Work Text:
“You need glasses.”
“I do not need glasses.”
“Michael, you can’t see the clock right here. It’s only a few feet away.”
“That doesn’t mean I need glasses.”
“It does mean you need glasses! Everyone else can see this clock but you.”
“It’s not a hindrance to me so I don’t need glasses.”
“It is by all means a hindrance, you keep thinking that friends are foes and foes are friends. You’re going to get yourself killed.”
“I can squint.”
“You already squint all the time and spend all your free time complaining about headaches.”
“Jack. You’re only doing this because you’re tired of us making fun of you for having glasses. I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to even the odds. It’s not gonna work. If I needed glasses, I would have got them in high school like everybody else.”
“That is absolutely not what I’m doing at all. They’re dumbasses and I don’t care how much they insult me for my shitty eyes. I know they’re shitty, that’s why I wear glasses. I’m just trying to help because I’m tired of dealing with this. Accept that you have shitty eyes and help them.”
“I can’t help them because I don’t have shitty eyes. Nothing to help. I have perfect eyes.”
“You have the opposite of perfect eyes. Bad eyes.”
“My eyes have done nothing wrong.”
“They’ve done their job wrong because you can’t see shit! Michael, just let me get you an appointment, if you do have perfect eyes then you won’t need glasses and I’ll be proven eyes.”
“I don’t want to waste my time.”
“I will bet you a thousand dollars that you have shitty eyes.”
“I’m not going to visit the eye people for a thousand dollars.”
“Two thousand?”
“No.”
“Ten thousand.”
“Fine. I’ll go see if I need glasses, which I won’t.”
“I’m coming with you.”
“Okay, sure, whatever. Thanks, Mom.”