Archive of Our Own

Summary:

"Right, uh, sooo, it started with the pickles and I am not to blame for that, for the record it was Ned, but, uh--"

Tony sniffs out the signature Parker stutter of guilt in a second flat. He scoops up his phone from the couch and squints at it. "What gives, webhead? Spit it out."

"Oh, no," Peter says. "Oh God."

"I've been called that, yes."

"You're not the answering machine."

"That is correct, Mr. Four-Point-Oh."

"I--I was not prepared for the consequences of live interaction," Peter says faintly.

Peter was bound to get shot at some point. It being on a Saturday afternoon all because of some long-winded story about pickles that he fails to explain is just the cherry on top. Cue Rhodey coming to the rescue to dig the bullet out and Tony having none of the kid's nervous wisecracks, thank you very much.

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This is the Narrated Version! Original fic’s in the beginning notes!