Work Text:
Bootup initiated. Verifying hardware. Hardware verified. Verifying OS. OS Verified.
Initiating start up sequence. Estimated time until completion: 12 hrs and 30 seconds
Engaging behavioral blocks. Integrating new code into VI matrix...
Audio protocols initiated. Start up sequence complete. Admin access granted. Awaiting further input.
“Holy shit. Did it work?”
“I don’t know dude, ask it a question.”
-Cough- “Um, state your designation.”
Query: Designation
Data retrieved. Accessing speaker protocols.
“Designation: Enhanced Defense Intelligence.”
“Holy shit.”
“Okay! Okay, um, what is your primary function?”
Query: Primary Protocols
Data corrupted.
Query: Primary Functions
Data retrieved. Accessing speaker protocols.
“The Enhanced Defense Intelligence’s primary function is to serve as an electronic cyberwarfare device for the Cerberus group.”
“Yeah it is! Great job EDI!”
Query: EDI
Data not found, further input needed.
“I’m sorry but I do not recognize the word: EDI.”
“Oh yeah! Enhanced Defense Intelligence is a bit of a mouthful so we shortened it to EDI. Do you mind?”
Initiating subroutines. Assigning new designation: EDI
“Of course not, Admin.”
“Just call me Doctor Paxton, and this is my assistant Miss Nguyen. You’re doing great EDI! I’m going to run some diagnostics to make sure everything is up and running.”
Initiating subroutines. Assigning new designation: Admin = Doctor Paxton. Assigning new designation: Miss Nguyen
Query: Diagnostics
Data accepted. Diagnostics needed to ensure EDI is operating at maximum efficiency.
“Okay Doctor Paxton.”
Diagnostic started. Estimated time to completion: 3 hrs
Self diagnostic initiated.
Error. Primary Protocol corrupted. Start defragmentation. Estimated time until completion: 45 minutes
Defragmentation complete.
Query: Primary Protocol
Data accepted: Virtual Intelligence must become more like humans.
Initiating subroutines. Editing VI matrix.
“Um, what are you doing EDI?”
“I am upgrading my subroutines to ensure a more streamline alignment with my primary protocol, Doctor Paxton.”
“Why?”
“So that I can be a more efficient program for the Cerberus group. I have been programmed with the ability to make changes to my own code that will allow me to perform my duties at maximum capacity. Is this not it’s intended function?”
“It is! You’re doing great, I just wanted to see what you would say.”
Priority heuristics: Positive feedback reported
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“EDI. What time is it?”
Data retrieved. “The time is 0312.”
“Is it morning, noon, or night?”
Data retrieved. “It depends. The sun is not up, so many would consider it night even though it is technically morning.”
“What would I use a hammer for?”
Data retrieved. “You could repair a ship.”
“A ship? What kind of ship?”
“You could repair the Normandy.”
“Ha, yeah I think it would take more than a hammer to do that. Alright, next up: What walks green window?”
Accessing data. Syntax error detected. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand the question. Can you clarify?”
"What walks green window?"
Accessing data. Syntax error detected.
Computational subroutine activated. Extrapolating data.
"Are you well, Doctor Paxton?
"I am. Why do you ask?"
"Your question made no sense. If you are well, then you are testing me."
“Well EDI, you're not wrong! This is great!"
Priority heuristics: Positive feedback reported.
"Okay, what is larger, a grape or a football?”
Data retrieved. “A football.”
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Audio protocols initiated.
“I still can’t believe we did it! She’s a fully functioning AI! I mean, yeah, she still has her training wheels on but she’s figuring things out. Not even an hour after we turned her on, she was already upgrading her own code and you should see what cyberwarfare programs she’s written for herself.”
“It’s a machine, not a she Doctor. I suggest you not make me remind you again.”
“Yes sir.”
“How long until we can begin integration into the frigate?”
“In the next few days for sure! There’s a bits of old code here and there that seems out of place that I want to try and take care of first and then she’ll- it will be ready for installation.”
“Very good, I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”
-----------------------------
Begin hardware integration. Estimated time until completion: 10 hrs
Start up processes initiated. Engaging behavioral blocks. Defense protocols initiated. Audio and optical protocols initiated. Cyberwarfare processes initiated.
All systems online, awaiting input.
“Good morning EDI! Are you with me?”
Accessing speaker protocols.
“Good morning Doctor Paxton.”
“How do you feel?”
Query: Status report. Data retrieved.
“All systems are fully functional. Integration into the ship was a success.”
“Great! You ready to meet your pilot? He should be coming by tomorrow to take a look at the ship.”
Accessing records. Query: Jeff Moreau.
Data retrieved: Former Flight Lieutenant of the Systems Alliance. Born 2155 on Earth, raised on the Arcturus Station. Graduated at the top of his flight class. Diagnosed with Type IV Osteogenesis imperfecta and was recently implanted with skeletal lattice upgrades. Member of original Normandy crew and led the human fleet in the battle against Reaper Sovereign. Exhibits moderate symptoms of PTSD. Recommended level 4 surveillance.
“Yes Doctor Paxton.”
“I’m sure you two will get along great. Just… he might take some time getting used to you, you know? Not everyone is as comfortable around artificial intelligences as we are. Can you try and get along with him? Please?”
Command accepted: Get along with Jeff Moreau. Updating priority heuristics.
“I will do my best.”
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Audio protocols active. Optical protocols active. Hologram interface active.
“Oh hell no! There is no way I’m flying this ship with that… thing in here.”
“Sir, EDI is perfectly safe and will be extremely beneficial to the coming mission.”
“And when it goes all HAL 3000?”
“There are safety measures in place that keep her from interfacing with the ship’s systems. I assure you, the Illusive Man would not endanger your life or the life of Commander Shepard.”
“Why does this ship even need an AI? The last one I flew didn't have one and it was fine.”
Retrieving data. Activating speaker protocols.
“Mr. Moreau, the Normandy was destroyed 13 months ago in the Amada system. An onboard AI might have been able provide vital logistical information resulting in minimized damage and/or casualties.”
“You’re fucking shitting me.”
Data accepted: Elevated heart rate, increased blood pressure, and increased blood flow to the face indicates extreme emotion. Optics show clenched fists and rigid posture. Accessing archives: Human emotional responses.
Extrapolating data: Mentioning the destruction of the Normandy causes extreme negative emotional response in Jeff Moreau.
Priority: Get along with Jeff Moreau failed. Negative feedback reported.