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To say Impulse was terrified of pregnancy was a understatement.
When his first heat hit right at the cusp of seventeen, he'd been celebrated as a woman.
His parents started to push him into having a forever partner. Into having children. Into having a family.
As an odd pair of a demon and dwarf, they expected a large family. One with many children and many more grandchildren.
But it made Impulse's skin crawl.
He wasn't a woman and he definitely wasn't a baby factory.
So, when he turned nineteen, he ran away with Skizz.
He was happy now, he was at peace now. He was a man.
Thank whatever gods truly exist for Skizz's unrelenting acceptance…
And thank him for his beauty. His smile. His laugh. His cock–
Gods, heats did something to his head, but thank Skizz again for helping him through them.
But most of all, thank Skizz's kindness for what was happening now.
For the first time, their heat and rut synced up. For the first time, Impulse had been filled with the angel's eggs. For the first time, he felt sick.
His stomach twisted as he retched, hot tears streaking down his cheeks. He was shaking uncomfortably as his stomach emptied, but the only thing that came up was bile.
Everything felt awful, especially as he thought over a calendar again and again.
Skizz hadn't used protection. Impulse wasn't on the pill. It'd been three months since then and he just couldn't–
“It's okay, buddy. Everything's alright.” Skizz murmured.
It didn't stop his sobs. What if something was growing inside of him? Writhing and squirming and doing whatever a fetus does?
What if–
Impulse hiccuped as he thumps his head into Skizz's chest. “I want it to stop! I want it all to stop!”
The angel kisses his forehead, trilling as he does. “I know, buddy. I want you to feel better too.”
Tears wouldn't stop falling from him, streaming still as Skizz held him tightly.
Touching his stomach felt like acid, that's where the cause of this all was. That's where his womb ignored his want to be a man.
“Sk– Skizz?” Impulse croaks. “Skizz, I'm– I'm scared…”
“Scared of what, buddy?” Skizz asks sweetly.
“I’m– what if– what if I'm p– pregnant?”
“Do you want to be…?”
It's a horrible question, one that Skizz seems to quickly regret as he apologizes almost instantly.
“No…” Impulse responds through tears. “I don't– I don't want them. I'm not– we're not ready for– for even a relationship…”
And it's true, the two weren't even together despite their nights taken in each other's arms.
“Then I'll help you get help. I'll follow you no matter what happens or what you do with the ba– the fetus.”
He wipes away his own tears as he smiles. “I– we don't know if I'm pregnant…”
“True…” Skizz hums. “I really don't want to leave you like this, are you sure?”
Impulse quickly nods.
It takes an effort, but Skizz prys himself away from Impulse. “I won't be gone too long, promise.”
All he can manage is a chuff as he falls back against the toilet rim, his stomach churning once more.
— ❁ —
It doesn't take that long before Skizz is back. Small box in one hand as he slides back against Impulse.
“If you need any help doing this, I'm right here.” Skizz trills.
Impulse scoffs despite his sore throat. “You and your piss kink.”
“Hey, I'm just helping out a friend.” Skizz shrugs.
Impulse turns over one of the sticks, his chest feeling hollow as he reads the instructions.
He does as it directs before setting it on the sink’s rim, nervously bouncing his leg as he does.
“Hey, Dippledop.” Skizz sounds almost shy as he speaks. “I know you've already said you don't want it, and I'm not going to preach but just…
“What if – and I'm not saying now, but in the future – we had kids?”
The sharp tip at the end of his tail flicks as he thinks quietly.
“I– I don't know…” Impulse murmurs. “Not gonna lie, I think my parents made me scared of the idea…”
“Oof, I don't blame you though.”
Impulse turns to him slowly. “You– you want to be a dad, don't you.”
“Kinda… but this is your body, Dop! Whatever happens–”
“We both already know I'm not keeping it.” Impulse says lowly. “I already said I'm not ready… I won't be ready for a while…”
“And that's okay.” Skizz reassured. “I'll be with you no matter if we have a kid or not, alright?”
Impulse laughs shallowly then. “What even are we?”
“Two buddies who sometimes fuck?” Skizz squeaks.
For some reason, his heart squeezes at that. There's a feeling of longing, but Impulse shoves it aside as he looks at the counter.
“It's time?”
“It's time…”
Everything feels fuzzy, but he reaches for the pregnancy test and–
One bold, dark line. A negative.
He sighs, his body nearly shaking as he does.
“I'm– I'm not pregnant. It was just a pregnancy scare.” Impulse says shyly before repeating “It was just a pregnancy scare” to himself.
Skizz smiles, pushing the hair from Impulse's eyes as he does.
“Hey, that's a good thing, right?”
“Yeah… but it means I probably have to go to the hospital for it…”
“I'll call a cab.” Skizz groans.
— ❁ – ❁ – ❁ —
Over the years, he's become more open with his heats. More than gladly allowing other Hermits into his nest to use him.
It was a freeing feeling, being so comfortable in his body. Being used like some flesh light. Being whispered so lovingly to.
So he'd given in to his desires and hosted a sort of 'Heat Party' for the Mycelium Resistance.
And gods was it perfect. He's never felt so warm, so loved, so happy in his own skin.
It was perfect… maybe too perfect…
Xisuma was the one who broke the news that the server’s codeblockers had been down for an update. It'd happened on the first two days of his heat, but everyone was too thick in it to know.
Impulse was shaking. He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't drink.
He stares at the ceiling, his breathing shallow as anxiety rolls through him endlessly.
The horrible thing about demons was how long and slow their pregnancies were. Symptoms only started at week ten. It'd take over a month before he could even take a reliable test.
There's a knock on his bedroom door despite it being open. Skizz leans against the frame, a bowl in one hand and mug in the other.
“Soup and mugcake for Mr. Dippledop?”
“‘Mugcake’?”
“Cake in a mug, thought I'd test out something new for fun.” Skizz laughs.
It's bright and cheerful, slightly easing Impulse's worries as he tries to breathe once more.
But it doesn't go away for long, his thoughts spiraling again as his stomach aches.
Reasonably, he knows it's from lack of food. His head space isn't ready for that yet…
“Hey, it's okay.” Skizz trills as the bed sags.
“No it's not, Skizz!” He snaps. “I– I could be pregnant a-and I'm still not ready!”
Skizz sighs at this, putting the bowl of soup and mugcake on the nightstand.
“Skizz, I– I could end up being a single parent!”
“Not when I'm around.” Skizz objects as he wraps a wing around him. “But I– if you're not ready yet, that's okay.
“Remember last time, I'll follow you no matter what your choice ends up being. I promise.”
Impulse smiles softly, forcing out a purr when Skizz kisses him.
“Want a distraction?”
“I wouldn't mind one.”
Skizz lays down next to him in bed, laying on his back as he trills.
“How many people did you fuck during your heat?”
“Are you doing this to slut shame me?” Impulse laughs.
“C'mon, just answer the question!”
Impulse hums as he thinks, his tail flicking as his thoughts drift to hands pulling him apart and strokes along his tail.
“Ren, Doc– honestly I think it was all of the Mycelium Resistance.” Impulse purrs as he thinks back on the week, the touches that seared into his memory. “Even xB and Jevin joined for a bit, I didn't think they were the types.”
“Woah, really put on a show, huh?”
“Yeah.” Impulse laughs. “It’s been a month but I swear my body still hurts.”
“Was it good?”
He bites his lip, warmth running in his body as his mind wonders. “Fuck, it was. It was so fucking good, Skizz.”
Skizz moves to lay on his stomach, hands under his jaw. “Who was the best.”
It takes him longer to think, thoughts caught in the way he was pressed into soft pillows. The warmth of the nest under him. The bodies pressed against his own. The ridges of someone’s cock–
“xB…” He finally huffs. “He’s– he’s a guardian sealing and gods his dick felt so good.”
Skizz laughs beside him, something deep from his belly as he almost falls over.
“You asked, Skizz!” Impulse loudly complains.
“I didn’t actually think you’d answer!” Skizz quickly responds. “Alright, alright.”
The night drags on as Impulse forgets his worries, thinking about the before instead of the horrifying after image.
At some point, Skizz pulls him into his arms. Sturdy and strong around him. He loves Skizz, he loves the man with his entire heart, but still their relationship has no label and…
And he finds that he doesn’t care about that, just that Skizz helps him ignore his worries as the angel trills into his neck.
It helps his nervous mind relax a bit, slowly calming him into sleep.
— ❁ – ❁ – ❁ —
His anxiety over Skizz’s pregnancy only truly hits two weeks after they found out. It settles heavy in his bones, but he doesn’t say anything.
When they found out, his angel had been so excited. Smile shining from ear to ear as he faintly glowed.
How was Impulse supposed to take that away from him?
But Skizz being Skizz, he can tell something is deeply wrong.
So that's why they're on the couch now, Skizz leaning against his side as he holds Impulse's hand.
"So, I'm pregnant…" Skizz starts uneasily. "How do we feel about that?"
"You're sounding like a therapist again, Skizz." He tries to deflect.
"C'mon, Dop." His partner sighs. "I know you're upset, you can tell me if you're upset."
"I'm fine."
The man next to him sighs heavily, falling silent for a moment before sighing again.
"If this is really make you so unhappy, I'll have an abortion."
"No, Skizz—"
"Then tell me! Tell me, please." Skizz grips his hand tight. "Do you still feel unready? Is that it?"
Despite himself, Impulse slowly nods.
"Impulse…"
Skizz cups his cheek then, forcing Impulse to look up at him.
"Hey, hey, it's alright. I'm not mad, promise." He says softly. "I just don't like when you get in your head about stupid shit like this."
"I know, it's just– you looked so happy when we found how, how can I just ruin that?" Impulse sighs. "I don't know maybe we– but if you did then I'd never know…"
He scratches his arm, pulling softly at the scales on his hands before Skizz stops him.
“But having a kid means our way of life completely changes and I– I don’t know if I’m ready for that.” Impulse says quickly. “I’d be looking after a tiny player and– and what– what if I fuck up, Skizz? What if I’m a bad dad and they– they end up hating me and I–”
“Why would they hate you?” Skizz presses, his voice going soft. “How do you know that?”
“I– I don't, but my own parents they– you know how bad they were, Skizz.” Impulse tries not to shake. “And– and I'm their son so what if I end up–”
He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as he does.
“If that's what you're worried about, I don't think you’re right.” Skizz says before cringing. “What I mean is that you're nothing like your parents, m’kay?”
“You really think so?”
“Never seen you raise your voice when you interacted with kids. Always tried to get on their level and understand.”
“It's what they deserve.” Impulse purrs.
“Exactly, Impulse.” Skizz says. “All kids deserve gentleness and kindness, yeah?”
“Yeah…”
“Then there's my point. You'll be a great dad.” Skizz says with pride.
Even if he'd been happy before, it comes crashing down at that one single word.
Skizz recognizes his pause in an instant, also falling quiet again as he likely thinking before he speaks for once.
"Why don't I phrase it like this: Do you want to be a dad?"
"I– I'm not sure, you know I try not to think about– that I could be pregnant. Skizz, it scares me." Impulse hates that tears threaten to fall, nearly streaking down his cheeks at the thought of it all.
"It scares me too, but I– this is about you, I shouldn't say anything." Skizz says before shaking his head and looking away.
"You want to be a dad, don't you…"
Skizz nods his head. "I've always wanted to, I thought you knew this."
"Then I want you to be happy, never know if we'll get another chance." He says without missing a Dovet.
"Are you sure about that? Won't be upset having a little Skizz around?"
"When you say it like that…"
Finally, they lapse into a sort of laughter before Skizz speaks.
"Lovebug's gonna have the–"
“You named them ‘Lovebug’?”
“Yeah? ‘cause they're a Valentine's baby and got me super sick.” Skizz explains easily as he smiles brightly.
“Skizz, your nicknames are awful sometimes.”
“You know you love them.”
“I really hate that I do…”
— ❁ – ❁ – ❁ —
Another sleepless night from racing thoughts, but this time it was different.
His daughter, his little Dove, was turning three in only a few months and she was already so big! Sbe had gotten taller than Laika, started speaking, becoming so grown.
It almost made Impulse miss when she'd been tiny, just squirming in his arms as she purred louder than he'd ever imagined.
Which wasn't something he thought about before… he rarely if ever thought about when his daughter was a baby, but in the last few months he started thinking about it and well…
For once, just this once, he wanted to have a kid. He was really, truly ready.
But it kept him up, trying to figure out how he was going to tell Skizz.
So he bit the bullet late one night as they lay in bed, Skizz so close to being fully asleep.
“I think I want another one.” Impulse murmurs.
“Hmmm?” Skizz hums, half asleep as he drifts.
“I want… I want another kid, Skizz.”
That wakes him up, eyes blinking open as he carefully watches Impulse.
“Are you sure?”
“Y-yeah, I'm ready this time.” Impulse tries to sound confident, but his voice wobbles.
Skizz smiles softly, but it falls quickly. “I– if that's what you want…”
They look away from each other then, Impulse watching the stars pass by the window.
“But…” Skizz goes on before biting his tongue again.
His angel takes his hand, squeezing as they hold over his belly. Impulse rests his other hand on Skizz's cheek, purring as he does.
“If you think so.” Skizz trills. “I’d help you–”
Their door swings open, Dove sitting in the doorway and clutching a ravager plushie like her life depended on it.
“Bug, something wrong?” Skizz asks softly.
She rapidly nods her head.
“C'mon, mama's got you.”
Their daughter is pulled up into Skizz's arms, the angel trilling as he holds her.
“Everything's alright, Lovebug.”
As he reassures her, it all snaps into place.
Impulse wanted a big family, not because of his parents but despite them. He wanted a big home surrounded by joy and love and warmth.
And sure he had that. He has his partners and two amazing children, even had several pets and a farm, but still…
“Skizz, I really want another kid.” Impulse tried to not sound demanding, especially near his crying two year old.
“I know I already asked, but are you sure?” Skizz asks when Dove finally calms, their head lulling against him. “Every other time you weren't–”
“But I am this time, Skizz.” Impulse blurts. “I'm ready to have another kid. I'm ready to– I'd be fine with being pregnant…”
Skizz blinks heavily, looking back to him. “Really?”
Impulse nods.
“I– okay…” Skizz sighs as he chews his lip. “Okay… if you think that's what you want then I'll help you.”
He purrs as he rests his forehead against Skizz's.
“You don't sound like you want this…” Impulse murmurs.
“It's not that I don't want another kid.” Skizz says quickly. “I honestly always thought I'd have three or four. It's just…
“I'm not sure I'm ready for another one just yet…”
Dove stirs against Skizz, stilling once more as he moves her to be more comfortable.
“But if– if you're ready to have another kid, I wouldn't mind being dragged along.” Skizz says with a weak smile.
“Are you sure, Skizz?” Impulse asks quietly as Dove moves again.
“Yeah, besides I'm sure Lovebug and Puffball would love to have little siblings.”
Dove perks up at that, looking up at them with starry eyes as she gasps.
It gets a tired chuckle out of them, Dove looking around wildly.
“Hey buddy, how do you feel about being a big sister?” Impulse asks.
She nods so quickly Impulse is sure she's hurt her neck, but she's so damn excited that Impulse can't really blame her.
“I think that's settled it, we're gonna have another kid.” Skizz laughs.
“We're having another kid…” Impulse echoes.
This time he'll be ready. This time, he'll know what to expect.