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“Hey Astra, have you tried Champ's new panini sauce yet?” Benny called as Astra walked into the kitchen.
“Uh, I don't think so.” Astra replied, trying to brush him off. It didn't work.
“Well you gotta! This might be his best one yet!” Benny said, holding a panini or toward her. Astra held back a gag, she'd gotten more used to food since she'd moved out of her mother's house, but her system still wasn't really used to food even all these years later.
“Benny, you say that about every new sauce I make,” Champaign replied, rolling his eyes affectionately.
“That's because every time you outdo yourself!” Benny enthusiastically replied.
“That's ok Benny, I'm not hungry.” Astra refused as politely as she could, stepping past him. That might not have been true, she could be feeling nauseous because she was hungry or because she really wasn't hungry, she could never truly tell. Vasilia gave her a knowing look,
“When was the last time you ate?” She asked deliberately.
“This morning,” Astra said too fast. It was true to a point. She'd stolen two bites of Sterling's breakfast burrito which was pretty much a full meal for her. Kate had gotten mad at her for it, but Sterling knew enough about her condition to be fine with it.
“Really?” Vasilia asked skeptically. She knew more than most, it was kind of annoying really. Astra preferred not to be reminded of having to eat. Besides, she could eat when she really needed to… as long as she was a dragon when she ate.
“I mean, she ate a little bit this morning,” Benny vouched for her.
“But not a full meal, right?” Vasilia side eyed Astra.
“I mean, I don't know. I didn't see her eat a full meal, but she could've ate more after I left.” Benny thought out loud. Astra shuffled her feet uncomfortably,
“Anyway, I need to make cookie dough so…” she trailed off stepping past them.
“Just the dough?” Champaign asked.
“Yeah, I'm making it for Sterling and he prefers the dough, but I should probably bake some of it later for Alexis.” Astra explained.
“What kind are you making?” Champ probed further.
“Double chocolate, or maybe triple chocolate. It kinda depends on what kind of chips we have. I'll probably add peanut butter chips too if we have them.” Astra replied, rummaging through the cupboards. Champaign stood up and walked over to her,
“I can start off the cookie dough, it sounds like you need to eat.” He offered.
“I'm fine Doc.” Astra insisted, trying to back away. She didn't get that far before she ran into the cupboards though. Champaign noticed and stepped to the side to give her a way out. Astra took it immediately,
“Don't worry about it guys, I don't need to eat as much as you. It's an overseer thing.” Astra half lied. Being an overseer did lessen her need to eat, but that was never the reason she ate less.
“Friend Astra, you need to eat a full meal every once in a while.” Vasilia asserted.
“I do!” Astra defended herself. Benny walked up and put an arm around her shoulder,
“Hey, I'm not lying when I say this'll be the best sandwich you ever did have. You'll regret not trying at least one bite.” Benny reassured her, holding out a panini again. Astra glanced at all of them, they all looked back at her with concern. She sighed, it would probably be fine, it was just one sandwich right? She'd eaten that much and been fine, so it should be fine now. Especially since she hadn't eaten a big meal this week.
“Ok,” Astra agreed, taking the sandwich. They all cheered like this was some big accomplishment. Astra chuckled at their antics before taking a bite.
“So?” Benny asked,
“It's the best sandwich you ever did have right?” Astra tilted her head,
“I suppose, but I haven't had that many sandwiches in my life, so it's not exactly a high bar.” Benny gasped and clutched his pearls,
“You need to have more of Champ's panini’s.” he decided.
“Eeeh maybe, I prefer my meat much rarer but it is good.” Astra admitted. She did appreciate Champaign taking over making the cookie dough while she ate though, she really wanted to get that done. The others went back to eating as well, that made her nauseous too. Just imagining eating that much that fast. Astra decided to keep her eyes on the floor. One slow bite at a time she did finish the sandwich. It was good, and if she could feel full then she probably would be right now. She got up,
“Ok, I can take over making the cookie dough now.” She said walking over to Champ.
“You're just gonna eat one? How can you not want to eat all of them?” Benny asked in disbelief.
“Like I said, I don't need to eat as much.” Astra tittered.
“One sandwich is not a full meal, Friend Astra.” Vasilia asserted. Astra froze,
“It's not?”
“No, you have to eat at least three.” Vasilia stated.
“Vasilia, you eat more than the average person anyway, leave her be.” Champaign retorted. He'd picked up on her reluctance to eat, and wanted to handle it delicately. He'd had friends with eating disorders before and knew that forcing Astra to eat more might not be the best solution, both for getting her to trust them to get her into healthy eating patterns and for her current health.
“Doctor Champaign, if we don't make her eat now she won't eat for weeks. I've seen it happen. It's not good. She needs to eat a full meal!” Vasilia nearly shouted. That took both Benny and Champaign aback. They all looked at Astra with concern.
“I'm getting better about it,” she murmured in her own defence.
“You need to eat.” Vasilia insisted.
“... Ok,” Astra relented. Looking at the food was starting to make her nauseous again, but she could handle one more bite. It was just one more bite, she could do that. Astra felt the others staring at her as she swallowed. Ok, that wasn't too bad. One more bite, she told herself as she took another. She could handle one more bite. The others finally looked away, and went back to doing other things. Good. Astra swallowed again. Her stomach was starting to get upset, but not too upset for one more bite. One more bite to not let them down. Starving kids in Africa and all that right? She swallowed again. They wanted her to eat the whole thing, she wasn't sure she could do that, but she could eat one more bite. Just one more bite. It wasn't a battle to swallow that time. Definitely not. It might be a battle to swallow after eating the whole thing, but it wouldn't be too hard to take one more bite. Thankfully, Astra had a distraction as she swallowed this bite.
“Hey, I heard Sterling was getting cookie dough?” Heath asked hopefully as he and Sterling walked into the kitchen. One more bite.
“I told Heath he could have some, and now he's fiending.” Sterling explained. Just one more bite.
“I am not fiending!” Heath nearly pushed Sterling over. One more bite, just one more.
“Yeah sure, whatever.” Sterling laughed. One more.
“Did you pawn it off on the Doc, Astra?” Heath joked, turning to her. Astra was too uncomfortable to tell it was a joke,
“Wha- I- He offered!” It's fine, one more bite. Heath put his hands up,
“It's alright, I believe you.” He reassured her. One more bite. Sterling walked over to her looking concerned,
“Hey, are you ok, are you sure this is a good idea?” He asked, gesturing to the sandwich. Astra swallowed heavily.
“It's fine Sterling,” she lied. No, no, keep it down. One more bite- but it was too much. Astra froze with the panini in her mouth. Swallow it, just swallow it- but she couldn't. Astra put the sandwich down and ran out of the room.
“Get her water, now!” Sterling ordered running out after her.
Astra ran to the nearest bathroom, and just barely made it in time for all the food she'd tried to eat to come back up. She was supposed to keep it down, what was she going to do now? Right then she could barely hold her hair out of her face. Astra felt hands hold back her hair for her, that would help. When her body was done, she collapsed back to her knees. Tears were spilling down her face. She looked back at Sterling,
“I couldn't finish it.”
“I know, it's ok.” Sterling smiled at her reassuringly.
“I'm sorry,” Astra sniffled. She turned to the others who'd gathered behind Sterling. Heath sat down next to her,
“What happened?” He asked gently.
“I couldn't finish it.” Astra repeated just as dejected as before.
“Finish what?” Heath asked, confused.
“Her sandwich,” Sterling answered for her,
“Astra has trouble with eating.” He explained.
“Oh,” Heath replied, he looked even more concerned than before. He put a comforting hand on Astra's back.
“I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!” Astra cried, burying her face in her hands.
“It's alright,” Champaign said, kneeling beside her and holding out a glass of water. Astra looked up at him and gratefully took it. She tried to take a sip, but as soon as it entered her mouth she had to spit it out.
“Thanks, but I don't think I can force anything else down.” She croaked. Her throat hurt a lot, but forcing anything down, even something that would help her aching throat, wouldn't be good. Especially if she just threw it up again. Luckily Champaign just nodded in understanding and took the water back. He put the glass and put it on the sink before kneeling back down.
“Astra, do you have some sort of eating disorder?” Champaign asked.
“No, or I don't think so. Eating disorders usually have to do with body image issues and this doesn't have anything to do with that.” Astra explained. Benny handed her a wet washcloth to clean her mouth with.
“Thanks,” she replied. She wiped her mouth. Heath scooted closer to her,
“If this isn't an eating disorder, then what is it?” He probed.
“I'm just used to not eating. My- my mother wouldn't make me food. And when I got old enough to make food for her, I wasn't allowed to eat it unless she told me I could, which wasn't often. When I was old enough I ran away to some random dimension, and I didn't have any money, and I was homeless, so I didn't get fed there either. It's just something I've always had to deal with. When I got my inheritance, I thought I'd be able to eat as much as I wanted, but that first night I nearly ate myself to death. I woke up with a tube down my throat getting the contents of my stomach pumped out. So I never ate that much again. I thought I'd get full like everyone else, but that never happens. I don't get hungry either, I think my body may have just given up. The only time I was really allowed and able to eat was when I hunted something myself. I'm not human, so I can handle raw meat. I am getting better about it though. When I'm a dragon I can eat just fine. My dragon body hasn't been through the same things as my regular body, so I can eat properly in it. But this just now was too much for me.” Astra hung her head. The others just stared at her unsure of how to respond. Heath pulled her into a hug. Astra buried her face in his shoulder and cried harder.
“I'm sorry I forced you to eat more Friend Astra.” Vasilia finally piped up.
“Yeah, I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pressured you.” Benny added.
“It's ok,” Astra sniffled,
“You were just worried. It's not like I told any of you about this,”
“We get it. This can't be easy to tell people about.” Heath assured her. Astra nodded, still looking guilty.
“Hey,” Sterling gently pushed her chin up so she'd look at him,
“You didn't have to tell us any of this, so thank you. Now we can help you better.” He smiled. Astra smiled back before remembering,
“I have to make you cookie dough.” She started to get up.
“You have to do nothing of the sort. Just rest. Once you can drink water you can work again.” Sterling asserted.
“Ok,” Astra agreed. Sterling stood up and helped Astra up. He pulled her to the nearest couch and sat her down.
“But what about-?”
“I'll finish it.” Champaign assured her before walking into the kitchen. The others followed him intending to help. When Sterling turned though, Astra grabbed his wrist. He turned back to her.
“Do you have to go?” She asked. Sterling smiled and sat down next to her,
“I can stay.”
Astra scooched closer and laid her head down on his shoulder. Sterling put an arm around her with practiced ease. Astra felt exhaustion overtaking her, but managed to get one more security blanket before she fell asleep,
“Don't let anything kill me in my sleep.” Sterling smiled at the order he'd gotten many times before,
“Don't worry, I won't.” With that Astra fell comfortably into sleep.