Chapter Text
Milk sat in the police station, her clothes heavy and soaked in blood. Her eyes were fixed on an empty space on the wall, but all she could see was the memory replaying on a brutal, endless loop, the moment her soul had shattered. That night, her family had been slaughtered right in front of her. The killer had turned to her next, and Milk had braced herself for the end, only surviving because the police burst through the doors just in time.
But survival felt like a curse. She could still see the blood pooling on the floor and the motionless bodies of the people she loved. As the officers tried to gently speak to her, their voices faded into static, completely drowned out by a haunting hallucination. The delicate, melancholy piano notes of River Flows in You looped endlessly in her mind. It was the very same song that had drifted through the room as she was being beaten, bleeding and clawing for an escape. A once-peaceful melody, now twisted into a waking nightmare.
She was sent to a psychiatrist, but it never worked. Milk suffered through sleepless nights, her mind constantly replaying the trauma. Sleep became her enemy; every time she closed her eyes, the darkness of that night swallowed her whole. So, she simply stopped sleeping. She kept herself in constant motion, working, wandering the neon-lit streets of Thailand until dawn, hiding in quiet, obscure spots just to remember how to breathe. Anything to avoid going back to that empty house.
When Milk finally returned to university after a long break, she was met with eyes that couldn't stop staring at her with pity. But as exhausted as Milk always was, her own eyes were fixed on only one person: a girl named Love. She had somehow become Milk's only will to live. Milk had a lot of other things going on, but after the incident, Love was the only thing that made life bearable.
Love was one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen, and simply looking at her brought Milk a rare moment of happiness. Sitting at her usual table, Milk watched Love from afar near one of the classrooms. Love was gazing out at the distance, quietly watching the people go by.
M: How can someone be so elegant?
AJ, Milk's best friend, spotted her and walked over, catching her looking at Love.
AJ: Welcome back to school. You are never at home now. It is so hard to find you, and you didn't answer my calls.
M: Sorry... the house is just hard to live in right now...
AJ: I understand, Milk... but I was worried. And Junior, too. He will come later... he has class and some TA tasks to do. We will eat with you, okay? And this time, tell us what has been happening to you so that we can be there for you.
M: I just want to be alone...
AJ: Compromise a little, will you? I know the killer was arrested, but you never know if he'll walk free. The killer, Offroad, is a powerful man, I don't think he will sit still. At least let us be there to escort you home or be with you at night... I know you learn self-defence, but... it is better to have someone with you.
M: And let me see everyone motionless again?
AJ: Milk... you know that's not my intention...
M: I know... but I am just scared, you know?
AJ: I will just let Junior handle you... let's talk about something more lighthearted... like your little crush.
M: It's not a crush...
AJ: You are looking at her again...
M: She and I are impossible...
AJ: I mean, you did have some interaction with her, so how can you guarantee that? She gave you her jacket... she gave you her handkerchief, and let's not forget... she caught you, and in class, you were her lab partner.
M: Well, she was just being nice... and she happened to be there. She pretty much talked to me enough to do the experiment, and that's it. She is in Innovative Media Production, and I am in Medicine... we only meet in electives, and that's it.
AJ: You know she is in the Production Interest Group. You can join it.
M: I tried. But she seems so untouchable. It's almost painful just being in the same space as her.
AJ: Coward. Sounds to me like it's a lot more than just a crush.
M: Maybe... but I can't let it be anything more. Anyways...
Milk took one last, lingering look at Love across the courtyard.
M: She has a boyfriend. I can't intervene. And besides... I don't have a crush on her!
AJ: Right. You just talked about how much it physically pains you to be near her, and immediately brought up the fact that she has a boyfriend so you can't intervene. Yeah, definitely sounds like more than a crush to me.
M: P'AJ... I'm really not feeling good. Do you have to tease me about this today?
AJ: Yes, I do. After all, Junior and I are your best friends.
AJ offered a bright smile, but internally, he winced. He knew he could be a little insensitive, a guy who usually fumbled when things got too emotional. But honestly, he just wanted to pierce through the heavy, suffocating aura surrounding Milk. He had hoped that teasing her about Love might finally coax a real smile onto her face.
He needed her to understand that behind the jokes, he was just desperately trying to help. Letting his playful facade drop, AJ leaned in, his voice shifting into something gentle and serious.
AJ: But on a serious note... it seems like looking at her is the only thing that makes you feel human lately. Hence... the teasing.
M: Thanks. I know.
Milk fell silent for a moment, her fingers lightly brushing against the dark, bruised-looking bags under her eyes. There was a haunting emptiness in her gaze, a blankness that terrified her friend. When she answered, her voice was entirely hollow.
M: I guess... I do like her. But as much as I try to deny my feelings, and as much as she makes the world feel a little lighter... it's not like she can cure my insomnia. I haven't slept in days, AJ. Even when looking at her makes me feel better... I still can't sleep. I can't sleep... I just can't sleep. She can't help me either.
Milk's voice cracked on the repetition, the raw desperation of her exhaustion bleeding through.
AJ: I can see the bags under your eyes, Milk. Your heart is restless, so your nights are restless. What have you been doing?
M: I've just been working... wandering around the streets... sitting at random night spots...
AJ: Are these places even safe?
M: Yes and no. But I can handle myself.
AJ: Let us download a location-sharing app on your phone, okay? I swear to you, we won't check it unless it's an absolute emergency. We just need to know you're safe when you're wandering around in the dark. Anyway... what about the psychiatrist?
M: Useless. I'm taking pills to knock myself out now. They only work sometimes. But... trying to sleep in that house... it just hurts too much.
AJ: Milk... do you want to come stay at me and Junior's place? Junior's mae has already—
M: I don't think I can. I want to stay away from families right now. It just reminds me of everything I don't have anymore.
Milk looked down, her chest tight as a familiar, suffocating grief bubbled up in her heart, a pain she fought every second of the day to keep buried.
AJ: Milk...
AJ reached into his bag. He gently slid a silver key and a folded piece of paper with an address across the table.
AJ: I understand. I really do. But you need to have a safe place to go when things get too dark. Junior and I want to offer you his family's home. You don't have to come right now... but maybe when you're ready? And hey, if hanging out with me and Junior is too much, you can always go rant to Junior's sister.
He pushed the key a little closer to her hand.
AJ: I know that being around a family is triggering for you right now. But we refuse to let you go through this alone. So... just take the key. Whenever you're ready, or whenever you just can't stand breathing the air in that empty house anymore... our doors are open. Everyone in Junior's family has already agreed. You always have a place with us.
M: Thank you, P'AJ.
AJ: Do you want to try to rest? Just focus on being present... maybe you can actually get some sleep...
M: Sure... I really just want to sleep...
Milk rested her heavy head on AJ's shoulder. She managed to drift off, but the peace was short-lived, a mere fifteen minutes later, she jerked awake, her mind betraying her again. Seeing her distress, AJ simply reached out and offered his hand.
AJ: Want a hug?
Milk didn't answer. She just quietly leaned into his embrace.
A short while later, Junior finally caught up with them. Junior was usually the loud, playful one of the group, but seeing the broken look on Milk's face, he dropped the act entirely. He stepped forward and wrapped her in a gentle, grounding hug.
J: Milk... I am so sorry about your family. I'm guessing AJ already told you everything we talked about, right?
Junior pulled back, keeping a comforting hand on her arm.
J: I'm not going to tease you... but please, try not to be alone in this, okay? Remember that we are your best friends. We're your brothers in everything.
M: Thank you...
Junior gently guided Milk to the canteen. She had absolutely no appetite, staring blankly at the table, but through gentle coaxing from both Junior and AJ, she managed to eat a few bites.
Eventually, Milk asked for some time alone. AJ and Junior exchanged a helpless look, completely unsure of what to do, but they respected her wishes and walked away.
AJ: P'Junior... why didn't you tease her? You usually know how to make her smile a little.
J: Because a smile might cover up the feeling for a second, but it doesn't change the fact that she lost her entire family. A joke can't solve that, AJ. She needs to grieve properly, and she needs to face the reality of it. All we can do is look after her until the friend we know comes back to us. At least we gave her a key to the house. We just have to hope she comes to us when she's ready. For now, we protect her from afar. There are some boundaries we just can't cross right now.
AJ softened, moved by Junior's quiet wisdom. He leaned in and suddenly pressed a quick kiss to the side of Junior's cheek.
AJ: I'll just listen to you for once.
Junior rolled his eyes, though a fond smile tugged at his lips, and he affectionately ruffled AJ's hair.
AJ: Hey, Junior! I already styled my hair!
J: Anyways... did you download the tracking app on her phone?
AJ: Yup! I made sure one of us is set as her primary emergency contact, and I slipped a personal safety alarm into her bag, too. But... what if she gets into real trouble and doesn't contact us? Or what if she completely freezes up? What do we do then?
J: I don't know, AJ. But we've done everything we can for now. Let's just... go on our date first. I'll brainstorm what else we can do later.
AJ: Where do you have in mind?
J: I was thinking we could go gaming?
AJ: Finally!
AJ and Junior walked off together, their shoulders brushing.
The three of them, Milk, AJ, and Junior, had been inseparable childhood friends since preschool, weathering every up and down life threw at them. For the longest time, AJ had thought he was entirely straight. That was until his ex-girlfriend pointed out that he seemed to have a lot more chemistry with guys, specifically, with Junior. It had led to a lot of questioning, but eventually, AJ and Junior realised their feelings and quietly got together.
It was a secret they kept closely guarded. Milk didn't know about them. At least, not yet.
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After class, Milk's classmates surrounded her with well-meaning condolences. She was grateful for their comfort, but honestly? It just hurt. Every pitying look was a reminder of what she had survived and what she had lost. The guilt of surviving made their pity unbearable.
Desperate for a quiet place to hide, she headed for the rooftop, only to find the door firmly padlocked. Defeated, she wandered the halls until she stumbled into the only empty place left: a soundproof music room.
Finding a hidden spot in the corner behind a grand piano, Milk curled up on the hard floor, using her backpack as a makeshift pillow. The moment she closed her eyes, the horrific memories of her family flooded back. Tears slipped down her face as the sheer exhaustion of her insomnia finally dragged her into a heavy, reluctant slumber.
Ten minutes later, the suffocating grip of a nightmare began to take hold. Her breathing grew rapid and loud in the quiet room.
But suddenly, a gentle strumming of a guitar broke through the darkness. It was a relaxing tune, though it kept pausing, like someone was trying to figure out the chords, stopping to write something down, and playing again. The clumsy but sweet melody anchored Milk, pulling her back from the nightmare.
Then, the music shifted to the piano. A soft, melancholic, but deeply comforting voice began to sing:
"It's okay.
Please... you can stop now.
You did everything you could.
Don't suffer alone in the quiet.
Don't force yourself to be fine.
If the tears come, you don't have to hold them back anymore.
Stop volunteering to be the first one hurt.
To the one whose heart is the most broken... will you finally rest?
Don't try so hard by yourself.
Don't force it.
If you hide away in the thick darkness,
Loneliness becomes your only friend.
But look up at the stars and the moon
I promise tomorrow will be better in the end."
Tears continued to silently fall from Milk's eyes, but for the first time in days, she was sleeping peacefully.
Meanwhile, sitting at the piano bench, the mysterious girl stopped playing halfway through the song, tapping her pencil in frustration.
??'s Mind: The moonlight... is bright in the night sky... ugh, no. I want something with the moonlight, and maybe something about secrets?
The girl played the melody countless times, mumbling different lyrics, crossing them out, and groaning in annoyance. Eventually, she gave up, packed her bag, and left the room, completely unaware of the girl sleeping soundly behind the instrument.
Milk slept like a log. She slept right through the afternoon, past sunset, and deep into the pitch-black night.
Enter the night-shift security guard, doing his routine rounds with a flashlight. As he walked past the dark music room, he suddenly heard a loud CLANG. Milk had shifted in her sleep and accidentally kicked a stray music stand.
The guard cautiously pushed the door open, the beam of his heavy flashlight trembling slightly as it swept across the pitch-black room. He was already deeply afraid of ghosts, and spending his break in the security office watching a terrifying Thai horror movie was proving to be a massive mistake. Catching sight of the messy sprawl of Milk's hair on the floor almost made his heart stop entirely. He slowly, agonisingly tiptoed behind the grand piano, leaning his head all the way down to investigate the strange lump.
Milk fluttered her eyes open, feeling surprisingly rested for the first time in days. Still half-asleep, she dreamily expected to wake up to the beautiful, angelic face of the girl who had been singing.
Instead, her eyes focused on a dramatically under-lit, wrinkled face hovering a mere two inches from her nose. The guard was staring right at her, wide-eyed and completely unblinking in the dark like a gargoyle.
M: AHHHHHHH!
Guard: WAAAAAHHHHH!
Milk scrambled backward in pure panic, smacking her head against the piano leg with a loud thunk. The guard, utterly convinced he had just met a vengeful ghost, dropped his flashlight and violently tripped backwards over a drum stool, sending equipment crashing to the floor.
Guard: Holy Buddha! You scared the life out of me, girl! I thought you were a haunting spirit!
M: You're the one hovering over my face in the dark like a creep!
After realising she had fallen asleep by accident, the guard kindly escorted Milk off the school grounds. Glancing at her phone, Milk realised she had been asleep since 5:00 PM. It was currently 4:00 AM.
M: Eleven hours of sleep...
Even though her massive sleep debt was still catching up to her, Milk was honestly shocked that she had managed to sleep at all. That guitar sound... the piano... was it just her imagination, or did it really happen?
She left the campus in a daze. Unfortunately, in the following weeks, Milk fell right back into her vicious cycle of insomnia. She couldn't find a way to sleep, no matter how hard she tried. But then... one night, while searching for midnight food, she went to her usual food stall. As she ate, she noticed the owner was super excited about a radio program playing in the background.
M: K'bpâa, what are you so excited about?
Auntie: There is this program on right now! The new radio host is named Midnight, and she broadcasts from midnight to 4:00 AM.
M: Midnight... How do you know about her?
Auntie: I am a huge fan of hers! She is always so nice to listen to. Before this, she was just helping the radio station with the voiceovers for my favourite soap opera stories. She is sooo good at voice acting! She can do all kinds of sounds and perfect impressions. I am just so proud that she finally got her own chance to host!
M: Erm... is she famous or something?
Auntie: Not really, but a lot of the local aunties absolutely love her! Come on, Milk, let's listen to it together.
M: Okay.
As Milk continued eating, she somehow found herself relaxing. Midnight had a very cute and incredibly calming voice. She hosted many different segments, trying to make people laugh with silly dad jokes that were sometimes a hit and sometimes a complete miss.
But even when a joke flopped, Midnight was able to turn the tables and make the listeners laugh anyway. She also took calls, giving advice, talking about life, or just discussing random topics.
Midnight was able to answer it all, effortlessly filling the listeners with a deep sense of comfort. Sometimes, she would even just hang out and play games, her witty commentary making the broadcast incredibly fun. There was a segment for everyone, and her warm personality just drew people in.
When Milk finally left the stall, she kept the radio program, titled Mid-Somnia's Love, playing on her phone. She smiled to herself, finding it fitting that the whole concept of the radio show came from the word "insomnia."
M: Something just for me...
Walking home, Milk looked up Midnight's Instagram. Based on the photos, the host seemed to be a petite person, though her face was always hidden or covered. Milk discovered that Midnight would also host her own casual livestreams just for fun. Honestly, listening to her gave Milk a tiny, much-needed goal for her empty nights.
When Milk finally arrived home, she had to walk past the living room, the exact place where her family had died. Usually, she would avoid it entirely, paralysed by fear. But somehow, with Midnight's voice playing quietly in her earphones, she was able to just walk past. She was still deeply sad, but for the first time, it felt like she wasn't alone. After showering, Milk lay down on her own bed, just resting and listening. And soon, wrapped in the comfort of Midnight's broadcast, she fell asleep. Once again.
Even though Milk wasn't completely healed by the radio broadcasts, they were always a breath of fresh air for her—a breath she could rely on, even when things were bad. The weight of her trauma and her overwhelming paranoia still haunted her, especially when thunderstorms decided to visit, or when she unexpectedly heard that famous piano song playing in a movie.
When it got to be too much, Milk would retreat to her wardrobe. It was a childhood habit; she felt safe from breaking down when she was hidden away. If she were outside, she would just find a random, cramped hiding spot where no one could disturb her. Honestly, being in a small, enclosed space brought her a lot of comfort.
One night, a violent thunderstorm rolled over the city, the rain pouring down in sheets. Trembling, Milk crawled into the back of her wardrobe, pulling her knees to her chest and crying as the thunder boomed. Amidst her panic, her phone screen lit up in the dark. A notification: Mid-Somnia's Love was live.
Milk put her earphones in, praying the familiar voice would anchor her. But tonight... it didn't work. The jokes felt hollow, the stories felt distant, and the comforting words just fell flat against the noise of the storm. It broke her heart to realise that her one source of comfort suddenly felt so empty.
She reached out to close the app, but then the live-calling segment started. Milk paused, listening to the first caller pour their heart out. She heard how Midnight held space for them, speaking with such genuine care and safety. A sudden, desperate urge washed over Milk. Without overthinking it, she dialled the station's number, not really expecting to get through.
A click sounded through her earphones.
Midnight: Hi @Panly, Midnight here. What's keeping you awake today?
M: Another restless night... thanks for keeping the stream going.
Midnight: Always. Talk to me.
M: I can't sleep. You know that specific kind of empty? When your bones are just heavy. It's not that you want to die, but you are just so incredibly tired of being alive.
Midnight: I know it well. It feels like the whole world has walked away and left you in the dark. But then there's this stubborn, quiet thing inside you, forcing you to take the next breath. Even when you have no idea why it bothers.
M: Yeah. That's exactly it.
Midnight: Hold onto that thing, Panly. You aren't sitting in the dark alone tonight.
M: Thank you, Midnight.
There was a brief silence on the line. Midnight possessed a sharp ear, and she easily caught the muffled, wet sound of a suppressed sniffle. Realising the girl on the other end was quietly crying, Midnight made a split-second decision to ignore the rest of the queue.
Midnight: So... while we're both just sitting here... why don't we talk a little longer?
Somehow, Midnight just had a way of making Milk feel like she wasn't alone. Honestly, the live chat was flooding with encouragement, with listeners directly talking to Milk, too. As Milk read the comments, she couldn't deny the warmth in her chest. Soon, the sheer exhaustion caught up with her, and she finally fell asleep.
Midnight: I guess someone could finally get some sleep. So, I have a special song for everyone... an instrumental of To All of You by Syd Matters. A comforting guitar for our Panly, for someone who has experienced a lot... and just something for her to easily rest to.
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At 4 am, inside the recording booth of Mid-Somnia's Love...
As the "On Air" sign finally flicked off, she gently set down her headset, looking utterly tired from everything. A man named Mark walked into the room.
Mark: Well done tonight, Love.
The petite girl turned around in her swivel chair to face him. She had large, expressive boba eyes and was dressed stylishly, despite her slightly boyish look, in a cozy sweater layered under a denim jacket, paired with nice pants. Her dark hair framed a face that practically screamed innocence.
L: Sorry about keeping that caller on for more than two minutes.
Mark: It's okay. The listeners were actually really active during that. Somehow, your conversation with her was incredibly well-received, so it's fine. Anyway, that listener is exactly our target audience... comfort and healing.
L: Thanks for understanding.
Mark: By the way... since we are not broadcasting tomorrow, do you want to join a little company dinner? The other hosts are looking forward to welcoming you.
L: I don't think so... I am way too drained by everything right now...
Mark: Ah, the introversion is speaking again. But you know they are trying their best to include you. Why not give it a go tomorrow? Anyway, there's free food... and your favourite hotpot. With mala.
L: I am craving that... but... is it going to be a big group-sharing thing?
Mark: Well, you don't have to pay. And yes... big hotpot.
L: Okay... but... please tell them that I might leave early. I am really not good with crowds.
Mark: I understand. By the way, your boyfriend, Code is here.
Before Love could say another word...
Code: Hello, tiny Love.
L: Get lost.
Code: Harsh... anyway, I am here to pick you up and take you home.
Love packed her things, and she and Code walked out of the station together.
L: It's so annoying... that I have a friend like you.
Code: Whatever. But... so, you finally decided to join a dinner...
L: You can't come, right?
Code: Nope. I have things to do.
L: Ahh... so you're trying out again?
Code: Yup. Wish me luck.
L: Okay then... good luck.
Code: But hey... after your company dinner tomorrow, I can definitely come pick you up so you can escape early.
L: Sure then...
Code: Good. Now, do you want to go get some early breakfast?
L: I haven't even eaten dinner yet, so sure.
Code: Okay then, let's go.
Love and Code walked down the quiet, pre-dawn streets together, their comfortable banter filling the empty silence of the city.