Work Text:
Caelus smoked weed. Not that it was a bad thing, in fact, he thought it was the coolest thing ever. Sampo had taught him in Belobog because Sampo was Sampo and somehow got a hold of it. And Caelus tried it and very quickly started liking it. Of course, Mr. Yang and Himeko were a little worried at first because of the health issues. But Caelus brought up the obvious fact that they had no idea how the Stellaron in him affected his health anyway. Plus it wasn’t the gross tobacco stuff, it was just weed.
So they kinda left him alone with it. Sometimes Dan Heng joined him when he was extra bored! It was really really cool. He tried to get March into it but she said it smelled weird, which he did understand. He knew a lot of people felt that way so he always tried to make sure he didn’t smell like it.
But, there was one teeny tiny new issue.
Ratio.
See, he loved his new boyfriend. Strong, smart, handsome, the whole shebang right?? Buuuut…Ratio didn’t know about the fact he smoked. Not yet. It’s just…Ratio is really really fancy and Caelus had no idea how to bring it up. Like at all. Mostly because everyone on the Express had just kinda…found out because Sampo told them. And Sunday just bluntly asked. So…he didn’t know how to talk about it.
He wasn’t just gonna bring it up like, ‘hey! My lovely boyfriend. I do weed.’ Like that was weird. Even for him.
So he decided to do the next best thing. Ask Ratio himself if he’s done weed then go from there. Boom. Easy.
Cut to the current moment. Both Ratio and Caelus hanging out in Ratio’s apartment. Mostly because Caelus was very bored and he was just a guy. And by hanging out, they were cuddling; which mostly meant Caelus sprawling on top of Ratio while they both did their own things. Caelus playing his mobile games (obviously) and Ratio reading whatever new nerd book he got.
“Hey bro. I have a question” were the first words to come out of Caelus’ mouth after they had sat in comfortable silence for like an hour.
“...I thought I informed you not to call me ‘bro’.” Ratio grumbled, his reddish-pink eyes moving to stare down Caelus, who was currently grinning like a sly cat.
“Yeah but like…c’mon. It’s not that bad.”
“Whatever. What was your question?”
That’s when Caelus took a deep breath. Hoping, praying to literally all the Aeons that have blessed him so far, that he wasn’t going to get his head bitten off by his boyfriend because he smoked weed.
“...Have you ever smoked weed before?” He asked, sounding a lot more confident than he actually felt. Usually, Caelus could fake his confidence easily, but his heart felt like it was trying to break out of his ribs.
“...Cannabis? I’ve heard and been around people who’ve done it. But I’ve never participated in it myself.” Ratio answered with a casual shrug, before one of his eyebrows ticked up at Caelus’ very confused expression. “...Why are you looking at me like that?”
Caelus paused. “You’ve never smoked before??” He asked after his mind caught up with the answer, moving to sit up to actually be able to fully look at his boyfriend. “I– I thought that you had at least tried it before??”
Ratio closed his book as he raised an eyebrow, “No? But why do you ask? This seems like a lead up to something I should be concerned about.” Ratio countered, deadpan stare focused on Caelus like his shenanigans were the most awful thing to ever happen to him. Of course, Caelus knew it was the complete opposite but it was still very funny to see.
“Well~...I smoke weed.” Caelus answered bluntly, knowing he had no idea how to sugar coat something like this to actually make it sound less…odd.
“...Okay…? Was that all you wished to inform me of?” Ratio said, voice somehow even more deadpan than before. “If that was all, you didn’t need the extra fanfare.”
“Okay fair, but like…now I want you to get high with me” Caelus shot back right after, gleaming golden eyes staring up at Ratio’s own reddish ones.
“No.”
“What??”
“No.”
“But why!~” Caelus whined, moving once again to drape himself over Ratio’s body like before.
“Because. Things such as that are not something I wish to try.” Ratio countered, clearly not budging on his stance, which Caelus didn’t mind too much, but he really wanted to try to get Ratio to agree.
“But like…if you do it I won’t hug you the next time I go dumpster diving.” Caelus shot back, a grin creeping on his face while Ratio paused.
“...Are you being deceitful?” Ratio asked, a little bit more open to the idea now, clearly. Mostly because Caelus loved being touchy after going dumpster diving just so he could force Ratio to shower with him.
“Nope!” Caelus grinned, “smoke a joint, no trash hug next time.” He repeated, eyes still gleaming with excitement.
“...Fine. Only because you are positively disgusting after those dumpster dives of yours.” Ratio grumbled, looking like he wanted Veritas Prime to just swallow him whole. Not that the planet would listen.
“Wait really??” Caelus asked, genuinely dumbfounded that his idiotic plan worked. He couldn’t tell if Ratio loved him that much or genuinely found him that disgusting after dumpster diving, but either way, he quickly scrambled to grab the joint roller he had in his jacket that was positively discarded on the floor in a sad pile.
“Yes, do the thing before I change my mind like a normal human should.” Ratio grumbled, but the corner of his lip twitched as he saw Caelus scramble.
Caelus grinned once he pulled out the joint roller “Okay, okay hold on.” He said before rolling the joint surprisingly fast, lighting it, and holding it out like he was holding the best curio in the world. “Now smoke it. It’s like a cigarette. Probably. Just don’t breathe in weird.” He explained, hoping that Ratio had at least smoked a cigarette before.
“Caelus. Love. I know how to smoke.” Ratio said, tone a little exasperated that Caelus thought the man was that clueless. But still, the violet haired man shrugged before taking a long drag and blowing out the smoke.
“Okay. Now we wait like…a few minutes.” Caelus said with a grin, moving to lay across Ratio’s body again. “Might take a little bit to hit, so just keep taking drags if you want.”
Instinctively, Ratio wrapped an arm around Caelus, “As you say…” He mumbled, taking Caelus’ words and continuing to take drags from the joint.
Caelus did NOT expect Ratio to act…the way he was acting.
What did Caelus mean by that?
Ratio was now draped across the trailblazer and was refusing to move. Which was kinda a problem, mostly because Caelus’ arm was numb.
“Bro. Get off. Please.” Caelus attempted to move Ratio off of him, but Ratio was big, stubborn, and apparently made of concrete.
“Nooooooo why should I? Also stop calling me bro.” Ratio giggled, voice much lighter than usual and having none of that normal scholarly tone that he always had. Instead he sounded like a giggly teenage boy talking about his first crush.
“You should get up cause you’re suffocating my arm.” Caelus repeated, once again attempting to move his arm. But the action was futile as instead of moving, Ratio moved to cuddle Caelus even further, which was the exact opposite of what the grey haired man wanted.
“But you’re comfyyyy and I don’t want you to go.” Ratio whined, words slurring a little by the end of the sentence as he buried his face into Caelus’ chest.
Caelus had expected high Ratio to be less…clingy and giggly and maybe just more grumpy. But that did not happen and left Caelus slightly disappointed but also curious. Maybe this was a bad idea. BUT he could admit something Very Important.
High Ratio was very cute.
Ratio was much poutier and more open when he was high, which was personally his favorite part of high Ratio. His eyes were also kinda glassy which was also kinda—
“Babe!”
The words snapped Caelus out of his thoughts as he looked down to see Ratio staring at him with a very silly looking pout. Silly because the man performing said pout was a buff professor who would normally flick Caelus’ forehead for acting a little too silly sometimes.
“...Yes?”
“...I’m hungry.”
“...So? Make yourself some food”
“...Grilled cheese.”
“W- what??” Caelus stared at him, clearly confused. But Ratio was clearly not confused at all as he had a stubborn look of high determination on his face.
“Grill me a cheese.”
“I’m not grilling you a cheese.”
Caelus regretted those words as soon as they left his mouth. Mostly because Ratio’s eyes started filling up with tears and he started making kicked puppy noises. Which just broke Caelus’ heart almost immediately. Even if he knew it was just Ratio having really bad munchies apparently.
Caelus grumbled, “Oh for Aeon’s sake…” as he moved to help Ratio stand up, but really he couldn’t be too mad. It was Ratio’s first time getting high anyway. He supposed maybe Ratio was just the kinda person who got bad munchies. Maybe. He would have to confirm by getting Ratio high again some other time.
“Yayyyyy. Grill cheese!” Ratio giggled as he moved to stand, but as soon as both of them were standing up, Ratio wrapped both of his arms around Caelus. And of course, refused to let go.
“Bro. I need you to let me go so I can make your cheese.” Caelus laughed, attempting to pry Ratio off of him, but of course it didn’t work and once again, only made Ratio cling on more stubbornly.
“No.” Ratio huffed in response, much like a pouty child. Which Caelus found to be one of the most adorable things ever but of course he couldn’t say anything about it unless he wanted Ratio to become even more stubborn.
“...Whatever. C’mon then”
What followed was a slightly clumsy and messy attempt at Caelus making a grilled cheese with Ratio attached to him and refusing to let go. Of course, it took a little (read: a lot) longer than it should’ve taken, but Caelus noticed Ratio smiling the entire time, so he couldn’t complain. It was always a treat to see Ratio smile. And if that smile was because of something Caelus did? Well then he wouldn’t say anything.
By the time Caelus got Ratio settled on the couch again, Ratio had already attached himself to Caelus’ side by leaning almost all of his weight on the trailblazer while he had his grilled cheese.
Through his bites of grilled cheese and through his chewing, Ratio mumbled with a grin, “...yummy cheese. Thank you, baby. My favorite person ever. My love. My—” before getting cut off by Caelus’ laugh.
“Alright, alright, no need to get all lovey-dovey while high.” Caelus grinned, moving to pepper kisses on Ratio’s face, which brought out giggles from the high man.
“...Mmm but I need to cause you should know how much I love you.” Ratio said, attempting to look serious, though it immediately failed when he stuffed the rest of his grilled cheese in his mouth before cuddling up against Caelus with a yawn and a smile.
“Maybe. But you can do that when you’re sober too, y’know.” Caelus grinned, but said nothing else as he shifted to accommodate Ratio’s new position. He didn’t expect a clingy and giggly high Ratio. But, he couldn’t complain about it at all.
“...Love you.” Ratio grinned, very sloppily pressing a kiss to Caelus’ cheek before promptly falling asleep. Which Caelus supposed made sense since it was Ratio’s first time getting high.
“...Love you more.” Caelus grinned, pressing a kiss to Ratio’s head as his mind replayed the events so far. This went much better than he thought it would. Plus, getting to see Ratio smile and giggle without a care in the world? That was the best thing ever.
Maybe he could even get Ratio to smoke a joint every now and then to take a break from all of his teacher stuff. Maybe. Nah, he’d probably convince Ratio to take breaks more often. Plus, it was so cute seeing Ratio be high. And he could absolutely not keep this new development to himself. So he sent a quick text to Dan Heng, before putting his phone down and closing his eyes.
He definitely needed to see high Ratio again.