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Wet hair tickles his skin. The smell of cheap shampoo bleeds onto his hands. As the kiss deepens, Norman finds the nape of his neck. He lets himself enjoy the moment. Ray freshly showered, his rough lips scraping against his own, the strong taste of mint. Pushing Ray, he mumbles an apology, and slams the door. Ray calls after him, but he’s too much of a coward to respond. He can’t do this, not now. Norman licks his lips, trying to get rid of his taste. His bed feels too comfortable. Mushy and clean. Now what? They dance around each other and pretend this never happened?
Ray won’t want to talk about it either. Norman pulls his knees up. Emma with her vivid orange hair and bright green eyes. Her stubbornness, and equal love. There was a time he loved her, he’s sure that was real. But after all this time…
Black eyes, and baggy clothes. A grumpy smile as he pokes fun at his bed-head. The practicality of someone who’s seen too much of the world.
When did he start feeling the same? Or was it the other way around? Did Ray love him from the beginning, or catch feelings?
There are footsteps in the hallway. They come to a stop, he holds his breath. More footsteps, these ones leading back to the living room. A sigh.
It was always small with Emma. The brush of a hand, staring without getting caught. A whispered confession. They dated for a bit. Somewhere between escaping and his shipment, Emma found the time to confront him. Even though they never told Ray, Norman’s sure he knew.
Anger hits his chest, like at lambda, or after Conny died. Ray knows that about him, Emma ignores it. He ignores it.
Ray knows he can’t love him, but he still-
He was sitting on the couch, reading. Ray came out of the shower, stared at him, and came to a decision. Book forgotten- Ray clambered on top of him. What a bastard.
Fingers run through his hair, tugging at it roughly. He’s such an idiot. Of course Ray loved him. It’s surprising this didn’t happen sooner.
They were kids and Gilda and Don had their first kiss. A peck on the lips, really.
“I can’t believe they’re together,” Emma gasped as they filled her in.
Ray barely looked up, “Don’s liked her for ages.” He was studying again, some type of advanced math book.
She replied, “I had no idea.”
“It was obvious.”
Norman leaned over Ray’s book, “Anyone you like?”
“Yeah,” Emma giggled, “it’s in the air.”
Ray avoided his eyes, “I don’t have time for that.”
Norman should’ve realized. Maybe he didn’t want to. They’re both stupid. Things like love don’t make sense for people like them. One day Emma will get married. But him and Ray?
The door flings open. He goes to the living room first, not there. Ray’s room is second. Norman enters without knocking.
A grin plays on Ray’s lips, “Hey?”
“We need to talk.”
“Oh yeah?” Ray pushes himself up, “why don’t you come in first?”
Norman plops down on the bed, legs hanging off the edge. The movement is so familiar it hurts. “I can’t.”
He shuffles closer, “Hm?”
“Emma- I mean,” Ray drapes his arms around his neck, Norman hates how he leans into the touch. “She’s still missing.”
“Is that it?”
“What?”
His grip loosens, Norman tenses, Ray squeezes tighter. “Emma’s gone.”
“The one wouldn’t have killed her,” Norman whispers.
“No,” Ray presses into him, “it took what makes her Emma.”
“She’s out there, somewhere.”
“It’s been a year.”
Norman blinks, “How can you say that?”
Ray moves to sit beside him. “Don’t cry,” he says, looking uncomfortable.
“I’m not.”
“Right.”
Ray pats his shoulder, Norman laughs. Crackly laughter that dies as soon as it starts. The tears come quick and hot. Ray glances at the door, then back at him. Norman rubs his eyes. And there’s Ray. Stupid, beautiful, Ray, watching him fall apart. None of this will go away like it should. Ray quirks his head at the same time Norman shoves him. Swinging one leg over his middle, he pins Ray to the bed. This time he’s the one to blame. For a second Ray’s mouth is stiff, but it’s not long before he reciprocates. Norman chews on Ray’s bottom lip, stealing everything he has. When they finally break apart, they’re both a little breathless. They lay side beside, hands entertained.
“I…”
“I know, Norman.”