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Fuuta sat on his bed with his knees pulled up to his chest, tightly hugging himself, looking for any form of comfort. No matter how much he tried to distract himself from the voices in his head, they only grew louder and more hostile. The sounds of overlapping insults or reminders towards him was going to drive him crazy. He exhaled through his mouth loudly, but it didn’t help soothe his anxiety. He attempted to squeeze his eyes shut and sing song lyrics in his head, but the voices were louder. He didn’t think this guilty verdict would have affected him so horribly. He wasn’t this anxious a few days prior to the announcement of them, he cursed himself for being so volatile.
Suddenly, the door to his cell opened, he flinched in surprise. Why would anyone visit him? He looked up at the door and saw Kotoko staring at him. He shifted uncomfortably in his bed, he knew something was wrong when he saw her holding something metal, she gripped it tightly like it was a weapon.
“What the fuck are you doing in here-” Before he could finish his statement he felt something cold hit the side of his head. He let out a pained gasp.
She grabbed him from his hair and threw him onto the floor, stomping on his chest in a successive manner, beating him down while spewing on her intentions. With every hit, her voice became harder to understand, the loud ringing in his ears quickly escalating. Scream. Why couldn’t he scream? Even when his chest felt like exploding with pressure, or when he thought his spine had just split in half. He’d only let out pained groans, but every scream came out just as an airy gasp. When Kotoko stopped to look at him, he froze. He wanted to run, he needed to fight back, yet his body didn’t move. He was horrified and deep at the back of his brain he heard–
You deserve this, you had this coming.
The voices became louder and louder. Before he could process what was going on, he felt metal press against his eyeball until he felt a sickening pop. A gruesome scream escaped his throat, finally managing to shout. She pressed the heel of her boot against his other eye to pull out her weapon, he felt the pressure against his other optic, feeling it squish until it felt out of place. When she pulled it out and back away, he doubled forward, holding onto his eyes that were now leaking blood, his lids squeezed shut in a weak attempt to convince himself that’s why he saw black, and because it was painful to keep them open.
He fell over onto his side, but quickly felt something assaulting his body once more, the pain coursing through him again and again. Suddenly he heard what sounded like yelling, it was practically inaudible to him, yet he could still hear it, barely. He didn’t even realize the beating had come to a stop until he felt a pair of sturdy arms lift him off the ground. He was horrified at first, and flinched in fear. Their touch, whoever it was, they were gentle. It didn’t seem like they meant any harm to him, and he had to trust that feeling. He relaxed to their touch, the adrenaline wearing off and his senses clearing and becoming foggy all at once. He faded in and out of consciousness until his brain finally decided to rest, and his head lolled around a bit once he did.
___
Slowly he felt himself regaining consciousness, the pain he had felt earlier returning sooner than he had wished. The constant poking of the injuries made him gasp a bit, gripping the sheets beneath him. Sheets… he’s on a bed. He wondered how he ended up in a bed, his grip tightening in attempt to ground himself. He finally opened his eyes to see–
Nothing. He saw nothing. He lifted his hand up to his face. His fingers brushed against what felt like bandages that were wrapped around his head. Surely that’s why he couldn’t see. In a panicked state, he started to try and peel off the medical wrap.
“Oh, Kajiyama-kun, you’re awake– Hold on, do not remove that. It’ll worsen your injuries.” A panic tone said, cutting through the silence Fuuta had been filled in for a while. He hesitantly lowered his hand, groaning a bit in the process, either from annoyance or pain.
“Thank goodness he’s awake,” another voice exhaled in relief, “I thought you were out for good kid.” The voice laughed dryly, his humor not helping the injured red head feel any better.
Fuuta was still trying to make sense of everything, to him everything was just a blank void with constantly changing patterns as if his eyes were simply closed. The infinite abyss was engulfing him, it was overwhelming. If it weren’t for the two in the room trying to talk to him, he would have thought he was dead and gone insane.
“Kajiyama-kun, how are you feeling?” One of them asked, their voice calm and slightly cold, as if he’s seen this scene too many times to fully empathize, “can you tell who I am?”
“Ah…” It was the old man number one (evidently number two was Kazui), without a doubt, “Shidou…” he whispered hoarsely.
A pleased sound escaped his mouth, but the room went silent again, like he was holding back some bad news. The other one, which he probably guessed was old guy number two from his voice, cleared his throat and broke the silence, “You must be a bit scared. Don’t worry, you’ll be safe here.” He said reassuringly.
“I can’t… I can’t see.” He didn’t know why, but saying it outloud was sickening, like saying was what made it true.
He heard them sigh, like they were trying to avoid the subject. “Yes, it’s true. You have lost sight in both eyes.” Shidou claimed, “You’ll probably be blind from now on.” Fuuta’s breath hitched, never had he wanted to hear that he’d never be able to see ever again.
He felt the bandages start to become damp against his face, as he let out a choked sob. The news was so simple, it was only a few words, just a short phrase, yet it was so painful to hear. He didn’t understand how impactful just those words could have been, he hadn’t realized how much he needed his vision. He continued to sob, everything around him disappearing as if it never existed, the sounds of the other’s voices muffling out. He hated crying, despite it being something he did quite often, it made him feel weak and stupid. Maybe it hurt more to feel that way because that’s exactly what he was. If it weren’t for the immense pain he was in, he’d have thought nothing existed anymore, just a blank void of nothingness where nothing happened. The pain was just a constant reminder that he was real and the pain was too. It reminded him that the very reason why he needed to rely on what he felt to exist was the punishment he received for his actions. He covered his face with his hands, sobbing into them, though even a movement as simple as that caused him horrible pain.
Guilty, guilty, guilty, this is what you deserve. They’re all watching. They’re all smiling. It’s better this way. You are inferior.
The voices would not be silenced, but they were right. He could feel all their eyes on him, everyone looking down at his pathetic sorry state. Everything felt like it was happening at once, it was all so overwhelming. He continued to sob into his hands, he sobbed until he couldn't, until the pain somehow got more unbearable, until he finally drifted to sleep, which wasn’t as peaceful as he would have hoped with all the voices tormenting him.
___
After the attack, he spent most of his time in his room, he didn’t want to leave. He was scared that he might fall over or bump into things too often, if it wasn’t already humiliating, it also hurt like a bitch. Yet staying in his room never made him feel any better, he knew at any time Kotoko could waltz back in and finish the job. He knew she wouldn’t hesitate, after all, she had already done this much to him and worse to Mahiru, what would even stop her now?
He reached down on the floor beside the bed, feeling the ground in search of his cane. Shidou had requested it from the warden and gave it to him. He tried to refuse it at first, but he knew he needed it. He picked it up and helped himself stand upright.
It was scary, not being able to see. It was practically a one way ticket to becoming the most paranoid person ever. Anyone could come up and do whatever they wanted to him if they pleased and he’d have no power against it. It would be so simple to just run up to him and jump him. He sighed, just the thought made him sick.
Shidoy told him that it was recommended to get up and go for walks, as it'd be bad for his mental health to stay alone in his room all day with only his thoughts, and that walking around would make sure he wouldn’t get stiff from doing nothing. He understood, it was good to stretch, but every time he left he felt like having a panic attack.
He walked into the hallway and gripped his cane like a life line, since it practically was one for him. He listened around him, he heard whispers, whether they were for him or not, it made him anxious either way. He could feel it, whenever anyone stared at him. He didn’t need proof that they were, he could just feel it.
He sat down at one of the cafeteria tables. He was extremely hungry, but he didn’t know what Jackalope cooked. Relying on his sense of smell was… well unreliable. And asking others was just as untrust worthy. It had become a game around the prison to try and get him to eat vegetables. To them, it was a lighthearted joke, but to him it felt dehumanizing. It didn’t help that he got angry often, so no one takes him seriously anymore when he tries to set those kinds of boundaries.
Suddenly he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder. He turned his head in their direction, not like it mattered, but more of a form of acknowledgment. “What?” He asked plainly.
“Fuuta, you have lost your sight.” A quiet voice spoke, almost cynical, “I can help you see again.” It was Amane for sure. The red head metaphorically rolled his eyes at her strange statement.
“Yeah, when pigs fly,” he scoffed, almost disappointed in his own answer, reality sinking in once again.
“Of course I do not mean through those eyes. I’ll help you see beyond that, and see the world through a new light. You’ll be able to see without needing to see.” She explained, which seemed like a load of BS to him. Yet he was still intrigued. He wanted to believe it so badly, but it was so farfetched and didn’t make much sense.
“Leave me alone, Amane. Go bother someone else…” He sighed. She let out a soft hum before finally deciding to listen to his request. She placed a plate down in front of him, the clinking of the dish making him look down at where it should be.
“I made sure it was what you said you liked, there’s a fork that stabbed in the middle, you should find it easily. Faith is something the blind need, or else you’ll fall.” She said before walking off.
He thought for a moment before pulling out the fork.
Faith is something the blind need, or else you’ll fall….
He shook his head and began to eat. That statement started to eat at his brain as well. Maybe next time, he’ll hear her out.