Work Text:
You sighed as you took off your heels at the door, sliding your feet into your house slippers. Your work bag got flung onto the couch as you threw yourself down. Every day seemed more of a grind than the last. Between constantly moving deadlines, a horrible commute, and bills looming, you had had enough. You felt close to a complete breakdown. Your long-term relationship had ended six months ago, and you had buried yourself in work to cope. Unfortunately, your boss took that as an invitation to continue to pour work onto you, and it seemed like it was more and more every day.
Your phone rang, and Yoongi’s face appeared on the screen. He was your best friend, but you had no desire to speak with anyone. You let the phone ring. In the silence, your eyes filled with tears. You weren’t quite sure why, other than just pure overwhelm.
Your phone lit up again, this time with a text. You refused to check it. You wanted to be alone and wallow in your sadness, maybe drink a glass (or bottle) of wine. Cry yourself to sleep. The usual routine.
You didn’t move from your spot on the couch until there was a knock on the door, and even then, you just raised your head pathetically.
“Don’t make me use the spare key.”
Yoongi. You got up, but still hesitated in answering. You didn’t want Yoongi to see you this way. You had always held it together. You never cried in front of anyone, just put on your “I’ve got my shit together” face and went on. Sinking to your knees, you fully began to cry then, as quietly as you could, but still ended up having to bury your face in a pillow to hide the sobs. You heard the lock click in the door, and footsteps coming to your side.
He knelt next to you, rubbing soothing circles on your back that didn’t soothe you at all, but made you feel guilty for making him worry. “I’m sorry I made you worry,” you managed to say through your sobs. “I’m fine, you didn’t have to come.”
“Clearly you are NOT fine, you’re sobbing into a pillow,” Yoongi sighed and sat next to you, his hand never leaving your back. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” You looked up at him, eyes red and puffy, tears streaking your makeup. “I probably look like a drunk panda.” You buried your face in your pillow again, while Yoongi gave a soft chuckle in his deep voice that made you feel safe. You always felt safe with him.
“Whatever is going on. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been VERY off since your breakup. Maybe even before that. I probably should have said something earlier, but you clearly didn’t want to talk about it and I didn’t want to overstep.” He tapped your shoulder and you looked up. “You don’t look like a panda,” he said as he grabbed a tissue from your coffee table and gently wiped away your tears and mascara.
“I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have had to come over-”
“Stop apologizing,” His voice was firm. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. How long have you been carrying this…Whatever it is you’re carrying?”
“A long time. Probably longer than I’ve even known you. Maybe my whole life? I don’t know. I don’t remember a time I didn’t have to do a ‘fake it til you make it’ kind of thing.” You sniffled and he handed you another tissue.
You weren’t lying or exaggerating. You learned young that people preferred it when you had it together, rather than losing it over what you wanted to lose it over. So you pretended. You never told anyone anything and just kept your problems quiet. Your parents appreciated having such an “easy to raise” child. Your teachers loved your good grades, which ended with your bosses loving your work ethic and willingness to stay late. It even got to the point where you had convinced yourself that everything really was okay. Your ex leaving you was the wake up call that you couldn’t let anyone close, because if you did, your carefully crafted facade would break.
Yoongi hummed, staring at you while he thought. “Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
You let out a sardonic chuckle. “And have you leave, too? I couldn’t deal with that. You think I’m bad NOW, I’d be ten times worse if you left me too. You’re the only one I’ve ever even come close to being real with.”
“I wouldn’t leave.” His voice was steady, calm. He took another tissue and wiped the tears that were still coming.
“I just didn’t want to be a-”
“You’re not a burden,” Yoongi said firmly. You blinked, not really knowing how to respond. How did he know that’s exactly what you were going to say? “No one has their shit together, you’re not the only one. You can be yourself with me. You can talk to me. Hell, maybe we’re going through the same thing and can figure it out together. There’s no reason to suffer alone.”
Your eyes filled with more tears. You fell forward, face in your hands, sobbing again. This time, Yoongi adjusted, leaning against the couch with his legs in front of him. He pulled you into him, putting your head on his chest and letting you cry. You felt his breath in your hair, and his steady heartbeat combined with the rise and fall of his chest began to soothe you. Finally, your sobbing slowed and your breathing became steady. “You’re not a burden,” he repeated quietly. “I’m not planning on going anywhere. And yes, I know your ex promised the same thing, but he’s an asshole who never deserved you anyway.”
You couldn’t help but laugh a little. Your entire friend group hadn’t liked him from the beginning. You chalked it up to jealousy, but began to realize that maybe they had a point when your complaints started to outweigh the compliments. “Jungkook said he’d kick his ass for me if he ever hurt me.”
“Well, we don’t have bail money, so we can’t let him do that.”
You laughed fully at that, pulling away from Yoongi and rubbing your eyes. The pair of you sat in silence for a moment, Yoongi searching your face for traces of sadness. “Will you promise me that you’ll tell me about it whenever something is wrong? Don’t carry this shit alone, or else the dam is gonna break and this is going to happen again. I know from experience. I had the guys to lean on, you have us too.”
You nodded, feeling almost ashamed of yourself for not realizing how much your friends cared about you. You had Yoongi and his friends, you had your best friend from childhood, a couple girls at work you were close to. You didn’t have to do this anymore, you didn’t have to hide every single thing from every single person.
Yoongi took your hand and pulled you up to sit on the couch. “Now. You go take a bubble bath or something. I’m going to go get Jin, and he is going to cook you the best meal of your life, after which we can either watch movies at Namjoon’s place with the gang, or you and I can just stay here and keep it quiet and calm. You decide, but you’re not spending the whole night alone. Hell, we can have a slumber party at Namjoon’s if you want.” You giggle, and Yoongi gave one of his especially happy smiles, the gummy one that you loved so much. “Better. Go take your bubble bath. Cry it out more if you need to, but don’t you dare think that any of us think you’re a burden. Everyone will be happy to help you. You are NOT a burden.” He repeated. “Say it back. Like one of those manifesting ideas, say it so you start to believe it.”
“I’m not a burden,” you whispered, not quite believing it yet.
“There you go. Put it on a Post-It on your mirror or something, I just don’t want you to ever think that again.” He leaned down and kissed the top of your head, surprising you with his sudden affection. Not that it was unpleasant. “I’ll be back in like an hour or so. Please be out of the bath by then or we’re going to have a really awkward situation.” He opened the front door, but turned around before leaving. “Remember, you’re-”
“Not a burden,” you finished. “Thank you.” You tried to put all of your emotions in those two words. You weren’t just thanking him for tonight, you were thanking him for the years of friendship he had given you, the friend group he happily included you in, and for trying his damndest to help make you the person you wanted to be. “I’ll see you soon.”
Yoongi nodded and smiled as he shut the door behind him. You let out a sigh that felt like it released years of tension, years of holding everything in, years of carrying it all alone. It would take time, but you would learn. It might take months of repeating the mantra every single day, but you were not a burden, and Yoongi would make sure you knew that, every single day.