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Before the performance start, Shrek pulled Anton to backstage, locked him between the wall and Shrek’s muscular arms.
“I like your voice so much Anton. I’m envious that I have to share this with the world. You really know how to turn me on.” Shrek said while strolling his finger on Anton’s face. The ogre was full of jealousy but he still held it back, trying not to hurt the pretty in front of him.
“Sh..Shrek…we can’t be like this…You are too close to me.” Anton mumbled, his voice shivered.
“Why? Don’t you like it, baby girl?” Shrek groaned, leaned in closer to Anton.
Anton can feel the other’s breath, feel Shrek’s body against him. Is this what he wants? Anton’s body seems like it is about to explode.
“Please don’t make me say it Shrek. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, darling.” He whispered, so soft that Shrek thought to himself he might melt from hearing this.
“What are we, Anton? What is our relationship? Why does it feel like I'm the only one who commits to this? Tell me that you also feel the same.” The ogre used his romantic voice to ask Anton. The younger can easily feel the love that Shrek had for him.
“B..but, what if the truth hurts you? I don’t want to leave any wounds on you. You don’t deserve it.” Anton took his hand to Shrek’s face, cupped the ogre’s green cheeks with all the love in his eyes.
“Have I ever complimented your eyes my dear? You have the most sparkling eyes I’ve ever seen. I know these eyes won’t hurt me, no matter what you say. I know you will never mean to do something harsh.” Shrek replied, he also covered Anton’s hand with his, letting the warmth from his body transfer to Anton’s.
“Oh Shrek…Please don’t do this to me, you make me weak in front of your admiration. Everytime I stand in front of you, I realize why people fall for you, over and over.” Shrek could see Anton’s eyes were brighter than ever. It felt like the younger one was about to shed a tear.
“But I don’t think we could be in a serious relationship, Shrek. I’m so sorry my love. I just thought you…as a brief, like a passing encounter…well you know. Like a summer fever.”
Shrek’s large, green hand slowly loosened its grip on Anton’s, the warmth draining away instantly.
The ogre’s golden eyes, which moments ago were filled with nothing but admiration, clouded over with a thick, suffocating confusion. The soft murmur of the crowd outside, preparing for the show, suddenly felt miles away, replaced by the ringing silence of the backstage area. He pulled his head back, just enough to see the genuine, agonizing sorrow etched on Anton’s delicate face.
“A summer fever?” Shrek’s voice was barely a rumble. He looked down, taking in the small hand that had just cupped his cheek, now hanging limply between them, “You mean to tell me all this… the feeling I have for you… the intensity, the affection
…is it just something to burn out?”
Anton let out a small, miserable gasp, turning his face away from the sheer pain in Shrek's expression.
“It’s not fair to you, darling. You deserve someone who can shout their love from the rooftops, someone who isn’t afraid of forever. I can’t be that person. Look at us, Shrek. We’re impossible, a beautiful, fleeting, but momentary thought. If this goes on, you’ll start building a future, and I’ve already planned my departure.”
“No Anton, I’m impossible without you. I can’t lose this feeling. It almost got me dying to realise it. Every night I slept, every dream I got, you made me flying, head in the cloud. It’s impossible for me to not think about it.” Shrek caught Anton’s chin, forcing him to meet his gaze, his touch firm but still gentle.
“I know, I know it would hurt you. I’m sorry. No apology can save me from this, but I still want to say so.” Anton looked down. He didn’t have the gut to look straight into Shrek’s eyes.
“Oh my heart hurts so bad, but yet, it is still yearning for you. But I guess, I’m not the only one.” Shrek said, his voice getting smaller and smaller as if he just realized the cruel reality.
“Maybe in another life, we could have been the one for each other. I would remember you, as a spark of passion that had lit me up, Shrek. That is what you meant to me. You are a part that couldn’t be replaced in my growth, and I’m grateful.” Anton let his hand find Shrek’s, locked their hands together, holding tightly.
Shrek sighed, a sound that seemed to carry the weight of all the swamps and dark forests he’d ever known. He lifted a massive hand and wiped the fresh tears from Anton’s cheek with a tenderness.
"I don't care about a past that hasn't been lived or a future that might not happen. I care about our present." He moved his hands, pulling Anton's chin up again, forcing the younger man to face the undeniable truth in the ogre's gaze, "Do you love me now? Yes or no, Anton. One word from you and I shall keep this from you for eternity. Just tell me what your heart feels right this second." The words hung heavy, a final demand for truth.
Anton met Shrek's gaze, and the fierce demand for truth cleared the fog of his own agonizing indecision. His throat tightened, but he forced the word out, a small, agonizing sound that felt like it shattered the heavy silence between them.
“No,” Anton whispered, the word a betrayal to the fierce love pounding in his chest. A single tear, hot and stinging, tracked a path down his cheek. “I…I can’t. Not like you mean it.” He took a shaky breath, feeling the crushing weight of Shrek’s promise settle heavily upon them.
“Alright. That’s all I need to know. I shall let you go now right, Anton? Goodbye my love. I hope we shall stay as good fellows.” Shrek let Anton’s chin go and step aside.
The space between them suddenly turned immense and cold. Anton watched Shrek step back. The promise of "good fellows" felt like a cruel mockery, a clumsy bandage over a wound. Anton felt a wave of nausea, the reality of his choice, a bitter taste in his mouth. He didn't deserve Shrek's quiet acceptance.
He wanted a shout, loud, cry, tear, fear, pain and a fight, anything but this devastating finality. He knew he had to leave before he broke his resolve. He took a single, heavy step toward the stage curtain, but couldn't help a final, desperate glance back. Shrek was staring at the floor, his massive shoulders slumped, utterly alone. Anton turned away, leaving behind the only heart that had ever truly held him.