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Lupe comes to find him about a baby having been dropped on their doorstep first thing in the morning and Frank knows, goddamn knows!, that the day is going to be something!
He follows her through the ED to get the poor little girl settled and feels it the moment he comes into contact with her. A familiar quickening deep inside.
“Oh sh–uucks” he mutters, the habit of cutting off swear words in front of his kids deeply ingrained into him now. Lupe giggles at him.
“Well… guess who gets to revive his Emergency First Contact status on his first day?” he jokes dryly with her, his scent already turning more milky. Brilliant, just what he needed! He really could have done without a full hormonal upheaval on his first day back!
“Good thing you like taking care of pups then, huh Frank?”
She offers him a kind smile and a maternal pat, taking his elbow for a moment. She never used to call him Frank at work, despite the fact that he'd slept in her spare room for years when he'd been in Uni. But rehab has changed that.
Lupe really is a sweetheart they don’t deserve.
“And it might just be what you need to get you through the day.”
Frank runs one finger over the sweet girl's brow, a small, soft smile dancing on his lips. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe you’re right.” Then he straightens up. “C’mon. We need to tell Dana and push the procedure. ‘Cause this” and he motions to his own body “Is not going to wait for the ‘right’ moment.”
Not bloody likely. He can already feel the changes happening. He’ll be surprised if he isn't lactating by noon.
Xxxx
He did not expect Mel King to cling to his arm, or to be so happy to see him but he can’t deny it helps.
Not so much so when she gets hurt.
Although he does his best to stay calm and joke with her, with Dana and Perlah, his already disrupted instincts scream at him to wrap her up into soft blankets and snuffle her until his omega scent has her calming down. It is only an iron-clad self-control that stops him from doing just that, the effort a strenuous thing.
Instead of what, he keeps her company, taking great care not to touch her unless she specifically asks for it, as hard as it is for him. Not wanting to overstep or make her uncomfortable. He stays with her until the cops are gone, long enough for them to have a conversation on his sudden disappearance and the reason behind it.
Mel’s adamancy at him not having let her down saddens him. Because he did. He definitely let her down. Her and everyone else in this ED. The fact that she doesn’t agree with him on it says more about how little their colleagues have been caring for her than it says about his transgressions.
And isn’t that a depressing thought.
Frank knows what that feels like. To reach out again and again and again, only to be met with uncaring comments or deflection. Not because they don't like you. Just because they don’t like you enough. He knows how much it tears at you. How much it can push you into doing stupid things.
He doesn’t want that for her.
But the fact that she’s had to deal with that on her own for the past ten months just proves his point. He has failed her. He has let her down.
Her, maybe more than anyone else.
Xxxx
He ends up alone with Robby in the elevator. Like a bad romance film. His hormones going haywire, his guilt a ball of tar in his throat. He feels dizzy.
Robby keeps throwing him looks. In the elevator, on the roof but he can't concentrate. Any other time he would have taken the opportunity to tell him how sorry he is. How he knows he fucked up that day, how much he hurt him. To make sure he apologizes before Robby leaves. But here and now, with the internal changes their little Jane Doe triggered in him, it's all he can do to focus on the job.
He doesn't see Robby's look of longing.
Xxxx
“Ah, Samira! Can you spare me a minute?” Frank catches the woman on her way out of a room, knowing she will give him the time he asks for. She seems surprised, but nods and follows him when he takes the direction of an empty room. “I need you to do a drug test on me."
She draws back in surprise. “Why? Don't you have a standardized procedure already?”
“Yes, I do. But it's not about the PHP. It's for our baby Jane Doe. I need that test and need it quick because that body” hen emphasizes with some degree of aggravation “is not going to wait indefinitely.”
Oh.
Oh, right. Samira should have realized that. Frank's scent has indeed been turning milkier and milkier by the hour. It's just…
It didn't even occurence to her to find it unexpected. For all the many reasons that made him rage against his secondary gender, Frank had always loved taking care of babies. So much so that Robby had once been worried he'd lose him to Pediatrics. Which had sent Frank into a furious rant at the expectation actually. She'd never seen Robby as cowed as he had that day.
And now… Ten months without him. Ten long, gruelling months where she'd found herself wishing he was there and cursing his absence more than once and yet… it takes her less than two hours to get so used to his return that him going all ‘omega motherhenning’ feels normal to her. Like he had never been gone in the first place.
“Indeed” she just answers, eyes riveted towards his chest. “You're leaking.”
Frank's head jerks downward and he curses. “Just what I needed…” he mutters. “Mind having Dana find me new scrubs, the maternity ones, while we're at it?” If he spits the words a little bit, Samira says nothing, only opening the door to ask their head nurse for what they need.
She squeezes his arm kindly, preparing what she needs for his blood test. “Don't worry Langdon, we got you. Though, I hate to ask but you've already had a test this morning? Why do another one?”
He stares at her incredulously.
“With the way Robby just went at you for a panic attack?” And damn, does the reminder sting! “I am not playing that game. We do this overzealously by the book or we don't do it at all.”
Samira can understand that. There is already enough problems going around today without either of them wanting to add something onto their plate. Honestly, had it not been for her panic attack, Robby’s behavior would not even have been on her top ten of the clusterfuck that the day has dissolved into.
Xxxx
Robby finds Dana after another confrontation with Al-Hashimi, looking worse for wear the longer this day goes on. “I heard our baby Jane is refusing formula.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know.” She answers distractedly without ever turning towards him, busy searching for something or someone over the many heads of the hub. “Ah! Langdon!”
And Robby doesn't have a choice but to watch Frank as she hails him, and notice the new scrubs he has put on, the one that opens at the front. He is hit full front with a scent he hasn't smelled on him for a long time as the resident approaches them, looking slightly harassed.
Milky and powdery.
A nursing omega.
Something even the lesser nose of a beta would have no problem catching.
“Our littlest tenant isn't taking to formula.” Dana informs him as soon as he reaches them.
Frank's face falls. “Shit.” He runs a hand through his hair, stalling Donnie as the nurse calls for him too. “Shit, ok. You got my results from the lab yet?”
Robby frowns and barks, earning himself a furious glare from Dana. “What results?!”
And for the first time that day, Frank fires back at him. “Toxicology, Dr Robinavitch ! Or are you telling me you wouldn't have pitched a fit if I’d just started nursing the poor thing without your holy avail?”
Robby flushes, a deep, burgundy red that spreads in uneven splotches as self-righteous anger and shame war within him at being called out like that. The matter is made even more disagreeable by Dana’s approving nod at Frank's retort. Further into the hub, Al-Hashimi throws the resident a suitably impressed and respecteful look.
He doesn't have the time to say anything though, as Frank immediately follows, switching back to the head nurse. “Listen, I’ll pump when I get a moment, so you can use that as soon as my results are in. If she doesn't take to it, come and find me. I’ll offload to someone so I can nurse her.”
Dana scoffs affectionately. “And who are you going to do that to, kid? We're all drowning here.” Frank quickly averts his eyes away from Robby.
“You've managed without me for ten months. I'm sure you'll be just fine.”
The way he throws Robby’s word back at them, even, carefully controlled, not a trace of anger or bitterness to it… makes it feel all the more like a slap in the attending’s face.
“While we’re on that subject, you wouldn’t happen to have some scent blocker lying around, would you? This is this close to becoming uncontrollable.”
“I can smell that. Damn, Frank! That baby really sent you into a tailspin! Come on kid, put this on.”
The omega gratefully takes the patch from her, relief tinging his scent for a second before he applies the blocker to his neck and everything about him becomes muted. “Tell me about it.” He mutters, then adds. “And don’t laugh. I’ve already had one too many assholes in Triage asking me about my fertility levels and one of these conservatives type of women making snide comments about my bonded status. As if it was any of her business.”
“Excuse me!” Dana immediately bristles at the thought that patients have been harassing him, and they are only hearing about it now! But Frank just waves a hand and tells her not to worry about it, used to this kind of behavior, like many others like him are. Then he is off with Donnie.
If she turns furious eyes at Robby after his departure, it is only between her and the chief attending. She waits for him to react, then waves an arm when she receives only silence. “Well?!” She asks, abrupt in her irritation. “Are you going to do something?”
Robby just shrugs, looking everywhere but at her. “What do you want me to do? I can't know people are bothering him if no one tells me.”
“Then maybe you should ask yourself why no one tells you! First Mohan! And now you're going to let your staff be harassed for their secondary gender because you can't handle your own problem with Langdon?”
She shakes her head, disappointment curdling in her belly like an acidic snake. “No wonder he never told you he was struggling.”
Xxxx
“You ok?” McKay’s voice brings him back to their task, making him realize he’d drifted off. He takes a moment before answering her, pushing his weight onto his locked arms, eyelashes flickering.
“Yeah. Just…” An exhale. He is still way too tense. “We just got this kid in Trauma. Had to carry him in…”
She frowns in concern. “Is it your back? I thought you weren’t meant to do any transfers?”
“That too. But no. It’s… The hormones are raging like crazy right now” he finishes with a rueful smile. And now that he has said it she can see it. The red on his cheeks, most likely born from hot flushes, the way he shifts every now and then, clearly uncomfortable. She is thankful for the scent blockers. She is sure the poor guy would be broadcasting his discomfort and need for their baby tenant all throughout the ED if not for it.
“Really happy to have changed into these scrubs, not gonna lie.” Cassie has no problem believing that. His chest must be tender as all hell right now and the maternity scrubs are definitely looser than their usual ones.
She hesitates for a second, aware of her own refusal just moments ago, before asking. “Do… errm, do you want a hug?”
To her relief, Frank bursts out laughing. “God no! I’m sore enough as it is! Don't even think about putting your arms anywhere near my chest! What I want is to be able to pump or nurse the poor thing already!”
“Why don’t you?”
“Can’t. Still waiting for my tox results to come back.”
“What?!” She can’t help the sharpness of her tone. “Was that Robby’s idea?!”
“Nah. Relax McKay, it wasn’t. All mine. After what happened with Samira, I wasn’t taking any risks.”
She wants to scream. To shake him and ask him if he really thinks that’s ok for Robby to behave like he does with either of them.
She does none of these things. She does, on the other hand, fix one pointed glare at their attending, who is standing only a few feet away from them, behind Frank’s back. Close enough for him to listen in on their conversation. He looks stricken.
A small aprt of her hopes his conscience burns.
She redirects her attention to Frank. “I could cover for you for a moment, if you want to pump.”
“No, I’m alright. It’s not just that I need to take the time. I already did once, like… an hour ago? I just... I don’t want to jinx it if my results come back and she doesn’t take to the bottle.”
Xxxx
By the time his results come back is in thrown into another trauma, has Robby screaming at him to “doctor the fuck up” and honestly is this close to punch the absolute fool of a man in front of him because what the fucking hell??
He reduces that cervical dislocation, yes, and that’s not thanks to any teacher in this room! Because seriously! What the actual fuck? What has Robby been smoking all these months? How is that teaching behavior? Fuck that! How is that appropriate boss behavior? First with Mohan, now this?! Oooh that man needs to be clocked around real fast.
He rides the high of the success of a highly risky reduction for less than thirty seconds before Dana finds him to tell him about HR and his mandatory test. Well fuck! Really, what was the point of him doing a blood tox if he did not even get to take care of their little Jane Doe before having to do the urine one? What a fucking first day, truly…
His stress levels immediately skyrocket and he knows the woman would be able to smell it from him even with the patches if he was not already a huge hormonal mess. As it is, she can still read him well enough to know what’s going on in his mind. “Hey, you’re gonna be alright. Go take care of this and I’ll make sure our little one is waiting for you, huh? She looks like she could use some bonding time.”
He squeezes her wrist in acknowledgement, grateful for her steady presence, then runs off for his test.
Xxxx
He does not expect Robby to come find him.
Even less so as he is finally quieting down, having settled himself in the armchair to nurse the baby girl, the long awaited skin-to-skin contact soothing them both and the baby suckling at his breast triggering him into releasing more pheromones, the scent patches thrown away in order to swathe the little one into caring/protective/safe/loved/”I am here, I am not going anywhere” feelings.
His phone buzzes again, and he can read Abby’s text without having to move. His darling alpha asking for a photo. Once again, he finds himself grateful for her. For the woman who was willing, and able, to walk through fire with him and to also challenge some of her own preconceived notions, some of the prejudices she’d held that neither of them had been aware of before his addiction had been revealed.
Abby had always prided herself in being a progressive alpha. On not judging omegas by their secondary gender and Frank had never had any reason to doubt that statement. And yet, part of the reason she had threatened to leave with their pups had been due to an unconscious notion that he had failed, not as human being, but at what fundamentally made him an omega. That his addiction made him unfit for the children he had borne. And hadn’t that been fun to hear…
But she’d done the work by his side. Rather than leave him to deal with all of this on his own, she’d stayed. And when their counselor had unearthed that part of herself, she had not shied away from it. Rather, she had faced it head on, offering them the chance to come out the other side stronger. Together.
His wonderful, darling alpha. So much stronger than he has ever been.
By the time he raises his eyes from the table where his phone is resting, Robby is lingering awkwardly at the door. He raises an eyebrow, immediately telling the beta “If you want to say something stupid, please see yourself out. I don’t want to upset the little one.”
His attending looks like he has just made him swallow a lemon and Frank would feel bad, if the risk of paralyzing his last patient because of Robby’s cowboy attitude was not still in his mind.
He doesn’t bother covering himself when the man proceeds to come further into the room and takes a chair to sit somewhat in front of him. This is hardly the first time Robby has seen him nurse one of the ER’s tenants. Hell, he’s seen him nurse some of OB/GYN and Pedes’ tenants, when things would go south.
And yet. Today the beta doesn’t seem to know what to do in the face of such a vulnerability.
“You should have come to me when HR called. I would have run interference, especially after you’d already done a test earlier in the day” he offers, haphazardly pointing toward their little Jane Doe.
“Would you?” And there is no mistaking the dubiousness in Frank’s own voice. Robby’s head jerks upward to truly face him.
“Of course I would have!”
“Sure…” the baby mouthes a bit forcefully at his nipple, fussing angrily and earning herself a wince from the omega. Frank switches sides, stroking her back while he guides her, trying not to think too much of the way Robby’s eyes are roaming all over him. “You’ve put on some weight.” He comments, neutral in his assessment. The omega shrugs.
“Had some time to pick up healthier habits.”
“I can see that.” Robby is fidgeting in his seat, ill at ease. There was a time when Frank would have done all he could to alleviate his discomfort, a time when he would have joked about Robby copping a look, so certain in their respective position he would not have worried about it being misinterpreted for a second.
That time has long passed.
“What do you want, Robby?” He cuts to the chase, too tired, too humiliated still by the drug test and having to piss in front of a stranger looking at his dick to care for the beta’s feelings. His chief attending breathes in, hands going behind his neck before he brings them down to rub his thighs, looking ready to bolt.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t have that conversation.”
Frank wants to scoff. Instead he focuses his attention to the baby on his chest, willing himself to have the patience and not let his feelings bleed through his scent. For her. All for her.
“That’s ok, you didn’t look like you wanted it anyway.”
“You didn’t really want it either, did you?”
There is no way for Frank to express the level of contempt he experiences in that moment. Never before has he felt such disdain for someone. He?! He didn’t want to talk to Robby? When all he has done today is run after man? When the only moment he faltered was that instant on the roof, when his biology was raging so hard against him he thought he was going to throw up or faint?
That has to be one of the most pathetic attempts at shifting the blame onto him he has ever heard from Robby! The effort to control his hormonal response to that take and not distress the little girl in his arms is herculean! He looks Robby right in the eyes as he answers, challenging him to flee when it comes too close to touching a nerve in him.
“Yeah. Yeah I wanted to, actually. Tell me something, what would have happened if I had paralyzed that guy?”
He sees Robby’s entire demeanor change the moment he asks, retreating into himself and going for the defensive. “I don’t know. What would have happened if I hadn’t been here today? You’d still be questioning yourself, now you know you can do it. You’re welcome.”
Frank loses a breath at the sheer audacity of such an answer!
“Oh so that’s… that’s how you teach now?” And there is no hiding the contempt in his voice now. Robby can’t run from it, so he tries flippancy, shrugging to get the point across. “Sometimes.”
Frank blinks, one hand automatically coming to tug his open maternity scrubs closer to their baby Jane in a protective gesture, crossing his arms to hide her from view as much as he can. Robby is already not meeting his eyes anymore but the way he stiffens at his movements tells Frank the meaning of actions are not lost on the man.
“You know who I saw in rehab?” he pushes, because this is a long time coming. Even if he was not ready to admit it, calling Robby out on his bullshit was always going to be a necessity at some point. Clearly, coddling the aging beta hasn’t done anyone any good so far. And he might be the only one who can get that particular point across.
“A bunch of guys just like you. The only difference is, they’ve accepted that they need help.” And because he is nothing if not thorough. “I think you’re afraid to accept the mighty Dr Robinavitch isn’t perfect.”
“Oh I never claimed to be perfect.”
Robby is looking at him as he says it, not quite meeting his gaze, not quite running away from it either. And Frank wants so much to let his heart go out for him in that moment! Oh, how he wants it! He closes his eyes, tilting his head up and resting the back of it on the armchair as he forces himself to ignore his desire to console the grown-ass man sitting in front of him.
“No, but you expect it of yourself, and it’s not realistic man. How can any of us live up to your standards if you can’t even do it?” Aaaaand there it is! The avoidance is back online, stronger than ever! So Frank does the only thing he can still do. He hammers the point home. “You need help Robby.” Then, softer, letting some of his concern and, yes his love, bleed through. “You need help.”
“Finished?”
The omega wants to shake his head, bitter disappointment blooming at the back of his mouth. Oh this impossible, impossible man!
“You don’t gotta be honest with me, man. At least be honest with yourself. And Robby, close the door on your way out.”
He goes back to the baby in his arms, finishing burping her before he brings her back to his chest for some more skin-to-skin, pretending not to notice when the beta’s gaze wanders on his breasts for a moment too long. That has always been Robby’s problem, refusing to ask for what he truly wants until he has burnt everything around him.
And Frank can’t do this anymore.
Xxxx
He is pleasantly surprised to find Mel knocking at the door, some time after Robby has fled. She flutters in the doorway, not certain of her welcome despite the way her simple presence is enough to have Frank relaxing, the tenseness in his shoulders loosening at her sight.
“Can I come in?” Frank offers her a sincere smile, still cradling little Jane against him.
“Sure. As long as you don’t mind the… show” he comments with a movement of the hand towards his naked chest and the baby slumbering, and slobbering, on him. Mel beams and plops herself down into Robby’s abandoned seat. “Not at all. I find that amazing, what you are doing for her. Kinda makes me wish I could do that.”
The slight downside at the corner of her mouth is enough to attract the resident’s attraction. “Not everyone is made for it, you know. Not even every omega.” he consoles the young beta. “I am… very children-oriented as a general thing. I would love taking care of them even if I had another secondary gender. And you are already doing so much! With your patients and with Becca. You should not want to put more responsibilities on your shoulders. Unless you truly wish for it.”
He holds his breath, hoping he hasn’t said the wrong thing. But the small, somewhat timid smile that breaks out on her face tells him all he needs to know. They slip into an easy conversation after that as Mel mentions the re-enactors and he lights up at the reminder. The sparkles in her eyes when he tells her how much he loved going to the Fort as a child and start quoting part of the actors’ play is enough for him to propose to her to accompany him to the Museum the next time he goes there.
They fall into a History rabbit hole until Santos arrives at the door, looking for Mel so they can move on with their karaoke plan. The R3 hesitates for a moment, aware of the tension between the two but Frank gives her an encouraging smile, standing up to put their small tenant back in her crib and close his scrubs, turning his back to Santos.
“Go on, Dr King. Have some fun. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
She nods excitedly, rushing at the exit to get going while Frank takes the direction of the locker room to change and go home.
Xxxx
He comes home that night to find the kids already tucked in bed, dinner in the microwave and his alpha plastering herself to him the moment he crosses the threshold, purring up a storm into his ear. The sound of her rumbling and the low vibration soothing him just as much as her scent and he can feel the tension of the day drain out of him like a wound being cleaned.
He turns to kiss the tip of her nose before she sends him into the shower while the food finishes to re-heat then bundles him into one of their fluffiest afghan and feeds him, very much intending to pamper him after his first day back in the saddle. Her alpha instincts forcibly kept under an iron grip after she’s had to think of him breastfeeding a new baby for the past few hours and the unmistakable scent of a nursing omega he is still projecting.
They end up cuddling up in bed in front of a shitty movie, Abby gluing herself to him further and further until it feels like she is trying to merge with him and she only settles down when Frank gets rid of his nightshirt to gather her to his chest. “We’ve said no more kids” he quips, amused, as she nuzzles at a tender nipple. She barely pouts. “I know. Can’t I still enjoy the idea of you caring for a pup?”
Frank’s eyelashes flutter in surprise. He’d… the past months have been hard on both of them and between the withdrawal and their relationship problems, lust has been sorely lacking in their life for a while now.
He did not think she could still find it in herself to view him as desirable. Even less so a good caretaker.
She nips playfully at his nipple, sensing his trouble, making him shudder at the turn of events. He can feel how close he is to start leaking again. “Oh Frankie! I always find you bewitching. But yes, the idea of you with a pup still makes me unbelievably horny.” And to support her claim her hand dips lower under the sheets, trailing down his legs and behind his cock to come play with his folds, making him gasp and whine. He kisses her, the angle a little bit awkward but full of heat, already very stimulated. It has been a long time, for both of them. “Oh baby, I have been neglecting you, haven’t I?”
“Nnngh-Noooo…” he whines as she plays with him, not wanting her to feel like she had to take care of him, but she places one finger over his lips to shush him, a wicked smile stretching her lips. “You’re going to be a good boy for me tonight, a good omega, aren’t you?” And he keens, willing to let her do just about everything if it means she continues making him burn for her like that. He takes her finger into his mouth before she has the time to retract her hand, sucking hungrily, all the while looking at her, entranced by the fire he sees reflected in her eyes.
Oh God he has missed this!
He grabs a fistful of her own night clothes, helping her feverishly disrobe herself then mouthes desperate kisses on her navel, between her breasts, on her collarbone and her neck as she descends on him and resumes playing with him. Nipping and biting, sucking on skin with something akin to yearning, taking all that the is willing to offer, guiding him into what she wants tonight, his own fingers coming to prep her, making her sing like a well-known, well-loved fiddle until she sanks onto his cock with a wild sort of oblivion, their coupling turning to frenzied need to be more, take more, be one, merge together, the need building and building and building!
Until they reach it.
La petite mort. Nirvana. The blissful nothingness where they are one and the same. Parted and never parted.
He doesn’t know which one of them sniggers first, both terribly aware of the thought the other just had and they dissolve into a fit of giggle at the idea that both their minds just quoted Star Trek to characterized their fucking.
Xxxx
When Abby clings to him the next morning, refusing to let him out of bed before finally admitting “I want another baby with you” Frank only guffaws knowingly.
He cuddles her close, kissing her hair in fond amusement. “Let's wait a bit, huh?”
Xxxx
He arrives at handover wearing a turtleneck under his scrubs, which would be suspicious enough in the heat of July without adding to the fact that this is actually one of Abby’s oldest, largest tank top. Abbot whistles the moment he sees him, nevermind smells him!
“Damn Langdon! Are you going to look like you’ve been mauled by a wild beast if we look under that top? Please, tell me you and the wife are on birth control!”
The night shifters burst into raucous laughter as he flips him off, easily losing himself to the familiar banter despite the revolted looks from Santos and Whitaker, or Al-Hashimi’s confused one. “You’re just a jealous old man Abbot. Go get some if you want some. A silver fox like you, there’s plenty of women who would not say no to that.”
Shen and Ellis hoot at the veteran as he shakes his head, a snarky smile on his lips. Crus comes to curl an arm around his shoulders and Frank lets the big man scent him, hiding the more carnal scent that still clings to him despite several showers, enjoying the shenanigans of Abbot's crawlers over the team change.
Kiara comes to inform him they've found a placement for their Jane Doe later that day, as mindful of the bond EFC omega are prone to develop with their charge as ever, offering him ample time to make his goodbye to the little girl.
Frank spends most of his evening cuddling with his own children.