Archive of Our Own

Jeno doesn't get jealous, it's just not the type of person he is. He's lived with 6 other men for the past decade of his life, sharing things comes easy to him now. He definitely doesn't get possessive, especially not over something he already has.

Which is why the ugly feeling in his stomach when Jaemin receives a hidden proposal in his inkigayo sandwich feels especially weird.

They'd just come back from performing, room full of adrenaline and impatience. But the kind that manifested in silly jokes and teasing, not annoyance. Jeno’s especially calm today, sitting next to Renjun and taking a bite out of his egg and jam sandwich. It was honestly kind of gross, but the only thing he had to stave off his appetite.

Jaemin sat in front of them and was absolutely devouring his sandwiches. He’s always had such a weird taste in food, but Jeno thinks it suits him. He’s just about to put his own sandwich down when he hears a startled noise from in front of him.

He watches, curious, as Jaemin pulls out a piece of paper from his mouth.

“I didn’t know this was actually a thing?? Guys-” he gets up and shows it to everyone else, and the room quickly erupts into laughter and shouting. A few of them are huddled around Jaemin now, most probably trying to decipher what’s on the piece of paper.

Jeno doesn’t catch on at first. “What’s that?” he leans forward to have a better look.

“Someone gave Jaemin their number,” Haechan says, smile evident in his voice. He sounds as if he’s definitely not going to let this go anytime soon. Jeno feels his own expression drop though.

And when he turns his gaze over to Jaemin and sees him grinning with shark teeth on full display, it only sours his mood further.

“Let me see,” he puts a hand out before he even realizes what he’s said. And if Jaemin is a little confused by it, it doesn’t show in the way he shakes his head and his smile doesn’t falter once.

“Nuh uh, get your own!”

“Come on, let me see,” Jeno frowns, making a grabbing motion. He doesn't know why he wants to see it so badly, maybe he wants to see if he can recognize whoever’s number it is–maybe it’s someone he knows? Maybe they wrote a message too, you can't blame him for being curious.

He considers getting up and joining the others when he sees Jaemin’s reading the other side now. But strangely, the thought of showing that he cares more than normal makes his frown deepen.

Because why would he? This sort of thing happens all the time, despite how much the industry makes it seem otherwise. He's even had a few female idols give him their numbers, of course it’d happen to Jaemin as well. Jaemin’s good-looking, charismatic, gives a good impression to everyone he meets because he’s so friendly. That’s the reason they even became friends in the first place.

Jaemin grins and shoves the paper in his pant’s pocket, much to Jisung and Haechan’s dismay, who are slower readers than they’d ever admit. He simply goes back to eating those dumb sandwiches when Haechan complains very loudly about it.

Why isn’t Jeno happy when Jaemin clearly is? Maybe the idol mindset is getting to him and he can’t bear to not be the center of attention. He tells himself to snap out of it, he would never be that kind of friend, not to anyone but especially not to Jaemin.

“Are you gonna text?” Mark asks from beside Jaemin, and the latter pretends to think about it for a moment. Jeno knows he’s pretending because his index finger’s now resting on his slightly jutted out bottom lip. It’s kind of cute, the fans would go crazy for that. Jeno doesn’t know if he imagines those sneaky eyes glancing towards his direction, but he finds himself looking away just in case.

“If I'm in the mood when I get home,” Jaemin settles on that. And Jeno feels that bitter feeling cloud his thoughts again.

“How do you know it’s for you though?” the words leave him before he can think about it. Everyone’s looking at him now. “I mean, it could’ve been for anyone.”

“Are you saying it couldn’t have been for him?” Haechan says, clearly trying to stir something up. Jaemin pretends his heart is wounded by pressing a hand to his chest and making a distressed sound.

“Wow, Jeno…i didnt know you hated me that bad..” he mumbles with a mouthful of bread. It’s so obviously not serious but Jeno almost panics, that’s exactly what he didn’t want anyone to think.

“No, that's not– I was just saying, you know. There’s seven of us..”

“Oh, I get it,” Jeemin leans forward, and Jeno almost lets out a sigh of relief before he starts again. “You wanted it to be for you.”

The room fills with Ooo’s and Ahh’s, he even feels Renjun let out a giggle from beside him. Jeno’s eyes go wide and he scans Jaemin’s face for any sign of annoyance. He doesn't find it, he’s clearly joking. That still doesn’t stop his hands from getting clammy though.

“Ah, I mean, I did look really good today,” he shrugs and hopes his attempt at feigning indifference goes through. Jaemin laughs that easy laugh of his, it makes a smile grow on his own face as well.

Later, Jeno rushes to sit next to Jaemin on the way back. He doesn’t know why but chalks it down to making sure everything’s good between them, even though they joke around way more on any other day.

Jaemin shows him the now crumpled piece of paper, because as much as he pretends not to, he tells Jeno everything. Jeno reads the message, a sweet little appreciative line, and a number written down prettily below it. He tries not to dwell on the heart drawn beside it.

It mentions his full name, so of course there’s no way it could’ve been meant for anyone else. That part makes him just a little bit embarrassed.

“...Will you message them?” He finds himself asking, because all of Jaemin’s friends are Jeno’s friends and the idea of Jaemin having a friend he doesn’t know about is.…well, not a big deal, it really isn’t.

Jaemin shrugs.

“Probably not,” a wave of relief washes over Jeno, and another wave of guilt double the magnitude comes with it. “It’s probably a girl anyway, and I don't think she’d wanna be friends instead.”

Jeno nods in understanding, subconsciously rests his head on Jaemin’s shoulder for the rest of the way back.

It's not unusual for the two of them to go out to try new restaurants together. When they're on tour or just have a free day, Jaemin looks up what the best places to eat are and asks Jeno to tag along. They have a similar taste in food, even if their desserts are always vastly different.

It's also not unusual for them to get recognized when they’re on one of these outings. Jeno doesn't like to boast, but they are pretty popular. Especially on days like today where neither of them really bothered to look unrecognizable.

That still doesn't make it any less uncomfortable when he notices two girls staring at them from a few tables away. When they notice he’s seen them, they scramble to look away and eat their food. He loves their fans to the moon and back, and wouldn’t trade his life for anything. But sometimes, he wishes he could go out with Jaemin and not have to think about anything else.

As long as Jaemin doesn’t notice though, he doesn't really care. It's not like the girls are taking pictures of them or anything, he appreciates that.

Jaemin lets out a pleased groan at how good his food is. Jeno’s grateful there’s music playing and it doesn’t garner any attention. It does make him sigh anyway, though it doesn’t hold any weight. No matter how much Jeno hates bringing unwanted attention to himself in public, that prospect seems impossible when Jaemin’s around.

“Agh, Jeno you have to try this,” Jaemin says, bringing up a piece of tender meat to his lips. Jeno instinctually opens his mouth and lets him feed him. His eyes light up, the food really is that good. He can't even blame the other anymore.

He notices Jaemin hasn’t had any of the stir-fried mushrooms even though they’re one of his favourites. He grabs some with his chopsticks and gestures the food towards him. Jaemin brings forward his own utensils to grab them from Jenos, but a light shines in his round, freaky eyes just then. It’s almost comical.

The metal chopsticks make a faint clinging noise as Jaemin puts them down on the table, and instead opens his own mouth with an ahh sound.

Jeno’s hand falters. His eyes glance around them and momentarily land on the girls still sneaking glances. Once again, they look away when they notice. Jeno’s about to just put the food on Jaemin’s plate when he speaks.

“Come onn, I fed you too!” he complains with a pout before opening his mouth again. “Feed me.”

He could’ve just ignored him. Jaemin does this all the time. The fact that they’re in public and surrounded by people they don’t know gives Jeno all the more reason to just ignore his annoying best friend and eat the mushrooms himself.

Which is why he even surprises himself when he gives in to what Jaemin wants. He shakes his head and ignores the heat on his ears as Jaemin exclaims in delight. He just has to be so animated in public, doesn’t he?

“It tastes even better this way.”

“Just eat your food, Jaem.”

Jeno feels eyes on them again, but doesn’t want to bring himself to look up and feel awkward again.

Not until they’re done eating and a pair of footsteps edges closer to their table, that is. Him and Jaemin are just talking about the bill when he notices one of the two girls now hovering around. Jeno’s just glad she waited until they finished eating.

“Um, hi,” she starts, and stops just as fast when she sees Jaemin staring at her with curious eyes. Jeno doesn’t really blame her, it’s hard to think when those freaky eyes are staring right at you. It must be even harder when you’re a fan.

The girl’s just staring at Jaemin now, and Jeno’s about to ask if she wants an autograph himself because it’s getting kind of weird.

“Um, I just saw you from our table and thought you were really handsome,” she gestures to their table and sways on her feet. “I was wondering if I could get your number?” She looks at Jaemin hopefully, hands behind her back and pretty eyes blinking a little excessively.

Oh.

“I hope you don’t think this is weird, I really like your style,” she adds, the shyness evident in her voice. She must not do this often.

Oh. Jeno realizes what this is. She didn’t want an autograph. She doesn’t even know who they are and thought Jaemin was handsome.

He's staring blankly at her and doesn’t realize when Jaemin glances in his direction.

She’s really pretty, he notes. Taller than he expected, but not too tall. Long, straight black hair flowing to her waist. She’s tucking a strand of it behind her ear. And she’s making a move on his best friend.

He looks between them, they wouldn’t be too bad of a couple.

“Oh, thank you, that’s so sweet of you.” Jaemin smiles, and Jeno can almost see the effect that has on her. He can’t even blame her, Jaemin’s smile is gorgeous. “But I’ll have to decline, I’m not interested.”

Jeno looks back up at Jaemin at the same time the girl makes a sheepish face. The wave of satisfaction that washes through him feels foreign and unlike anything he feels normally in situations like this. He almost wants to smile when the girl nods her head in understanding, trying to shake away her disappointment.

What the fuck is wrong with him? It's that same feeling again, it's been months since that day at inkigayo but it feels like just yesterday. Jeno wants to hit himself. Why is he happy that his friend didn’t say yes to this beautiful woman? Does he want her for himself? That's such a terrible thought to have in regards to someone he cares so deeply for.

It doesn’t even weigh on him that there’s no way Jaemin would’ve said yes anyway. Jeno knows exactly what his type is, and as beautiful as this woman is, she isn’t that.

And he doesn’t even notice when she speaks again, only snapping out of his daze when Jaemin taps his hand and gestures his chin in her direction.

“Ahh, this is probably so weird, but my friend over there–” she vaguely points to their table again, Jeno follows it and sees the other girl smiling at him, he instinctively smiles back. “She thought you were really cool too, if you’d, um, be interested.”

Oh. Now that's unexpected.

“Ah, this is so embarrassing. I knew I shouldn't have agreed..”

“Oh no, don’t worry about it! I noticed you two but I thought it was–well,” he stops, not wanting to tell her they were idols lest it make the situation even more awkward. “But I will have to apologize as well.” Jeno looks at her with an apologetic look on his face. He feels like an asshole whenever he has to do this.

Honestly, it’s not like he had to say no. They didn’t even have a dating ban on them anymore, and Jeno's been single for way too long. But something about giving a girl his number when Jaemin was sitting right in front of him left him with a bitter taste in his mouth.

He chalks it down to guilt, because of his unwarranted displeasure earlier.

She simply nods understandingly again, bowing before leaving their table.

Jeno breathes a sigh of relief when she leaves and looks to the man in front of him, expecting a cheeky grin on his face at what just happened and how Jeno dealt with it.

Instead, he’s met with round eyes turned sharp and lips pressed into a thin line. It only lasts for a split second though, Jaemin’s back to his usual carefree expression and teasing him in no time. Jeno remembers how hard it is to read him sometimes. That’s something that hasn’t changed in the near 15 years they’ve been friends.

One other thing that hasn’t changed is how shameless Jaemin is.

“I swear to god if you don’t stop making those noises– we’re at the gym!” Jeno breathes out, exasperated. And Jaemin doesn’t even look apologetic in the slightest, instead feigning confusion.

“What’re you talking about, jen?”

“You know exactly what. I asked you to spot me, not try to get us kicked out,” he looks around warily and thanks whatever god is up there that there’s only a couple people around and they’re all engrossed in their own workouts.

Jaemin laughs, “You’re so paranoid. See, they all have headphones on.”

Jeno glares at him as if to say, ‘You know that doesn’t make a difference.’ It doesn’t look intimidating though, if the way Jaemin lightly taps his cheek in response is any indication.

“The puppy’s trying to look scary, oh I'm terrified!” he teases. Jeno feels heat crawl up his face but it’s not as noticeable due to how exerted he already is from the workout. Or at least, he hopes that’s the case.

“I’m a human..” he mumbles, and lays back down on the bench, getting himself ready for another set. Jaemin chuckles and goes back to spot him.

The first few presses go without a hitch. When he starts to struggle a bit though, breathing out short groans in exertion, Jaemin decides to be a little freak again.

“Ooh yeah, Jeno–” he starts, and Jeno's arms almost give out at the way he says his name. “Keep going, you got it, you got it.”

He knows Jaemin’s trying to hype him up. He's not even making those weird, exaggerated sounds that border on moans like he was a while ago, Jeno thinks he should be grateful. But the words he's saying along with the pressure on his chest makes him feel lightheaded in a way he knows he shouldn't be.

“One more, come on–” Jaemin encourages him from above. Jeno has to close his eyes to avoid looking at him, hearing him is bad enough. He powers through the last press of his set if only to have the other man stop whatever he's doing. “Just like that.”

He places the bar back on the machine and breathes out heavily when he sits back up.

Jeno watches as Jaemin goes to their bags to fetch him some water. He wants to tell him off, but all he can get himself to do is stare. He's wearing a tank top, just like Jeno himself is, but part of Jeno has always thought his friend pulled it off way better.

His skin’s smooth, built arms flexing even at the minute action of picking up a water bottle. He's always built arm muscles easily, but Jeno never found himself jealous of the fact.

Again, jealousy doesn't come easy to him. Especially in regards to his closest friends.

Jaemin hands him the bottle and he mumbles a small thanks. A strange feeling blossoms in his stomach when he locks eyes with him while drinking. He's grinning down at him, like he often is, but this time it feels…targeted.

The corners of his mouth are turned up, and his smile is more teeth than anything. They look sharper than normal. So do his eyes, actually. He looks sly in the same way he'd expect a snake to look.

Jeno ignores it, ignores how his brain wanders to the words that came out of that same cunning mouth earlier, ignores the heat rushing up his neck when he tells him good job. Even ignores the way his hand lingers on his shoulder as he does so.

What's with him today?

The contrast between his friend’s face and body is one he thinks should be the focus of attention more often. Everyone’s always talking about how he has the face of a samoyed and the body of a doberman, but what about Jaemin? He's got almost girlish features, a lithe v-line shaped jaw, soft lips and a pretty nose. And those eyes.

For a while, his face was easily balanced out by his darker, more prominent eyebrows. But he’s gotten them lightened to go along with his platinum blond hair. And when he wears those blue-greyish contact lenses along with it?

Jaemin’s quite pretty. Jeno doesn’t realize he’s been staring at his face this whole time until Jaemin moves to do some overhead tricep extensions. He snaps himself out of it. Or, tries to.

Jaemin’s pretty, that's a known fact. But Jeno finds himself unable to use just that word to describe him. When he pulls the 30kg dumbbell up to his head and lets out a low groan, his arms flexing, Jeno has to look away. His eyes fall to his chest instead, rake down his body as if trying to find something in the way he heaves in exertion.

Jeno feels something bubbling up in his own chest. It can’t be jealousy, Jeno’s not shy to admit he’s well-built himself. Maybe it’s appreciation? He’s not blind, he can acknowledge how good-looking his best friend is. That’s like, a fact of the world.

Jaemin catches his eye, but Jeno can’t find it in himself to look away. He sees something twinkle on the other’s face and before he even has a chance to decipher it, Jaemin lets out an almost guttural sound.

Jeno’s eyes shoot wide. He immediately rushes over to slap a hand over Jaemin’s mouth as he’s in the middle of letting out another, very intentional, groan.

“I’m gonna kill you, I swear I'm gonna kill you,” Jeno whispers. And he can feel Jaemin laughing against his palm. He’s put the dumbbell down now and is pulling at his wrist, trying to take it off his face.

“Whaaat, no one’s even paying attention to us!” Jaemin replies, clearly finding enjoyment in making Jeno lose his mind. He sighs and looks around hastily to confirm Jaemin's telling the truth but– Oh.

Someone’s walking towards them.

It’s over. Jeno’s going to go home today and scream profanities into his pillow. He's going to block Jaemin on all social medias and the nomin tag on twitter is going to die out.

Someone’s walking towards them, headphones around his neck and phone in hand. This is it. They're both getting kicked out and verbally humiliated. He's hot too, Jeno notices, the guy’s tall and clearly well built, but still not bulky. Fuck, that’s even worse.

To Jaemin’s credit, he does look very apologetic when Jeno turns to look at him, mouthing a sorry and getting up to presumably apologize to the man himself. Jeno doesn’t know if he’s grateful or wants to run away.

“Hey, I noticed you from across the gym and–”

“Before you say anything, I want to apologize. I didn't mean to cause any disturbance,” Jaemin cuts him off, bowing down in apology in front of the man. The guy has an unreadable expression on his face though, Jeno hopes the bench swallows him whole. “I’m really sorry.”

The guy lets out a small laugh, “What are you talking about? You can’t apologize for being good-looking now, can you?”

What.

Again?

Jeno can’t see his face, but he presumes Jaemin’s just as confused as he is when he straightens back up. The handsome guy waves his phone around.

“I was just wondering if I could get your number? You look like you’d have some good workout tips,” he asks, eyes very clearly raking over Jaemin’s body before landing back on his face. He smiles.

He’s good, his intentions making themselves clear despite the innocuous nature of his words. Jeno feels relieved, confused, disappointed.

Irritated.

Jaemin seems to recover quickly from his misunderstanding, and lets out a chuckle of his own. Knowing this guy is getting a direct view of that smile and those crinkled eyes makes something ugly blossom in his mind.

“Oh, is that so? I don’t think you need my tips, if I'm being honest,” Jaemin’s flirting. It’s so obvious that he is. He’s changing his stance to look more relaxed, and if Jeno could see his face, he swears he’d see a version of that same cunning smile from earlier. Jeno frowns. He doesn’t like that, he wants to interject.

But why would he? He watches as the guy laughs along, making up some excuse about not being able to see any progress with his traps.

If this were a girl, he’d have the excuse that Jaemin doesn’t like girls. If this were someone not his type, he’d be able to tell himself he’s saving him in some way, even though his friend’s shown time and time again that he can deal with advances like this on his own. He doesn’t need Jeno being some sort of knight in shining armour.

This guy is exactly Jaemin’s type– tall, built, with a pretty face and flirty, but almost shy, humor. Jeno can’t think of a reason he’d say no to him, and that fact annoys him. Jeno’s annoyed because he wants Jaemin to turn this guy down. But why?

He only notices he’s grinding his teeth when a hand hovers over Jaemin’s shoulder. He’s running it back and forth now, saying something Jeno can’t bring himself to decipher as he stands up and finds himself stalking towards them.

He doesn’t even know what he’s about to say, or do. All he knows is he doesn’t want to be an invisible audience to whatever it is this guy’s doing anymore. But before he can say anything, Jaemin grabs his hand and pushes it off.

“Ah, I'm flattered, I really am,” he starts. A look of surprise makes its way to both Jeno and the stranger’s face. “But I don't really do flings. And it doesn’t seem like you’re looking for anything serious.”

The guy blinks, glances back at Jeno who’s now standing right beside Jaemin, and huffs out a breath.

“I’d hate to let someone as gorgeous as you go, but you’re right,” he says, disappointment evident in his voice. Jeno can’t ignore how the man’s words make him clench his jaw again.

“I’ll see you around then,” Jaemin ends the conversation. The stranger nods stiffly before sending a brief acknowledgement in Jeno’s direction and walking away.

Jeno can’t help the satisfaction that blooms in his chest again, and this time it’s accompanied with something akin to pride. Although that doesn’t make sense because it’s not like Jaemin rejected this guy for him, it’s not like Jaemin’s his.

“Looks like you hurt his ego,” Jeno states, to which Jaemin shrugs. He’s still staring at the guy when he notices Jaemin’s eyeing him.

“Maybe he just got scared cuz a big puppy interrupted us.”

Jeno rolls his eyes. He knows he’s just making fun of him. His words are laced with a question though, he’s asking Why?

Jeno doesn’t answer it.

“I’m just glad he wasn’t trying to get us kicked out. You need to be less shameless in public,” Jeno berates him, slaps his arm but lets it linger at the same time.

“Sorryyy,” Jaemin pouts. “But you’ve gotta stop staring at me if you don’t want me to do it again.”

“What does me staring at you have to do with you moaning in the gym?” Jeno refutes, doesn't even deny the accusation thrown at him because he doesn’t think it’s important. This doesn’t go unnoticed by Jaemin though, whose smile widens.

“So you admit it, huh? Are you sure it’s not you who’s the shameless one?” he grins and Jeno sighs. He obviously knows how good he looks, he doesn’t need anything else to boost his overgrown ego.

“I was staring ‘cause you looked dumb,” he says instead, words not carrying any bite. He’s going back to the bench he was sitting at earlier, and Jaemin follows eagerly. Jeno doesn’t think about it.

“Yeah? That’s not what Jaehyun said though.”

“You exchanged names,” Jeno says more than asks, looking back at the other. An almost familiar feeling makes its way back into his mind and he can already feel himself getting irritated again. He doesn’t remember them exchanging names.

“I could’ve sworn you were listening in the whole time,” Jaemin pokes at Jeno’s cheek and Jeno looks away.

“Was not.” And that’s not entirely untrue, but Jaemin doesn’t need to know the real reason Jeno didn’t notice. He doesn’t need to know Jeno was boring holes into that guy’s– Jaehyun’s– built body, urging any god listening to him to make the man trip and embarrass himself in front of Jaemin. “I was on my phone.”

Jaemin pokes at him and annoys him even harder at that, asking him who he was texting, talking about how he knows Jeno thinks he’s hot, wrapping his arms around Jeno’s shoulders if only to talk straight into his ear. Jeno can’t help but smile at his antics. He’s about to push Jaemin off when he notices a pair of eyes staring right at them.

He doesn’t have to look up to know it’s Jaehyun. There’s only maybe 2 other people in the gym anyway. Jeno pushes Jaemin off, but not for the same reason as earlier.

“You know, I did hear one thing,” Jeno starts talking before he even realizes it, grazes his fingers along the length of Jaemin’s bicep. Jaemin lets out a curious hum. “He was right about you being toned. Your arms are getting pretty big.”

Jeno squeezes a little, hand going up to his traps to give them some attention as well. His eyes falter as he feels a desire to appreciate his chest too. Jeno feels more than hears Jaemin chuckle.

“Coming from you? Now I'm really flattered,” Jaemin replies. It’s quieter than before. “I dunno though, Jaehyun's arms seemed bigger than mine.”

Jeno huffs. The irritation he expects to feel at the mention of the guy’s name instead brings him amusement. Because he knows Jaehyun's looking. He wonders what’s going on in his head as he watches some other guy basically grope Jaemin’s shoulders, wonders if he’s annoyed that Jaemin didn’t let him do the same.

His hands move on their own, moving slightly downwards to run over his chest as well. If Jaemin thinks he’s being a weirdo, he doesn’t say anything.

“Your chest’s gotten more muscular too,” he murmurs. Jeno can feel two pairs of eyes boring into him now, but they’re both accompanied with very different feelings. He can’t even stop to think about how weird it is what he’s doing, because the contentment he feels knowing Jaehyun’s watching stumps everything else.

Jeno stops at his waist, looks up to catch Jaemin quietly observing his hands. He decides he’s had enough fun and pinches his stomach to make Jaemin giggle, surprised.

“Hey–What was that for!” Jaemin shoves his shoulder.

“Let me finish my workout, you weirdo.”

“Weird–weirdo?? You’re the weirdo! Fine, do your little gymrat exercises. Let’s get something to eat after this.” Jaemin shakes his head. If his ears are pinker than usual, Jeno doesn’t say anything, because he knows his own are probably way worse.

He doesn’t mean to, he really doesn’t. But when he looks up and locks eyes with a certain stranger, he can’t help but smirk in triumph.

Jeno’s so terrible. He's such a terrible friend.

The thought’s been plaguing his mind for months, but now it’s multiplied. Jeno is such a terrible friend.

Not because he got annoyed when people made advances on Jaemin, not because he wanted those advances to be made towards him, not because he was protective, not because he wanted only good things for him.

Jeno’s a terrible friend, because he’s in love with Na Jaemin. He wanted Jaemin to be his.

The same Na Jaemin that asked for help with his pre-algebra homework in 7th grade, with round eyes and an equally round haircut. The same Jaemin he went to high school with, the same one who grew taller than him first and complained when Jeno had his growth spurt just a few months later. The same Jaemin he told everything to, the same one that called him baby and darling over the phone because he was never ashamed of his affection, the same Jaemin that’s been in his life for more years than not.

Jeno fidgets with his fingers under the table he’s sitting at. The same Jaemin that wishes Jeno were really a puppy, the same one that teased him over small things and who he teased back, because they knew each other inside out. The same Jaemin whose house he was at every other day, despite seeing each other almost everyday of the year anyway.

Jeno was in love with one of his closest friends. But that wasn’t even the thing that bothered him most. He knows it should, it should’ve come as more of a shock. But Jeno’s more worried about how he won’t get to have Jaemin the way he wants to. He keeps thinking about the countless people that make moves on him, how one day, Jaemin’s going to say yes instead of a polite no, and Jeno won’t be able to do anything but watch.

Because Jaemin’s not his.

And he has the audacity to act like he is. Jeno sighs.

They’re at a variety show, just him and Jaemin. It’s been a week or so since he did god knows what at the gym. Their packed schedule made it easy to not dwell on it, but now, watching quietly as Jaemin takes the lead in socializing with the host, it’s all he can think about.

Jeno’s not the most sociable person, Jaemin is, despite them both being introverts. That’s why they always fit together so well. He does well enough in group settings but when he’s one of the only two guests present, it takes him some time and effort to talk more.

He’s following his friend’s lead, and thinks he’s doing well enough.

But his mind keeps wandering when he doesn’t have anything else to add. He notices how close Jaemin has gotten to the host, jokingly shoving him when he makes a particularly funny joke. Jeno laughs along, adds his own little anecdotes, but his gaze lingers when the other two hold hands for longer than is necessary.

Jeno wishes an anvil would hit his head when he realizes he’s jealous again. What's there to be jealous about? Jeno and Jaemin hold hands all the time– in fact, he finds himself initiating it just now too, just to show that it’s normal and holding hands doesn’t have to mean anything other than friendliness.

Jaemin doesn’t even react, just keeps his hand in Jeno’s. Jeno tries to keep his smile at bay.

“Ah but Jaemin is quite pretty, isn’t he,” the host teases when Jaemin does his signature aegyo pose, index finger resting on pouting lips and eyes wide. Jeno agrees, lets out a small laugh at how dumb and cute Jaemin looks. “Almost like..like a princess?”

“Hyuung, you’re too kind. It’s just what the fans wanna see y’know?” Jaemin makes a kyuuung sound, and laughter erupts within the room.

It’s true, it’s all true. Jeno thinks, when the host continues showering him with compliments, praises his fanservice ability and how good he is at taking selcas. Something he doesn’t understand though, is why he needs to be so adamant about it.

Jaemin’s attractive, everyone knows that. Does he have to keep saying it? Jeno wants to roll his eyes. He doesn’t even know why, why does it have to bother him so much all of a sudden? Why does he have to be so antsy?

They change topics and start playing some sort of game. And Jeno can’t wait to go home.

Half of them have a day off. Haechan, Renjun and Mark have their own schedule, and Chenle wanted to take daegul to the vet.

So naturally, Jeno, Jaemin, and Jisung end up at an amusement park. Part of Jeno wanted to stay home and wallow in self-pity, but Jisung really wanted to try out the new carnival games that they had around for a while. He’d already gotten them tickets online too, and there really wasn’t a way Jeno could’ve said no to that.

It did give him the opportunity to let go for a little bit, he hadn’t realized how much he was thinking about everything.

Of course, despite it all, Jaemin’s still one of his favourite people to hang out with. Though he’s not terribly competitive, he wins all three of them mario hats in one of the ring toss games, and is adamant that they wear them for the rest of their day out. And while Jeno doesn’t like attracting attention to himself, he decides to go for it anyway.

He sees someone carrying around a giant hello kitty plushie for his girlfriend a little while later and can’t help but smile at the similarity of the situation.

Not that Jaemin is Jeno’s girlfriend. If anything it’d probably be the other way around.

“Jenoo, Jisungie, look here!” Jaemin waves his hand to catch their attention and snaps a picture on his camera as soon as they look. He coos at the picture he sees on his viewfinder, although Jisung complains that he caught him off guard.

He’s trying to grab Jaemin’s camera to delete the picture himself, but Jaemin only pushes it further and further away. Jeno can’t help but smile at how endearing they are.

“Oh, Jisung, look,” Jeno gestures to behind the two of them where a cotton candy stall has opened up. “They have cotton candy.”

As much as Jisung pretends not to, he has a bit of a sweet tooth. And while Jeno and Jaemin actually don’t care for sweets very much, they decide to get one to share as well.

Jaemin takes a bite of his and hums in delight. Jeno thinks the cotton candy kind of looks like his hair.

“Ah ah, wait, stay just like that,” Jaemin rushes out and grabs his camera from around his neck to snap another picture when Jeno takes a bite. He whines in complaint and both him and Jisung peer over to see the picture.

It’s so dumb, Jeno has the cotton candy in his hand and a piece of it is stuck to his mouth. He’s staring at the camera with startled eyes, like a deer caught in headlights. Jaemin giggles to himself as Jeno’s whines grow louder.

“You look so cute, I can't delete this,” he says, lips forming a wide grin. Jeno can feel how the words make his ears red, and a dejected smile forms on his face as well. The amount of stupid pictures of him and the others Jaemin has on his phone and camera are too many to count.

Jisung takes a bite of his cotton candy and looks between them, amused.

They decide to take a break at the amusement park’s restaurant when Jisung’s stomach grumbles. It’s a cute little place, and none of them comment on how they had dessert before actual food, because they’re just like each other in that way.

Jeno’s happy. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he shoved a rice ball in his mouth, laughing along to something the other two were joking about. No matter how weird his feelings about Jaemin may have gotten, that bitterness never makes its way through with any of his other friends.

They all look at each other in confusion when a plate of vanilla ice cream finds itself on their table. None of them had ordered that, they already had dessert anyway.

“Another customer paid for this. He said it was for the blond one,” the waitress explains, gesturing somewhere behind her. Jeno sees a man smiling towards them, he narrows his eyes.

“The blond one? Hyung, that’s you,” Jisung points at Jaemin with a mouthful of food, swallowing it down before he can be berated. “Wow, you’re really popular, huh?”

“Ah, what can I say,” Jaemin grins, clearly showing off like a preening cat. “What do you think? Should I go say thank you?”

He’s not serious. Jeno knows he’s not, he’s just joking around. But it leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, and an equally bitter feeling in his chest. One that he’s come to know all too well, and one that he still can’t seem to do anything about.

“You don’t even like ice cream,” he mumbles, moving around the food on his plate in irritation.

Jaemin looks at him in amusement, “What was that, Jeno?”

Jeno glances up and sees the two of them staring at him, both very curious.

“I said, you don’t even like ice cream. You don’t eat dairy,” he repeats through the embarrassment in his head. “Why would you say thank you? That guy clearly doesn’t know you.”

Jaemin laughs aloud at that.

“Of course he doesn’t know me, what’s got your mood all sour?” he adds a curious little ‘hm?’ as he taps Jeno’s chin, the man in question looks away with an almost unnoticeable pout.

He sees Jisung slide the plate towards himself with a shrug, and it alleviates his annoyance a little bit. Now the man knows Jaemin rejected his advance.

Jeno sighs, murmurs a small nothing and continues eating his food.

He’s not allowed to feel this way. Jaemin can do whatever he wants, talk to whoever he wants, like whoever he wants. He shouldn’t be ruining the mood with his petty feelings. He shakes his head to stop thinking about it.

Jaemin and Jisung are quickly engrossed in talking again, which makes him feel a little bit better.

He knows he’s not allowed to get annoyed. But it’s so unfair. Why can’t he just have him?

He doesn’t notice Jisung staring at him before he speaks.

“Shit, i completely forgot,” he gets Jeno’s attention. Both his hyungs are looking at him now. “Chenle asked me to pick him up from the vet– he’s gonna be so mad..” Jisung’s frantically going through his phone now, presumably texting Chenle apologies and explaining that he’s going to be a little late. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow!”

Jisung gets up before either of them have the chance to have any more questions. Jeno thinks he’s just going to leave, but he leans in to whisper something in his ear.

“You need to get it together, hyung.” is all he says before rushing out of the door.

Jeno flushes, and presses his lips together.

How did he figure it out so quickly? Jeno feels embarrassed, if he’s so obvious that Jisung figured it out, then…

“What? What’d he say?” Jaemin asks. Jeno panics.

“Um. My fly’s open.” he pretends to zip it up, and ignores how loudly Jaemin laughs beside him. Once again, he’s grateful for the music playing in the restaurant.

“No way, are you serious? I didn’t even notice!”

“Yeah, well. Just finish your food, don’t talk to me.” Jeno rushes out, stuffing his own mouth with food again.

“Nooo baby, why’re you being so pouty? You look just like a samoyed,” Jaemin teases, poking his cheek again. Jeno tries his best to ignore all of it.

And for god’s sake, he’s a human!

They’re playing balloon darts, having decided it’d be a waste of money to just go home now. Although with everything that’s happened, Jeno really, really wants to go home and lay in his bed, alone.

Before Jaemin calls him some variant of puppy or baby again. It’s supposed to be friendly, he knows, Jaemin calls everyone baby. But he can’t get his heart to reason with his brain, no matter how hard he tries.

Jaemin’s throwing his last dart at the board, his tongue’s sticking out and one eye’s closed. He’s even standing with his hips jutted out and had taken his mario hat off too, saying he needed to do everything he could to focus. Jeno wishes it weren’t so easy to find him cute.

Just as Jaemin misses and lets out a disappointed sound, Jeno sees him. The same guy who bought Jaemin ice cream earlier, standing just a few metres away from them.

Why is he here? Well, of course he’s here to play some games, but why is he here? There’s no way this is a coincidence, he’s going to notice Jaemin beside him in no time.

“Aww. Jeno, do you wanna– ah!” Jeno doesn’t know what comes over him, but he grabs the other boy’s hand and starts moving. He doesn’t know where he’s going, he just has to get Jaemin away from that dumb guy. He doesn’t even know Jaemin doesn’t eat dairy, he’s not worth his time.

“Where are we going??” Jaemin asks, amusement evident in his voice even through the surprise of being dragged around. But Jaemin’s strong. If he really hated it, he could just pull them to a halt.

He doesn’t know how long they walk for. All he knows is they end up behind an empty food stall. There aren’t a lot of people around, and nobody can actually see them here. Jeno lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding and pushes Jaemin against the wall of the shack. It’s gentle, but Jaemin still lets out an oof sound.

Jeno keeps his head down, catching his breath. His hand is still grabbing onto Jaemin’s wrist, and the other isn’t doing anything to take it out of his grasp. His other arm comes up to rest on the wall in front of him.

When he finally gets the courage to look up, a pair of curious eyes is already staring back. He doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to say. Jeno notes that Jaemin brings out this side of him more often than he’d like to admit.

Because Jeno’s laid-back, and everything he does carries a rhyme or reason. Sure, he gets irritated sometimes, but those moments are few and far between. He’s easy-going, and prides himself upon that fact.

Jeno doesn’t drag his friends away from people he doesn’t even know because he’s afraid they’ll talk to them. Not unless that person is a serial killer or something.

He surveys Jaemin’s face, breaks the eye contact they were having because it’s so hard to think when he’s looking at him like that, the whole world in his eyes. His gaze falls to his cheeks, dusted with pink due to the sudden exertion. His nose looks shiny, a product of his regular self-care routines. His lips are…well, Jaemin does take applying chapstick very seriously. Jeno subconsciously licks his own lips.

“Why…why do you have to be so pretty?” he gets out, and regrets it almost immediately. He expects Jaemin’s eyes to widen, his eyebrows to furrow together, his face to contort into something confused, or maybe uncomfortable.

What he doesn’t expect is him letting out a soft laugh. Jeno startles a bit as the sound finds home around them. It’s not quiet in the park by any means, but they’re so far away from the main part of it that all Jeno can hear is muffled sounds of talking and laughter. And his heart beating in his own chest.

“You dragged me here to ask that?” Jaemin asks, voice mellow. He shuffles a little under Jeno’s eye, it makes the latter realize just how close they really are. He can feel the warmth of Jaemin’s body on his own, but strangely, he doesn’t want to move away. “You think I’m pretty?”

The words are whispered so lowly, Jeno thinks the only reason he hears is due to their proximity. And it’s obviously a rhetorical question, Jaemin knows the answer.

But Jeno still wants to respond–wants to say No, I think you’re beautiful. Wants to trace every part of his face and think of a new word for it, wants to run his hands over his body for hours on end, wants to press his lips into every divot he can find, every mole and freckle, every crease and mark.

But he sighs instead.

“Everybody thinks that,” he replies, a little frustrated, and a little dejected. He wants to look away so badly, but the way the other boy is looking back at him, eyes full of hope along with something he can’t recognize, it chains him in place like some sort of magic trick.

“I don’t care about them,” he murmurs. “Do you?”

It’s as if the world around them pauses for a second, or maybe two. Does he?

I think you’re everything.

Jaemin snickers, “Everything, huh?”

An embarrassed flush covers Jeno’s face upon the realization that he’d voiced his thoughts out loud. He groans and rests his head in the crook of Jaemin’s neck and shoulder as the other trembles with laughter. He smells good, of course he does.

Jaemin’s free hand comes to pat him on the back, and it only makes Jeno more embarrassed. What is he even doing right now?

“Hey, look at me,” Jaemin urges, and Jeno doesn’t respond. “Baby?”

It’s the middle of January, but the back of Jeno’s neck heats up anyway. He meets his gaze once more, and then Jaemin’s smiling sweetly, encouragingly.

“Stop calling me that,” he mumbles.

“Hm? I thought you liked it,” Jaemin inquires, voice laced with mirth even in this moment.

Of course he liked it, he liked it too much. That’s exactly why he wanted him to stop. Because Jeno prides himself on being level-headed, but the way Jaemin’s looking at him, and the words he’s saying, make him want to leave everything behind and kiss him right then and there.

“What if I don't want to stop?”

The hand previously on Jeno’s back comes forward to cup his jaw instead. It’s such a gentle thing.

Jaemin always looked at him like he knew all of his secrets, and it never really bothered him, because he never had anything to hide.

It should at least scare him now, knowing he’s been hiding something so severe from him for months. But it’s never like that with him. Instead, he feels comfort, comfort in knowing Jaemin probably understands. Because along with being the most gorgeous person he knows, he also reads Jeno like an open book.

It’s nice, because Jeno doesn’t have to say it. He never really liked talking that much anyway.

He’s not sure if he’s the one who leans forward, if it’s Jaemin, or both of them at the same time. The only thing he feels is lips on his own.

They’re soft, of course they are. But somewhere in his head he considers that even if Jaemin weren’t so committed to keeping his lips moisturized, it’d still be good, because it’s him. And it’s not like Jeno’s inexperienced, he’s kissed a few people over the course of his life, even been in a couple relationships. But something about kissing his best friend of 15 years, feels thrilling in a way he can’t describe. He doesn’t even know how long he’s wanted this for.

He only realizes that he’d kept Jaemin’s wrist in his grasp this whole time when he lets go to cup his face instead. Jaemin kisses him back almost eagerly, as if he’d been waiting his whole life for just this moment. As if he dreamt about kissing his best friend in the blind spot of an amusement park.

Jaemin’s other hand grazes the back of Jeno’s neck and the latter sighs into their kiss at the feeling. He pulls him impossibly closer, combs his fingers through Jeno’s hair before grabbing a fistful of it, if only to keep him in place.

Jeno lets out a surprised sound, and pulls back just slightly.

The man in front of him fusses in his attempts to pull him back, and Jeno giggles at him.

“Puppy, don’t be mean.”

Jeno doesn’t know what the churning feeling in his stomach says about him, but he doesn’t dwell on it. Jaemin’s voice is low and causes his laughter to cease into a smile.

Jaemin’s eyes are glossed over with desire, and maybe irritation. He juts his lips out as if to try and lure him back in.

It works.

And this time, Jeno realizes that Jaemin’s a biter. But he can’t find it in him to mind.

“Jaemin, that’s evil,” Jeno simply states, even if he can’t stop the corners of his lips from curling up.

They’re both laying on Jaemin’s bed, having decided neither of them wanted to leave to go their separate ways just yet. They were watching a movie, but Jaemin brought up that day at the gym in an attempt to tease Jeno about it. Instead, he’d admitted that he only played along with Jaehyun because Jeno was there.

“I wanted to see your reaction!” Jaemin exclaims. The movie was still playing in the background, but if Jeno were to tell the truth, he hadn’t paid attention for even a minute. “And if you ask me, it was worth being a little bit of an asshole.”

Jaemin pinches Jeno’s nose and the latter waves his hand away.

“You were all like, guard dog, and then the groping? You’re such a freak, jen.” Jaemin grins at the colour that quickly makes its way up Jeno's neck and face.

“I did not– grope you!” Jeno blurted out, bewildered. Everytime he thinks about that day at the gym, he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole. And now Jaemin’s making fun of him for it too.

“You so did! You were like wow Jaemin, your pecs are awesome and why’d you tell Jaehyun your name, you’re mine,” Jaemin recalls the incident in a fake deep voice, even though Jaemin’s voice is literally deeper than Jeno’s most of the time. Jeno feels his face physically burn and he shoves at Jaemin’s chest.

“I didn’t say any of that! Oh my god,” he cries out. He can feel the bed rock back and forth with the force of Jaemin’s laughter, he hates him so much.

“Sorryy, it was just so cute. You’re cute when you’re jealous,” He lets out a long breath to calm himself down. “I didn’t hate the groping either, you know.”

“Shut up.” Jeno retorts, pout on his face threatening to turn into a smile.

Jaemin pecks Jeno’s lips before he’s even noticed he leaned in. Jeno stares at him in bemusement, and he can’t help but laugh when Jaemin does.

He notices Luna walk in and make herself comfortable on the edge of the bed. He follows suit and pushes himself deeper into Jaemin’s hold. If Jaemin asks, he’ll offhandedly mention the cold, because he knows he’ll be able to tell he’s lying.

A few beats of silence pass by, and he actually watches some of the movie. It doesn’t actually make any sense of course, but Jeno can’t find himself minding.

“I was waiting for you to realize, you know,” Jaemin breaks the silence once more. Jeno, curious, looks back and hums as if to ask him to elaborate. Jaemin doesn’t meet his gaze. “I just, liked you for so long.”

Jeno eyes him for a bit, a little surprised at the admission.

“How long?” he asks, voice soft.

“Hmm, maybe a few years?” Jaemin flushes, “I almost lost hope.” He's fidgeting with the end of his sleeve, still not looking back. Jeno feels a soft regret in his heart. He could’ve had this sooner, if he weren’t so dumb about his feelings.

“But, you dated,” he mentions, to which Jaemin huffs out a laugh.

“I was trying to get over you, I couldn’t pine my whole life. I’m not Hyuck…” he adds that last part as an offnote, and Jeno doesn’t know whether he wants to frown or smile. He chooses to gently grab Jaemin’s hand in his own, delicately caressing the skin with his thumb.

“But no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, you were just…always there,” Jaemin sighs, as if this was something he’d been holding onto by himself. And he probably was, Jeno makes a face at the fact that he never noticed.

Jaemin’s looking down at their joined hands, and intertwines their fingers together. It feels so perfect, so natural, Jeno doesn’t even know where to begin.

“I’m sorry I made you wait,” he whispers, “I…like you a lot. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize.”

Jaemin shakes his head.

“Never apologize for that. I’m just, really happy.” An easy smile makes its way to his face once more, and Jeno’s breath hitches. He wants to kiss those lips again, and so much more that he can’t put into words.

He thinks about it for a split second and realizes he can, anytime he wants to. It makes him feel giddy, he joins their lips way too hurriedly and revels in the small sound Jaemin lets out in response.

Jeno doesn’t get jealous often. He’s level-headed and secure. He might get frustrated, maybe a little irritated at times, but he doesn’t get jealous. Because he’s happy with what he has. He doesn’t get possessive, because he knows. That at the end of the day, after Jaemin politely turns down the nth person making a move on him, it’s his arms he’s going to come back to.

Because Jaemin’s his, and he’s Jaemin’s.