meeting Sakusa Kiyoomi felt like stepping onto the ground after running on a treadmill for an hour his legs weak, his balance unsteady, like he was about to fall.
They clicked instantly. Atsumu thought he’d struggle more with this, but Sakusa seemed to return his feelings almost immediately.
Their love story bloomed in January. Atsumu had just gotten out of another bad breakup the month before (when will he learn?). New year, new him, right? He’d sworn he’d stay single this time.
Fortunately he had his fingers crossed
He met Sakusa at training camp. Everyone had crowded into Kageyama’s room, loud and restless. Atsumu had technically met Sakusa the year before, but they’d never really spoken until that night. in the middle of all the noise, he and Sakusa ended up sitting together, talking quietly for hours. Atsumu felt the butterflies almost immediately, though he was quick to turn them into moths when he convinced himself he didn’t stand a chance.
Or so he thought.
How cliche, right?
They met again the following week. It was the final night of camp, and Atsumu found himself searching the room for Sakusa, only to realise Sakusa was doing the same. That night, they ignored everyone else, speaking only to each other until they finally exchanged numbers before bed. (Mind you Sakusa walked Atsumu all the way to his dorm)
That was the beginning of a beautiful love story. (Directed by michel Gondry)
By February, they’d made it official. There was no hesitation with them. Atsumu knew he adored Sakusa, knew he was different from everyone else.
They weren’t perfect and everyone knew that. They argued often, and neither of them ever apologised sincerely. Instead, they’d dismiss it and move on, and Atsumu convinced himself that was enough.
Being with Sakusa felt like walking a tightrope blindfolded and a piece of spaghetti instead of a balancing pole. One wrong move and everything would come crashing down.
Fortunately, Atsumu seemed to think he was the Charles Blondin of the 21st century.
After every fight, every argument, Atsumu would somehow drag them back to normal. He believed ignoring the problem long enough would eventually make it disappear.
Ignorance really is short-lived bliss.
Heavy on the short-lived.
After a year and a half together, they’d split.
Sakusa left Atsumu without looking back, while Atsumu stayed trapped in the past.
Experiencing your first love at sixteen is beautifully gut-wrenching. And isn’t it strange how Atsumu could be so devastated over a relationship that lasted barely over a year, while other people survived divorces after sixty?
If anyone asked how he was, he’d smile and say:
“I’m doing good. I’m glad Sakusa’s moved on. I’m still working on myself.” While knowing he had Jeff Buckley queued ready to play in his headphones.
No one ever actually asked about Sakusa, and yet Atsumu answered for him anyway.
Love makes you sad. It makes you question every choice you’ve ever made. Sometimes Atsumu wished he had a time machine so he could go back and never meet Sakusa at all. Other times, he wished he could relive everything on repeat despite knowing exactly how it would end.
Love can make you cruel. It can make you betray your own values. If the person you loved told you to jump, you’d ask how high before your feet even left the ground. Despite being painted as the most beautiful emotion a person can experience, love can make you feel unbearably ugly, inside and out.
If Atsumu was ever brave enough to tell their love story again, he hoped one day it would have a different ending.
Loving someone is never truly a waste.
But sometimes Atsumu still wished he’d stayed home that night.