Work Text:
Karamatsu Matsuno is a lot of things.
If you ask a stranger what they think of him as they see him walking down the street wearing his sparkly blue pants and a tanktop with his own face on it, they might say that he’s too flashy and narcissistic. They might laugh and say that he’s bold. Some might even say that they wish they had that much confidence to go out in something like that.
They all agree that his outfit is painful to look at.
If you ask his friends what they think of him, Totoko would shrug and say
“He’s the second one. The painful one, I think. He’s nice, but a bit weird, I mean, who shows up to someone’s house in just a robe?”
Chibita would sigh, a certain memory of fire and water and tears over pears crosses his mind for a split second, and say
“He’s the nice one. He’s definitely better than his no good brothers, that’s for sure, dammit! Even if he is a bit painful…”
If you ask his parents what they think of him, his mother, Matsuyo would smile and shake her head.
“Ah, my beautiful, painful NEET. Despite being just as much as a freeloader as his brothers, he’s the only one that willingly helps me around the house, so I secretly give him a little more allowance than I do the others. Don’t tell them, though!”
His father, Matsuzo, would also smile.
“Remember when he made a kite that looked just like his own face when he was a kid? Ha! That’s was painful to look at, but at least he had fun doing it!”
If you ask his brothers what they think of him…
Well…
They would only say one word, because they believe that it summarizes the second born Matsuno pretty well.
“Painful.”
Karamatsu doesn’t think he’s painful.
Karamatsu doesn’t want to be painful.
At first, he thought it was some kind of weird inside joke that he wasn’t in on. It was like a switch was flipped in the world, and suddenly everyone around him started calling him it from right to left.
He wasn’t in on the joke, because he doesn’t know what he did in order to be called that in the first place.
Soon the word stopped making him feel confused, and started making him feel hurt.
It hurt when his brothers would call him that, and instead of it being said softly with a kind of tenderness that told him
(This is a joke, don’t take it seriously. I don’t really view you like that, it’s just a dumb nickname)
It was said with a hint of maliciousness, accompanied by a sharp glare, and Karamatsu could tell that whoever was saying it was being serious, and they did view him like that, and that it wasn’t just a dumb nickname.
He doesn’t know when he started to loathe the word, or when he started feeling as though his very soul was being sucked from his body whenever someone called him that.
He never tells them that, though. It’s just a word, and he knows that it shouldn’t bother him as much as it should.
But it does, and unfortunately, he doesn’t know what to do about it.
So he chooses to ignore it, and hopes that one day his brothers will find a word that suits him better than that cursed word.
He wants to be defined by a word that makes him feel happy, not sad.
He doesn’t want to be defined as just ‘painful’.
“Really, Karamatsu nii-san? Do you even look in the mirror when you get dressed anymore?”
Karamatsu was currently fishing with his youngest brother, Todomatsu. He hadn’t really wanted to come, but Todomatsu wanted to go fishing, and Karamatsu didn’t want to leave him alone.
The outfit Todomatsu was referring to was actually one of Karamatsu’s favorites. His signature tanktop, blue shorts, and sparkly gold boots were what Karamatsu wanted to wear today, and wear them he did.
“Why, of course, dear brother. I never leave the house without making sure I look my absolute best!”
Karamatsu doesn’t know why Todomatsu asked about him looking in the mirror.
If his brothers weren’t complaining about his fashion choices, they were complaining about the amount of time he looked in the mirror.
If they weren’t complaining about the mirror, they were complaining about they way he talked.
It was always about something.
Todomatsu sighed, and looked back at the water.
“Can’t you dress normally for once? It’s embarrassing to be out in public with you sometimes, you know?”
No, he doesn’t know. He could never ‘know’.
He dresses this way because it makes him happy. It makes him feel like an individual. It makes him feel like he’s something.
Why does his happiness embarrass someone who’s supposed to love him?
He’ll never ask him that. He’s not completely sure that he wants to hear the answer.
Instead, he shoves any negative feelings he felt hearing his brother’s words into the safe that is in the deepest crevices of his heart, and says something else.
“I understand, brother. I’ll keep that in mind the next time we decide to have one of our magnificent fishing adventures. I wouldn’t want to make my dearest family member uncomfortable, after all.”
Todomatsu looks at him and gives him a slight smile.
“Thanks, nii-san.”
“Hey, nii-san?”
“Hm? Yes, Todomatsu?”
“Thanks for walking with me to the bathroom. No one else would wake up for me.”
“It’s no problem, brother! For the deepest, darkest parts of this house can’t deter me from making sure that my youngest brother is safe from it’s evil clutch-”
“Okay, okay, I get it, you can stop now, pal.”
“It’s still dark out. Let’s go back to bed, Totty.”
“Karamatsu nii-san.”
“Yes? Do you need something else?”
…
“You’re a good brother.”
Karamatsu had kept his word about his clothes. Instead of wearing any of the clothes that he dubbed as his ‘perfect fashion’, he opted to go to the safest route, and wear his normal blue hoodie and jeans.
It didn’t take him long to notice that the word ‘painful’ had been thrown his way a little less when he didn’t wear his flashy clothes.
This is fine. I don’t need to wear clothes like that anymore.
It was just fabric, anyways. Karamatsu doesn’t need fabric to define who he is.
It’s all about who you are on the inside, not what you look like on the outside, after all.
(The only problem is that he doesn’t know who he is on the inside)
What also didn’t take him long to notice was that it was getting harder and harder to get up in the mornings.
Sometimes, he didn’t want to face the day yet. He would turn over, and try to go back to sleep, because he’s not quite ready to go through the day, and he wants a little extra shut eye.
That was fine, everybody does it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting more sleep.
Sometimes, he couldn’t find the motivation in him to get up. Why do you need to get up? You don’t have any plans, a holiday isn’t for another couple weeks, and all you do is stare at yourself in the mirror while attempting to make sure that the hurtful actions of your brothers that day doesn’t cut into your heart too deep.
That was fine, too. Everybody has a bad day. There’s nothing wrong.
Sometimes, it feels as though he can’t get up. Like there’s invisible bricks weighing on his entire body. If he focuses hard enough, he can almost feel a faint ache resonating throughout his bones, preventing him from moving, even though he didn’t do anything the day before to produce a result like that.
Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s fine.
Jyushimatsu isn’t his most graceful brother.
It doesn’t take rocket science to know that. It’s not like Jyushimatsu means to be reckless, either. He just has way too much energy that his body can’t really hold, so he runs and jumps and swings in order to get some of his energy out.
People might grow tired of someone like that, but Jyushimatsu has a heart of gold, so no one minds.
Despite the many times his mother requested for him not to, Jyushimatsu was known to run around the house.
It was raining outside, so Jyushimatsu couldn’t go out and run because it was too wet and cold for him to do so.
That means that he has to burn his energy by running through the house.
No one minds, Jyushimatsu had gotten pretty good at not running into things anymore, so no one has to worry about throwing away broken things, or patching up a hurt brother. No one pays attention to something that doesn’t need to be paid attention to.
Karamatsu probably should have paid attention, since he was the one who was always worried that Jyushimatsu might hurt himself, despite the many times Jyushimatsu had told him not to worry throughout the years.
His attention wasn’t on Jyushimatsu at the time, it was on his reflection in the hand-held mirror that he was holding.
He supposes that it was because he wasn’t paying attention that the next thing he knows, he hears a small cry, 150 pounds of muscle colliding with his body, and a sickening crack of glass filling the air.
Nobody said anything as Jyushimatsu slowly got off his brother, his smile being considerably smaller than normal as he looked not at Karamatsu, but at something next to him.
“I’m so sorry, Karamatsu nii-san! I tripped, I didn’t mean to run into you and break your mirror!”
Still feeling a little dazed, Karamatsu looked to where Jyushimatsu was looking, and saw that yes, his mirror was broken. It was covered in cracks, and it morbidly reminds Karamatsu of the veins in someone’s arms.
Karamatsu noticed that none of the glass fell out of the mirror on the ground, so he got up, carefully grabbed the mirror in a way to make sure that the glass doesn’t fall out, and threw it in the garbage can that was in the corner of the room.
He turned and faced Jyushimatsu with a look of concern.
“Are you okay, Jyushimatsu? You’re not hurt are you?”
Jyushimatsu’s big smile returned, and he got up as well and gave Karamatsu a big thumbs up.
“I am fine! No pain anywhere!”
He put his arm down and his expression turned into one of confusion.
“But nii-san, aren’t you mad? I broke your favorite mirror.”
Karamatsu gave a wave of his hand and smiled in reassurance.
“Don’t worry about that, Jyushimatsu. Accidents happen, it’s just a way of life. Besides,”
“It wasn’t important.”
“Do you think I’ll ever see her again, nii-san?”
“I believe you will. No one can stray away from their soulmate for too long after finding them.”
“I can’t wait to see her again.”
“I can’t wait for you to see her again either.”
“Do you think that she’ll get along with our brothers?”
“Hmm, well, I don’t see why not. I mean, we all have our quirks, but our brothers are relatively good people.”
“Not always.”
“Yeah, not always.”
“I think she’ll get along with you the best, nii-san! She likes nice people, and you’re the nicest guy I know!”
“You flatter me, Jyushimatsu.”
“Do you think that we’ll have a happy future together?”
“Of course I do! Don’t you think so too, Jyushimatsu?”
“I do, I do! A future with Homerun-chan and my brothers is the best future!”
“Heh, as long as everyone’s happy, then that really is the best future.”
…
“...Are you happy, Karamatsu nii-san?”
Karamatsu didn’t realize just how important his mirror was.
His brothers thought that Karamatsu used his mirror just to stare at his own reflection because he was some kind of self-absorbed narcissist.
Karamatsu did use the mirror to stare at himself, but it wasn’t because of what they think.
Lately, Karamatsu didn’t feel there.
He felt like he was on auto-pilot most of the time.
He gets up, brushes his teeth, fights through the day even though he doesn’t really do anything anymore, go to the bath house, brushes his teeth, and go to bed.
(He had long stopped going outside to find his Karamatsu girls. Their stares of disgust are hint enough for him)
The days had stopped being about living a long time ago. Now, it was about getting through them without crying.
(Are you crying again? Jeez, how many times is that this week?)
It was all about surviving.
It doesn’t make much sense, he knows, but Karamatsu doesn’t feel like he’s really alive anymore.
He feels like his soul had left his body one day without him knowing, and now all he is is a shell of a person who’s just going through the motions because he can’t lay in bed without worrying his family.
‘Worrying’ isn’t the right word. ‘Annoying’ fits much better.
Karamatsu felt like he was a ghost with a working brain and a beating heart.
His mirror wasn’t really a mirror as much as it was a reminder.
It reminded Karamatsu that he was indeed alive. He was alive, and he was breathing, and it was because he was alive and breathing that he still had a shot in this big and scary and cruel world.
That, no matter how much he felt as though he didn’t, he still had a chance at happiness and love.
That’s all Karamatsu wants.
He just wants to love and to be loved.
He just wants to be happy.
He just wants to be okay.
But his mirror is broken, and knows better than everyone that you can’t always fix something that’s broken.
The stars are beautiful.
Karamatsu, a romantic at heart, feels as though this is fact, and not just his own worthless opinion.
It sounds cheesy, but the stars have always been a constant source of comfort for him. Whenever he felt sad or happy or, very rarely, angry, he would go on the roof of his house and just stargaze for hours and hours on end.
He liked to pretend that the stars were cheering on for him. That they were silently giving him encouragement through the twinkles he saw when he his eyes would move over them.
He remembers camping with his family when he was 14 years old, and how the top of the tent he was in would be open so he could see the stars more clearly when he laid down to sleep.
He remembers always sharing a tent with Ichimatsu, because Ichimatsu was the only one who didn’t mind the top of the tent being open. He didn’t mind at all, and Karamatsu remembers that they would share all sorts of deep conversations with each other about anything and everything.
He remembers when they were best friends, and he remembers when his brother didn’t hate him, and he remembers when life was good.
Hey. Now’s not the time to be nostalgic. You’re on the wrong side of the bridge railing.
Oh yeah, he was, wasn’t he?
He didn’t even plan on doing it today. He never really had a plan on doing it, ever, but here he was, on the other side of the bridge railing, his shoes on the ground behind him, and his eyes staring up at the stars in some feeble attempt to get the tears to stop.
He thinks back to today, and why he felt the need to throw away the life that his mother had worked so hard on giving to him.
Today wasn’t even that bad, really. He hung around Ichimatsu mostly, and it played out just how any other days with Ichimatsu have played out since they’ve graduated highschool.
“Hey, Shittymatsu, can you do something for me?”
Karamatsu stopped strumming his guitar and looked at him in surprise. That was a little weird, Ichimatsu never came to Karamatsu when he needed something.
Ichimatsu also never made any effort to go on the roof when Karamatsu was on there either.
“Oh… Uh, sure, what do you need?”
“Can you shut the fuck up, you’ve been singing all day, and it’s scaring the cats.”
Ah. There it is. Karamatsu felt stupid, of course Ichimatsu wouldn’t genuinely need something from him, not when he hated him so much.
Karamatsu smiled at him, albeit very forced, and hoped that his brother didn’t notice just how forced it was.
“I apologize, brother. I did not mean to bring any harm to the cats that prowl around you and our house, that is the last thing I would want. Of course I’ll stop singing.”
Ichimatsu didn’t say anything, and just went back in the house.
Karamatsu sighed. Talking to his brothers seemed to take a lot more out of him than it used to. It wasn’t just Ichimatsu either.
Whenever his brothers insulted him, except for Jyushimatsu, it drained Karamatsu of all the energy he previously had.
He stopped being able to tell whether they were sincere with their insults or not a long time ago, along with being able to ignore the insults that were thrown at him everyday.
Karamatsu has always taken everything to heart at some extent, but lately it seems as though it’s becoming more and more unbearable.
He’s so tired of having to constantly tell himself that they don’t mean it, because they do. They’ve always meant it, they always have and always will.
Karamatsu just wants to go up to one of them, look him in the eye, and say
(It’s okay, I know you hate me. You don’t have to pretend you don’t. Just be honest with me, please, I don’t want to keep guessing anymore)
He’ll never have the guts to actually tell them that, though. He knows that he’ll start crying halfway through, and he’ll be too mortified to continue.
All he wants is for his brothers to be honest with him. To tell him that they hate him, that they’ve always hated him, and that he’s never mattered.
He knows that his brothers hate him, and that they don’t love him.
He knows, because you don’t hurt someone you love.
But it’s okay. He understands.
He hates himself too.
So, if his family, the most important people in his life, can’t stand him, and he can’t even stand himself either, then why is he trying?
Why is he still here?
Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if Karamatsu just… stopped? If he just went away forever?
He guesses that that’s why he was currently standing on the other side of the bridge railing, staring up at the stars and looking down at the water at 2 am.
He’s probably stayed here long enough. If he stays any longer he’ll eventually chicken out, and what good would that be for anyone?
All he has to do is let go, and everything will be okay.
“Hey.”
Instead of letting go, Karamatsu’s grip tightened on the rail and he turned to the source of the voice. Why does someone have to interrupt him now?
“Please,” Ichimatsu said, holding his hand out for Karamatsu to grab it.
“Please don’t do this. I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I don’t want to lose you.”
Karamatsu feels conflicted. Ichimatsu has no reason to lie, but he has also not really given Karamatsu a reason to believe him either.
“I-I… I don’t…”
“It-It’s okay,” Ichimatsu says, inching ever so slightly closer. He’s afraid that if he moves too fast, Karamatsu will let go.
“It’ll get better, I promise, so just... just grab onto my hand, please, Karamatsu nii-san.”
For a second, Karamatsu almost wants to get mad. He almost wants to scream. He almost wants stare Ichimatsu right in his eyes, and let go just in spite.
Don’t you lie to me. I’ve been sad for years. It doesn’t get better.
But that second passes, and Karamatsu finds himself desperately grabbing onto Ichimatsu’s hand, and as he cries and sobs into his younger brother’s embrace, Karamatsu can’t help but grab onto the hope that maybe Ichimatsu is right.
Maybe things will get better.
“Don’t worry, I believe in you, brother!”
“...Why.”
“Hm?”
“Why do you believe in me? I’m trash, what’s there to believe about me?”
“You’re not as bad as you think you are, Ichimatsu. You’re a very caring person. Who else would have the patience to care for all the strays that run around here? None of us has a heart as big as yours; someone who’s so willing to spend his allowance on something other than himself.”
“Idiot. Your heart is bigger than mine. I’m the absolute worst to you, yet you always smile and encourage me. Why aren’t you ever mad at me? What did I do to deserve your kindness?”
“You were born. That’s good enough for me.”
“Don’t say cheesy shit like that. I don’t even have a response to it.”
“Heh, I’ll try and keep that in mind.”
“Hey, nii-san?”
“Yes?”
…
“I believe in you, too.”
Karamatsu doesn’t know if things will be the same after what had happened.
He doesn’t know if things will get better. He doesn’t really know where things went wrong.
He does know that nobody can save him.
He has to save himself. He has to want to be saved.
And maybe he does. Maybe that’s why he agreed to take Ichimatsu’s hand, because he wants to live.
He doesn’t just want to survive. He doesn’t want to be a breathing ghost. He wants to live.
Karamatsu want to be alive again.
And he knows that taking his brother’s sweaty and clammy hand in his own cold and trembling hand was the first step towards going towards that goal.
It can only go up from here.
Karamatsu was known to be an optimist.
Karamatsu rarely had the home to himself.
Normally, one would use this opportunity to have some, ahem, alone time, but Karamatsu didn’t feel like doing that.
Instead, Karamatsu opted to grab his guitar, sit on the floor in front of the couch, and hum to some song that had gotten stuck in his head a few days prior.
Normally, he would go to the roof and sing, now that Ichimatsu doesn’t mind his singing anymore, but today happened to be the hottest day of the year, and the roof tiles were way too hot to sit on comfortably.
As he hummed away with his eyes closed, he heard the sound of the screen door opening and closing.
So he’s not as alone as he thought.
Opening his eyes to the intruder, Karamatsu found himself looking at Choromatsu, who had a book in his hand, and was walking towards him in long strides.
Without saying anything, Choromatsu flopped down next to Karamatsu, and leaned his back against him while facing away.
Karamatsu didn’t really know what to think. There were so many other places in the room, and the house as a whole, for Choromatsu to read comfortably. Why did he decided to lean against Karamatsu of all people?
While trying to find the answer, he felt Choromatsu move, and Karamatsu looked down at him to see Choromatsu looking up at him at the same time, with a small raise of his eyebrow.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I heard you singing, and I was thinking that it would help me read better. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Oh! Um, no, I don’t mind, brother.”
Turning back around, Choromatsu huffed.
“Good. Now sing already, I didn’t walk across the house for nothing.”
Karamatsu chuckled, and obeyed Choromatsu’s wishes. He pretended not to notice that Choromatsu’s breathing was getting slower and deeper, or that his book happened to be upside down.
A duet of singing and snoring filled the room for the rest of the day.
“Karamatsu nii-san, you really need to be more careful!”
“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear brother! You should have seen the other guy, compared to him this is but a mere scratch.”
“Yeah, okay, but this is not a scratch, it’s a black-eye! You can’t get into fights with people, you could get seriously hurt one day.”
“It is not I who picks the fights, though.”
“I know, I know, but at least try to be more careful?”
“Don’t worry, brother, I promise I will try to not let these hooligans attack me anymore than they have already done.”
“Thanks. I don’t want you to get hurt, you know. You’re an idiot, but you’re still my reliable, idiot older brother.”
“You think I’m reliable?”
“Of course I do, Karamatsu nii-san.”
“Ah.”
…
“You’re the most reliable person I know.”
Ever since that fateful night on the bridge all those months ago, things have slowly, but surely, been changing for Karamatsu.
Ichimatsu couldn’t keep what had happened to himself, and Karamatsu didn’t bother to ask him to. He’s not gonna make Ichimatsu carry a burden as heavy as that on his shoulders.
Unexpectedly, everybody reacted a lot differently than Karamatsu thought they would.
Todomatsu and Jyushimatsu cried at first. Karamatsu had tried to assure them that what he did had nothing to do with them, even though he knows, deep down, that wasn’t entirely true, they both still tried to change.
Todomatsu had started to bring Karamatsu a cup of Sutabaa coffee every time he got home from work, and had asked Karamatsu to teach him some of his ‘perfect fashion’ tips for future reference.
Karamatsu had a feeling that Todomatsu didn’t really want his fashion tips, but instead he wanted Karamatsu to start wearing his flashy clothes again. He’s more than happy to obliged.
Jyushimatsu didn’t really change as much as the others, because he was already the nicest one to Karamatsu, but he did make it a habit to ask Karamatsu if he was happy at least once a day.
If it wasn’t for Karamatsu’s sake, it was for his, and if Karamatsu wasn’t happy that day, well, Jyushimatsu wouldn’t let Karamatsu be sad alone anymore. Napping on the floor in a pile of blankets became the norm for the both of them, even if it was on days where Karamatsu didn’t feel sad.
Ichimatsu was the one to change the most out of all of them.
Despite his cold and cruel nature, Ichimatsu really did care deep down, and he’s been making it his goal to make sure that Karamatsu knows he did.
It started with Ichimatsu listening to Karamatsu and Jyushimatsu’s singing duets without complaint, then his insults towards Karamatsu stopped, not completely, since siblings in general insult each other all the time, but he made sure that Karamatsu knows that there’s no malice in his words anymore.
Ichimatsu then started to invite Karamatsu to feed the cats with him, and now Karamatsu can’t remember why he ever thought Ichimatsu hated him as much as he thought he did.
Choromatsu was shocked, but he doesn’t blame Karamatsu for what he tried to do.
He knows that he wasn’t the best brother to him, and he might never be, but he knows that he could do better. So Choromatsu started talking to him more. He started asking for Karamatsu opinion on things, like if he thinks that he put enough salt in the food, or what his opinion is on a book that Choromatsu recommended to him. He also began to invite Karamatsu with him to Nyaa-chan concerts.
Those concerts aren’t really Karamatsu’s thing, but it’s a good bonding experience for him and his younger brother, so he doesn’t mind.
Osomatsu, understandably, got a lot more strict and worried.
He made the others tell him where they were and when they’d be home, he made Karamatsu talk to him about his feelings like he was his own personal therapist, and he made sure that when teasing between any of the brothers began to go too far, he would interfere like some sort of Matsuno household referee.
He never wanted any of his brothers to feel like how Karamatsu had felt again.
He also got considerably kinder to Karamatsu, and would always invite him to go with him everywhere, whether it be horse races, or pachinko, or even to the corner store down the street.
Karamatsu knows that Osomatsu probably feels as though he had failed as an older brother, and so in turn, Karamatsu would try to assure Osomatsu that he was the best big brother that anyone could ever have.
Looks like Ichimatsu was right.
Things are getting better.
Karamatsu was back at the fishing pond today, but instead of sitting next to Todomatsu, he was sitting next to his only older brother, Osomatsu.
It was a nice day today. The sky was blue all around, no clouds in sight. Today was hot, but the pleasant breeze that blew through the air made it so that the outside wasn’t too uncomfortable. The pond’s water was bit more sparkly than normal.
Today was a good day.
Normally, Osomatsu would be chatting his ear off about what he did today, whether he got won or lost at pachinko, or what he said to Totoko that resulted in him getting a sucker punch to the stomach, to what he teased Choromatsu about that, also, resulted in him getting a sucker punch to the stomach.
Today, however, Osomatsu was unusually quiet.
He was staring intently at the water, and it was clear that he was thinking really hard about something.
Karamatsu wanted to ask what was wrong, but Osomatsu obviously had a lot on his mind, so he kept his mouth shut and continued to sit in the comfortable silence.
“Hey, Karamatsu?”
Karamatsu would be lying if he said he didn’t jump at least a little. You can’t blame him, though, it was so silent for so long that Osomatsu’s sudden question startled him a bit.
“Yes, brother?”
“You know I love you, right?”
Karamatsu didn’t know what to say. Where did that come from? Is that what Osomatsu was thinking so hard about?
Osomatsu was staring at him now, waiting for an answer.
“Of course I know, brother. I love you too!”
Osomatsu smiled, and turned back to the water.
“I know. You know that you don’t have to go through anything alone anymore, right? I don’t want you to feel as sad as you did again. I’m sorry I didn’t try to pay attention earlier.”
Karamatsu shuffled around a little. It wasn’t normal for Osomatsu to be so serious, but this is a serious topic, so it’s to be expected.
What Karamatsu did must have affected Osomatsu a lot more than he let on, but Karamatsu wasn’t going to press it. He was just glad that Osomatsu, along with their other brothers, was trying.
“It’s fine, Osomatsu nii-san. You don’t have to apologize, it wasn’t like I was making any effort to let you guys know how I was feeling either.”
“Well, I still feel bad. It’s my job as an older brother to make sure that all my younger brothers are happy, and I didn’t do a very good job, did I?”
“I think you did your best.”
Osomatsu laughed.
“Stop being so nice, you and I both know that I didn’t do shit. But if there’s anything you want us to do to help, just let us know, alright? You don’t have to be afraid of asking for help anymore. We’re your brothers, you have to rely on your brothers.”
Karamatsu smiled, and he looked at Osomatsu with a glint of newfound hope in his eyes.
“There is one thing you can do for me, nii-san.”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“Can you stop calling me ‘painful’?”
“Hey, Osomatsu nii-san?”
“Yeah?”
“Who am I?”
“Huh?”
“Who is Karamatsu Matsuno?”
“Why are you asking that? Don’t you know who you are?”
“No, not really. How would you define me? What am I like?”
“Well, you’re Karamatsu. You’re my amazing, one-of-a-kind, sensitive younger brother, and big bro Osomatsu loves you a whooooole lot!”
“Oh, thank you, aniki!”
“Woah- hey, don’t cry! Why are you crying?”
“Tears of joy, my brother.”
“Really? How dramatic! It hurts! Hahaha!”
“I’m sorry, do you want me to stop?”
“Nah, that’s fine. You’re crying from being happy, right? That’s fine.”
“Are you sure?”
…
“You don’t have to change, Karamatsu.”
Karamatsu Matsuno is a lot of things.
He’s a good brother.
He’s a nice person.
He’s a kind soul.
He’s reliable man.
He’s amazing,
He’s one-of-a-kind,
He’s sensitive.
That only scratches the surface of what he is.
He loves his brothers, and his brothers love him.
He’s happy with his life.
He’s okay.
Karamatsu Matsuno is not defined as just being ‘painful’ anymore.
He never was.