Archive of Our Own

Kaveh looked over her outfit in the mirror for the umpteenth time, smoothing her long skirt and adjusting her braid.

Okay. She was ready. Probably.

Her handbag matched her clothes and she was leaving the house fifteen minutes early, as planned, to ensure that she would most definitely not be late to her first day at a new workplace.

Everything had to be impeccable as usual because this job offer was as close to perfect as she could get, and things only went wrong when you couldn’t predict what could go wrong. If she predicted everything, there would be no surprises. Which was why her bag was filled with over ten kinds of pills, cash, a credit card, a debit card, a light jumper, a sweater, an ID card, a protein bar, two kinds of lip balm, lunch, and, obviously, her work supplies.

Really, after all the bad luck she’d already had in life, a smooth-sailing first day was statistically likely.

The whole situation with her father and then her mother in her childhood and teenage years had been… difficult enough, to say the last, and university had come with its own issues — stress, pressure, that aching need for perfection, and the nauseating discomfort regarding her gender that she kept shoved deep within her chest. Not to mention the cherry on top: a screaming match with her best friend during exam week on her senior year.

Not that it mattered anymore. She was doing better in every sense of the word, both mentally and physically, finally comfortable in the body that looked back at her from the mirror. And now, she had a job offer, with a much higher paycheck than she was used to, in a high-end architecture firm where she could put her artistic eyes to good use.

Yes, she thought, marching into the elevator of a dauntingly large corporate building. Nothing will go wrong.

As the doors slid close, a hand calmly made its way into the elevator, causing them to slide open once again. A tall figure stepped in, clad in a well-adjusted suit and a backpack from which a novel was peeking out.

Kaveh’s jaw dropped as her gut filled with dread.

Alhaitham looked at her from between clipped silver bangs, and those eyes that Kaveh had seen dozens of times in her dreams looked the exact same as they had years before.

They stood in silence as the elevator dinged.

“You didn’t— press your floor,” she mumbled, gulping.

“It’s already pressed.”

That voice. It was the same, too, as the deep, unimpressed cadence Kaveh had heard countless times during study sessions and late nights, lounging around the library or Razan Garden in between lectures.

It was as if Alhaitham had stepped out of her life and stepped right back in, with an outstretched hand in between the elevator doors, looking as bored as ever. She looked the same, if not for the crisp white button-up framing her shoulders and the evident bulge of muscle on her arms. Even her haircut was the same, shaggy but practical, clipped short enough that her jawline was always visible.

A sudden sense of permanence drifting off how Alhaitham looked almost the same sent Kaveh’s heart beating profusely out of anxiety. She felt like she was in university again, and the sensation was… unpleasant. The last time Alhaitham saw her, she had been dressed in boys’ clothes, hair cut short and eyebags deep with exhaustion.

Unlike Alhaitham’s, her voice was completely different now — much higher in register. Her golden hair travelled down to her waist, one of her favourite assets, and her chest— well. Her chest, full stop.

Alhaitham had no idea. Her eyes, as usual, gave nothing away, but Kaveh assumed she was confused. Did Alhaitham even recognise her?

Kaveh cleared her throat. “Do you work here?”

“Yes.”

“On the… ninth floor?”

“Yes.” Alhaitham’s eyes travelled to Kaveh’s left hand before returning to her face. “And you? Meeting?”

“No, uh, I work here too. It’s my first day.”

“I see.”

The air in the elevator felt suffocating until it dinged again, and the doors slid open. Alhaitham motioned for Kaveh to leave first.

“Thank you,” she murmured, chest constricted with nervousness. “Uh. I’m meant to meet someone called Madam Faruzan. Do you know where her office is?”

Wordlessly, Alhaitham led her down a well-illuminated corridor, and stopped unceremoniously in front of a door which read Madam Faruzan — Head Architect.

“Thanks.” Kaveh looked down at her feet, unsure why Alhaitham hadn’t moved. “I… didn’t expect to see you again.”

Alhaitham hummed, which could mean me neither, or I did, actually, or, I don’t care, stop talking to me.

“I use she/her now. You can, uh, probably tell.” She forced her eyes up to meet Alhaitham’s. “I’d be grateful if you could refrain from telling anyone about my… gender.”

“Naturally.”

She nodded, scratching her neck. “Okay. See you around, I guess?”

“Probably.”

And, with that, Alhaitham calmly strolled down the corridor and turned a corner.

Exhaling deeply, Kaveh let her forehead drop against the wall. What the fuck was that? And here she was, thinking all her bad luck had run out. It was just what she needed, to run into not only someone who had known her before her transition, but who she’d cut ties with by essentially stabbing their bond with a dagger multiple times.

Not that Alhaitham would ever out her. Probably. She didn’t have the time or energy to purposely hurt anyone, and there had been a couple of trans people, Nilou and Scaramouche, in their friend group back then. Sure, Alhaitham had never been especially close to either of them, but then again, she was never actually close to anyone except for Kaveh.

And yet… it was disconcerting, to have someone who knew who she was a lifetime ago casually appear yet again, reminding her of who she used to be (or who she used to think she was). Her years in college hadn’t been easy, and the reminder of the words she had spat at Alhaitham’s face that one night made her feel somewhat nauseated.

And, what if Alhaitham wasn’t who she thought she was? What if she harboured a grudge towards Kaveh and did out her? She didn’t want anyone to look at her differently, which could happen if—

No, she refused the thought the second it came into her mind. Alhaitham was a good person, despite what many believed, and Kaveh had been the greatest defendant of that. A swirl of guilt knotted up her gut at the idea that she would think so lowly of someone who had been by her side when not even she had the energy to take care of herself.

Besides, Alhaitham had never been one to exactly respect the gender binary. She presented as more masculine than feminine, often being called “sir— ma’am? Uh,” in cafés, and shrugging when anyone asked for her preferred pronouns. She was a woman as far as Kaveh knew, but more so out of something closer to apathy than anything else.

“Hello?”

Kaveh whipped her head back at the voice, only to find an elderly woman with light blue hair raising a quizzical eyebrow at her. “Are you lost?”

“Oh, no.” She opened a bright smile, cursing herself for standing in the middle of the corridor for a full minute like an idiot. “I’m here to speak to Madam Faruzan. I’m a new hire.”

“Oh, of course,” she replied, waving her arm as she opened the office door. “That would be me, darling. Come on in.”

“Ah, thank you! It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Faruzan hummed as she pointed towards a comfortable chair in front of her desk, putting eyeglasses on. “Kaveh Paradisaea, correct? Architect?”

“Yes.”

“Welcome to Kshahrewar. Your CV is brilliant. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble adapting.”

She smiled sheepishly at the praise. “Thank you. I really look forward to working here.”

“Hm. I’ll go over the projects you’ve been assigned to, and a few guidelines and internal logistics. Where did you work before, again?”

The meeting was succinct and informative, surprisingly, although Faruzan did spend a minute or two on an aside about young people these days, before calling in an intern to show Kaveh around.

“Hello, Miss Kaveh. I’m Sasani.”

“Hi,” she replied, smiling.

The girl kept stealing glances at Kaveh while guiding her through the office, which admittedly made her a little anxious. Did she have something on her face? Or, worse, had Alhaitham said anything within the fifteen minutes she spent in Faruzan’s office?

“If I may,” Sasani started, looking down at the floor while scratching the nape of her neck. “I visited the Palace of Alcazarzaray. It’s— brilliant. I hope to one day make something as brilliant as that.”

“Oh.” The anxiety drained out of Kaveh’s chest at once. “Thank you so much! I didn’t expect you to know about that.”

“Are you kidding? You’re a genius. The palace is a work of art.”

“Thank you so much. If you work hard, I’m sure you’ll be able to work on any project you like.”

“I hope so.” Sasani pointed at a desk. “Here you go, this is your work station. I’ll call IT over to help you into your email and computer. I’ve shown you the bathrooms and the meeting rooms… I think that’s it. Do you have any questions?”

Kaveh hesitated before opening her mouth. “This is a little random, but, uh— Is there someone called Alhaitham working here? I thought I saw her earlier today, I was just wondering… what her position is.”

“Oh, yes, she’s our legal director. Grey hair, scary eyes, right?” Sasani chuckled. “You know each other?”

“Oh, not really. Went to college together. You know.”

“I see, what a coincidence. Well, let me know if you need anything.”

“Of course. Thank you so much.”

Kaveh chewed on her bottom lip while unpacking her sketchbooks and materials, dreading the thought of walking past Alhaitham in the corridors. Did she resent Kaveh? She probably did. Kaveh deserved much more than resentment for having exploded on Alhaitham’s face, letting all her insecurities burst out after too many sleepless nights and too many little voices in her head whispering that she wasn’t enough. Every word of concern that left Alhaitham’s lips, bluntly as always, had hurt as if she was listing Kaveh’s flaws one by one, reminding her, you’re unable to take care of yourself.

At some point, the feeling of Alhaitham’s arms around her had more guilt and unease seeping into her than comfort. After so many years of being alone in her heart and mind, self-sufficient in every way possible, the feeling of needing someone made her feel weak. And, worse, letting her tears and problems out in front of Alhaitham made another tiny voice come into action, screaming that she was a burden. Alhaitham would tire of all the ugly parts of her eventually, and leave. That fear solidified into certainty, and Kaveh fled before it could become a reality. She would leave first because her heart couldn’t take the pain of being left behind one more time.

And, of course, the feeling of Alhaitham’s hands on her body caused a different kind of discomfort to creep in, although Kaveh didn’t call it “dysphoria” at the time. Alhaitham thought she was beautiful, and it had felt achingly wrong, because the ‘beautiful’ parts didn’t feel like her.

She shook the thoughts away when a smiling figure approached her, introducing himself as the IT guy.

“Sethos,” he said, shaking her hand. “I take it you’re the new architect?”

“Yes.”

“Hm.” Sethos logged into her computer while chewing gum, eyes curiously drifting toward her. “Say, out of curiosity, I saw you walking with that lawyer when I came in. Alhaitham, right?”

She internally groaned. “Yes, she helped me find my way here.”

“Cool. She doesn’t… help people much.” Sethos laughed. “I don’t mean that as a judgment. She’s just… introverted. I was a little surprised to see you two talking, is all. Thought you might be friends.”

“We… were,” Kaveh replied, shifting uncomfortably on her chair. “We went to college together.”

“And then?”

She blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You lost contact or something?”

“Yeah, something like that. I didn’t know she worked here.”

“Right.” He slightly narrowed his eyes, and it made Kaveh straighten her back. “All done. The apps you need for modelling should already be installed, but come find me if you need any help. I left it open on the page for you to change your password, I think it should be self-explanatory enough. Any questions?”

“No, thank you.”

“Alright, then.” Sethos cracked a smile. “You know where to find me, hopefully. If not, just ask Alhaitham.”

He left with a chuckle, and Kaveh’s cheeks felt warmer than usual. Had the tension between them been thick enough that even this random stranger had noticed it?

Whatever, she had other things to worry about, like her career. She could overthink everything relating to Alhaitham for the billionth time over a nice bottle of wine or at a bar. Right now, however, she had to prepare for a meeting starting in fifteen minutes, where she’d meet a few coworkers and get the briefing on her first project. Like everything, it had to go perfectly, so she inhaled deeply and opened her email inbox, swatting away thoughts of teal-amber eyes and long fingers in between elevator doors.

Alhaitham adjusted the noise-cancelling headphones concealing her ears before removing her suit jacket and shutting the office door behind her.

What an unexpected turn of events.

I… didn’t expect to see you again, Kaveh had said, which had been odd in every way, because, irrationally, Alhaitham had never wrapped her head around the idea of Kaveh having left her life for good.

Some people never really leave us, her grandmother used to say, while thumbing through a photo album. When you love someone enough, you can never completely stop. They’ll always take up a bit of your heart, a corner of your memories.

That did describe Kaveh quite well, even after a few years. Some people say you never forget your first love, but Alhaitham wouldn’t call Kaveh that, exactly. There had been no one after her, and irrational as it was, it often felt like there wouldn’t be.

Talking to most people always felt draining, as if they expected a performance Alhaitham wasn’t willing to put on. Kaveh’s mind, however, was brilliant in a way that was intriguing more so than confusing, making connections between everything in a way Alhaitham had never considered. She would build palaces and futures out of excited rambles, twist Alhaitham’s arguments into completely different perspectives, and listen attentively with the intention to add and not to convince.

With her, Alhaitham had felt like there was no expectation of any performance. She was just as interested in Alhaitham’s mind as Alhaitham was in hers, and the silent kind of understanding between them felt like a newfound form of peace.

Or, well, Alhaitham thought there was an understanding between them, but that thought had been shattered— once when Kaveh had screamed in her face while sobbing, and twice right now, seeing Kaveh again and finding a woman.

Her mind had gone blank for a moment, unexpectedly running into the person who still kissed her in her dreams, and seeing her so different... Yes, her eyes had passed over the skirt and the curves on Kaveh’s figure, although, instinctively, what she had locked her gaze onto was Kaveh’s hand, now dotted in thin bracelets and golden jewellery.

But her ring finger was nude.

Kaveh was completely different to the last image Alhaitham had of her, the most distinctive difference being the look in her eyes. Even with shock written all over them, there was a certain glimmer there that had been hidden by sorrow in their university days, as if she was always reflecting on something that hurt to remember. Her posture, too, had changed: Alhaitham used to always nag her for walking like a shrimp, shoulders pressed in and neck hanging low. Now, however, rather than hiding herself, she stood like someone confident in their own body. And, of course, on a physical level, it was blatant that she was much healthier. Her skin glowed and her features were full, cheeks plump, completely unlike the scrawny student who fed on ramen late at night.

Even with the sensation of being taken completely off guard scratching at her mind, Alhaitham felt an overwhelming sense of relief at having seen Kaveh so visibly… happy. Anyone with eyes could tell that, back in university, she was troubled, to say the least. And Alhaitham, who had shared a bed with her, even if just a few times, knew she cried herself to sleep most nights.

Now, years later, it seemed at least some of her troubles had given way to something much lighter and more comfortable, and that came with a sense of relief Alhaitham didn’t expect. Sometimes, she lay in bed after a couple glasses of wine, wondering where Kaveh was, if she was doing alright, if she had achieved what she dreamed of, if she was happier now, if she had someone by her side. The thought hurt, to imagine Kaveh’s life as completely separate from her own, but it was to be expected. The idea of turning their friendship of years into something more intimate had seemed perfectly natural at the time when her head was filled with Kaveh, Kaveh, Kaveh at every moment, but it had all collapsed within a couple weeks. Most people would probably call it a fling: what’s a two-week relationship?

But calling it a “fling” would have been an insult to the affection that Alhaitham held for her best friend, whom she’d loved from afar for years. Confessing had constricted her chest with anxiety, and the sensation of Kaveh’s soft lips on her own had made her feel like the luckiest to ever live, feeling warm from head to toe in genuine joy.

She understood the concept of heartbreak while watching Kaveh drag her feet out of the door, sobbing. I wish we’d never met, she’d choked, and Alhaitham’s world had fallen apart. Because she couldn’t remember who she was before they’d met, and she didn’t want to.

These feelings had been buried beneath the years, but they all seemed to resurface now. Stepping onto the elevator of the job she was used to, at the office where she had been working for years, only to be met with the woman who haunted her dreams even now, a fragment from the past that was suddenly very real and very tangible.

And no ring on her finger, Alhaitham’s mind reminded her.

Not that that meant much. They were just shy of thirty— she could well be in a long-term relationship, or a recent one, whatever, and simply hadn’t gotten to the next step yet. The idea of Kaveh opening that brilliant mind of hers for someone else to see and take care of tied a knot in Alhaitham’s throat because six years had passed and no one had made her heart swell like Kaveh had.

Alhaitham was pretty attractive, if she were to go by statistics. She was masculine enough to often be hit on by coworkers who mistook her for a man and just as often in bars by women who took one look into her eyes, another at her arms, and proceeded to whisper unthinkable things they wanted her to do to them. She’d tried a couple of times, but no woman’s skin had quite felt like the warmth of Kaveh under her hands, none had made her feel indescribably lucky and drunk on joy, none had made her genuinely appreciate the trust that she was being afforded in being allowed to slip her fingers under a skirt.

Focus, she told herself, blinking back into reality. It was a workday like any other, and she would have to stay past her usual hours if she let her mind travel into the past. Sighing, she decided to get herself a cup of coffee.

The rest of the day rushed into a blur as Kaveh picked up her pencil and sketched a list of ideas for the project, a restoration of an old farmhouse into a luxury hotel. Her colleagues were all nice and welcoming, the coffee machine in the corridor wasn’t too shitty, and her client had a generous budget. All in all, things were going well.

And they would keep going well because her mind was pouring dozens of new ideas into the paper at a rate her fingers could barely keep up with, scribbling endlessly as the sun moved up and down again in the sky. She paused to chew down a large sandwich she had packed that morning, then sat back down to think about piping.

By the time she stood up, she seemed to be the only one in the office except for a security guard in the corridor, and her limbs ached a little from barely stretching her legs all day. But work was work, and she needed to impress her higher-ups on her first project, and so she unlocked the door to her apartment just in time to quickly reheat a meal and collapse into bed.

Her entire first week was pretty much a repetition of that day, minus running into Alhaitham in the morning. She hadn’t seen Alhaitham at all, in fact, which was relieving. She didn’t want to confront everything that had blown up on her face all those years ago, and drowning in blueprints sunk her mind into a welcome haze where she was unable to worry about things like love and regrets.

Love… Was that what they had shared?

She didn’t really think about Alhaitham as her ex-girlfriend, even though that was technically correct. Alhaitham had been her best friend throughout university, and she preferred to focus on those times than whatever had failed between them later on. But she had felt attracted to Alhaitham, yes. How could anyone not? Those eyes of hers had Kaveh blushing from a single stare, and that voice sometimes found its way into her fantasies still today.

Not the time to think about this, she reminded herself, standing up to take a walk around the office and clear her head. She didn’t need a distraction from work, especially when said distraction was somewhere in the same floor as her.

“Hello, Madam Faruzan,” she greeted, smiling, when Faruzan passed by her, face hidden behind a large pile of paperwork and blue hair sticking out on the sides.

“Oh, I didn’t even see you,” Faruzan grumbled, shifting the paper’s weight. “Look what they’re making me do! I’m not a carrier pigeon.”

“I’m sorry. Would you like help?”

“Yes.” She dumped the pile onto Kaveh’s hands with a sigh of relief. “Thank you, dear. Sorry to put this on you, but it should be quick. Just give each copy to the name on the post-it stuck to the first page. I think it’s ten documents, or something. Let me know if you have any trouble finding any of them.”

“No problem at all! I’m happy to help.”

She thought back to the unfinished models in her computer, biting her lip, but smiled cheerily at Faruzan regardless. Helping others out was just as good a use of her time, especially in the case of an elderly lady carrying this weight around.

Right, she just had to pass by the desks of a few architects, then by the reception to ask where some of these people’s offices were, and then—

Legal Director — Alhaitham Volans

Kaveh gulped as she read the name, cursing herself for ever offering the favour. But she was a mature and reasonable woman, and dropping this off in Alhaitham’s office would only take a minute. If she was lucky, she thought, knocking on the door, Alhaitham wouldn’t even be in.

“Come in.”

Well, fuck.

“Hi,” she greeted, sheepishly, popping her head in.

Alhaitham looked up at once.

“Madam Faruzan asked me to drop this off for you,” she murmured, keeping her gaze down as she handed the document over. Their fingers brushed, and the warm contact sent a flush straight to Kaveh’s cheeks.

“When do I have to have this reviewed by?”

“Oh, I’m not sure. She just said to deliver it.”

A moment of silence passed, and then Alhaitham crossed her arms, piercing eyes still stuck to Kaveh. “How are you liking the job?”

Really? Alhaitham, engaging in awkward small talk? Perhaps Kaveh had been wrong. She had certainly changed.

“It’s great. Everyone here is very nice.”

“Everyone?” Alhaitham raised an eyebrow. “You don’t seem too comfortable in my presence.”

That sent a bout of dread to Kaveh’s gut. “Well, it’s just. We didn’t exactly finish on a good note.”

“No.”

More silence.

“I’m sorry, by the way,” she continued, before her good reason could stop her. “For— everything I said. It was unfair to you.”

That seemed to take Alhaitham by surprise. “I accept your apology. I also didn’t handle things in an ideal way.”

“Okay.” She scratched her neck. “Um, okay. I better get back.”

“Do you…”

She waited, but Alhaitham trailed off, then shook her head. “We’ll see each other around, then.”

“Yeah.”

She left with a groan after closing the door behind her, mentally whipping herself over the sheer awkwardness of that encounter. Really? Why had Alhaitham brought that up, and why had she indulged her? She wouldn’t know where to hide her face if they saw each other again, and they were bound to.

Just excellent.

She sat down at her desk once more to focus on her project, but a distant relief seemed to have taken over her mind, which wouldn’t stop repeating in a low, familiar, and beautiful voice: I accept your apology. Had that been… genuine?

“Focus,” she muttered, logging into her computer.

“Let’s go to lunch together.”

Dehya raised an eyebrow but nodded anyway, joining Alhaitham on their way towards the break room. “Someone’s being weirdly social today.”

“I have my motives.”

“I know. And I’m curious.”

Dehya was the firm’s security guard, and they’d known each other for long enough that Alhaitham actually enjoyed her company.

“Have you met Kaveh, the new architect?”

“Yeah,” Dehya replied, putting her lunchbox in the microwave. “Blondie, right? She’s always the last to leave. That girl needs a spa day.”

That did sound like her.

“Why?” Dehya continued, eyeing her suspiciously. “Do you have gossip? You never have gossip. Tell me.”

“I don’t have gossip.”

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m interested in her.”

Dehya let her cutlery clatter to the floor. “Like. Romantically?”

“Not what I meant, but that too.” She calmly sipped on her water bottle. “She’s my ex-girlfriend.”

“What?” Dehya repeated, jaw collapsed onto the table. “You have— you’ve dated?”

“It shouldn’t be surprising.”

“You always reject every poor girl who takes a shot at you!” Dehya exclaimed. “I mean, I don’t think they’re heartbroken for long. Anyone quickly realises you’re an asshole.”

“Why are you my friend, then?”

“I ask myself that everyday.” She grinned. “So, tell me more. Your ex coincidentally happens to be working here? And you wanna get her back?”

“Possibly. I don’t know if she’s even single.”

“Who broke up with who?”

Alhaitham took a bite of her food.

“She did.”

“I’m sorry. That sucks,” Dehya replied, pouting slightly. “Wanna tell me more, or…?”

“No.”

“You’re terrible for gossip.”

“Can you find out if she’s single?”

“Hm.” Dehya eyed her lunchbox. “Depends, can you give me your dessert?”

“It’s almost nine.”

Kaveh looked up in a startle, not having heard the footsteps approaching her.

“We’re locking up soon,” the security guard continued, smiling. “And you should go home.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry! I didn’t notice it was so late.”

“No problem.”

The security guard looked nice, at least. Kaveh hated inconveniencing people, but she didn’t seem to mind at all. If anything, there seemed to be a curious glint in her eyes as she watched Kaveh pack away her things.

“I’m Dehya.”

“Kaveh. It’s really nice to meet you.”

“You too. How are you finding the office? And the people here?”

“It’s great! Everyone’s really nice.”

“We should go out for drinks sometime. You really need a break.”

Kaveh laughed, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “That would be fun.”

“How’s Thursday?”

“Sure!”

“Bring someone if you like.” Dehya looked up at her. “You got a boyfriend, girlfriend, something like that?”

Was she… hitting on her? “Nope.”

“I’ll bring someone for you, then.”

That made Kaveh blush, laughing sheepishly. “Oh, no need for that. I’m married to my blueprints.”

“Yeah, I can see that. You have to relax, girl. Which, speaking of,” she turned towards the clock on the wall, “shoo. Go home, put your feet up, get something to eat.”

“I will, don’t worry.” She smiled again while waving. “I’ll see you, thank you again.”

“No problem. Get some rest.”

The computer screen started leaving her eyes sore after a few hours glued to a model, so Kaveh stood up for a stretch. Tying her hair into a bun, she stepped towards the corridor to grab herself a coffee.

Her heart sped up at the sight of Alhaitham in front of the machine, the sleeves of her button-up folded to her elbows. Kaveh’s body had an embarrassing reaction to the simple sight of forearms, and her eyes caught on Alhaitham’s long fingers as they pressed a button.

Be mature, she told herself, breathing deeply before approaching the coffee machine.

“Still addicted to coffee?” Alhaitham murmured.

Kaveh crossed her arms. “It’s not like you can say much.”

“I’m drinking decaf.”

“Decaf is for addicts.”

She opened her mouth to apologise, embarrassed at how quickly she’d felt comfortable retorting something like that, but Alhaitham’s lips twitched. It was as close to a smile as anyone other than Kaveh could get back in their university days, so the sight made her heart flutter with pride.

“Espresso?”

“Double, please.”

Alhaitham clicked another button after taking her cup.

“So,” Kaveh started, clearing her throat. “How long have you been working here?”

“Since I graduated.”

“Oh, nice.”

She watched coffee pour out silently, and Alhaitham remained utterly still.

“I hear you’ve been sleeping over at the office.”

Kaveh huffed. “Funny. It’s called being dedicated to my work.”

“I’m not familiar with that concept.”

“Evidently.”

Alhaitham handed her the coffee, and she accepted with a smile. “Thank you.”

“You’ll probably need another if you intend on staying here until midnight.”

“I am not staying until midnight. What do you even— Oh, whatever. I’ll go back to my desk so that I don’t have to leave even later. It's a better use of my time than this conversation.”

“I’m heartbroken.”

It was evidently not genuine from the deadpan tone Alhaitham had adopted, but a bitter sourness still bloomed on Kaveh’s tongue. She’d been quite unfair to Alhaitham all those years ago and had probably actually left her heartbroken.

“Sorry,” she murmured, looking down at her coffee. “I’ll, uh, leave you to it. Bye.”

Idiot, she cursed herself, grimacing as she returned to her desk. It seemed like she still didn’t know how to talk to Alhaitham.

They met at the coffee machine again the next day, and on Wednesday, she heard footsteps behind her chair just as she was thinking of taking a break.

“Double espresso,” Alhaitham’s voice murmured, close enough to her ear to cause her neck to erupt in goosebumps.

“Oh. Thank you so much.”

Alhaitham hummed, crossing her arms. Her sleeves were folded up once more, and Kaveh forced her eyes to dart away from that skin she was suddenly desperate to touch.

“What are you working on?”

“It’s a hotel in an old farmhouse. It’s a really fun project, actually, especially because they requested that every room be a different kind of suite. I’m done with the concept, and the client is reviewing it, so I’m sketching out a blueprint for the renovation itself.”

“When’s the deadline?”

Kaveh blinked. “Uh, well, there’s not a rigid one. We had a meeting scheduled for later this week to show them our ideas, but I already got that done, so.”

“I see.” Alhaitham tapped the coffee cup. “Have fun working yourself to exhaustion.”

“I will!” she called out, watching Alhaitham’s figure step out, and a small smile had taken hold of her lips.

Kaveh looked like she had seen a ghost. “Alhaitham?”

“She’s coming with us,” Dehya replied, cheerily. “You two know each other already?”

Alhaitham raised an eyebrow at that, knowing full well that Dehya already knew that, and she seemed to reply with her eyes, evidently saying relax, leave this to me.

“Yeah,” Kaveh mumbled.

“We’re going out for old times’ sake, then,” Dehya announced, wrapping one arm around each of their necks and pushing them into the elevator. “There’s a bar downstairs. We’re gonna drink ‘til we drop.”

“It’s a Thursday.”

“She’s so boring, isn’t she?” Dehya whispered into Kaveh’s ear, even though Alhaitham could hear perfectly. She giggled, and it was a sound Alhaitham hadn’t heard in years..

“I drove to work.”

“Great, you can drive us home then. Kaveh and I are gonna get wasted. You drink, right?”

Alhaitham snorted. Kaveh narrowed her eyes at that.

“Yes, I drink. Occasionally.”

“Glad to hear you’ve changed, then.”

“You—!”

It was adorable to see her features scrunched up like that, and she raised her chin in defiance. “You were the weird one for never getting drunk in college.”

“Yeah, Alhaitham’s weird as fuck.”

She elbowed Dehya, narrowing her eyes. Aren’t you supposed to be helping me?

Her look was ignored, and they strolled into a bar near the office.

“Cheers!” Dehya exclaimed, holding a disproportionately large glass of beer identical to the one in Kaveh’s hands. “So, tell me, where do you know each other from?”

“College.”

“More details, please.”

Kaveh scratched her neck, looking a little like she was constipated. “We met in our first year, in an elective class. We became friends. And we were roommates for quite a while.”

“What’s living with Alhaitham like?”

“She’s messy.”

“Kaveh’s a control freak,” she corrected.

“You left your books all over the floor!”

Alhaitham shrugged, sipping her water with a slice of lemon.

“And she never made the bed,” Kaveh continued, taking a large gulp of beer.

“It makes no sense to make the bed when I’m going back to sleep later.”

“It’s about organisation.”

“It was my bed.”

Kaveh opened her mouth, but closed it again, eyes scurrying off towards the table. Alhaitham imagined that they had both thought of the same thing, remembering the nights they spent together.

“Right,” Dehya interrupted, slowly. “How come you two lost contact?”

In response, Kaveh drained out her beer, chugging it out in large gulps until there was none left. She motioned the waiter for another one, then wiped her lip with a napkin before smiling. “Sorry, what had you asked?”

“Dehya wants to hear about your project,” Alhaitham uttered.

“Oh, sure! I’m pretty excited about it. Essentially, here’s what I’m thinking. We have a problem with the Western wall because…”

She rambled excitedly, eyes lighting up as she described ideas for designs and gesturing wildly with her hands in an attempt to draw a blueprint on the air. She drowned out another beer and ordered another, then another, and another, talking nonstop the entire time about one thousand different topics, with the occasional comment from Dehya, until she seemed to lose her thread of reasoning and collapsed into laughter.

“Sorry,” she breathed. “I’ve been talking for a long time, haven’t I?”

“You’ve been drinking a lot, too,” Alhaitham retorted, crossing her arms. A pretty blush had found its way to Kaveh’s cheeks, and her shoulders seemed more relaxed than before.

“That’s what we’re here for,” Dehya said, calling the waiter over. “More beer, please.”

Not holding back a sigh, Alhaitham peeked at her wristwatch. The three of them would be dead at work tomorrow, especially with alcohol in their systems.

“Loosen up, Haitham,” Kaveh laughed, grinning widely.

And that sent her heart beating wildly. She was sure her lips parted slightly at the sight of Kaveh smiling, golden curls sticking out in all directions and coloured by the melting light of the bar’s shitty lamps as she used the nickname. It felt like time froze for a second or two.

“Wow,” Dehya muttered. “Never thought I’d see that look on your face.”

Kaveh frowned, cocking her head. “What?”

“Nothing,” Alhaitham replied, standing up. “I’ll go get our bill.”

A chorus of protests yelled out that it was still too early to leave and that she was a killjoy, but she ignored the sounds, exhaling deeply to even out her heart rate. The effect Kaveh still had on her after all these years was astounding, considering she’d had six years to get over that golden head and that dazzling smile.

She took out her credit card and paid for all the drinks with a mumbled ‘thank you’ right before feeling a touch to her shoulder.

“Hi,” Kaveh murmured, lips overcome by a dopey smile. “What happened?”

“I’m paying.”

“No, I mean—” She hiccuped. “You’re uncomfortable. Nervous.”

Funny how she could still read Alhaitham better than anyone.

“It’s… late,” she replied, looking towards Dehya, who was watching them curiously. “I’ll take you home.”

“Nope! I can go alone.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I can take care of myself.”

“I can drive y—”

“I can take care of myself,” she repeated, more firmly this time. “Thanks for the drinks.”

Alhaitham sighed. “You’re welcome.”

“This is weird.”

“In what sense?”

“Every sense.” She picked at her nails. “Meeting again. Going out like this is normal.”

“It could be.”

Her face made a complicated expression. “I’m not sure what you mean by that, but you might have to say it again when I’m sober,” she slurred.

Alhaitham nodded, putting her wallet back in her pocket.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Thank you for paying.”

“You’ve already said that.”

“Didn’t thank you enough,” she slurred, laughing. And then, getting on her tiptoes, she left a smooch on Alhaitham’s cheek, smelling of beer.

Alhaitham’s world properly stopped, and the heat from Kaveh’s lips seemed to burn deliciously onto her skin.

“See you,” Kaveh exclaimed, waving as she opened her phone to call a taxi.

Alhaitham had half a mind to go after her and insist on taking her home, but all her thoughts seemed to melt into mush as the press of those lips she’d imagined on her skin for so long continued to paralyse her.

Cackling, Dehya came towards her, slapping her shoulder. “You sure you don’t want a drink?”

Kaveh dragged her limbs off her bed before five in the morning as nausea crept up her throat, mind pounding with a distant kind of soreness. Working today would be absolute hell.

After almost an hour of tossing and turning, she finally managed to drift back into sleep, only for her headache to worsen when her alarm rang for the third time, blaring and hammering against her skull.

“Fuck,” she mumbled, running down the corridor to hop into a quick shower. Half an hour had passed since her usual waking up time.

Mehrak, her cat, meowed in starvation, and she dumped some tuna in the cat bowl before quickly braiding her hair and rushing out of the door, having forgone any makeup or even breakfast.

She reached the office cursing herself, both for the sheer amount of alcohol she’d ingested on a weeknight and for having slipped on a pair of heels, the shoes that had been closest to the door when she left. Her feet ached, now, too.

To her surprise, however, waiting for her on her desk were an iced latte and a pastry from the café downstairs, as well as a pill she recognised as the ones she used to take for hangovers back in college. A post-it note was stuck to the table, reading Drink water.

Someone whistled behind her, startling her, and she turned to find Sethos reading over her shoulder. “Secret admirer?”

She blushed profusely at the implication, having instantly recognised Alhaitham’s handwriting. “Not exactly.”

Kaveh sat down to work after filling her water bottle and gratefully chewing down the food, surprised that Alhaitham had somehow guessed that she would be late. She’d be lying if she said the simple kindness hadn’t left her tummy feeling all fuzzy, but she shook the thought away.

Alhaitham’s just being nice, she reminded herself. What you had doesn’t exist anymore. You ruined it a long time ago.

She put the pastry down as the nausea returned together with that thought, and she logged into her computer to get started for the day. After all, she had a lot to get through.

During her third coffee break or so, Kaveh heard a familiar name whispered by a small group of her coworkers surrounding the water fountain.

“—in a good mood lately,” one of them murmured. “Wonder what happened. Even offered to help me with a contract I’m drafting.”

“Maybe she got laid,” another giggled.

“Alhaitham? No way. That woman is married to books and routine.”

“She was smiling this morning. It was honestly kind of creepy.”

Something uncomfortable started to knot up Kaveh’s insides as the hushed words continued, in part because of the light they were portraying Alhaitham in and in part because— indeed, why would she be smiling at work? The previous night’s events were hazy in Kaveh’s mind, but surely nothing monumental had happened, right? Probably just good news from Alhaitham’s personal life.

Alhaitham’s personal life… One which didn’t include Kaveh anymore. She could have a partner, and Kaveh wouldn’t even know, simply staring at her unfortunately attractive face day in and day out like a silhouette from a photograph, stuck in the past.

What if she did resent Kaveh, after all these years? She hadn’t done anything that hinted at holding a grudge, but then again, Alhaitham had always been unreadable when she wanted to be. In addition, she almost never did things out of pure kindness, such as buying someone a pastry or paying for their drinks. What could she be scheming?

Nonsense, Kaveh whispered to herself, taking a large gulp of her coffee. Focus on your work.

Kaveh’s vision started to blur after too many hours in front of that damned computer, eyes aching and head pounding again with that splitting headache from earlier. The model in front of her started to look almost animalistic instead of architectural, and everyone else had already left, so she rested her forehead on the desk just for a second to close her eyes, and—

“Kaveh.”

The voice was distant, but familiar.

“Kaveh.”

She looked up instantly, wide-eyed at the realisation that she had fallen asleep.

“Kaveh,” Alhaitham repeated, crossing her arms.

She was dressed to leave, suit impeccable and eyes narrowed. What was she even doing here? She always left at five sharp.

“I’ll drive you home.”

“No,” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes. “Thanks, but I want to finish this.”

“It’s nearly eleven.”

“What?” she exclaimed, letting her shoulder slump as she squinted at the clock. “Fuck. I still have to make dinner.”

“Come, I’ll give you a ride.”

“You sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”

“Thank you, then.”

She was, however, reticent at the thought of letting Alhaitham do her favours, again and again and again. How could she pay them back to someone who had everything: money, success, stability, and even mental health? Her head was still throbbing, and she bit back a groan at the sensation of her shoes scratching painfully against her ankles, praying for Alhaitham’s car to come into view as quickly as possible.

Alhaitham, meanwhile, watched her silently. She’d stayed in her office, devouring a book while her empty stomach begged for food, waiting until a certain workaholic architect logged off for the day to offer her a ride home. That said, she didn’t expect Kaveh to still be at her desk nearing midnight on a Friday for crying out loud, especially when exhaustion was explicitly written all over her face.

It seemed that some things remained the same, even after six years.

Stepping into the car, she muted the music that always accompanied her trips home, imagining that any kind of sound would worsen Kaveh’s state. The night was dark and the car was quiet as she pulled out of the parking lot.

“What’s your address?”

It took a few seconds for her to turn her head and turn her head towards the passenger seat, only to find that Kaveh was asleep, head collapsed onto the window and mouth parted.

“Kaveh,” she murmured, gently touching her shoulder. “What’s your address?”

Frowning, Kaveh mumbled something unintelligible.

“Did you have lunch today?”

She shook her head very slightly.

Alhaitham sighed as she started her usual path home, debating herself within her head. On one hand, taking Kaveh to her house would mean giving her dinner, which she evidently wouldn’t be able to cook tonight. On the other, this could be overstepping Kaveh’s boundaries, because she’d never agreed to this. That said, Alhaitham could always drive her home after dinner if she didn’t want to sleep in the guest bedroom.

“Is it okay if we go to my house?” she asked, softly tugging on Kaveh’s hand at a red light. Her skin was addictively warm. “I have dinner ready. You can eat quickly. And sleep.”

“Mm.”

“Does that mean yes or no?”

“Yes, ‘m hungry…”

“Alright.” Alhaitham suppressed a smile as the light turned green, letting the different signs Kaveh had given her build up a larger image of her feelings. She was single, she had kissed Alhaitham’s cheek last night, and she had agreed to coming home with her. Perhaps… they could rekindle a bond that they had both judged irreparably damaged.

“We’re here.” She turned on the car lights. “Wake up.”

Under the awfully bright glow of the car lamp, Alhaitham could see her more clearly, eyes trailing down to her bare feet. Her heels were discarded on the floor, and several blisters stained the skin of her ankles and toes.

“Why would you wear these?” she muttered, climbing out of the car to slowly open Kaveh’s door, careful as to catch her when the sudden movement woke her up.

“What?” she mumbled blearily. “Did I sleep?”

“Yes. We’re at my building, there’s dinner in the fridge. Are you comfortable eating here?”

“Oh. Sure.”

Her cheeks flushed slightly as she stepped back into one of her shoes, grimacing at the pain.

“Do you want me to carry you?”

Kaveh blinked, and Alhaitham cursed herself for her forwardness. “I can carry you, so you don’t have to wear shoes. I can see you’re hurt. And you’re tired.”

“No, don’t worry,” she replied, biting down on her bottom lip as she put the other shoe on. “Just— If you could lend me a band-aid or something, it would be great.”

“Of course.”

Kaveh stepped out of the car with wobbly legs, adjusting her feet inside the shoes.

“Are you sure?” Alhaitham repeated. “I don’t mind helping.”

“I’m fine,” Kaveh muttered, gripping her bag more forcefully. “We can just go. Don’t worry about me. You’re tired, too.”

“Not much. I’m not hungover.”

Kaveh snorted, evidently without humour. “Did you bring me here to tease me?”

That brought a sigh out of Alhaitham’s mouth. “No, I brought you here because you looked like you’d do well having someone by your side tonight.”

They walked into the elevator silently. Kaveh’s eyes stuck to the floor as she let the sentence hang over the air between them, with no response. Alhaitham opened the front door for the both of them, rushing towards the kitchen to wash her hands and heat up their food while Kaveh took her shoes off.

“Here you go,” she said, holding a box of band-aids.

“Thank you, I’ll do it in a moment. Let me set the table.”

“No need, I’ll do it.”

“Alhaitham.”

“Yes?”

Kaveh sighed. “Why are you doing this? What do you gain?”

She blinked. “What do I gain?”

“From being nice to me all the time.”

“I thought your worldview was all about seeing the best in people. Would it be so odd for me to simply want to see you comfortable?”

“Yes,” Kaveh replied, quietly. “I… After everything that happened, it’s not like I deserve all these favours.”

“Who decides what you deserve?” Alhaitham wanted to force Kaveh to look her in the eyes, read the blunt honesty in them. “You deserve to be taken care of.”

“It’s not your job.”

That prickled the skin of Alhaitham’s chest, four needles that felt alarmingly like the words Kaveh had spat at her six years before. “By which you mean, you don’t want it to be my job.”

It was uttered quietly but sufficiently clearly, despite the lump forming in Alhaitham’s throat.

“I don’t want to bother you,” Kaveh corrected.

“How are you bothering me? We’re just having dinner. It took me ten seconds to get the band-aids from the bathroom. Do you think those ten seconds should matter more to me than your bruises?”

“You left the office hours after your usual.” Kaveh bit down on her lip. “Was it because of me?”

“It was my personal choice. Because I wanted to help you at the end of a long day.” She almost let out and because I wanted to spend time with you.

“Right.” Kaveh stood up, handing back the band-aids. “Thanks for dinner. Where are your plates? I’ll help set the table.”

Insisting was futile, so Alhaitham weakly pointed towards the cabinet and returned to the stove, reducing the heat.

They chewed in silence, and Kaveh ate such a ridiculously small portion that it was evident that she felt guilty for ‘bothering’ Alhaitham by eating her food.

“I’ll throw the rest away,” she uttered, gesturing towards the pan.

“What? Why?”

“It’s been in the fridge for a few days.” Lie. “Are you gonna eat any more?”

Kaveh squinted her eyes, evidently suspicious that Alhaitham was embellishing the truth, but she said nothing, adding a few large spoonfuls to her plate.

“You’re a good cook,” she commented, in between munches, which was odd to hear, because it had been six years since she’d last complimented Alhaitham’s food.

“Delicious,” she remembered Kaveh exclaiming, muffled by chews, as she devoured a bowl of fatteh. “Can you cook for me forever?”

“If you want,” she’d replied, and it was still just as true as it had been back then.

They finished their food in silence, and then, unceremoniously, Kaveh hopped towards the sink to do the dishes.

“I have a dishwasher.”

“I can do this by hand.”

“Why would you?”

“To help.”

“You don’t have to.”

Sighing, Kaveh meekly opened the dishwasher, slotting their plates in. “Thank you,” she murmured, offering Alhaitham a tight smile as she reached for her bag. “I should get going.”

“I’ll take you home.”

“There’s no need.”

“You still don’t let anyone help you?”

That seemed to genuinely take Kaveh back, judging by the blink in her widened eyes. It made Alhaitham’s heart throb with dread in the seconds of silence before she replied, because this sounded a lot like a conversation they’d had a few years before.

“I don’t…” Kaveh started, eyes trailing to the floor. “I owe you a lot for how I ended things between us. Please. Just… Let me not inconvenience you. Again.”

“Is it so hard to believe you’re not an inconvenience?” Alhaitham asked, softly. “When I’ve been repeating it since I met you? You know I don’t force myself to do things I neither want nor need to do. If I choose to look after you every time, it’s because I…”

Kaveh eyed her with parted lips as she trailed off, an uncharacteristic heat taking over her cheeks. Should she say it so soon? They’d barely spoken ever since college.

“Because I want to,” she completed.

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Let me be the judge of that.”

Alhaitham didn’t know how else to reword the same thing for the thousandth time, to convince Kaveh that she was worth the attention Alhaitham so desperately craved to shower her with. That Kaveh didn’t want her she could accept, but for Kaveh to not think she deserved her—it was a frustration that stung deeply.

“Please,” she added, stepping towards Kaveh. “If you don’t want my proximity, I respect that. But don’t push me away out of guilt again. I choose to be here, just like I always have.”

“Do you still…” Kaveh’s voice was shaky, and she looked down timidly. “Feel…”

“Yes,” Alhaitham murmured, blood rushing. “I’m still attracted to you, if that’s what you mean. I want to get to know you again. I’ve missed you.”

“Me too.”

And Alhaitham wanted to cup her jaw and kiss her sweetly enough to make her forget about her feet, and her hangover, and her exhaustion, and the years they’d been apart, but she needed it expressed explicitly— to leave no room for doubt that her dreams had really come true and the woman standing in front of her really wanted to give the two of them another chance.

“You too…?” She inhaled sharply. “You missed me too, or?”

“All of it, silly,” Kaveh sniffled, smiling. “If you’re… willing to put up with my mess, yes, I’d love to be with you again.”

Relief showered over Alhaitham as her legs almost gave way beneath her, arms reaching out to circle Kaveh’s face with gentle reverence. “So long as you’re also willing to put up with me.”

Kaveh leaned over meekly, slowly, eyes still searching her face for any hint that there was a catch somewhere. And then, swallowing thickly, she let their lips meet carefully, testing out a movement they weren’t used to anymore.

She tasted like the dinner they’d shared and years of dreams Alhaitham thought had been nothing more than bitter fantasies, lips soft from the lip balm she apparently still carried everywhere and red eyes glinting beautifully.

“If I hadn’t said it before, I’m happy to see you happy,” Alhaitham murmured against Kaveh’s breath. “I hated to see you struggling back in college. You’re so much more gorgeous now.”

“Really? I thought you’d…”

“I’d what?”

“I don’t know.” She leaned back with a sheepish smile, gently wrapping her arms around Alhaitham’s neck while caressing her chin. “I didn’t know how you’d feel about me looking… different.”

“How could I feel anything but happy seeing you comfortable with yourself?” Alhaitham kissed her cheek.

“You’re too sweet,” Kaveh mumbled, pulling an arm back to scratch her neck. “Do you want me to, uh, sleep over?”

“If you like. Whatever is most comfortable for you. I know you’re tired.”

“Kind of, yeah.”

“But I’d never refuse your company,” Alhaitham added, lips twitching. “My bed is large enough for two, if you’d like to just sleep together. And cuddle, if you’re comfortable with it.”

“I still love hugs.”

“I still love your hugs.”

That made Kaveh crack a gorgeous, blindingly bright smile with crinkled red eyes that nearly had Alhaitham losing her breath. “You’re cute,” she murmured, pecking Alhaitham’s cheek.

The movement had nearly the same effect as it had the night before, soft lips burning a delicious imprint onto Alhaitham’s skin. Kaveh said something else, but the words sounded like melodic gibberish to Alhaitham’s ears.

“Hi?” Kaveh tipped her head back in laughter at the blush colouring the skin of Alhaitham’s ever-stoic features.

“Hi,” she muttered, grunting. “How else am I expected to react?”

“I really liked that reaction, actually.”

Their banter continued to echo off the kitchen walls, dotted with laughter that grew less awkward by the second as they fell back into a semblance of the comfort they’d once shared.

They stepped towards the bathroom for a shower, blushing profusely as they passed by each other afterwards, wrapped in fluffy towels and hair dripping onto the carpeted floor. Alhaitham pretended her heart did not collapse at the sight of Kaveh in her clothes, face soft and sheepish as they climbed into bed together.

“It’s been a while,” she whispered, reaching out a hesitant hand to adjust Alhaitham’s hair.

“Let’s do it properly this time. Date tomorrow?”

She smiled, burying her face into the pillow. “Yeah. I’d love that.”

Alhaitham pressed their lips together once more after turning off the light, breathing in the smell of her shampoo on Kaveh’s hair and the indescribable sense of luck pooling in her chest.

“Thank you,” Kaveh murmured. “For giving me a second chance.”

“It’s nothing but what you deserve.”