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It starts with a shoulder rub. A friendly pat on the back. A long friendly hug. A friendly hand on the small of Griff’s back. Friendly. Sort of. Zayn figures he is quite sleek, sneaking in all these unnecessary hugs in the morning when they meet. Griff never says anything about it. He just hugs Zayn back and then lays out his clothes for the day.
Right from the moment they met a few months ago Zayn had these strange feelings. He remembers that day clearly. It had been a long day and his head hurt . He just wanted to go back to bed and sleep for a bit. Even an hour. Instead he had to go and have his fittings done for the next event. All feelings of exhaustion had left out the door once the good looking guy was introduced to him as Griff, his new stylist. Caroline, his former one, had left to go do her own business and while Zayn was sad to see her go, he was happy for her. She was a great woman and an even better friend and deserved the world. Zayn was feeling incredibly humbled that she had chosen to leave one he decided to. Such loyalty is hard to find.
Anyway Griff had offered his hand, because for whatever reason Zayn had found it hard to form coherent sentences after Griff smiled gently at him. They moved passed Zayn’s embarrassment.
Currently Zayn is well aware he might harbor an inappropriate crush on his employee. It doesn’t bother him. Much. He has made peace it, made peace with the fact that Griff could never feel the same way about him, and even if he did nothing could actually happen. Boss. Employee. Recipe for disaster. That doesn’t mean he can’t have a little fun. So every day he wakes up and thinks of ways to make Griff blush with discomfort.
Just last week he had skillfully eaten a banana or rather tried to shove it all in his mouth. Granted he choked a bit and almost died of embarrassment but not before he saw Griff swallow hard and look away. So it was a point in his favour. Plus the explanation he gave for his actions left everyone in the room clutching their stomachs at the ridiculousness of it all.
They do talk, Griff and him. Sometimes on the phone when Zayn can’t sleep because he is feeling restless and he needs to hear another human voice because it gets lonely. Most of the time is during their working hours. He doesn’t ask himself why he doesn’t call anyone else. It’s become routine. When he is actively trying not to jump Griff, Zayn really likes his company. Griff is fun and beautiful and reminds Zayn of good things. Good things like his mom’s cooking, or his dog back at Bradford, going to the gym with his dad. He reminds him of good friendship, of tears and laughter.
***
Today he feels quite subdued. He had slept quite late last night. Thoughts had plagued his mind. Wild thoughts. Uncomfortable thoughts that left his heart feeling tight. He wondered how it would feel to kiss Griff. A peck. A full on snog. He wondered if Griff’s stubble would feel rough against his lips. How his hands would feel resting on Griff’s hips. It made him wake up in a bad mood when he remembered his fantasies couldn’t actually come to life.
He has an Elle photoshoot.
He doesn’t hug Griff. He easily avoids contact with him, ignores Griff’s questioning eyes when he gives him a casual nod instead of a proper greeting. There might be a little hurt in there too but Zayn convinces himself he is probably projecting his feelings onto Griff. He is grateful for the mill of photographers and stylists and assistants.
It is quite a good photoshoot and he has fun, all gloomy feelings forgotten. He feels quite revolutionary. Afterwards, when he goes back to his house, he feels the need to celebrate yet another accomplishment but the initial gloomy feelings return.
***
It’s a several days before he sees Griff again. He has been avoiding him religiously; won’t pick up Griff’s calls or text him back. It helped that he has been on a bit of a break from the busy life of a celebrity of his status. He doesn’t have any scheduled meetings and it’s been quite great until now.
Griff shows up on his doorstep along because of course he does. Zayn wants to be left alone with his thoughts but he can’t possibly kick him out. So he plasters a smile on his face and invites Griff in. He needs to be brave. He can’t keep having these feelings for his friend and he can’t avoid him forever. It ain’t fair to either of them. So he hugs Griff tightly and Griff lets out such a content and relieved sigh as he hugs back just as tightly. It makes Zayn feel even worse.
“Look Griff,” he begins. “I’m sorry for being such a brat and not taking your calls.”
Griff is looking at him earnestly and he is so beautiful. Zayn wants to untie his hair and run his hands through it and count each of the dreadlocks. He shakes away the thought. This isn’t the time to be distracted.
“I just needed to deal with some things. I know I was an asshole…”
“Yes you have been,” Griff interrupts and Zayn can feel his shoulders slump even lower. “But I hope you sorted it out. I kind of missed you smoldering at the furniture.” Zayn looks up and sees the cheeky smile on Griff’s face and he is so relieved he sits down for a minute.
“You are an ass, “ Zayn says fondly.
Griff shrugs and walks over to Zayn’s inbuilt fridge. “You like me anyway,” he says as he takes out two beers. Right. Zayn likes him too much. He expertly snatches the beer hurled his way and takes a long swig. He needs courage and liquid courage is probably as good as it’s gonna get anytime soon.
Griff raises his eyebrows when Zayn finishes chugging down his beer before Griff even has a sip of his. “Someone was thirsty.”
Zayn takes out two more beers. This time he takes his time. He can already feel his blood buzzing because he hasn’t eaten anything yet. Beer on an empty stomach; his mum wouldn’t like that at all. He needs a smoke.
“Griff there is something I need to tell you and you are not gonna like it.”
“Are you firing me? I thought you liked my styling,” Griff asks worriedly.
“What? No. Of course not. It’s ridiculous that you would even think that. I love your style.”
Griff walks over to where Zayn is seated and settles awfully close, turning to face him with a ‘go ahead’ look on his face. Zayn’s mouth feel dry. He takes a long sip of his ice cold beer but it doesn’t help. He can’t do this. He wants to run. He is about to walk outside towards the pool but the hand on his thigh stops him.
“It’s ok babe. You can tell me.”
Babe. The term of endearment makes Zayn’s heart race a bit. He looks into Griff’s eyes. They are so lovely, a darker shade of brown than Zayn’s. He feels trapped in them, can’t seem to look away. That’s the moment Griff glances at Zayn’s lips twice. Twice. That’s the number of times Zayn feels like his heart is about to give out. He decides fuck it and moves his face closer. He is probably reading this all wrong and is about to destroy a good friendship forever but he can’t bring himself to care.
The first touch of soft lips against his makes his blood rush so hard he feels hazy. He presses closer and they are properly kissing now, tongue and all and Zayn briefly thinks about Griff’s beard. It doesn’t scratch Zayn’s face, just blends in with his own and they become one. Zayn hopes he never wakes up from this dream.