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It was a chilly morning. Even in gloves and a sweater, Sally shivered against the cold breeze nipping at her as she made her way to the lab. Today she was going to get her first Pokemon, and nothing was going to stop her. The Lumiose streets clung tightly to the thin strip of sky above her, a dash of pallid blue against the grey buildings. Sally often wondered what it must look like from above, a densely packed city in such a tiny space.
She was wondering this on that very morning, in fact, when it fell and hit her on the head. The Prism Tower came crashing down on top of her, killing her and every person, pokemon and building around her. There was panic everywhere as the bulky steel struts holding it up collapsed in an explosion caused by unknown pokemon. Then, a thundering voiced boomed and echoed over the city and said, "FOOLS! YOU PATHETIC HUMANS SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER THAN TO TRY TO BUILD A TOWER UP INTO THE DOMAIN OF RAYQUAZA! NOW EVERY HUMAN ON THIS PLANET WILL KNOW MY WRATH!"
Sounds of panic filled the air--screams, footfalls, Poke Balls bursting open to reveal the creatures held inside. Rayquaza watched them all like they were scattered ants and laughed.
Until a ten-year-old caught it with a Master Ball.
Through the carnage, through the complete and utter destruction that had ravaged the city, he walked on light-up soles towards his brand new catch. He stepped over broken glass and spurts of blood, paying no attention to the cries of despair as he passed by, and when he reached the Master Ball he picked it up with the slow reverence that a priest saves for his bible, or a couch potato for his remote control. He grinned and said, “Cool.”
Everyone was in shock at the boy who had caught a monster which had literally just killed hundreds of people. They just stood there in awe, as the boy walked away. By the time the media caught news of this event, it became a scurry to try and find the boy who had caught the Pokemon.
The boy, hunched over his computer, was oblivious to the manhunt perpetrated by the news. “Oh come on,” he cried, “Three, twelve, thirty-one, thirty-one, seventeen and six, with a relaxed nature? This thing is Wonder Trade fodder at best.” He picked up the pokeball and using his pokenav, sent the legendary piece of shit away with wonder trade. "Let's hope I get something good." he said rubbing his palms together. The exchange pokeball came out of his Pokenav and out came a Caterpie named Dragonite.
"DAMMIT," the boy said, sending the Caterpie back into Wonder Trade void. "I HATE people who do that!"
Meanwhile, on the other side of the region, a young girl stared down at the Master Ball she'd just received, eyes wide.
She stared at the screen of her Pokedex, only ever blinking because her eyes dried out. It must’ve been a solid five minutes before it sank in. Yes, that was a Rayquaza, in a Master Ball, sitting in her hand, that easily. She started laughing at the idiot who traded it away, before wondering what to do with the Rayquaza. She had an enormous amount of power with her, but what would she do with it? Ultimately, she decided the best thing to do was abuse the power and beat up innocent children with it.
Unfortunately, before she could do any of this, several nine-millimeter bullets decided to intervene by entering her cranium. Agent John Mason strolled across the girl’s room and snatched up the Master Ball. “Package is secure,” he said into his mouthpiece, cracking a smile.
The next words coming across Mason’s earpiece were unprintable in any media potentially exposed to children, a torrid stream of profane language and blistering coarseness of which “why did you shoot a kid” were the only words Mason could hear. He reckoned he was most likely in trouble.
He never got a chance to find out, as Rayquaza tore free of the plastic prison, swallowed Mason in a surprisingly bloodless and PG-13 gulp, and roared; “You don’t have enough badges to train me!”
His rage and hunger sated, Rayquaza didn't even look around the room before bursting from the roof and hitting Mach 2 in a matter of seconds, shattering every single window in the neighborhood. His Kyogre-Groudon senses were tingling, so he quickly made his way over to Sootopolis, where he found his two unruly charges engaged in a slap fight. Ignoring the screams of the humans, Rayquaza roared, “Guys, come on, I have a life too, you know! Kyogre, just stay in the ocean. And you, go sleep in a volcano or something, this really shouldn’t be so hard.”
“GET OFF OUR BACKS, RAYQUAZA!” said Groudon. “YOU’RE NOT MY MOM, RAYQUAZA!” yelled Kyogre. At this point, Rayquaza was pretty pissed. A quick Ice Beam from Wallace’s Milotic put a stop to that, though. “Appreciate it, babe,” said Steven Stone, pecking the Sootopolis City Gym Leader on the cheek. “That’s what he gets for not Mega Evolving,” Wallace chuckled.
And the region suffered for it. Without Rayquaza to yell at Groudon and Kyogre, the weather patters quickly fell to chaos and it seemed like all would be lost. Wallace realized that maybe he had done a bad thing, so he had a long talk with Steven, and they decided that they should do something about it before everyone ended up dead.
Kyogre, sick of the stalemate its feud with Groudon had reached, blasted the creature opposite itself into the sea it so desired to destroy. At this point, Wallace reached into his bag and pulled out a blue bandana. He put it on his head and turned to Steven, telling him “Aqua for life, bro!” before departing into the sheets of rain on his Milotic.
Steven, not to be outdone, pulled a red bandana out of his pocket and tied it. Releasing his Metagross, he soared out of Sootopolis while flipping it off with both hands, crying "Screw you, Wallace, Magma for life!"
It was the best breakup Wallace had ever had.
He was free now, free to join the true love in his life as he and his Milotic dove into the water beside Kyogre. The sea. Of course, Wallace regretted everything when he found out how stupid Kyogre was. You could say Kyogre had a unique way of thinking. “So, what’s the plan, Kyogre?” asked Wallace.
Kyogre rolled his eyes, wishing that he didn’t have to explain this again. “First, we beat the crap out of Groudon, you with me? Then, we fill the entire region--no, the entire WORLD--with Luvdis-I mean with water!”
“Wait, Luvdi-” unfortunately, Wallace was unable to continue speaking due to the Luvdisc that now occupied the space where his lungs used to be. He looked at Kyogre with an expression so full of terror the likes of it will never be seen again. The stare would’ve gone on for longer, but the school of Luvdisc formerly known as Wallace had no qualms with Kyogre.
It spread. Every molecule of everything but water transformed into Luvdisc. Buildings, mountains, even tiny ants, all turned into schools of Luvdisc. The only one resistant to the Luvdisc was Groudon, who was barely alive. Groudon looked at the land around him, which were just schools of Luvdisc, before utterly destroying the school. “I will have my revenge on you, Kyogre!” yelled Groudon. Unfortunately, as soon as the words left his throat, they turned into Luvdisc, because the influence was spreading and now even sound was caught up in Kyogre’s Luvdisc spell. He held in a growl for fear of making more and tried to summon an earthquake, but all he got was a Luvdisc quake that generated more and more Luvdisc like a hydra.
Rayquaza was dead, and there was now only one person left he could turn to…
He grabbed one of the Luvdisc around him (and they were everywhere now, he was practically breathing them in and filtering them through his lungs) and stared deep into its eyes. “Kyogre,” he said, somehow making out the shape of the blue whale-thing in the Luvdiscs eyes. “You’re the only one who can put a stop to this.”
Kyogre let out a heavy sigh, and parted the Luvdisc, allowing him to approach his counterpart, whom he had gained a newfound respect for, and said “I… I just want Luvdisc to be accepted. I have a fondness for them, and it’s probably due to my deepest, darkest, secret. I… I’m an evolved Luvdisc”
Groudon gasped, took a step back, and scratched at his right arm awkwardly. “S-sorry, I didn’t know…” That explained why he always seemed so angry.
“It’s okay,” Kyogre said bashfully, unable to look Groudon in the eye. “It’s-it’s not something I really tell anyone, you know.. It’s, uh.” He laughs nervously. “I mean, who would think a huge blue whale legendary would come from a tiny pink Pokemon, right?”
A moment of silence followed a nervous chuckle -- Kyogre’s cheeks turning a vivid scarlet as its eyes flitted, shy and hesitant, at the towering red behemoth that stood opposite; hesitation fluttered into --
“Oh, for God’s sakes, Mason. I roll to seduce.”
Mason doesn’t appreciate Sally interrupting his narration, nor does he appreciate her killing him off earlier. So he glares and rolls the die, and he grins when he sees that fate is on his side. “Oh look, a one.”
She rolls her eyes and bites back an unsportsmanlike comment about rigged dice. “Critfail, great.”
The both of them turn towards the GM, awaiting judgment. She buries her head in her hands, and mutters “You two are insane!”
Kyogre, while not wanting to ruin the moment, couldn’t help but blurt out an “Excuse me but what the actual fuck, dude. I mean, I’m sure how you couldn’t got that impression from me sharing my darkest secret with you, but now we’re both probable to die in a swarm of Luvdisc and you decide to tell me now?”
Groudon freezes in place, unsure of how his hands got so close to Kyogre’s face. He stumbles back in embarrassment, saying something like, “S-sorry, I didn’t mean to, I swear!” but he trips and falls into the water and it stings like hell. He’s at 40% of his health now.
“Wait, wait, wait -- forty -- forty percent?” Mason objects, indignant. He conjures a pencil out of nowhere and begins furiously writing numbers onto his sheet -- five, carry one, he mutters as the room looks on.
The GM moves on as if she hasn’t heard him. “So, Kyogre, having realized the error of your ways, will you end your Song of Luvdisc?”
“Uh, do I get exp for character development if I do?”
She shrugs. “Sure, I guess. I’m like ten and this is the first time I play this, we can do whatever you guys want.”
“Sweet,” Sally says, and opens her mouth to say something, stops --
“Actually, is stopping a free action? Someone get the rulebook.”
“If you stop, that ends the combat sequence. For god’s sake can you please just end this?” The GM was at her wit’s end, which wasn’t saying that much considering she was 10 and all, but she was mature for her age.
“Oh screw it,” Mason says, grabbing the die and rolling it again.
Another one.
Groudon is dead.
Mason lets out a roar of defeat and the GM a sigh of relief. “I think this is a good stopping point,” she says, and Sally agrees. All said, it was a nice first session.