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It was another sleepless night.
It was also another morning without breakfast because Neji wasn’t hungry.
He had class today, but it was with that one professor so he wasn’t going to show up.
She looked too much like you.
Neji would say this is might have been you if you were still here, but you had always made it clear you hated kids and you still considered teaching college students as a job babysitting adult children.
You hated a lot of things actually.
Neji just happened to be one of the things you didn’t.
To this day he wished you hated him. So much that you wanted to kill him.
Because death was better than this.
You were everywhere.
In the people he passed in the streets. Which is why he rarely leaves the house now.
In the mirror when he looked at himself. Which is why he either covered up or got rid of all the mirrors in the house.
In his nightmares.
Every time he closed his eyes.
Your face was frozen inside his mind just like you wanted.
You won, and you didn’t even have the ability to savor it.
Neji’s phone rang, but he didn’t have the mental energy to answer it.
He knew it was father.
He was the only person who Neji talked to anymore.
Everyone else was too busy actually living to constantly check in on him.
Even Hinata, though she always tried when she could.
Speaking of her, today was her birthday.
But to Neji, it was the day that you cursed him with an infliction never to be cured.
And he knew you did it on purpose.
You hated all of Neji’s friends, but you hated Hinata the most because she was the girl he was closest to.
Neji also theorizes that you, a bottomless pit of misery and cynicism, couldn’t stand how you got broken by the world, but she didn’t.
Neji of all people would know what that was like because he used to feel the same way. But he grew up.
He left that bitter version of himself behind after middle school because he realized that he didn’t want to live like that anymore.
Still, he would be lying if he completely loathed the time when you and him were once thick as thieves.
It felt like you were the only person who understood him.
While the way he used to be was a old shame, Neji couldn’t help but feel grateful that he had someone to make him not feel alone.
Someone who would go as far as help him plan ahead when he ran away from home and wanted to ran away with him.
Neji constantly fantasized about running away from home back then, it was honestly absurd reflecting back in the present.
Especially because he was too young to have a job back then so unless someone was willing to break child labor laws he would have no money.
But you never told Neji anything that would discourage him. Not even when you were mad at him.
Neji felt his chest tighten, but he didn’t cry, he already cried himself dry.
It was hell.
He wanted nothing to do with you, but you never left him alone. You stalked him, harassed him, tried to isolate him.
But he still feels guilty over the thought that he made you die.
He was logical enough know that you personally chose to die, but the emotional side that he always tried to control told him that he should have tried to help you.
He was able to change for the better. That means that you could too, right?
Now he’ll never know.
All he was left with was how you were seconds before and after you died.
You filmed it, and had the new person who you “befriended” for lack of a better word because he also hated everything like you did to send it to Neji.
In Neji opinion, if that guy was really your friend, then he should have convinced you to not have killed yourself, but according to him after the fact, he didn’t bother to talk you out of it because he didn’t care.
It was both infuriating and envy inducing.
Neji was angry because he was so callous, but also at this point wished he was just as callous.
He just to be normal again. But he can’t. Because your dead body plagued his brain.
You wanted Neji’s attention only on you. You finally got it.
For the rest of the day, Neji will only think about you instead of attending his own cousin’s birthday party.
For the rest of his life, Neji’s will only ever be able to think about you.