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Closet Case

Summary:

A lab mishap leads to an awkward closet situation on Jiro's birthday. Also, Jiro has a strange idea of fun and what constitutes dating.

Notes:

This is for Kenma, because she was a very Good Girl.

Work Text:

It's such a pretty day, and I'm stuck inside helping clean the lab. What a pain.

The honor student kept her thoughts to herself as she dusted and wiped another row of specimen jars down with disinfectant. A nasty bug had been going around campus for the last week, and Yuri had decided that the entire lab needed to be sanitized for Jiro’s safety.

Jiro himself didn't seem to care much, merely lifting a shoulder and agreeing with the Captain in his inflectionless way. She glanced at him under her lashes as he lifted the heavy formaldehyde-filled jars down from the top shelves so she could wash them. Just her luck to be scrubbing away in Yuri’s packrat domain with the least talkative ghoul at Darkwick on a bright, breezy October day with brilliant blue skies and golden leaves fluttering across the ground. She sighed, and tried to strike up a conversation with Jiro.

“So, are you looking forward to the Samhain festival?” she asked, wringing out her rag in the bucket of sanitizer. “Yuri said you guys are going to be doing some sort of Anomalous Diseases Through the Ages display?”

“Yes. It’s quite fascinating to see how much we have learned about the subject since the Institute was formed.” Jiro reached for another of the large jars, but a sudden coughing fit made him miss his grip and it crashed to the floor. Glass, chemicals, and some sort of scaly pickled creature splattered everywhere. The honor student jumped back to avoid stepping in the mess, and Jiro looked at the spreading, stinking mess with an expression of mild dismay.

“Open that window,” he said, an uncharacteristically sharp note in his voice. While she hurried to throw open the window over Yuri’s desk, he stripped off his lab coat and dropped it over the largest puddle, stepping carefully around the broken glass and catching her elbow as he passed. “We need to go get the proper PPE and cleaning materials.”

“PPE?” she asked in confusion. Jiro nodded and pulled a ring of keys from his pocket, unlocking a narrow closet door and shoving her inside.

“Yes. We need to protect our eyes, skin, clothing and respiratory system from exposure.” The closet was deeper than it looked, shelves full of various medical and laboratory supplies stretching into the darkness beyond the weak light of the single overhead bulb. “I think what we need is back here.”

“It smells like rubber boots in here,” she complained, following him to a corner where he started sorting through labeled bins.

“That’s probably from the latex gloves,” he commented. He found two large black aprons and held them up. “But I suppose it could be from these–”

He was interrupted by the crash of the door closing, and a muffled voice from outside scolding someone for leaving the supply closet open again. The honor student stifled her yelp of dismay, and Jiro frowned.

“That’s… unfortunate.” He went to the door and rapped on it firmly, but there was no response. He reached for the door handle, attempting to turn it, and grimaced when it didn’t budge. “I knew I should have followed up on that maintenance request.”

“What maintenance request?”

“Oh. One of the general students broke this door a few weeks ago. The handle only turns from the lock now, and there’s no keyhole on this side.” Jiro seemed remarkably calm about the situation.

“Well, that’s just great,” she muttered. She reached for her phone, intending to text Yuri to come let them out, only to realize she had left it in the office. “Uhm, Jiro? Do you have your phone?”

Jiro looked at her, his hand automatically reaching for his pocket, and he gave a small laugh of disbelief. “It was in my lab coat.”

“So, we’re trapped in here until someone hears us shouting?”

“I don’t think that will work. All of the supply rooms have those really thick fireproof doors. We can try, though.”

Slumping against the shelf behind her, she shook her head. “I don’t need a headache on top of everything else. How often do people come in here to get supplies, anyway?”

“Well, only Yuri and I have keys, unless one of the general students comes and gets them from us. And Professor Nicholas, I think.” He rubbed the mole on his chin thoughtfully, an unconscious habit that she didn’t even think he was aware of. “Yuri was supposed to come back around dinner time to get me. I’m sure he’ll see the mess in his office and come to the closet to get supplies.”

“Great, so that leaves us…” she squinted at her watch in the weak light and groaned. “Three hours, at least? Assuming Yuri doesn’t get caught up in one of his experiments and forget about you.”

“Oh, I don’t think he will,” Jiro said placidly. “We were going to see one of his favorite orchestras perform tonight.”

“Wait, Yuri’s actually letting you leave campus for something other than a mission? I don’t believe it.”

Jiro smirked, leaning back against the shelf behind him and crossing his arms over his chest. “Why not? It’s my birthday present.”

“Your birthday?” she echoed, her voice going high and shocked. “Why didn’t you say something! I would have gotten you a present, or a cake or something!”

Jiro’s laughter sounded loud in the small space, and he shrugged. “I don’t really care about it, but Yuri insisted. He says I need more culture in my life.”

“Do you even like classical music?” she asked him. “I mean, I know that’s all Yuri allows in the lab, but what do you like to listen to when you’re not here?”

“I’m always here,” he pointed out. “And I like Yuri’s music well enough. It doesn’t distract me from my work.”

“Big guy, nothing distracts you from your work,” she scoffed. “I think we could march a parade, complete with elephants and naked dancing girls, through your dorm and you might lift your head long enough to tell us not to touch any of the equipment.”

“I think I would notice the elephants.” His head tilted, his eyes going half-lidded as he obviously thought about it. “It wouldn’t be very safe for anyone to be naked in the lab, though.”

“Jiro, the last time I reminded you that showering was a basic human right, you started to strip in front of me,” she said drily.

“I forgot about that.” He grinned at her, a familiar light kindling in his burgundy eyes. “You turned all kinds of colors. I didn’t know naked bodies scared you as much as dead ones.”

She took a deep breath in through her nose and counted as she blew it out slowly through her mouth. Amused Jiro was a thousand times more frustrating than apathetic Jiro. “I’m not afraid of dead bodies, I just don’t like them. And I’m not afraid of naked bodies, but I’m not used to strangers getting naked in front of me. That’s usually more of a third-date thing, you know?”

“Third date?”

“You know what a date is,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“Yes, the agreement to meet up at a certain time and place and participate in hopefully enjoyable activities together. Like medical appointments, only there’s no paperwork.”

“Not like medical appointments!” she snapped, and he burst into laughter, the sound bouncing around the small space. I keep forgetting what a sadistic sense of humor the big bastard has.

“I’m beginning to see the appeal of birthday spankings,” she muttered, looking away from his gleaming eyes. The idea of being able to smack him repeatedly without consequences was quickly becoming a cherished fantasy. Huffing, she flopped down on the floor and let her head thump back against a bundle of hospital linens that smelled like industrial detergent and bleach.

“I didn’t expect you to be a sexual deviant,” he remarked, obviously enjoying his continued torment of her psyche. “I’ll have to put a note in your file.”

“I will cut your fingers off with one of Yuri’s scalpels and bleed out happy,” she promised him. He just smirked down at her, looking impossibly tall from her place on the floor.

“The look on your face.” He squatted down in front of her, reaching out to touch the furrow between her eyebrows as she scowled. “Would striking me really make you feel better?”

“No,” she admitted grumpily. “But you have a mean streak in you, Jiro. Sometimes it makes me not like you very much.”

“I know.” He said it in a cool, relaxed tone, the smile still hovering around his lips. “That’s why I like you so much. You aren’t afraid to be mean back to me.”

That startled a laugh out of her, and she shook her head. “That’s ridiculous. Do you know how many times you’ve just thrown me over your shoulder like a sack of rice and I couldn’t do anything about it?”

“Twice. It was fun.”

“Fun? Jiro, we were being chased by a giant spider lady who tied you up like a market chicken.”

“Oh, I didn’t mind that so much, and everything up until then was a lot of fun. Except Fuji. He’s too loud to be funny.”

“I–” She stopped midprotest, her eyes narrowing as she realized she couldn’t really argue with him. “Okay, you’re right. But he can’t help it. He’s just–”

“Loud.” Jiro nodded and moved so he could sit on the floor in front of her. “Now, back to birthday spankings.”

“I beg your pardon?” It wasn’t fair. She was missing a gorgeous afternoon, AND
trapped in a tiny closet that smelled like wet tires and bleach with Jiro-feeling-playful energy. “What, you want some?”

“Maybe.” Jiro cocked his head as he considered the idea. “But wouldn’t it be more logical for the person having the birthday to give spankings? It’s supposed to be their day, after all.”

“You want to spank people? Really?”
“I want to spank you.” Jiro shrugged and settled more comfortably on the floor, stretching his long legs out and leaning back on his hands. His very large hands, the ones she suddenly couldn’t stop staring at. He noticed where her gaze had landed and deliberately spread his fingers, flexing them against the dusty stone tiles.

“We don’t know each other that well,” she stammered. “That’s more of a–”

“Third date kind of thing?” he teased.

“Yes,” she said firmly.

“Hmm… well, there was the immortal anomaly. And the Arachne. Technically, those were both times we met up at an agreed time and place and participated in enjoyable activities. We even went to what many consider to be a romantic location for the second one.”

“Enjoyable activities? Jiro, after the immortal anomaly, Yuri had to pump you full of drugs and painkillers!”

“Well, that part wasn’t enjoyable, but the rest of it was. And we were together for that.”

“You chopped it up with a chainsaw!”

He chuckled. “Like I said, enjoyable. And…” he slanted her a coy look over the rims of his glasses. “You displayed several clear signs of physical arousal when you were watching me.”

“Nope! I’m out!” Jumping to her feet she practically ran to the door and started slamming her hand against it. “HEY!!! SOMEBODY LET US OUT OF HERE!”

“I really don’t think they can hear you,” Jiro said into her ear, his breath warm on the side of her neck. He reached out and gently grabbed her wrist, turning it so he could look at her watch. “In fact, this is usually the time when most of the general students leave for the day.”

“Well, maybe we need to…”

“I told you, Yuri will be here in a while. There’s no need to panic.” She could feel the warmth of him pressed to her back. His fingers stroked her arm gently, pulling her away from the door and guiding her back to where they had been sitting. This time he sat down on the bale of linens, pulling her down onto his lap. He stroked her hair and dug his fingers into the top of her shoulders, finding the knots of tension and working them out.

She relaxed against him and grumbled. “I still don’t like you right now.”

“Liar.” His voice was soft. He skimmed his hand down her spine and hesitated with his big hand spanning her hips. He didn’t do anything, just rested his fingertips lightly on the upper curve of her buttocks and let the warmth of his touch penetrate her clothes until she squirmed.

“Jiro…”

“Honor student…” He flexed his hand slightly, blunt nails digging into the fabric of her skirt. He hummed a snatch of the birthday song under his breath, tauntingly, and she laughed. His hand slid lower, flirting with the edge of her skirt… and the door slammed open, revealing a furious Yuri.

“Jiro! Apprentice! What are you doing hiding in a closet when there’s a hazardous material spill in the office! This is unacceptable!”

“We got locked in when we came to get cleaning supplies. It wasn’t our fault!” she hurried to explain, leaping off of Jiro’s lap and hurried pointing at the pile of supplies Jiro had collected before they got trapped.

Yuri scoffed and folded his arms over his chest, practically vibrating with outrage. “Whatever. Get that mess cleaned up, you worms, and Jiro, you need to prepare for our outing. I won’t have you disrespecting the work of Johann Strauss!”

“Okay, Yuri.” Jiro rose from the bundle of laundry and gathered up the cleaning supplies. He sauntered towards the door, tilting his head at the honor student with a twinkle in his eyes. “Come on. We should clean up the glass before someone gets hurt.”

She determinedly avoided his gaze as they cleaned up the glass and chemicals, thankful for the goggles and mask that covered most of her face. As they were peeling off their gloves and shoe covers to add them to the bag, Jiro caught her attention.

“So, what do people do on fourth dates?” he asked with deceptive innocence.

“This doesn’t count as a date,” she informed him sharply. “We didn’t agree on a time and location, and this has not been an enjoyable activity.”

“Hmm. Well then, I’ll pick you up tomorrow afternoon at your dorm. We can have a proper third date.”