Chapter Text
The dorm arrangement had happened naturally, like most things in NCT WISH did. Nobody sat down dramatically and assigned rooms after some emotional meeting. It just...worked out. Sakuya and Ryo shared because they were attached at the hip and genuinely incapable of functioning separately for longer than twenty minutes. If one of them was missing, the managers already knew to check convenience stores first because the other was probably there too. Yushi and Jaehee shared because Yushi liked quiet and Jaehee was oddly calming despite being built like a professional athlete who could probably bench press the entire group. And then there was Riku and Sion, who technically had separate rooms but spent enough time invading everyone else's spaces that privacy became more of a concept than a reality.
The dorm itself was loud in the way only group dorms could be. There was always someone cooking at midnight, someone singing badly in the shower, someone yelling because another person stole their hoodie. Most nights, Jaehee could be found in the kitchen cooking enough food to feed a small village while Ryo clung to his back whining about being hungry. Yushi would sit nearby pretending not to care while secretly waiting for Jaehee to hand him the first plate. Riku would steal ingredients directly from the cutting board with absolutely no shame. Sakuya somehow managed to make everything chaotic even while doing nothing. And Sion, as the eldest and leader, usually sat in the middle of all of it looking like he had his life together.
Which was funny. Because he absolutely did not.
Especially recently.
The thing was, Sion genuinely thought he and Jaehee were fine.
Not close-close, maybe. But fine. Comfortable enough. There was no tension, no awkwardness. At least none that mattered. They joked during content filming, talked during schedules, shared meals, worked together well on stage. Perfectly functional.
And whenever fans pointed out weird pairings in the group, Sion always confidently declared that the awkward duo was obviously Sakuya and Jaehee.
It became a running joke at this point.
“Look at them,” Sion had once said during a live while pointing at Sakuya and Jaehee sitting silently next to each other. “This is painful to watch.”
Meanwhile Sakuya immediately protested.
“Hyung! We talked earlier!”
Jaehee had laughed too, shoulders shaking quietly as he covered his face. “We’re not awkward...”
“You’re definitely awkward.”
The comments exploded because fans loved the joke. Sion kept using it after that. Any moment of silence between Sakuya and Jaehee? Awkward duo. Any missed high-five? Awkward duo.
The problem was that Sakuya and Jaehee were actually close.
Embarrassingly close, honestly.
Jaehee babied Sakuya constantly, cooking him late-night snacks and listening to him ramble for hours. Sakuya followed Jaehee around like a duckling sometimes. They were comfortable. Easy. Natural.
Unlike Sion and Jaehee.
And maybe Sion only pushed the “awkward duo” agenda so aggressively because he needed people to look anywhere except at the actual awkward duo.
Which was unfortunately him and Jaehee.
Not that anyone else seemed to notice.
Or maybe they did.
Sion hoped they didn’t.
Because that would be humiliating.
It started bothering him slowly. Small things at first.
Like how easily Jaehee touched the others.
He’d sling an arm around Ryo’s shoulders without hesitation. He’d lean against Yushi while laughing. He’d grab Riku by the wrist and drag him to the kitchen to taste-test food. He even bickered comfortably with Sakuya now.
But with Sion?
There was always this tiny pause.
Like Jaehee was thinking first. Measuring the situation. Making sure he wasn’t overstepping.
It wasn’t obvious unless someone paid attention. And Sion unfortunately paid attention to Jaehee far more than he should.
Jaehee still respected him too much sometimes.
Which made sense. Sion was the eldest. The leader. The hyung. He carried responsibility differently from the others. The members joked around with him constantly, but there was still an invisible line between Sion and the rest of them.
Except...the others crossed it anyway.
Riku climbed onto his bed whenever he wanted. Yushi argued with him openly. Ryo complained directly into his face. Sakuya whined dramatically for attention.
Jaehee didn’t.
Jaehee hesitated.
And Sion hated it more than he wanted to admit.
Because he wanted Jaehee to be comfortable with him too.
Not in a weird way.
Probably.
Maybe.
Okay. Maybe a little weirdly.
Still, he ignored it for months because Sion was good at ignoring things. It was practically a talent. He ignored exhaustion, stress, injuries, homesickness, hate comments. He could definitely ignore one slightly awkward dynamic with a member.
Except then Riku opened his stupid mouth one evening and ruined everything.
They had just finished filming something exhausting and were sprawled around the living room looking half-dead. Ryo and Sakuya were arguing over snacks. Yushi was scrolling through his phone while lying directly across Jaehee’s lap like a cat. Jaehee absentmindedly played with Yushi’s hair while reading comments from fans.
Disgusting behavior, honestly.
Sion had already looked away three times.
Riku sat beside him snickering at something on his phone before suddenly nudging Sion’s shoulder.
“Hyung.”
“What.”
“You can’t maintain eye contact with Jaehee.”
Sion blinked.
“What are you talking about?”
Riku grinned immediately, clearly sensing blood in the water. “See? Defensive already.”
“I’m not defensive.”
“You are.”
“I’m literally not.”
“You literally are.”
Across the room, Yushi slowly lowered his phone. Dangerous. Interested. The worst combination possible.
Jaehee looked up too, confused. “Huh?”
And then Sion made the catastrophic mistake of looking directly at him.
Warm brown eyes. Soft expression. Hair slightly messy from practice. Sleeves rolled up enough to show his forearms. Huge body somehow folded gently around Yushi so naturally it almost looked unfair.
Sion’s brain short-circuited.
He looked away first.
Immediately.
Riku screamed. Actually screamed.
“OH MY GOD.”
Yushi sat up so fast he nearly headbutted Jaehee. “No way.”
“There’s no fucking way,” Riku wheezed, clutching his stomach. “Hyung, you looked away first!”
“I did not.”
“You literally panicked.”
“I didn’t panic.”
Sakuya stared between them like he was watching a tennis match. “Wait...is this real?”
Jaehee looked mortified already. “Guys...”
“No, hold on,” Yushi interrupted, now fully invested. “Do it again.”
“We are not doing it again.”
“Do it again.”
“I’m not five years old.”
Riku was crying laughing by now. “Hyung never loses eye contact with everybody else, but with Jaehee it’s instant. This is insane.”
“That’s because his face is huge.”
Silence.
Jaehee blinked slowly. “My face is huge?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
Sion opened his mouth. Closed it again.
The thing was, he genuinely didn’t know what he meant.
Because suddenly every interaction with Jaehee over the past few months came crashing into his brain at once.
The way his stomach weirdly tightened whenever Jaehee smiled at him.
The way he became hyperaware whenever Jaehee sat close.
The way his eyes kept drifting toward Jaehee during practices.
The way he felt irrationally pleased whenever Jaehee laughed at his jokes specifically.
The way his body reacted every single time Jaehee wore sleeveless shirts.
Which was honestly becoming a public health issue at this point because Jaehee’s arms were insane.
Actually insane.
Sion was only human.
And now that Riku pointed it out, Sion realized something horrifying.
He genuinely could not maintain eye contact with Jaehee.
Not properly.
Not the way he could with everyone else.
Because eye contact with Jaehee felt too intense somehow.
Jaehee looked at people fully when speaking. Attentively. Warmly. Like they were the only person in the room. He didn’t get embarrassed first. Didn’t look away nervously.
Sion did.
Which made absolutely no sense because Sion was always the one making others flustered.
He knew the effect he had on people.
Fans lost their minds over his visuals daily. The members themselves joked about how ridiculously handsome he was. Riku once told fans, completely seriously, "Sionnie hyung is too handsome. Looking directly at him feels dangerous"
Even Yushi sometimes avoided eye contact during teasing because Sion weaponized his face like a professional.
He was always the teaser.
Always the confident one.
So why the hell did Jaehee reduce him into this weird overheated idiot?
It got worse after that realization.
Much worse.
Because once Sion became aware of it, he couldn’t stop noticing things.
Like how gigantic Jaehee actually was.
Not fat. Not bulky in an intimidating way. Just...big. Broad shoulders, thick arms, large hands, tall frame. And the worst part was that Jaehee himself seemed completely unaware of it most of the time.
He’d casually pick up two grocery bags in one hand while helping staff members. He’d open jars for the others without even thinking. He’d stand next to Sion during rehearsals and make Sion suddenly feel suspiciously compact.
The “big guy” trend made everything ten times worse.
The staff suggested filming the trend because fans were obsessed with Jaehee’s size difference compared to some of the members.
Ryo kept yelling, “Jaehee hyung is a bear!”
“I’m not a bear.”
“You literally are.”
And then it was Sion’s turn to stand next to Jaehee for the trend.
Terrible. Horrible. Life-ruining experience.
Because Sion wasn’t small. Not even close. He worked out constantly, had defined muscles, abs, broad shoulders himself. But beside Jaehee?
Beside Jaehee, Sion suddenly felt delicate.
Which should not have affected him this much.
But then Jaehee casually rested a hand on his shoulder and Sion almost ascended spiritually.
The comments afterward made things infinitely worse.
'Jaehee looks like he could carry Sion.'
'Sion suddenly looks tiny???'
'Size difference is crazy'
Sion wanted to sue everyone involved.
Instead he laid awake that night staring at the ceiling while aggressively denying the obvious truth.
He did not have a crush on Kim Daeyoung.
Absolutely not.
That would be ridiculous.
Except every time Jaehee smiled sleepily after schedules, Sion’s chest felt weird. Every time Jaehee said “love you, hyungs” before bed in that embarrassingly sincere way he had, Sion’s brain melted a little.
And god, the bedtime thing.
The first time Jaehee casually said “love you” before sleeping, Sion nearly dropped his water bottle.
Apparently Jaehee’s family expressed affection openly, so he grew up saying it naturally. The members got used to it quickly.
“Goodnight, love you guys.”
“Love you too.”
Easy. Casual.
Except Sion internally reacted like a Victorian man seeing an exposed ankle.
Especially because Jaehee always sounded so genuine.
One night after a particularly exhausting schedule, everyone dragged themselves back to the dorm half-dead. Ryo collapsed dramatically on the couch. Sakuya complained about his feet hurting. Yushi immediately disappeared to shower.
Jaehee shuffled into the kitchen instead.
“Who wants ramyeon?” he asked.
“Marry me,” Ryo answered instantly.
“You’re sixteen.”
“Still.”
Sion watched quietly while Jaehee cooked for everyone despite being exhausted himself. Hair messy, sleeves pushed up, moving around the kitchen comfortably while listening to the members bicker.
And suddenly something in Sion’s chest twisted painfully soft.
Because Jaehee always took care of people first.
Always.
Without expecting anything back.
He remembered staff members praising Jaehee constantly too. How polite he was. How attentive. How he noticed small things others missed.
Once during a schedule, Sion saw Jaehee silently switch drinks with a tired cameraman because the man accidentally grabbed an empty bottle. Nobody else noticed. Jaehee didn’t mention it afterward either.
He was just like that.
Gentle in quiet ways.
And maybe that was the actual problem.
Because Sion was used to people reacting to appearances first. To confidence. To charisma. To stage presence. But Jaehee made him feel seen in a terrifyingly sincere way.
Not because Jaehee treated him differently.
But because he treated everyone kindly.
Sion hated how much he thought about this.
One afternoon he ended up alone with Yushi in the gym area after practice. Which was unfortunate because Yushi had the emotional intelligence of a manipulative cat.
“You were staring again.”
Sion nearly dropped his dumbbell. “What?”
Yushi didn’t even look up from his phone. “At Jaehee.”
“I was not staring.”
“You did for like ten minutes.”
“I was thinking.”
“About his arms?”
Sion choked. Actually choked.
Yushi finally looked at him, expression completely blank. “So it’s serious.”
“There is nothing serious.”
“Mhm.”
“Stop making that face.”
“What face?”
“That knowing face.”
Yushi smirked slightly. “Hyung, I say this with love, but you’re painfully obvious.”
“I’m literally not.”
“You are to people who know you.”
Sion groaned and covered his face with both hands. “I’m going insane.”
“Probably.”
“This is your fault somehow.”
“How?”
“I don’t know yet but it feels right.”
Yushi laughed quietly before stretching. “You know what your problem is?”
“I have many.”
“You keep thinking Jaehee is uncomfortable with you.”
Sion frowned slightly. “Isn’t he?”
“No.”
“But he hesitates around me.”
“That’s because you’re scary.”
“I’m not scary.”
Yushi stared at him. “Hyung.”
“Okay maybe a little.”
“A lot.”
Sion sighed dramatically.
The issue was that Sion genuinely didn’t know how to act around Jaehee anymore. Now every interaction felt loaded.
Too aware. Too careful.
Like during lives, when Jaehee would lean closer to read comments and Sion immediately forgot how language worked. Or during dance practice, when Jaehee’s hands landed on Sion’s waist while fixing choreography and Sion nearly died on the spot.
Pathetic behavior.
Actually pathetic.
And the worst part? Jaehee remained completely normal through all of it.
Completely oblivious.
Or maybe not oblivious. Maybe just polite enough not to mention that Sion acted like a malfunctioning robot around him sometimes.
One evening, Sion wandered into the kitchen unable to sleep and found Jaehee cooking alone.
The dorm lights were dim, the atmosphere unusually quiet without the others screaming somewhere nearby. Jaehee looked up immediately when Sion entered.
“Oh. Hyung.”
There it was again.
That eye contact.
Warm and direct and impossible to survive.
Sion looked away first. Again.
Pathetic.
“What are you making?” he asked casually, pretending his heartbeat wasn’t acting insane.
“Just snacks. Couldn’t sleep.”
“Mhm.”
Silence settled briefly while Jaehee stirred something in the pan.
Sion leaned against the counter awkwardly. Which was weird because he usually wasn’t awkward with anyone.
Then Jaehee suddenly glanced at him carefully. “Did I do something wrong recently?”
Sion blinked. “What?”
“You’ve been avoiding me.”
Oh.
Oh no.
“That’s not- I’m not avoiding you.”
Jaehee smiled slightly, unconvinced. “You kind of are.”
“I’m just busy.”
“We all are.”
Damn him and his communication skills.
Sion suddenly understood why fans called Jaehee emotionally intelligent. The man noticed everything.
“I’m not avoiding you,” Sion repeated more quietly this time.
Jaehee studied him for a moment before nodding slowly. “Okay.”
But he still looked uncertain.
And for some reason, that bothered Sion more than expected.
Because despite all the embarrassment and confusion and attraction currently ruining his life, the last thing he wanted was for Jaehee to think he disliked him.
Not when the opposite was becoming dangerously true.
Jaehee turned back toward the stove. “Taste this?”
He held out the spoon naturally.
And Sion’s brain short-circuited again because Jaehee was feeding him.
Not romantically. Obviously.
But still.
Sion took the spoon carefully, hyperaware of everything. Their fingers nearly brushing. Jaehee watching him expectantly.
“How is it?”
Sion swallowed hard. “Good.”
Jaehee grinned immediately, bright and pleased in a way that made Sion’s stomach flip violently.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Thank god. I thought I messed it up.”
Sion stared at him for a second too long.
Then Jaehee tilted his head slightly. “Hyung?”
And once again, Sion looked away first.
Fuck.
Later that night, while lying in bed, Sion finally accepted the horrifying truth.
He had a crush on Kim Daeyoung.
A huge one.
An embarrassingly massive one.
On his own bandmate.
The same bandmate he could barely maintain eye contact with without combusting internally.
The same bandmate who said “love you” sweetly every night without realizing Sion heard it like a confession every single time.
The same bandmate who smiled at him gently and accidentally destroyed his nervous system in the process.
This was genuinely terrible.
Because what exactly was Sion supposed to do now?
Confess? Absolutely not. He’d rather walk into traffic.
Ignore it? Impossible.
Pretend everything was normal? Maybe. Probably. Hopefully.
Except even now, Sion could hear Jaehee laughing faintly from the other room, warm and soft and familiar.
And against all logic, all common sense, all dignity-
Sion found himself smiling helplessly into his pillow.