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The arena lights were always too bright after a loss. Minseok sat frozen in front of his monitor long after the defeat screen faded, headset hanging crooked around his neck while the crowd cheered the winning team. Somewhere beside him, chairs scraped, the cameras moved like vultures.
But all he could hear was Minhyung’s laugh.
Not in the moment, in this arena…but the memory of it.
A while ago, in the practice room that smelled like instant ramen. They were surrounded by overheated PCs and chaotic scream of other players in the room. Minhyung used to laugh everytime Minseok rage-quit a scrim.
“You’re so dramatic,” he’d tease, spinning the other man’s chair.”It’s one game.”
Back then, Minseok thought there would always be another game. Another season. Another night of Minhyung falling asleep on his shoulder while they were reviewing their game at 2 AM.
Now, Minhyung stood on the opposite side of the stage in Hanwha’s uniform, clinging way too comfortable on him. Maybe red suited him before, but how orange highlights his pink cheeks making Minseok smile, adoring him less closer than he used to.
The worst part of looking on the other side was that he still knew Minhyung’s habits.
Minseok adored his furrowed brow when the 1v1 with his midlaner gets way too intense.
Minseok adored the way he bounced when standing in line when he was nervous.
And he knew the smile he wore during interviews was fake because his eye twitches slightly when he lied.
And with sick certainty… he knew that Minhyung had avoided looking at him the entire match which somehow hurts more than losing.
Then across the stage, Minhyung was smiling during the fistbump. Staying professional. When he reached his former support, his smiled faded slightly. Their hands touched for less than a second but Minseok felt it everywhere. He froze in place.
“Keria-seonsu,” Coach Mata touched his shoulder gently. “We’re leaving.”
He nodded once and walked away later than the rest of his teammates.
The hallways backstage was colder than expected. Minjae walked faster when he spotted his former ADC then stopped. Minhyung stood alone near the vending machines. For a second, neither of them moved to face each other.
With his team jacket draped around his figure. Why does it feel so absurd at how familiar he looked? He thought. The same eyes gleaming under the dim light. The same hands Minseok once held under tables, or during long bus rides that nobody would notice.
Minhyung looked happy to see him. Minseok hated himself for noticing it. “You played well,” Minhyung broke the silence.
The support almost laughed. That was the first thing he said after months?
Not I missed you. Not How have you been?
Something ugly twisted his chest. Their first interaction in months were just mere insincere compliments. He hated how much Minhyung’s voiced calmed his nerve and at how much he missed his voice. Minseok felt like he almost couldn’t remember, the last time he heard anything from the man infront of him. Not even a quick greeting, or a call…or a text messege he used to get daily. A part of him hoped that Minhyung missed him as much as he did.
But even if he did ask, Minseok was still unsure on how to answer.
“Don’t do that,” Minseok muttered. The other man blinked. “Do what?”
“Talking to me like we’re strangers.”
Something flickered across Minhyung’s face. Maybe uncertainty, or pain but it disappeared quicly. Minhyung remained calm.
“We’re certainly not closer now, aren’t we?”
The words landed straight into Minseok’s heart. He only stared at Minhyung, stunned.
The Minhyung standing in front of him wasn’t the man who used to sneak into his bed after nightmares before finals. He wasn’t the teammate who promised that he’ll win a thousand more trophy with him. That Minhyung had long gone. Or maybe Minseok had been the one who disappeared first.
“You left without saying anything.” Minseok uttered, his voice laced with pain and betrayal.
“You already knew.”
“Yeah, through the internet. Is that how little I meant to you?” Minseok snapped.“--No, it’s pointless to argue now.” He held his breath.
Silence. Only the hum of the vending machine beside them was audible.
Minhyung exhaled once, obviously exhausted at the encounter. “You think I wanted to leave?”
“Then why did you?” Minseok answered, a little too fast for his liking.
Minhyung closed his eyes briefly, “Because--being next to you was ruining both of us.”
Minseok felt his chest cave in.
“You stopped sleeping. You stopped eating properly. Every loss destroyed you because you thought you had to protect me too.” He swallowed hard. “And I... I started resenting myself for needing you all the time.”
The honesty cut Minhyung deeper than cruelty could have. Minseok opened his mouth but nothing came out. Because part of him knew it was true. There had been nights Minhyung clinged to him like a lifeline after bad performance. Nights Minseok stayed awake comforting him, or the way Minhyung whispered Don’t leave me, half asleep. Minseok thought it was love. Maybe it was just drowning together.
“I waited for you to hate me,” Minhyung admitted. ”It would’ve been easier.”
Minjae laughed, a hollow sound came out. “Hate you?”
He looked at Minhyung. Every curve of his face. His gaze passing through all the exhaustion hidden under the makeup. At the dark circle, and the trembling fingers curved around the handle of his bag. And suddenly Minseok realized.
Minhyung looked just as heartbroken as he felt and that was the cruelest part. If one of them had stopped loving the other, this would have been survivable. But love remained anyway, rotting quietly beneath everything that they left unsaid.
“How can I hate you…” Minseok whispered, “when every part of my life leads back to you?”
Minhyung expression shattered. For one terrible second, Minseok thought he might cry.
Instead he flashed him with a small, broken smile.
“You shouldn’t say things like that to me.”
“Why?”
“Because I almost came back,” he said, more breathily and half heartedly. He did want to come back.. To his home. To him…
But it was too cruel for himself. The hallway suddenly felt too small. Minseok’s heartbeat turned violent. “What?”
“Last month,” Minhyung looked away quickly. “I stood outside your apartment for an hour.”
Minseok stopped breathing completely.
“I thought if I saw you once,” he laughed weakly, almost couldn’t believe what he was about to confess.
“I thought- maybe… I’d choose you over anything else.”
Their eyes meet again. “I realized you would’ve let me.”
The devastation in his voice was unbearable.
Minhyung was right.
Minseok would have opened the door. Dragged him inside and loved him recklessly all over again. Even if it destroyed them both. The silence was deafening. Filling the hallways making it feel it was just them… again.
“Gumayusi-seonsu, Interview in five!” A staff member called Minhyung’s name down the hall. He answered without looking away from Minseok.”Coming.”
Neither of them moved. The crowd outside roared again, muffled through the concrete wall. The world had continued like their hearts weren’t ending under a fluorescent hallway.
Minhyung stepped back first. He always did. “Take care, Keria-seonsu.” He said softly.
Minseok flinched . He wanted to say something, anything, and everything. But the words sat trembling in his throat. Maybe unsure words of asking him to stay, or desperate begging to not treat him like someone he had forgotten. But love had already failed them once, and he didn’t know how to survive watching it fall again.
So instead, he nodded. Minhyung turned and walked away. No dramatic goodbye. No final embrace. Just distance.
Minseok watched until he disappeared around the corner, and only then did he realize his vision had blurred. He stood there alone. And somewhere deep inside him came the terrifying understanding that loving someone could continue long after the relationship itself had died.
Maybe that was the real heartbreak. Not losing the love of his life.
But still loving him after.