Chapter Text
Downtown Chicago. A blustery winter day- those that braved the weather bundled in heavy coats, scarves, and snow boots. The forecast called for more snow and temperatures to dip into single digits. Just the kind of weather that a warm cup of tea and a warm baked good were made for.
Azriel Mortwyn adjusted his scarf and faced into the wind, glad his shift was over. The one thing he loved about night shift at Mount Sinai was the quaint bakery in the park and warm muffins as his dinner before he made his way to his barren apartment. He visited there enough that the owner knew his order by heart and oftentimes had it waiting for him- pre-packed to hasten his trip home for the sleep he once confessed he desperately needed. He hoped today was not one of those occasions. This last shift was hard and he was not ready to be alone. He’d lost a patient. He could still hear the screams of the man’s wife as he delivered the news.
The bell jingled as he pushed the door open, the hint of jasmine and honey hit him along with the warmth he craved. Cozy. This bakery was cozy in a way that he attributed solely to its owner. The early morning crowd was packed into a winding line this morning- the tables and sitting areas empty. For most, the goal was to stock up on their favorite baked goods before the blizzard hit this evening. He pushed the expected snowstorm from his mind- the ER would quiet until the roads cleared. Too quiet. The quiet that was always a calm before the storm. He hated knowing what was to come and having no way to prevent it.
He smiled to himself at the newest addition to the bakery- a flowering vine wallpapered wall with thick gold and bronze accents. The last time he’d convinced the owner to sit with him and rest while he ate- she had excitedly told him of the renovations she planned. Paint, wallpaper, new tables and chairs that slowly filtered into the space. He didn’t care about what she changed- he cared about her. This jewel of a woman that unknowingly had nestled a way into his frigid heart.
He let other patrons slip in front of him, his order already in a to go bag next to her at the register. If she spotted him in this crowd- he could not insist she take a break. He could not ask for a few moments that would be the highlight of his week. With the snowstorm heading their way- he wouldn’t see her for days. He ran a hand over his face as he thought of the conversation with Cassian where he had called him a damn fool and a coward. He’d come to that conclusion months ago, but hearing one of his closest friends call him out added a pressure he never wanted with her. Cassian didn’t understand the hesitation and he had no hope at explaining it to him.
He spent his life fixing and saving others, but he was broken. He was broken in ways that would hurt her, would cause her pain. He promised to do no harm and he would harm her, at some point, he would hurt her and he could not bear the thought. So he kept his distance and prayed that a worthy man would come along. That she would sit down with him one morning after the rush faded and show him a picture of a man that looked at her the way she deserved. That she would relish him with stories of a budding romance and the coil in his chest would loosen to know that she would be cared for. It would kill a part of him to watch her fall in love, but he knew that she was too good for a heart as dark as his.
“Mort- what am I walking into today?” A clap on his shoulder and he turned to see Thesan Zorko standing behind him. In his early forties- Thesan was one of the attendings in the ICU and he shook his head. He knew many other doctors enjoyed this bakery, but he rarely ran into any that knew him well enough to get a read on him. He had done his fellowship with Thesan a handful of years ago and the man had seen him through one of the hardest periods of his life. Thesan would see right through him as soon as Elain handed him the prepared bag and a steaming cup of lavender tea with milk.
“Less than a handful of new patients from the ER. There’s a nasty virus going around- setting up in the digestive tract- one severe dehydration case turned hypernatremia.”
“That’ll change in about 60 hours.”
The length of the blizzard- expected time for the roads to clear and ambulances return to service. His shift for the next couple of nights would likely see him helping in another department- as he covered down for his colleagues with small children or elderly parents. The third night would be when the barrage rolled in from the storm, a night that the hospital administration had already decided to double staff. The critical care facilities might even be overwhelmed with that level of coverage, but he was glad to see the aggressive choice to have more personnel available.
“Isn’t your apartment on the other side of the park?”
He forced a stiff nod. Damn Thesan for being observant. It made him an excellent physician and a pain in his ass on more than one occasion. He felt the man studying him and he focused on the menu- as if he would order anything other than his regular. As if staring at the menu might hide the blush that crept up his neck, as one of his closest colleagues realized why he came to this bakery.
“She’s single.”
“I know. I’d ruin her- Z. There’s better than me out there.”
“She should get a choice about that- if you’re both interested. And judging by the bag with your name on it…”
“I’m a regular. She does that for most regulars- it’s a good business practice.”
Thesan held his hands up in surrender, taking a few steps back. He unclenched his fists as he rolled his shoulders, trying to ease some of the tension in his body. He was exhausted, overworked, and now if he asked her to take a break- Thesan would witness it. How would he walk back from that? Cassian could be annoying, but Thesan was a right bastard when he wanted to make a point. However, as they moved through the bakery line, only one customer came in after them. Any other morning if the bakery was in a lull- he would enjoy his pear ginger and walnut muffin with her. Maybe he should give them both some space, set a new boundary with himself about her.
“Hey Cerri- I need a lavender oatmilk matcha- large please.”
He rubbed at his five o’clock shadow- trying to hide the smile on his lips. He doubted it took her this long to spot him. He was taller than most of her other customers- save Thesan. No, she waited until now to call it out so that his drink would be the perfect temperature. He wanted to say it was excellent customer service-that she did for everyone, but her wink as they locked eyes went straight to his gut. Thesan’s low chuckle rang in his ears as he openly smiled back. Damn it. As much as he tried to deny it, she had a special place in his heart.
“Good morning, Thesan. Are you going with your regular or something new?”
“Callum’ll kill me if I don’t get a loaf of fresh sourdough. Then a dozen pumpernickel bagels, cream cheese, and what’s your seasonal coffee?”
“Peppermint mocha- if you want a classic. We also have a winter spice latte that I’m partial to.”
“Which one has no nutmeg?”
“Peppermint mocha it is then. That’ll be $43.85. You can pick up your order at the other end of the counter.”
“Thanks, Elle. See you in a few days, Mort.”
Thesan walked down the counter and joined the group of customers waiting for their orders to be completed, a last wag of his eyebrows at Azriel as he turned away. He shook his head as he pulled out his wallet, his eyes automatically scanning for a ten plus extra to put in the tip jar. He knew Cerri and Nuala were paid well, but oftentimes that came at her expense- something she accidentally admitted a few months ago. As he looked up- he didn’t have to force the easy smile to his face as she placed the bag and his latte next to the register.
“Mort?”
“It’s a bit of a story. Got time for a break today?”
“Yeah, I should- it looks like there are just a few orders to help the twins with. You somehow seem to always time things just right.”
“It’s a skill.”
“Quit flirting with the lady so I can get my fucking order.”
He froze and then slowly placed his order back on the counter. Thesan locked eyes with him for a moment and gave a quick shake of his head. He already knew better than to do anything unless he was provoked, but his entire body strained with a need to let loose on the bastard. The brawler that still lived in him did not want to walk a way. He would try not to make a scene- he would make sure Elain was safe. Her smile did not falter, but her eyes narrowed. She was angry- an emotion he rarely saw play across her features. As he turned to face the man, he watched him balk- he knew the promise in his eyes and he was willing to deliver on it.
“I think you’ve confused my bakery with your home. Let’s try that again, Sal.”
“Sorry, Elle. Shit day. Just want a muffin of the day and a black coffee.”
“That’ll be $7.48- you know the drill, Sal.”
He kept his eyes firmly on Sal as he paid and then ducked around him to walk to the other end of the counter. His eyes flicked over to hers and she gave him a subtle nod. She was fine, he should pick a spot and wait. He made his way over to one of the couches and settled there, opening his bag to find an extra croissant hidden under his muffin. A quick scan of the display case let him know it was an experiment and he smiled to himself. Being one of her unofficial taste-testers was something that warmed his heart. He alternated his gaze between the dwindling group of customers and Elain helping to fill their orders. One of the first things he noticed about her was her ease in this space- it was part of why he asked her to join him that first time. He knew what it was like to be at ease at work, he just rarely saw it outside of the ER.
The bell jingled once again- the last customer leaving with their order and he caught the flutter of her apron being tossed to the side. Her hair swept up in a ponytail, thick cardigan over a floral dress with boots and goodness knew how many pairs of tights. She was always a bit cold, even in the bakery. She took the seat next to him- their bodies almost touching- and then reached over to pull the croissant out of his bag.
“You good?”
“With Sal? Yeah. He can be a grumpy old man sometimes. He usually only does that when a guy is giving me the creeps though. Here- try.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s a health code violation.”
“I know you- Mort- and if I want an opinion this’ll be the only way I get it.”
“If I tell you the story of Mort- will you switch back to calling me, Az?”
“As long as you keep calling me Lainey- absolutely. But first- taste test. For spring- I’m working on an orange pistachio filled croissant to go with the citrus pistachio muffins. This is pistachio extract in the croissant dough and an orange infused cream. I’ve tried the other way and- I don’t know…the flavors work- but neither is what I am imagining.”
His lips twitched upwards as she tore off a small piece of only the croissant and handed it to him, his shoulders released as tension melted out of him. Until the next customer came in- she was his and his alone. He diligently chewed through each piece of her latest creation and finally nodded. He agreed- something in the ratio was wrong- but he needed time to mull it over.
“Mort is short for Mortwyn. Almost everyone gets a nickname or two in residency. When I was a fellow working through the critical care program, Thesan was one of my attendings. There was this older Russian man who got admitted to the ICU- I don’t remember for what. His wife freaked about Dr. Death being assigned to his case- myort means dead and well- she was superstitious and wanted me kicked off the case.”
“Az- that’s terrible.”
“That’s a Tuesday when the family is concerned about their loved one- no one thinks rationally when someone they care about is in critical condition. They just want every chance that they’ll survive. Thesan convinced her that I was the best for his care. He walked out a week later- a few pounds lighter and with a strict order to cut back on his smoking- but alive. He’s called me Mort ever since- but especially when we know we’re about to have a surge in cases.”
“You’re not going to convince me that the full moon has anything to do with more cases. I refuse to believe that.”
“Not the full moon this time- although I think if you ever sat in an ER on a regular night versus a full moon- you’d change your mind. But no- after any major storm- we have a surge in cases. There’s no way to get to us during the storm and small infections can turn into life threatening ones in a few days if the conditions are right. I’ll be staying at the hospital and the first shift after we expect it to clear will have more staffing but…”
“There will be a lot of deaths you can’t prevent.”
“Yeah. Yeah, Lainey.”
“Jesus, that’s dark.”
“It’s the only humor most ICU and ER docs have. I’m not saying it’s a healthy coping mechanism, but it is a coping mechanism. Something is off in your ratio. Are you just using orange juice or does that have zest too?”
“Let me grab my testing notebook- I’ll be right back.”
She jumped up and he grabbed her wrist. He’d seen the slight tremor in her hands before, his eyes always assessing, always seeing what she tried to hide. In the past it meant she was surviving on only coffee and he was sure based on her speech that it was the same today.
“Get yourself some food too- I’m in no hurry.”
A blush rose to her cheeks as she gave him a quick nod and he heard a plate be placed on the counter. Nuala gave him a grateful nod and he ducked his head away. It was one thing to care for Lainey when it was only the two of them, it was another when her staff witnessed it. He couldn’t exactly stick to this being strictly due to him being a doctor. Doctors didn’t have regular meals with their patients in a bakery that they owned on the wrong side of the park, away from his apartment, on at least a weekly basis.
“Got it!”
She pushed the notebook into his hands as she crammed half a spinach and feta breakfast pocket in her mouth. He glanced at the notebook and then up at her, her handwriting was nearly as bad as his. He deciphered the various attempts she made at this recipe, the miniscule edits to try to get it right. He knew that she normally tested at least three variants of any new recipe before she gave it to him. If this notebook was accurate- she had tested this recipe over ten times and must have finally decided to just give it to him and hope he could help.
He quietly ate through his muffin and sipped on his tea as he examined her notes. She was a great baker- otherwise it would be impossible for her to have this bakery- and he could see the method to her madness. Small changes. Established recipes. Firm knowledge in what should work and yet this particular treat was a flop and they both knew it.
“Have you thought about orange curd instead of orange infused cream?”
“I have. It just feels like it would be too heavy and I know the cream is too light…I just…”
“Maybe, you let this recipe rest, Lainey. You’re too hard on yourself.”
“Says the man that thinks he can save everyone.”
“It takes one to know one. I’m also not the baker of our pair- what do I know? Are you going to ride out the blizzard somewhere safe?”
“Yeah, the spare apartment space upstairs. If something happens here it’s easiest to be on site and at least be able to turn off the water and stop the damage from getting worse.”
He took in her eyes at the quiet challenge, his senses screaming at him. This building was solid, he knew it had weathered many a blizzard in the years it had been here, but something felt wrong. He shook his head. This was silly. She spent hours here each day- often by herself for long stretches of time. If she thought she was safe to stay here during the storm- then he needed to trust her and try not to see danger around every corner.
“You’ve got back up power? An alternate heat source? Extra blankets?”
Her hand caught his and gave it a gentle squeeze. He tried to let the reassurance wash over him. He tried to focus on her confidence in this plan and not on his own concerns. She gave him a private smile and leaned in a bit closer, her shoulder brushing with his as he forced himself to nod. She was not his to protect or worry or fret over and if she let him, it was another thing that would bloom between them. Something that would just make it more painful when he watched her fall in love with someone else. He gave her hand a squeeze back and then began gathering his trash- he needed to get some sleep and he had spent too long here.
“Yes, Azriel. I’ll be safe and careful- I promise.”
He wanted to believe that, He wanted to believe her, but his entire body screamed at him that this was wrong. He should get her somewhere else, he needed to get her somewhere else.
“If you makes you feel better, Azriel. We can have a breakfast date after the storm breaks. I’ll see you here at 8?”
He caught the hope in her eyes, even as everything in his body said that he should tell her no and run away from this. But he wanted this. He wanted her. And he had never given in to anything that he wanted- he never thought he deserved something he wanted this badly. Her offer shook him and he found himself nodding- the smile on her face radiant and a single thought crossed his mind. He would do whatever he could to see that smile on her face more often.