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SHOCKING!! PRIMIS CREW DOING SCIENTOLOGY SPEEDRUN CHALLENGE AT 3 AM (GONE WRONG?) (THEY MET SHANNON!)

Summary:

In this fanfic, the Primis crew doing a challenge called "The Scientology Speedrun", what's happening next is SHOCKING you!! Will they survive from the members, or did something bad happened? *insert shocked emoji*

 

(Lmao not me typing shit like those clickbait yt videos I'm crine)

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

“Everybody, I have something to tell!” Richtofen shouted to the crew as he rushed, almost tripping to the ground. His left hand brought a map paper, surely it’s gonna be a mission either just for the doctor’s motives only or something else, somewhere in maps like Der Eisendrache, Zetsubou No Shima, or anywhere.

Dempsey just cleaned his knife, looked at Richtofen and grumbled, “Oh, c’mon doctor, I am NOT in the mood for whatever you’re going to do next.”

“Easy, Dempsey, there’s something interesting I would like to tell everyone.” Richtofen grinned mischievously, sussy baka..

Nikolai revealed himself, took the last chug of his leftover vodka through the bottle and threw it away until the bottle hit something and shattered. “You seemed…” Before he actually spoke, his words were cut off by Richtofen.

“Yes, excited.” He chuckled, “Because we are going to raid the whole building of Scientology!” He revealed the map of a building named ‘The Scientology Church’. Ironically, none of them, even Richtofen himself, knows what Scientology is.

“What does this mean?” Takeo suddenly came from nowhere and asked.

“I don’t know, but we must find out!” The doctor shrugged.

Dempsey thought that Richtofen should get another job to do rather than just focusing himself on random sidequests that for him doesn’t quite benefit that much, because that doctor is a chud/j.

Nikolai didn’t react that much, he was zoning out, maybe the effect from the vodka.

But Takeo seemed interested in this whole sudden random sidequest, “What should we do for this mission?”

“Did I mention ‘raid’ earlier? We must run and make chaos inside the building. Who knows, maybe we will find something interesting in there.”

“I don’t know if it sounds honorable or not…”

“Trust me.” Richtofen reassured. “This will be fun instead of kicking zombies’ asses.”

Nikolai blinked to connect himself to reality, his eyes darted towards the map, scanning the insides of the building, his mustache twitched a bit until he found notes below the map of the building itself.

 

It says:

 

  • Avoid Shannon, if you see her, stun her with whatever you have/do. Most importantly, don’t let her catch you.
  • Meet a man named Tom Cruise and finish him.
  • If surrounded, use a Thunder gun to throw them into the air until they knock.

 

 

Nikolai nudged Dempsey’s shoulder with his finger, pointed the note to let Demspey see it, “Look” he said.

While Richtofen was lost in his yapping session to Takeo about the plan of raiding the church, Dempsey looked at the note that Nikolai just pointed out, his eyebrows curled in confusion, “Who the fuck are Shanon and Tom Cruise?”

Richtofen immediately stopped, he and Takeo looked at the note that both Dempsey and Nikolai so focused on. “Was? Do you expect me to answer everything?” Richtofen grumbled.

“I’m in.” Takeo declared.

Richtofen smiled widely, "Wunderbar, this is going to be a blast!”

Да, me too.” Nikolai also joined in.

Only Dempsey who hadn’t told anything. Everyone stared at him, expecting the American to join, until from all the awkward silence, Dempsey growled and decided to give in to this whole bullshit that the crew was doing, “Okay fine, I’m joining you!”

Everyone clapped their hands to Dempsey, yeyeyeyeyeyeyeyyyy (Apaan sih gobloq).

 

*******

 

At 9 PM, The Primis crew now all finished preparing their important stuff for this Scientology raid, they took a bus in Tranzit, told the bus driver, T.E.D.D. the Scientology church as the location. Of course that clanker doesn’t know what it is but ok he let himself go along with these adrenaline fueled bitches.

In the bus, Nikolai tried to memorize the whole map by drawing on the paper he brought, he’s not good at drawing but at least he’s trying his best to illustrate everything from his memory even a bit fuzzy, Dempsey wondering the Shanon and Tom Cruise thing, and Richtofen keep yapping to everyone the briefings about plans and suggestions from Takeo like making random noises while running a.k.a. ‘The War cry’ method, the item they must use, the basement as their meeting point, so much shit going on.

Later, the crew finally arrived at the Scientology Church at 3 AM. They were so fascinated by the building, but they must not let the building aesthetic distract them.

“So, this is the Scientology Church you talked about." Takeo observed.

“Are you sure this is a good idea, doc?” Dempsey commented, turned his head to Richtofen to make sure everything will be fine according to plan.

Richtofen chuckled, “Aww, don’t be such a muschi, you’ll be fine!”

“Most importantly, I bring my journal book so I can write the moments we did in this raid after we get out. Soon, this will be the GREATEST history for everyone to know!” he added.

“You planned for this, so I trust you.”

“Nikolai is eager to move his legs!” Nikolai jumped excitedly.

Takeo nodded at Nikolai’s words, “With all the training since the younger days, Takeo sure can pass this building without getting caught!”

“Yeah, yeah, I can understand that.” Dempsey acknowledged, “But first, we must drink the Speed Cola.” He pulled out the Speed Cola from his inventory, followed by everyone.

The Primis crew raised their bottles high to the sky as a toast for this raid sidequest. “To us, to the success of this whole bullshit Richtofen told us!” Dempsey declared. Then, they emptied their own bottles to gain the speed boost.

“Now lemme count on three!” Richtofen started to ticked of the time in German, “Drei… Zwei…”

 

“EINS!”

 

All of them let out their war cries, Nikolai was the first to enter by headbutting the door of the building, pushed the security who tried to stop him, followed by Takeo, Dempsey, and Richtofen. The Scientology speedrun raid officially started.

The crew must act like how zombies would act by making loud random noises while raiding the whole building and avoiding the Scientology members' reach at the same time, a member must borrow a Thunder gun to knock the members when surrounded, after the usage, they must switch to another member. Of course there is epic parkour stuff that the Primis crew did.

Most importantly, they must avoid Shannon. There was a moment when Takeo almost got caught by Shannon, with his knee slide, he could easily avoid her reach. While Takeo dashed, Dempsey saw Shannon run toward him, without hesitation, he dropkicked that woman to the head, making her stunned for minutes unconsciously.

Yes, the Primis crew created lots of chaos inside the building, no matter how much yelling and reach they almost got. The thunder gun kept throwing itself after the blast against the crowd with many reloads by the hands of the crew until everyone ran out of bullets for it. Look what they did, the whole building was such a mess, windows shattered everywhere, the room inside of the church looked like a ruined ship, many members injured, the electricity had gone down due to the force of the thunder gun, and so much going on. But the members won’t stop chasing them no matter how bad their injuries and dark the places are.

The Primis crew finally reached the basement door after struggling due to the outage and only Richtofen who brought the lighter as the only light source, Takeo kicked the door with the technique he learned since his younger days. As they entered, Richtofen and Nikolai closed the door immediately, then Dempsey clogged it with tables, chairs, and anything inside the basement.

Dempsey broke one of the chair’s legs, he asked Richtofen to light it up to use it as a torch for the basement.

“Is the Tom Cruise guy here?” Nikolai asked.

No answer, just silence that then followed with angry noises of the Scientology members.

“Fuck, we are surrounded.” Dempsey muttered.

Unfortunately, they didn't meet Tom Cruise, and now, they did the raid quest, but…

 

 

What at cost? Now they’re stuck in the basement.







THE END.

Notes:

Ah, I finally wrote something again...