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Denki shut his eyes and covered it with both his hands and let out a deep sigh. After moving to the dorms because of frequent villain attacks and to be watched by the school, it had become even worse for him to handle the loneliness and all the pent up emotions he didn’t know how to express.
He stood up and looked around his room that was filled with trash on the side and piled up dirty laundry on the floor. He felt pathetic that he couldn’t even do basic things in life anymore, like laundry and taking out the trash. More unhealthy habits were starting to appear the more he lived life, he felt disgusted that everything was so heavy he wasn’t even able to shower and brush his teeth on a daily basis, he could hear his classmates’ voices in his head taunting him on how unhygienic and a burden it was to be around him, how it would be better if he could smell himself.
He groaned and slapped himself on the cheek and finally went out of his dorm after not coming out for God knows how long. He took the elevator down and directed himself to the kitchen to find something to ease off the uncomfortable and heavy feeling he’s had since he came out of his mom. It didn’t fully wipe away the numbness and pain he felt for constantly blaming himself for how weak he was, how his quirk wasn’t good like the rest of the class, and how he could’ve done better into fighting off those villains during the attacks they’ve experienced for the past few weeks.
He dragged both his feet and went in front of the fridge and opened it, there he found the strawberry flavoured yogurt and thought it was enough to nourish and solve the hunger he’s had for the whole day. This was his dinner he felt like he deserved, he didn’t want to burden and annoy Bakugo even more to cook one extra plate for him, this was enough. He grabbed a spoon and sat down on the island counter they had inside the kitchen and opened the lid. “Finally eating something?”
He flinched and looked behind him, only to see his classmate Kirishima. “Yup! what’s up?” Kirishima looked at him and only remained silent, he walked up to him and opened the fridge to pull out the leftover dinner they all had earlier. “This is what you should be eating,” he said, Denki only looked at him and smiled as he eyed Kirishima making his way to the microwave to reheat it. “Bakugo will be real mad when he finds out you don’t eat what he cooks.” Denki let out a small chuckle. That's odd, he thought Bakugo always hated it when he ate whatever he cooked. “Why are you awake so early in the morning?” Kirishima walked towards him and sat at the vacant seat next to him, “Slept during the day, now I can’t sleep during the night.” Denki smiled at his response and nodded. Only silence filled the room and none of them talked until the microwave made a sound.
Kirishima stood up and fetched his bowl, “What about you? What’s on your mind?” he pulled out a plate from the dishwasher and put on some rice to pair with the curry. Denki looked around his area and found no one, it was only him and Kirisima inside the kitchen, “Uhm…” he started off. How is he gonna start? He couldn’t just leave him hanging in the air with no answer, “A lot in my mind right now.” and closed his mouth. What else is there to say? Kirishima nodded and placed the food in front of him and sat back down. Denki smiled his way and offered a fist bump with him, which he gladly did back.
“Thank you for the food.” the more he chewed, the more he felt like he didn’t deserve the food. Everything around him was draining him every time he blinked, every time there was a constant reminder that he was alive and kicking. He sighed and used one of his arms to use a support to rest his head, Kirishima just looked at him while he ate his food. He was trying to pinpoint why the usual “happy-go-lucky” felt this way. “It’s really bad to sigh in front of your own food,” he started. Denki looked at him and lightly smiled, “You’re right, sorry.” and fixed his posture right away.
He looked at him with only concern filling his eyes, but he couldn’t pry to whatever he was going through right now, ‘Maybe he needs time, he’ll come around eventually.’ he thought to himself. The only thing he could do right now was pat his shoulders and hoped that was enough to send signals that he was there for Denki, Kirishima thought they weren't that close anyway.
“You can just leave the dishes in the sink, I’ll wash it for you.” Denki, who was taken aback with the sudden act of service, looked panicked and immediately declined his offer. “No! It’s okay! You’ve already done a lot for me man, this is the least I can do.” He didn’t respond to Denki and only remained silent. Denki this time, thought that he must’ve offended him and thought he was looking down on him, “It’s not tha—” he was about to clear it up but Kirishima cut him off. “Nah man, I think you need some rest. Something’s clearly bugging you. And it’s okay… I can wash the dishes. I’m on the cleaning schedule today anyway.”
‘He must’ve seen through me. He probably thought how irresponsible I was that I’m not able to fend for myself.’ Denki thought and punched himself mentally wishing all this would end already. He could only muster up a smile after feeling embarrassed to be taken care of. It didn’t usually happen like this inside his home. It was like a war field, everyone had to take care of themselves or else you would die alone. He awkwardly stood as he watched his classmate take his own bowl to wash it in the sink, he couldn’t do anything about it. That was one of the cons of having a persistent person near you. “Uhm… I’ll go up then. You should sleep after this too. Thank you.”
Kirishima looked back and smiled at him, “G’night!”
“They think you’re weak.”
Both Denki’s and Bakugo’s faces were up on the big screen, which meant everyone in Class 1-A could freely watch every move and hear every time they talked to each other. After a random draw that was picked, everyone felt bad for Denki for having to spar with Bakugo one-on-one. And it was a decision he couldn’t escape.
The only thing that could be heard around the training grounds was Bakugo’s big explosions setting off in order to fight with Denki. The aggressive approach of each explosion had him dodge it every time and didn’t have the chance to charge back at all, “STOP DODGING MY EXPLOSIONS AND DIE!” Bakugo yelled at a volume everyone could hear. Denki’s sweat dropped as he only laughed loudly out of panic as he couldn’t say anything, he could stop dodging his explosion but he didn’t wanna die just yet.
After running at full speed, he hid behind a huge wall that had fallen off a building, he had two openings. It was either he was gonna attack Bakugo from the back or immediately charge him in a surprise attack at the front, he heard his footsteps nearing and decided to attack him at the front instead. He swiftly turned left and came out to face Bakugo but he was fully eaten by his big explosion, it was a quick reminder to Denki on how fast Bakugo’s reaction time was.
His body flopped on the floor like a ragdoll and his ears rang loudly because of the close proximity he had with Bakugo’s quirk. He grabbed his ears and groaned in pain but immediately stood up to fight back, he opened his eyes and looked at Bakugo whose mouth was moving. But because of the continuous ringing in his ear, he couldn’t make up a single word out of him. With the sudden stop with the fight, it finally gave Denki a chance to openly attack Bakugo using his quirk, “1 MILLIO—” but before he could even use it fully, another one of Bakugo’s explosions set off and sent him straight up in the air.
He looked back down and saw Bakugo with a large grin on his face but it was okay, Denki had already accepted his defeat long before the battle even started. He closed his eyes ready to face the intense fall damage he was gonna have to endure, with a very loud thud he was now on the floor. Experiencing pain in every part of his body both physically and mentally.
…
He lost consciousness for a good minute until he woke up and saw Mr. Aizawa in front of him, examining the state of his body. Denki coughed and coughed as he felt his throat dry out and he couldn’t even produce enough saliva to help with the dry throat, “You okay kid?” is what Mr. Aizawa probably said to him. He still couldn’t pick up enough volume to hear what words were being asked to him, he only eyed his teacher and kept coughing until Kirishima came up to him with a cold bottle of water. He forced himself to sit up to drink the water but immediately fell down, thankfully Mr. Aizawa was quick enough to catch his falling body. “Do– Force– Self!-”
Mr. Aizawa sighed and opened the bottle for him and placed it in front of his mouth, “Ca– ou–” Denki only looked at him with confusion all over his face, he couldn’t make up a single word! The constant ringing was still loud, he looked around and saw all of his classmates not too far away from where he was. They all had the same expression he hated the most. They all had the same pitiful look he hated.
‘Stop it.’
He looked at Bakugo and even he had a small hint of that expression on his face, ‘Why is he looking at me like that? Does he think I'm weak just because I lost?’ Denki covered and rubbed one of his ears in hopes the ringing would stop but Mr. Aizawa smacked his hand away and stopped him from getting even more hurt. “Stop–”
Denki could feel his eyelids getting heavier every minute, he tried telling his teacher but was unable to because his throat was still dry. He didn’t drink the water that was offered for him as he felt guilty for being babied, he didn’t need it. He can do it himself. He eyed Mr. Aizawa one last time and finally hit slumber.
His eyes opened and sprung out of his bed, he was back at the dorms.
He looked around and saw his room extremely clean. No dirty laundry piled up, no trash in every corner, and no funky smell he’s had in his room for the past couple of weeks. His chest suddenly tightened with the thought of his classmates being forced to clean his room and having to witness such a disgusting state. He sighed loudly and covered his face. He didn’t wanna see any of them anymore, they didn’t wanna see him anymore. He looked to his bedside and saw a bowl covered in plastic wrap with a note stuck to it, he grabbed the bowl and read what was written on the note.
Good morning Kaminari! I hope you woke up feeling refreshed and full of energy! Bakugo cooked you up with beef stew to help with your energy just in case you don’t wake up refreshed, he also said he was sorry for putting you in such a state… also, don’t worry about your room! After seeing the situation, Kacchan and I decided to clean it up with the help of a few others. Plus ultra!!! -Midoriya
Denki took off the sticky note and stuck it on the table beside his bed, he removed the plastic wrap and looked at his food. He didn't know how long he’s been asleep for but he could tell it’s been a while because of how cold his food already was. But he wasn’t bothered with that one bit, if anything the only thing that bothered him was how he could hide the fact he didn’t eat the beef stew. Flush it down the toilet and hope it wouldn’t clog? Open the window and throw it out? He just hoped someone from below his room wouldn’t see a huge lump of cold food hit the grassy area beside the building.
He looked around his room and felt even lonelier after realizing the dim and quiet atmosphere he was in. He grabbed his phone and opened it, immediately being welcomed with dozens of messages and missed calls from his mom, group chats, and classmates. His sweat dropped after realizing his mom probably knew what had happened to him, he was frightened that his mother would see it as some sort of rebellion towards her and he knew she would lose her shit.
He tapped her profile icon to see what she sent to him, he already felt exhausted and drained with the countless messages he hadn't even read yet, there was no point. The messages will all be the same all caps yelling of telling him how useless and ignorant he was towards his mother, towards someone already aging to death.
He tapped one of the voice messages and played, her voice instantly booming out of the speakers of his phone. “Hey Denki, just heard what happened during your stay there. What are you doing?”
“There's no way you fainted over something so small right? I didn't fund your school fees for some shit like this to happen. Call back now.”
Her voice was strict, strong, and just scary to listen to. Denki didn't even want to message her anything, what was there to say? He sighed and closed his phone, he chose peace this time. Denki grabbed the cold bowl of beef stew and mushed down the potatoes, carrots, and meat. He was doing this in order for the chunks to lessen its size so it was easier to flush down in his toilet. It was better this way, it'll be okay this way.
After quickly recovering from what had happened to him earlier this week, it was finally time for Denki to man up and go back to classes. His heart was beating out of his chest as he could already feel and hear the countless whispers from his peers and the dirty looks that were soon gonna be sent to him, he wasn't ready. He wasn't the best at making relationships with other people, but now that he's in one of the best hero school there was in Japan, he hoped he could've at least made one friend. But truth hit hard and it was harsh, he realized that he made no friends at all.
Entering his classroom again felt like a humiliation ritual for Denki. All their eyes had landed on him after that bad fall, he looked at his classmates but quickly looked back down on the floor when he realized all of them had the same concerned faces plastered on. Denki sat on his seat and closed his eyes, the pain was still in his body. He didn’t know whether it was from the fall during the spar or from the dozens of eyes piercing through his body. ‘They’re looking down on me.’ he thought to himself, further pushing down his non-existent confidence.
The more he stayed inside that room the more his throat felt like it was closing, he quickly stood up and left the bag on his chair, making Sero who was about to come close to him get stunned with the sudden action. The destination he picked was the boys’ bathroom. Class was gonna start in 5 minutes but he didn’t feel like attending any of them since it didn’t matter anymore. The bathroom was silent. God, he hated when everything and everyone was silent. He hated it when everyone looked down on him and also felt like even objects looked at him in disgust, it felt like all of them had eyes towards him like he was some weak child. He wasn’t weak. Why would he be? He’s gonna be a hero in the future, and heroes aren’t weak.
Tears started to fall out of his eyes and his heart felt heavy. Everything hurt, it was so draining to live in a society like this. Why did villains and monsters have to exist? Why did he have to prove his worth through how strong his power was? ‘Ah shit… turns out I can’t do it after all.’ he just sobbed and sobbed in front of the mirror bathroom, ignoring the bell even ringing. He just stood inside there and cried alone.
“Crying means you're weak. Are you really crying in front of me right now? Answer me!”
His heart felt like someone was punching it over and over again. The pain was so intense that he had to sit down on the bathroom floor and clenched his chest, it didn’t hurt this much when it happened the last time? With the amount of tears falling out and the amount of times he’s hiccuped and sobbed on that floor that he forgot what time it was. Thankfully, everyone was on the training grounds which meant no student was ever gonna enter where he was. But his thoughts were only limited to students, he didn’t think teachers would be searching for him.
He couldn't hear any footsteps, so how come Mr. Aizawa was right in front of him? Standing there like Denki was some lost kitten? He didn't know what to say to him, if he did, would Mr. Aizawa tell his mother how weak he was?
“P-Please… don't tell my mom.” he pleaded. Everyone can find out how he cried in this very bathroom. It could be heroes, strangers, and classmates of his but never his mom. Mr. Aizawa gulped and pulled both his hands away from his face, “I'm not gonna tell anyone kid,” he reassured. That's what he needed the most. “Let's find a better place where we can talk.”
Denki sat there alone with all his emotions drained out of his body, right in front of him was Mr. Aizawa listening and reading to all his mother's texts and voice messages that was sent ever since he went into UA. Principal Nezu looked serious too as he listened to everything while he sat on Mr. Aizawa’s shoulders for support. Denki only stared at the two of them and hated how both of them had the same pitiful expression he hated the most but it felt nice that they felt anger towards it too. There was no point in any of this, Denki can handle it just fine. He was 16 for God's sake, he was grown enough to take care of himself and grown enough to make his own choices.
But was he really? He wasn't grown enough to clean his room, not enough to take out the laundry, not enough to brush his teeth, not enough to shower everyday, not enough to eat on time, and not enough to eat at all. Denki Kaminari realized that he wasn't grown enough to do all of this by himself. He didn't deserve to be a hero, he didn't deserve to be the model of young kids, teenagers, and citizens who aspire to be just like him. No one deserved to be like him, he wouldn't wish this on his worst enemies. It only happened to him because he deserved it.
Mr. Aizawa cleared his throat and looked more serious than ever, not that he wasn't serious before but he was 100% serious now. “Denki,” he called out, Denki’s eyes immediately followed and looked right at him, “In your position… How's life for you?” he gulped with that question, he didn't know where to start. How was he gonna start? This was the first time a school has genuinely cared for him and his declining health, it wasn't like this during middle school. It was entirely new for him.
10 YEARS AGO…
“You're gonna leave?! Just like that?!” his mom yelled out at the top of her lungs. All the words directed to the man in front of her, his father. The man who would come home drunk, the man who could barely provide for his growing family. The man who chose to leave when the situation in his hands was something he couldn't control anymore. His powers couldn't handle it anymore.
Denki's eyes followed every move they did as they walked around the whole house, yelling, cursing, and saying inhumane language that the neighbourhood could all hear. It wasn't new anyway, everyone knew the Kaminari’s as that family that wasn't gifted enough with love that now they experience family problems, that family that would fight for hours on end until both their voices have become hoarse and dry, the family that had no chance to ever become one. Being in that family was already draining enough for him, and all his siblings alike. Having to experience that same pitiful and sad expression they all had as the siblings would come back home from school.
Denki never asked for this, so how come he was the one experiencing it?
…
“Never be like your father Kaminari. He's weak. A person who doesn't deserve to become a man! He doesn't deserve such a title, he's nothing but a weakling.” his mother slurred her words as she yelled out all the flaws and problems his father had. The Kaminari family was officially over, they were done. “Nothing but… a pathetic human being with no importance in society! I hate those types of men… the most! That's why you must not be like… him!”
Denki only listened and obeyed in silence as he cleaned the broken bottles, and the countless bottles her mother had already finished. This was his job as the oldest, he was now the man of the house, and all he had to do was act like it.
7 YEARS AGO…
“What do you mean you can't do it?!” his mom yelled at his face after not being able to do a task. His mom threw the mouse as she seethed with rage, relying on your child to do your own work file to avoid the stress and the tiredness you were inevitably gonna feel in the end wasn’t the best parenting skills out there. But to her, it was not enough. She already taught him everything and how it was gonna work out, but how come he still couldn’t get it? How come he wasn’t able to do it right? His mom not once thought of him as her child, but thought of him as someone who was born to serve her like a queen she felt like.
Denki sobbed even more after realizing once again that he was nothing but a failure in her eyes, he just looked at her with hurt in his eyes as she kept yelling and yelling in front of his face with hurtful words a parent shouldn’t say to her kids. He peeked towards a slightly opened door and there he saw two of his siblings being a spectator, he could feel their eyes and it felt like he could hear their thoughts of how much they wanted to intervene, how much they wanted to help the only adult influence they had.
3 YEARS AGO…
“Are you sure? What about your parents?” His homeroom teacher asked in concern, they knew it was one of those absent types of parents, it hurts to admit that it was more common than expected. Denki nodded his head and still put on the brightest smile, “Yup! No problem-o.”
His teacher followed his trail as he left the room. No child should be able to attend a graduation ceremony without a parent to supervise them and put on a medal after announcing the awards they were able to achieve. They felt bad for him, during the early months he was one of the smartest students in his class, he didn’t fall back in any core subjects, he always participated in class discussions and always answered the questions his teacher threw at him. It broke their heart even more to know how much Denki fell back with his grades, his participation, and how he functioned with his friends and peers. If he even had friends, he was alone during the whole year after all. The teacher just wondered where it all went wrong, where everything plummeted deep into the ocean that it wasn’t able to retrieve back anymore.
7 MONTHS AGO…
Denki just looked at the letter UA gave back after the entrance exams. Once he opens it, it’ll decide whether he was truly weak and useless, or if the Gods above finally recognize all the pain and all the hardships he’s gone through just to get seen by his own mother. He knew by the time the practical test ended he was sure that he was gonna get it, he almost went through his “dumb mode” but was able to pull back and finish the exam with ease. He was just glad he wasn’t able to show one of his biggest drawbacks when it came to his quirk.
He flinched and looked behind him, staring at his mother’s wide smile. “Results finally came back?” Denki just nodded and smiled weakly as she pulled a chair and sat beside him, also ready to find out her son’s test results. “What are you waiting for? Open it!” his hands shook as he touched the material that was used to send the letter, he was already nervous from the start but now that his mother was a close spectator, he was about to shit his pants. There was no point in stalling anymore, school was gonna start in one month.
Congratulations Mr. Kaminari! After further examining the qualifications you’ve shown with all the judges present during the exams, we’re delighted to give you the news that you’ve passed! Your strength and chivalry during the practical exams has wowed most of our judges and given you scores that met the demand the school wants! UA High School reaches both its hands towards you to become one of the most strongest and recognized citizens and heroes! Go beyond, plus ultra!
He stood there in awe and shock after being accepted in his dream school, his mother clapped loudly and cheered louder than him. “Oh my greatest son! Make sure you show that school how great you are, how smart you are, how strong you are! Mommy hates weak people the most, so you better not waste any of the money I invest on you!” his mom reminded him for the one hundredth time already ever since he came out of her womb. “Yes… yes… I get you.”
PRESENT TIME…
Denki wiped his tears and laughed a bit, “It’s kind of stupid, sorry.” Mr. Aizawa shook his head in disapproval, no child his age should ever go through something like this. He was just a 16 year old, yet he acted like an adult ever since he was a toddler. “It’s… hard to put up and shape myself with an image already drawn for me before I could even pick up a pencil myself. I have to be this, or that! And if I don’t, I’m just not useful.” recalling all the memories he’s had of him trying to prove to his mother that he was worth it, that there was a reason why he was born in this world, that he had purpose.
Principal Nezu, who once sat on Mr. Aizawa’s shoulder was now sitting beside him with one of the most serious expressions he's had. He wasn’t happy with the news that one of his students was being treated like nothing in his school, just like something he went through. “Now that we know professionals should be involved in this case, what would you like us to do about this Mr. Kaminari?” he sat there thinking about it. The fear of his mother yelling at him and throwing words that even satan himself was frightened of, the fear of leaving his siblings in the hands of people he didn’t know, the fear of not being old enough to even foster them himself, and the fear of not knowing what to do after everything was done. He gulped when he realized all the paths he was gonna go through when the case gets on the hands of the professionals, “I… don’t know,” he admitted. “I won’t know what to do after everything… I don’t think I can handle a world or a thought where my siblings go through different houses and orphanages when everything is done… I don’t think I can handle it… when I don’t have the chance to become a hero.”
Mr. Aizawa nodded and recognized all the pain, the paperwork, and the testimonies Denki was gonna go through once this case were to be opened. Principal Nezu smiled widely and nodded, “Do not worry about that, I have my ways.” Mr. Aizawa whipped his head towards him and raised his eyebrows in question, ‘What did he mean by that?’ Principal Nezu hopped on his co-workers shoulders and pointed at his face, “Since your teacher and I are adults, that means we’ll handle it on our own. You can just sit back, relax, and enjoy everything during your teenage years!”
Denki dragged both his feet to the entrance of the training ground where all his classmates were. He watched all of them soar in the sky, run fast like a cheetah, and punch hard like a bear. It was all the qualities he wasn’t able to meet which hurts him even more that he had to rely solely on his quirk, it was pathetic to say the least. He really was just an ordinary person in a room full of extraordinary people. “Are you gonna stand there or are you actually gonna go in?” Denki flinched and looked behind him. It was Kirishima with the biggest widest smile he’s always had, it was scary how Denki reminded him of himself back when he was in middle school. “Sorry, just admiring everyone who acts like a hero they’re gonna be in the future.”
Kirishima looked at him weirdly and smiled, “What do you mean? You’re pretty admirable yourself!” and for the first time ever, Denki let out the most genuine laugh he has ever let out. Over a statement Kirishima said that he thought was a joke, “Sure bro.” Kirishima reacted with his whole body and was taken aback with the denial of compliments, he didn’t get why he said that knowing he was able to get into UA. “What, what, what! You think you’re weak or something?!” he placed his whole arm around Denki and laughed loudly.
“You’re here for a reason bro! You’re here in this school, in this class for a reason! Fate doesn’t do things without purpose, fate placed you here because you’re strong, you’re brave, and how you’re gonna be more of that in the future! Fate placed you here because you’re gonna be a hero too. Just like everyone in this class, our purpose as human beings is to dream and to achieve the dreams we want to happen, our purpose is to live, and have fun just like everyone else! And you’re really strong y’know… UA didn’t accept you for funsies or just because they felt like it, they accepted you because they see a future of heroes where you’re in it. So chin up!”
Kirishima spilled everything he felt towards Denki, he knew it all too well. The messy and unkept room, skipping meals, and the thoughts inside one’s head keeping them up so late. He read Denki like an open book, just like how Denki thought when they talked that night. After a motivational speech that genuinely affected him for good, Denki felt warm streams of water coming out of his eyes as he looked at his friend. Eijiro froze the second he saw him cry but immediately smiled wide knowing Denki knew the message he was trying to tell him, the message of where he wasn’t alone, that he was seen, and that he had a friend by his side.
Eijiro patted his shoulders and his back, “Well, wanna come in and train with us?” Denki nodded eagerly as this was the first time he felt motivation. Not because he was asked to do it, but because he himself wanted it on his own, it was what his heart desired the most. His legal battle with his mother hasn’t even started yet, and there was gonna be a long journey ahead of him and the people he loved most in his family, but that didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered to him was the people who genuinely cared for him, loved him, and looked out for him, and that was the entire class of 1-A. All of his friends.
While stretching his whole body before sparring with Eijiro, Midoriya came in front of him with a big smile. “Finally! You’re here!” he yelled out enthusiastically, Denki smiled and nodded at him, but then remembered one thing he forgot to say to him. “Oh! Midoriya… I just wanted to thank you for what you did with the rest for my dorm room… Sorry you had to clean that mess.” Midoriya laughed and shook his head, “What we did was nothing! It’s what friends are for right?” Denki could feel his heart squeeze and his whole face turned beet red from embarrassment, but then laughed loudly and agreed with what he said.
“Yeah… what friends are for.”