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I put my makeup on in the dusk. I could turn the lights on but that would ruin the mood. This is a special night so everything has to be perfect. I bought extra expensive makeup and a new nightgown. I put my lipstick on while smiling. I’m truly happy tonight. The smile on my face isn’t fake like all the other days when I had to pretend to be okay in front of the public. I tell myself I’m beautiful and today it isn’t just a part of my anti-depression strategy, I truly feel beautiful. I laugh in the mirror. I haven’t been this happy in ages. I will finally be free tonight.
I hear a car parking in our garage and go to the window. I pull the curtain slightly away to see Jinwoo in his jacket walking inside our house. My heart skips a beat and I can’t decide if it’s because I’m excited for the night or he actually looks good. I let go of the curtain and lean against the wall, my chest rising up and down. Right, I have a handsome husband. Looks aren’t everything though.
I go down the stairs and turn the lights to dim then go to greet Jinwoo as he walks inside. He seems tired and stressed out but when he sees me his expression changes.
“Hello honey” I say smiling.
“Why do you look so beautiful today?” he asks walking towards me strangely after putting his jacket and the keys down. His bare arms show and his tight shirt enhances his broad shoulders.” Did I forget something? Is it your birthday? Our anniversary?”
“Can’t I look beautiful for my husband who comes home late at night?” I ask laughing.
He looks at me strangely but doesn’t say anything. Right, he’s not used to nice comments from me. Well, neither am I.
“Do we have any food?” he asks walking past me and I bite my lip but my mood can’t be ruined.
“I can warm up some food for you” I say and walk to the kitchen.
He walks after me but stops in the doorway leaning against the wall. I can sense his eyes on me as I take out the food from the fridge and put them on a plate. I can feel him coming closer and every muscle in my body tenses. The moment is coming closer, don’t mess up. My heart is beating faster than ever as I feel his breath on my neck but he doesn’t touch me. I slowly turn my head around and our eyes meet.
He’s looking down on me with those big brown eyes that made me fall for him in the first place. There was something charming about him, something you can’t resist that makes you not be able to forget him. And if he asks for you, you just can’t say no.
I lean in and our lips touch. We kiss again and again and our bodies get heated up, our breaths collide and it feels like the first time. I almost think it could work again but I know I shouldn’t be swayed. We gave each other too many second chances and it was suffocating.
In the midst of the kisses I open my eyes slightly and my trembling fingers slowly grab a knife from the kitchen desk.
I break free from the kiss and stab the knife in his side as hard as I can but it doesn’t go far. My weak, trembling hands can’t fight against his strong, rough hands. A tear runs down my cheek as he pulls the bloody knife out of his body, his eyes wide, his lips still slightly open from the kiss.
He twists the knife out of my hand and I scream but he puts his other hand on my mouth, shutting me up. He throws the knife away and pushes me against a wall roughly so my head hits against the wall.
“So this is how you planned to get rid of me?” he asks, his hand releasing the grip on my mouth and his fingers brushing my lips. It’s too gentle.” How pathetic” he lets out a laugh.
My whole body is trembling and I feel like I might pass out any second but I don’t look down. I won’t look weak before him.
He looks at me in a strange way that makes me waver, it’s the same dominant look that always made me stay silent and let him win all our fights. I can’t let him win again, not this time. I smile.
“You should’ve valued me” I say and step on his leg then try to run away but he takes me by my waist and pushes me against the wall again. His hands hold my arms firmly so I can’t go away.
He sighs as if annoyed that I thought I could get away then leans close to me and whispers in my ear.
“You should’ve stopped wishing for something you can’t have” he tells me and my heart beats faster. This is about me, Iám the victim, not him.
His lips brush against my cheeks leaving an electrifying trace and we look in each other’s eyes again.
He suddenly smiles and for some reason a grave fear takes over me as I realize what’s about to happen. In a flash his hands grab my neck and start pushing me against the wall. All I can think about is his hands on my throat and the wall behind me and the fact that I can’t escape, this is the end. All the years we spent together flash before my eyes. From the first time I saw him to our first kiss and our blooming love then our first fight and how our love turned into hate and the nights we so awaited became feared and unbearable. Where did we go wrong?
“Please…” I choke as tears start blurring my sight.
I try to focus on his face for one last time and I expect him to look evil, angry, spiteful and disgusting but he looks just like he always does. His perfect face with his famous smile and the so loved dimples. I can’t help but still think he’s beautiful. And as my head gets foggy and I feel every last breath leave me my last thought is: I still love him.