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Winters were more complicated than anything for Nemesis.
Kept in secret in one of the apartments the Tasan Party formerly used for their meetings, the place only seemed to grow smaller and darker as the days shortened.
Nemesis found herself sitting in front of her window, observing the snow fall down on the leafless trees. She didn’t consider herself a melancholic person, yet the context made her choose the comfort of her own memories rather than the harsh reality.
Sometimes, it felt like she was back home, in the forest. Hugging Mr. Ziz close and reading whatever book Nikolay had given her, as an indirect gift from her mother. He had told her her mother did visit, when Nemesis was fast asleep in the night, and left some books behind for her daughter. Nemesis had spent some nights wide awake since but she never saw her mother. A pure lack of luck, she believed. The cold wind entered the cracks of the cabin with practiced ease. Nemesis shivered the first years she had been there, and slowly she grew used. She just read what she could, mostly watching the pictures and flipping through the pages with her frozen fingers.
Other times, Nemesis could swear that she could hear Shakuson’s voice from the kitchen if she closed her eyes. Asking her what she wanted to eat tonight. She would reply that she didn’t mind anything, seeing him cook and being caring was enough to make her feel happier. The food wasn’t always tasty, but to Nemesis’ standards, it felt perfect. As Shakuson apologized for the burnt chicken, Nemesis savored it like there was no tomorrow. She lived her relationship with him hoping there will always be a tomorrow.
If she stayed in front of her window long enough, perhaps Shakuson will be back as well…
A creak. The door opened.
Nemesis thought she could cry, her throat closed up. He was back home, he really was. Nothing had changed, he was going to hug her close and tell her he loved her and that she had no reason to be afraid. Ask her what she wanted to eat and then press a kiss on her forehead…
“Nemesis?”
The vision Gammon faced when walking in the apartment was way different. Nemesis was sitting on the floor, in front of an open window, looking at the snow outside with a dazed smile. So that’s where she had been.
He had grown worried after a few days, not seeing her at the headquarters. He knew it was necessary to check yet, facing the door, his hand still shook. He didn’t want to intrude, and even if he had the keys, it was still her own space. Gammon sighed. She was still unstable, and he wasn’t about to lose the one his brother loved over a silly fright of opening the apartment door. He put his fears aside and walked in.
Seeing her there was a relief in a way. She was alive. His mind told him that the bar had long since fallen in hell, but he would take what life gave him.
“Nemesis?” He called out a second time, successfully grabbing her attention.
“…” Gammon felt her hesitation, as she wanted to blurt out the name of his brother. He didn’t mind, he more than understood her longing. “… Gammon…”
“That’s me. Forgive me for walking in.”
“Why are you here?”
“I should ask you the question.” He gestured towards her. “Why are you here?”
“What time is it…?” She blinked as she watched the night already settled outside. She thought the sun had just risen when she sat there.
“It’s not really a matter of what time, but what day.”
“… uh?”
“It’s Saturday, Nemesis. I haven’t seen you in four days.”
“Ah…” She uttered, without even understanding what Gammon meant. “Sorry.”
Gammon frowned in worry. He knew how winters could get, especially since Nyoze’s death. The younger brother had always been a bit dreamy and meditative during colder weathers. As a kid, he had lounged on the couch for hours, Nyoze joined him to crack some jokes and the two laughed. He would drag Gammon to the garden, where they ran around and played.
Now… it felt different.
He sighed, walking closer, to close the window. “You’re going to catch a cold.” He justified himself.
As he looked down at Nemesis and saw how she fought against herself to not cry, he felt his heart pinch.
The first winter after their parents had passed, Gammon laid down on the couch. He had come back from military training, even if he was barely fourteen. They needed to face their responsibilities, no matter how scary they were. And scared, Gammon was. He laid down, feeling like his chest was burning and yet he had never felt so cold at that time. Nyoze had walked in a few hours after, and the younger man remembered wishing for a joke or playful banter.
Yet, Nyoze looked at him, and laid down next to Gammon, like he always did, and hugged him, with a quiet sniff. Gammon shoved his head in his brother’s neck, and hugged him back, to make sure that they were in this together.
Gammon didn’t have Nyoze’s tact with actions, he much preferred talking.
“How are you feeling?”
“Fine.” Nemesis replied, still out of it.
“… I’ll bring you a blanket.”
He wrapped the discarded blanket around her shoulders, and knelt down next to her. It seemed to work to bring her back to reality, even just slightly, and she bit her lips.
“I miss him.”
“I know. You’re not alone.”
Nemesis looked back up at Gammon, and seeing how his eyes had also started to tear up, she gave in and let herself cry. He quickly followed suit, more silently than her, and rubbed her shoulder. They both stayed this way for perhaps more hours than necessary. Then they both leant against the couch and talked.
Gammon told her how Nyoze used to despise spicy food as a kid. Nemesis told him how Shakuson had a knack for befriending every cat they found on their way.
Slowly, both of their memories melted together and they felt like they could finally breathe properly.