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Under the shade of a very large tree, Felix was pacing back and forth, talking to himself. He’d been at this for almost fifteen minutes and had not gotten very far in working through his plan.
“...Hi, I'm Felix, it's nice to meet you. Oh god, that's so lame. I mean it's a classic opener but not cool enough for him. Okay, Felix, try again, you can do this! Hi, fancy bumping into you here. Nope. Wow, you look nice today, it’s great to see you. Damn, that's too forward. Is it too forward? No, Seungmin said to be brave! Hi, I've been wanting to talk to you for ages. No, that sounds weird. Is it weird? I don’t even know anymore. Hi, I'm Felix, we’ve not met ye…”
“Oh so your name’s Felix, I’ve been wondering what it is.” Felix looked up at the soft male voice that was interrupting his externally loud internal battle only to find the cause of said battle looking at him expectantly. He stood there in all black, which seemed to be his uniform, a hooded jacket that was basically falling off his shoulders exposing his muscular shoulders and arms, a black vest, shorts and socks with matching black footwear. Although Felix thought the man could do with a little bit of colour in his wardrobe, he couldn’t help but think, black truly was his colour. “I always see you leaving your lecture as I'm going into mine. Hi, I'm Chan.”
Felix just stood there, he hoped his mouth wasn’t gaping in shock but as he could feel his jaw start to hurt, it was likely he looked like a fish floundering on the shoreline gasping for air. He snapped his mouth shut once he started to come back to his senses. He knew this boy was called Chan, he’d asked around and had been obsessing over him for the past three months. He didn’t know a lot about him but he knew and repeated his name too many times to recall. He responded with a very weak “hi” back.
“So…who are you practicing talking to? You sound really nervous.”
Well if that wasn’t the most awkward question Chan could have asked. I’m actually practicing talking to you was something that he definitely didn’t feel he could fess up to right now. That would sound crazy, right?
“Oh, just some guy that I like that will probably never even notice me. I don't even know why I’m doing this,” he vaguely gestures at the air in front of him, “I'm never gonna speak to him.” Felix felt defeated and also stupid because he was literally speaking to the guy. In fact, he had said more words to him in this little exchange than he ever truly thought he would have a chance to try in reality.
“No way someone like you is intimidated to speak to anyone. Far out! That’s wild.” Chan looked genuinely bemused by the idea.
“Why would you say that?” Felix had a feeling that asking that question was going to backfire on him but he was curious and Chan was there in front of him, looking even more gorgeous than he did from across a lecture theatre or in passing in a hallway. He was giving his full attention to Felix, looking him right in the eyes. If Felix never got anything other than this interaction right here under this random tree, he could die happy.
Chan paused, his mouth forming a straight line as he thought of the best way to explain himself. “I mean, I mean you're a stunner. I would’ve thought all of the boys…or girls would come running to you.” That was not the response Felix was expecting. He knew he was decent looking, in fact, he would consider himself above average, hopefully not in a showy way. But Chan was otherworldly to him and he thinks Felix is a stunner. That was his ego stroked for the next three years of school at the very least.
“Ha, I like guys,” this seemed like the first thing he needed to address, it was very important Chan knew this, “but I can’t believe you'd say that. I mean, I think I’m okay looking but that doesn’t usually translate into people being interested in me.”
“Maybe they're intimidated by you. I would say that was almost definitely the case.” Felix had never thought a day in his life that he could be intimidating. Was he intimidating to Chan? Not a chance! He always tried to be kind, sweet and welcoming to everyone he met. And people were receptive to it, just never in a romantic sense. Finding friends had never been hard for him but he knew he had to work hard to get his crushes to pay attention to him. He tried to make Chan’s words make sense until another part of his brain took over and helpfully blurted out, “Why are you speaking to me?” Idiot!
“Oh, yea, erm, why is this weird, random, old guy speaking to you? That’s a great question you ask,” Chan nervously shuffled from side to side, now visibly unsure of himself. Felix didn’t expect to see that.
“You're definitely not old,” he replied, trying to be reassuring.
“A little older than you. I see you didn’t refute the weird part,” Chan let out a self-deprecating chuckle and continued before Felix could interject to apologise, “but I saw that you left behind this notebook. I've seen you with it a few times. It’s kind of hard to miss with all the sparkles and gems and stuff.” He looks down to his hands and Felix’s eyes follow. How had he not seen his favourite embellished notebook there? Probably because he was so focussed on every look Chan gave him with those sweet, sincere eyes and every word that passed through those plush, kissable lips. “But because I don't know you and I only ever see you when our classes crossover I've actually been wandering round campus trying to find you, hoping I'd bump into you, sorry. I guess I’m living up to the weird part.”
All of a sudden this man that Felix had been scared to speak to just looked like one of the popular boys he went to high school with, full of bravado that was just covering nerves and insecurity like everyone else had.
“You could’ve waited until the lecture next week. You’d definitely see me then. My attendance is 100%.” Felix internally grimaced, what a dork! Look at me, I never miss a class! Look at how desirable that makes me…not!
“Oh, yea, that probably would’ve been more sensible. But what if you needed your notes before then? I wouldn’t want you to fall behind. And you spent a long time making this look so pretty so…” Thoughtful, considerate, hot. “Pick a struggle Chan!” Felix thought.
“You're right, thank you. That's actually amazing. It’s silly but this notebook's my everything, the stress of losing it wouldn’t have done me any good. I hadn't even realised it was missing. You really are a godsend and absolutely not a weirdo,” Felix responded hoping every ounce of gratitude showed in his voice.
“I'm glad you don't think I'm a complete weirdo. That would be kind of devastating actually.” The line Chan’s mouth had been drawn into earlier returned as he thought of something to say but seemed to draw a blank, shaking his head with what seemed like mild annoyance. “I guess, I'll see you around, Felix.”
Felix, emboldened by the fact that his first conversation with Chan was not an absolute and utter mess decided to be the brave one and keep the conversation flowing, although he wished he had more time to think because perhaps he was being too brave for his own good. “This is gonna sound crazy but do you want to know who the guy I wanted to talk to was?”
Chan’s interest was piqued and Felix smiled at him, there seemed to be some sort of connection between them but his next few words could potentially sever this new and tenuous thing. “Yeah, sure, like maybe I could help you with it. I know a lot of people around here.”
Felix looked Chan up and down in a move that he hoped meant Chan would follow where he was going. “He's a little older than me, I guess that’s why he’s a little intimidating to me. I didn’t know this until today but he's also really kind and considerate. Which is actually even better than just knowing he’s extremely hot. And, yea, you probably do know him, he's quite popular and has lots of friends and just seems like a really good guy.”
“Oh wow, I mean I know a few decent guys. Hmmm..” He actually brought his index finger to his lips, crossing his arms in the process, while he ran through all the people he knew at the school in his head. His gaze was momentarily distracted by the branches swaying in the tree above, it gave him something to look at that wasn’t Felix’s inquisitive stare.
“You don’t have to think too hard since I'm talking about you.” The truth was out there now. No going back. And if this backfired, Felix would definitely make sure, his roommate, Seungmin didn’t ever hear the end of this. He was not brave enough for this but somehow was still doing it.
The tips of Chan’s ears looked to be turning red and a similarly coloured flush was appearing across the visible parts of his exposed chest, a contrast Felix enjoyed seeing on Chan’s pale skin against the black vest. “I mean all that other stuff sounds really good but you think I'm hot?”
“That’s the bit you want to focus on?” Felix laughed. Any worry he had about this situation floated away on the light summer breeze he felt blowing gently against the back of his neck. As confident as Felix had thought Chan was, he realised that Chan couldn’t see it for himself. He didn’t see how absolutely wonderful he was and Felix had clocked it in less than ten minutes of conversation.
“I am beyond flattered. I…wait, you were practicing speaking to me? Why didn’t you just come over and say hi? Do I look like I bite?”
Felix shrugged, faking nonchalance. In some of his fantasies, Chan definitely got a little bitey. And now was definitely not the time to be thinking about that.
“You’ve been waiting to speak to me and I’ve been looking for any excuse to come and say hey. I just assumed you must have a special someone. How could you not? But also, I was hoping that maybe one day I'd have a reason to bump into you and start talking to you and then seeing your notebook earlier today just felt like the stars aligning and then finding you here, practicing to speak to me? Wow!”
“Is it really that crazy I was nervous about speaking to you?”
“Yea, it is to me. Here you are rehearsing like I’m someone to be scared of and I've been dying to speak to you, when we could have just spoken to each other, like normal people.”
“It seems we're both kind of weird and dumb.” They laughed, trying not to make eye contact and failing, the sparks flying between them whenever their eyes met. Felix’s heart pounded in his chest, thankfully hidden by the oversized buttoned shirt he was wearing. He was sure if he was wearing anything tighter, people might see the rapid movement in his chest and get very concerned.
“Would it be dumb of me to ask you out on a date?” Chan was hopeful, almost certain at this point of a positive response but some level of doubt remained.
Cockily, but still nervous, Felix answered, “No, I think that would possibly be the smartest thing you ever do.”