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When Lizzie walked into the bathroom, she expected it to be empty, as it usually was during this hour, but as she walked into a stall, she could hear shuffling in the stall next to her, and what seemed like faint sniffling.
She did her business, doing her best to ignore it. What other girls did in here was not any of her business whatsoever, and she didn't care. But as she was washing her hands, she had a strong urge to stay and see who it was crying in there. She took a deep breath, annoyed at herself for caring, but unable to resist the urge. She dried her hands and waited a moment for the girl to come out of the stall, but it never happened. Patience thinning, she decided to speak up.
“Hey, you good in there?”
A faint sniffle followed, and then a voice she knew. “Um, yeah, all good.”
Katie Wilmot.
Of course it was her.
“You sure? Doesn’t sound like it.”
“I’m fine. Is this some scheme to torture me? You’re not typically… nice.” So, she recognized Lizzie's voice too. Somehow that felt pleasing to Lizzie. Weird.
“It’s not. Apparently my conscience wanted to torture me by giving me an urge to help you that I can’t ignore. Now, just come out of the stall, please. I promise I’m not armed or anything.”
She heard shuffling, then Katie opened the stall door and walked out, her curly red hair frizzy and her makeup running. Lizzie felt her heart stutter, she had guessed that Katie been crying because she'd heard it, but seeing the evidence was something else entirely. It made her sad in a way that she couldn't understand because she'd never exactly been fond of Katie, so why would she feel bad for her?
“Why were you crying?” Lizzie frowns, eyeing Katie up, assessing her mental state—not that Lizzie was one to judge.
“It’s nothing.” She laughs, but it comes out as a hiccup. Lizzie steps closer.
“It’s obviously not nothing. Come on, spill.”
“Fine. Feely slept with my best friend.”
It was definitely inappropriate, but Lizzie's genuine reaction was a gasp.
“Shut up.”
Katie laughs and nods. At least Lizzie hadn't come off as an insenstitive asshole and had instead made Katie laugh.
“I know, right?”
“You better not get with him. That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one.” And I'd know, Lizzie thought to herself.
Not that she cared. She wasn’t sure why she felt like she did care. Lizzie never cared about other people's business– in fact, as ironic as it was, she usually hated being involved in drama.
Katie shakes her head, seemingly fighting tears again. Lizzie wasn't sure what overcame her, but she cupped Katie's face in her hands. Katie was a good few inches shorter than Lizzie, to the point where she had to look up at her. Lizzie wiped the tears off of her cheeks.
“He’s horrible. You don’t deserve that, Katie.” For some horrible, confusing reason, Lizzie felt like she was telling the truth. Katie didn't deserve that, as much as Lizzie wanted to pretend like it was true and remain bitter, she wasn't that heartless or stupid.
Katie sniffles. “Thanks, Lizzie.”
“Want me to fix your makeup? I have some in my backpack, if you're okay with sharing it. I promise it's not infected or anything.” Lizzie wasn't sure where the offer came from, and she immediately regretted it. She barely did makeup on herself, mostly just some mascara, and maybe some eyeshadow on a good day. And she definitely didn’t do makeup for other girls, especially girls she disliked—aka Katie.
Well, it wasn’t that she disliked Katie, it was just her position in her life that she disliked, but she didn’t have anything against the girl herself. She seemed nice enough, and very smart. Though apparently not smart enough to pick good boys—Hugh included. He may be a good boyfriend to Lizzie, but that's the only girl he'd ever be good to.
“Um, I guess, yeah. That’d be… good.” Katie nods, looking at herself in the mirror before laughing awkwardly. “I look horrible. Please don’t mind it.”
“You look better than me when I’m crying, so don’t worry about it.” Lizzie smiles reassuringly, hauling her backpack up onto the sink counter and digging through it to find her makeup bag. It was true. Katie looked a lot more beautiful than she did when she was crying. It almost made Lizzie jealous, but she didn't want to dwell on that right now, not when she was feeling so kind—something that Lizzie cherished these days. It was rare for her to feel anything other than anger and sadness, and lashing out on people never helped that, but she could never seem to control herself, so wanting and feeling the urge to be nice was refreshing. It made Lizzie feel as if she was human—someone who could have empathy, someone who wasn't just a bitch and broken all the time.
“I don’t carry a lot in here, but hopefully I can make it look like nothing happened.”
Katie nods, but still seems hesitant.
“Thank you. But, ah… why… are you being nice to me?” She asks, blushing slightly. It was a pleasant sight—the girl was stunning, auburn freckles dotting her face, the prettiest green eyes, and the addition of the light pink dusting her cheeks. Lizzie wasn't complaining.
Katie had already asked this, and Lizzie's answer was the same. She didn’t know either. She just felt the need to make Katie feel better.
“I wish I could tell you.” She shrugs, pulling out some makeup remover wipes, the first step in applying new makeup was clearly to get rid of the old, ruined makeup. Lizzie hands Katie the wipe, figuring that it was just easier for her to do it herself rather than have Lizzie do it. Luckily, without words, Katie takes it and watches herself in the mirror as she swipes the wipe along her skin, wiping off all the old, smeared makeup before throwing it away.
And god, was she beautiful. Lizzie found herself just admiring Katie, so much so that Katie had to clear her throat to snap Lizzie back into the present.
"Alright, uh, what's your makeup routine? What should I do?" Lizzie asks, feeling a bit out of place. She was in no way a makeup artist, and she'd probably just make a fool of herself, but she couldn't back down now.
"Well, I don't really do any concealer or foundation—I like to show off my natural freckles. I usually start with primer."
Obviously, Lizzie mentally slaps herself, nodding as she pulls out some primer.
"Um, I guess there's not really anywhere to sit." Lizzie looks around, not wanting Katie to have to stand for however long this might take.
"Do you think I'd break the counter if I sat on it?"
"Definitely not." Lizzie quickly responds. Anyone with eyes could see that Katie was very insecure, and almost certainely had some type of eating disorder because of it. The last thing Lizzie wanted was to support that.
"Alright." Katie says gingerly, carefully sitting herself on the counter, which thankfully remains stable.
"Okay. Uh, so, I'm just gonna…" Lizzie awkwardly steps between Katie's legs to get within comfortable distance of her face. Katie nods, but the awkwardness between them was palpable. Carefully, Lizzie squirts a drop of primer onto Katie's forehead, cheeks, chin, and nose before rubbing it in. Katie's skin was satsifyingly soft as Lizzie's fingers rubbed in the primer, and her eyes instinctively closed, making it a lot less awkward between the two.
Once she's done, Lizzie steps back to make sure that she rubbed everything in.
"Is that good? Does it feel okay?" She asks, and Katie's eyes open before she nods.
"Mhm. It feels fine."
"Okay, next, uh… eyeshadow? I have a few colors…" Lizzie sets the primer back in her makeup bag, digging around for her eyeshadow palette consisting of just a few basic colors. She never used this one—if she did do eyeshadow, it was almost always a smokey eye—but she had it for school spirit things in case Claire wanted the two or three of them—including Shannon—to stick colored makeup on their face in the name of school spirit. She then pulled out her regular eyeshadow palette that was a lot less colorful and holding on for dear life, almost used completely.
"How about this one?" Katie asks, pointing to a more light green. Lizzie had heard that green looked best on gingers, so she didn't see a problem with it.
"Sure. How light?" She asks, finding a makeup brush that hadn't been used very much.
"Pretty light. Nothing that stands out too much, you know?"
"Yeah, of course. Okay, uh, just close your eyes then. Tell me if I hurt you or something." Lizzie gently swipes the brush across Katie's chosen color, grabbing just a small amount. Katie closes her eyes, trusting Lizzie completely. Lizzie clears her throat, feeling a bit nervous at her makeup skills, and the close proximity she was going to have with Katie.
Carefully, Lizzie holds Katie's face in one hand, causing Katie to stiffen up a bit in surprise. Lizzie tries not to think too much of it as she began to carefully apply the eyeshadow, being extra gentle in fear of hurting Katie.
She applies the eyeshadow evenly on one eye before grabbing some extra color and moving to the other eye, still being extra gentle. So far, so good. It looked a lot better than what Lizzie was afraid it would look like, so she was happy with her work.
"Okay, do you wanna look in the mirror and telll me if you like it? If not, that's fine, I can redo it." Lizzie steps back, allowing Katie to turn and look in the mirror. Lizzie braced herself for the worst, but the worst never came. Instead, Katie softly smiled and nodded, admiring her reflection.
"It's really good, Lizzie." Lizzie let out a quiet, relieved sigh. Katie was still gorgeous, with or without makeup, and it would be a crime not to admire her, so Lizzie let herself take the girl in front of her in for just a moment.
"Good. Thanks. Do you want to change anything?"
Katie looked at herself a bit longer before shaking her head and turning back to face Lizzie again.
"Okay." Lizzie nods, suddenly blanking on every makeup step ever as she looks through her bag. "Mascara?"
Katie nods. "Yeah, I use that."
"Okay. Let's see… I have this travel size one that I haven't opened. Is this color fine?" Lizzie asks, displaying the bottom of the tube so Katie can see the color sticker imprinted at the bottom. Katie nods, and Lizzie shakes the tube a bit before opening it. "Alright, just stay still. I'll tell you when to blink." Lizzie carefully places the wand right below Katie's eyelash line, ignoring the sensation of Katie being so close—close enough that their breaths were mingling. "Blink." She says, and Katie does, neither of them acknowleding the close proximity. She does it a few more times on each eye until she's satisfied, and once again leaves Katie to look at herself in the mirror and decide if she looks good or not. "Good?"
"Yeah, Liz, it looks great. You're good at makeup." Liz. Liz, not Lizzie. Katie must've slipped up—maybe from spending too much time with Hugh, who called Lizzie Liz. Ignoring it, Lizzie moved on.
"Thanks, Katie. I can't leave you looking like a mess."
"I suppose not."
"Okay, do you put on blush?"
"Only a tiny bit."
"Okay." Lizzie digs around some more in her makeup bag until she finds what she's looking for—a small palette of blush. There was only one shade, so she could only hope that it matched Katie well enough. Using the supplied brush, she gently swipes some powder onto it before lightly dusting Katie's cheeks. Not too much, but just enough to look natural. Luckily, the shade perfectly matched Katie's natural blush, so Lizzie didn't have to do much.
"Alright… is that all besides lip gloss?" Lizzie asks, mentally going through the checklist in her mind.
"Yeah, I think so."
"Okay. How about this one?" Lizzie asks, pulling out a clear, sheer, glossy lipgloss.
"Sure."
Lizzie opens the tube, trying to focus her thoughts on the makeup as she gets closer to Katie to apply the lipgloss. Lizzie could see Katie's breath hitch, and it made her feel better about her own wandering thoughts. At least they were possibly mutual. Determined to stay focused, she carefully guided the wand of lipgloss to glide against Katie's lips, which were smooth and soft, and Lizzie definitely did not imagine how they'd feel on her lips. Once she was done—and a bit sweaty—she closed the tube and set it back in her bag, immediately backing away from Katie as she hopped off of the counter.
"Good?" Lizzie asked hesitantely, still afriad that she'd done a horrible job and Katie wouldn't like it, but once again, her fear seemed to be solely imaginative because Katie nodded and smiled.
"Yeah. Very good. You should do my makeup more often."
"Oh, I don't think I'm that good." Lizzie shrugs off the compliment, not willing to believe it.
"Well, you are to me."
"Thank you, then. You ready to go back to class?" Lizzie prompted, but Katie's body language quickly shifted back to what it had been when Lizzie had first seen her. Defeated.
"I.. Yeah. I guess I am."
Sensing her discomfort, Lizzie casually spoke. "You know, you don't have to go back to class. We could skip if you wanted."
Katie looked surprised, but not unwilling.
"Wouldn't we get in trouble?"
Lizzie shakes her head. "Nah, just let Mr. Twomey know that you were having a hard day and needed a break. He'll understand."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive. I've done it once or twice." Lizzie reassures, but Katie still seemed nervous. "It will be fine, I promise. We can talk more about whatevers bothering you if that would make you feel better." She offers. All Lizzie had ever wanted was for someone to truly listen to her, so she would never not be willing to listen to someone, but she also understood that Katie maybe didn't want to talk about it.
"There's not much of a story there."
"So you don't want to talk about it?"
"I don't know. It's… embarassing."
"How so?"
"Because I wasn't enough." Katie says, avoiding eye contact. Lizzie frowns, holding her hands out for a hug. Katie hesitates before walking into Lizzie's arms. Lizzie closes her arms around Katie in a comforting hug.
"You're enough, Katie. You've just got to find the right person to prove it to you. Those boys are a waste of your time." Lizzie comforts, reveling in the feeling of Katie pressed against her.
"Maybe you're right."
"I know I'm right. A man who quote-on-quote loves you would not get with your best friend, even in his goddamn dreams. Any girl could tell you that."
"I guess I attract the wrong kind of guys then, huh?"
"Come on, you've seen the guys I get with. At least you're not on my level." Lizzie assures, speaking casually, but Katie hesitates to speak.
"Do you… get with bad guys on purpose? You obviously have awareness of whats right and wrong in a relationship." Katie asks, and it shocks Lizzie—she never expected that question, and she wasn't sure how to respond. Honesty? A cover up? A half-truth? She didn't know, but she didn't want to feed the infamous image of her being a bad person, because bad people, mentally ill people, stayed with bad guys who hurt them on purpose, and even though it maybe was true, Lizzie wanted people to stop seeing her like that.
"No? Not really. I guess I just attract them like you do, except I entertain them more." She shrugs, going with the half-truth, not wanting to give Katie any more reasons to believe that she was insane than she already had.
"And why do you do that?" Katie asks, stepping back out of Lizzie's arms now, leaning her back against the counter.
Lizzie shrugs, not planning on telling Katie the truth about it probably ever. "It's just easier. Boys are crybabies if you break up with them."
"Being in a toxic relationship is easier than breaking up?" Katie asks, seemingly not believing it.
"Sometimes, yeah."
"Is that why you and Pierce are on and off all the time?" Katie asks, and it's like a cold, hard slap back to reality for Lizzie. She tried to avoid thinking about him as much as she could, but sometimes it was impossible.
"Yeah. Like I said, boys are crybabies if you break up with them. I don't have the energy for it so I just give in."
"That doesn't seem healthy."
"It's not. That's why you shouldn't do what I do, and why I say you deserve better."
"But don't you deserve better too?" Katie asks in a sweet, concerned voice that Lizzie physically felt in her heart. Katie was so concerned about her, and it made Lizzie feel important. It also made her feel a bit ashamed, because she didn't believe Katie's words, as much as she wanted to. Lizzie believed that she was recieving the love—or rather, abuse and toxcicity disguised as love—that she deserved. For being who she was. Dirty, rotten, viper, everyone's girl, all of it. That was Lizzie. That was who she believed she was, and she was being fed all of that back around to herself. "Lizzie, you deserve better too. You deserve just the same as I do." Katie adds in when Lizzie doesn't respond, and Lizzie could tell by the tone of her voice that she meant it, and though she herself still didn't believe it, she didn't want to make Katie feel as if she had to say it multiple times.
"Thanks, Katie. Maybe one day."
"Not one day. You deserve it now, Lizzie. You're worthy of it."
"That's nice of you to say, Katie, but everything they say about me is true. I don't deserve anything good." Lizzie scoffs, unsure why she'd revealed so much when all Katie had wanted was clearly just to make her feel better, and now she'd be stuck with a venting Lizzie.
"I don't care if it's all true. You deserve it as much as I do, Lizzie." Katie says, stepping close to Lizzie again, looking up at her with determination. Lizzie had to give it to her, Katie was a great girl.
"Thanks, Katie." Lizzie says, not wanting to dig farther into a rabbithole about whether or not she believed that she deserved good things because her answer was never going to change. Despite that, Katie seemed to know that Lizzie was just taking the easy way out, pretending to believe her when she actually didn't, and she cups Lizzie's face in both hands, looking into her eyes, causing Lizzie's breathing to stutter for a moment.
"It's true. I wouldn't mess with you about this. You deserve good things, Lizzie. I know that deep down, you're not a bad person. Definitely not as bad as you think you are. And one day, I know that you'll realize it and stop being so harsh on yourself." Katie says with determination. Lizzie just looks down at her, impressed by her level of empathy and determination, and maybe a bit ashamed by her own lack of belief in the things Katie seemed to believe so deeply. If Katie was going to try and make Lizzie feel better, she'd do just the same back.
"Katie, if you're trying to convince me to believe this, then you have to believe it when I say that you're so fucking gorgeous naturally, you don't have to change any part of the way you look to be pretty, because the best look on you is your natural beauty. You're truly beautiful." Lizzie says, trying to match Katie's determination. It was all true, and Lizzie truly didn't know how a girl like that could be so insecure when she was so bleedin' gorgeous. Katie seemed surprised at Lizzie's statement, her hands falling back down to her sides. "Do you believe me? Because you should. I don't lie about shit like this. In fact, if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't have said it in the first place."
"I don't believe it all the way, but I believe it a lot more now than I did before."
"Believe it all the way." Lizzie says, holding eye contact with Katie as she moves closer, causing Katie to back against the counter again. The air in the room was suddenly charged with something electric, caused only by this slight movement from the two of them—or maybe there had always been lingering tension between the two. Lizzie felt a pull, guiding her forward as she took another step closer until she was right in front of Katie, looking down at her. Katie looked nervous but albeit not scared or uncomfortable. Lizzie's eyes found their way to Katie's freshly glossed lips, and her mind had made its choice. Taking a deep breath, she gently brought her hands up to cup Katie's face, a bit different than earlier when the purpose had been to apply makeup. This time was different. This time, Lizzie cherised the feeling, ran her thumbs along Katie's rosy cheeks—which were not rosy from just the artificial blush now—and looked into Katie's eyes, which were a beautiful shade of green that Lizzie could—and wouldn't mind—get lost in forever.
It was clear that whatever the two of them were doing was not one-sided, based on Katie's nervous body language, so Lizzie quietly spoke, feeling as if speaking regularly would ruin the mood.
"What do you want me to do here?" It was an open-ended question, leaving Katie in full control, she could easily escalate things, die them down, or kill them completely; Lizzie wouldn't mind whatever she chose. Consent was very important to her, because it was something that she never got in her scary dreams, and she didn't want too pressure Katie, either, because she also knew how that felt. She respected Katie's feelings and comfort level. Katie really seemed embarassed, and Lizzie wasn't sure that she'd even get a response from her. It reminded her of when she first started seeing Katie around Tommen and seeing how shy she was.
"Whatever you want." Katie responds, clearly a bit shy about asking, but that was okay with Lizzie.
"Do you want me to kiss you?" Not can I, but do you want me to—statements that seemed both similar but also vastly different. Katie hesitantly nodded, blushing even more. Lizzie smiled; it was cute. She gently brushed the hair out of Katie's face. "Are you sure?" Katie nods again, placing her hands on Lizzie's hips, a pleasent feeling for Lizzie. With the triple consent, and ignoring her own nerves, Lizzie leans down, closing her eyes as she carefully presses her lips against Katie's, letting them linger for a moment. Katie's lips were slightly sticky from the lipgloss, but aside from that, they felt amazing. Soft and willing, if a bit hesitant. Lizzie relocates her fingers from Katie's face into her hair, carefully running them through the curly locks at the nape of her neck as she began to move her lips slowly. Katie let out a soft noise that only fueled Lizzie on to get more bold, slowly but surely increasing the intensity of their kiss. It was exhilirating, feeling Katie's lips against her own, knowing that Katie wanted this as much as she did, and just being with someoone who didn't only want to hurt her. Lizzie tested the waters by running her tounge along the seam of Katie's lips, and Katie willingly opened her mouth for access. Lizzie's tounge explored Katie's mouth, mapping it out, observing every little detail. Katie's tounge slowly slid against Lizzie's, the two of their toungues slowly becoming familar with the other.
After a minute, the two of them both pulled away to catch their breaths as the reality of what just happened sunk in. Katie turned a bright shade of red, and Lizzie was sure that she was blushing too. Neither of them spoke, or even looked at each other. It was rare for Lizzie to feel completely embarassed to the point where she wanted the earth to swallow her whole, but now was a time like that. It wasn't like Katie didn't want the same thing that she did by kissing, it was just that she was embarassed for taking that opportunity because Katie and her didn't really have any type of relationship, not even a friendship—if it had to be defined by something, it would probably be defined as a fued—and yet, here they were, making out in the school restrooms.
"That was… uh..." Katie begins, fidgeting with her skirt.
"Yeah." Lizzie agrees. There's silence for a few more very awkward moments until Katie speaks up.
"Maybe we could, like… er… you know… go out sometime?" She asks nervously, still avoiding eye contact. Lizzie's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, not expecting Katie to ask anything like that. Katie was asking her on a date. Holy shit.
"Like on a date?" Lizzie clarifies just to be sure that she wasn't making a fool of herself. She almost didn't believe it. For years, her and Katie had sparred, and now Katie wanted to go on a date with her? Lizzie didn't understand it. Even though Katie—for whatever reason—thought that Lizzie was a good person, she still couldn't see why Katie thought that enough to want to date her; it just seemed absurd.
Katie nods, finally meeting Lizzie's eyes. "I mean, obviously you don't have to if you don't want to-"
"Katie, it's fine. I'd like that. I just don't see why you'd want to go on a date with me?"
"Come on, Lizzie, we've been over this already."
"Okay, true."
"Look, maybe we really can help eachother believe in ourselves."
"I suppose so. I'll make sure to convince you that you're gorgeous."
"And I'll make sure to convince you that you deserve great things." Lizzie smiles softly at Katie's words. They did feel nice to hear even if she still didn't believe them, and maybe she never wanted to, but if that was what it took for Katie to have confidence in herself, so be it.