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That day everything felt to much. The second Gangle woke up the harsh stage lights shone on her dark eyes. Gangle forced her eyes open, taking a deep breath through her nose and out her mouth. She could tell immediately it would be a bad day.
By the time Gangle managed to force herself out of her room,everything had just seemed much more overwhelming. Her comedy mask itched against her skin, the bright colors of the circus were to much, and the sound of talking berated her brain. She wished desperately for a moment of quiet from everything, but here in the circus that seemed like nearly an impossible ask.
" Jax! I'm tired of you putting Centipedes in my room!" Ragatha's voice scolded. Her voice was angry, but it never was loud. Yet today it felt as though it was booming through Gangle's brain scratching it in a way that made her want to scream.
" Whatt~? Your first instinct is to blame me. I'm hurt Raggie, You know I would Never do that," he teased flicking his eyes back in a fake hurt and pressing his hand over his heart. Meanwhile Ragatha responded with a growl of frustration, pulling on the tight curls of her red yarn hair.
Gangle walked over to the breakfast table where Kinger, Zooble, and Pomni sat. Instinctively she settled next to her partner, Zooble, who gave her a nod as a form of greeting while they picked at their breakfast.
" What type of adventure do you think Caine is going to force us on today?" Their head tilted to look at her white glass face. Gangle knew they meant well trying to talk to her, but thoughts felt like to much against the overwhelm scraping at her head. Her body forced out a reply, short and quick.
" Don't know," Zooble frowned. They had gotten to known Gangle to the point they understood the way she reacted when overwhelmed. It was often she was quick, and short. They had learned to not take it personally. In this hell scape it made sense for people to get overwhelmed. Especially Gangle who was autistic and therefor prone to overstimulation.
" Overwhelmed?" Zooble asked,keeping their voice low. Gangle took a second to respond before nodding. " Are you gonna be okay?" Gangle nodded again. Zooble decided to give her some space to decompress.
The rest of the group gathered around the table, grabbing food onto their plates. The noise felt like a cloud of fog blurring up her brain.
To much,
To much,
At the table Kinger squealed in that loud excited voice he used when rambling about about some insect her had seen in an adventure a few weeks ago to Ragatha who scrapped absent mindedly at her plate. Jax was teasing Pomni, as she raised her voice in a playful manner to tell him to stop. Zooble stayed quiet, but Gangle felt their worried eyes grazing over her skin. All the noises overlapped in a disgusting manner rattling any sense of calm in her brain.
To much,
To much.
She wished desperately for everything to just pause. A moment of silence, free from the blinding lights, and screaming. She felt her brain trying to hide into the comfort of its own silence. An desperate attempt at escaping through zoning out. It was strange as part of it blocked out the general noise, but any closer noise felt worse as if it stabbed an overwhelming dizzying warmth into her brain.
She had no clue how long the overstimulating breakfast lasted for, until she was suddenly standing in front of the couches of the common area. It appears Caine had teleported them all, as Zooble was shoulder to shoulder with her and would have never come on their own accord. They could faintly hear Zooble trying to call her name but Caine's voice began to boom over the trope making her divert her attention to the ringleader.
" Hello my Radiant Ladybugs! I hope your all ready for today's adventure! " he cleared this throat before letting himself spin into the air pumping his feet excitedly.
" White water river rafting! That's right my lovely characters! You will be be going white water river rafting! But there is a catch! I couldn't just let you guys simply go down a tube in an mildly dangerous river! Instead the river will be extremely dangerous! Filled with water falls, and dangerous creatures! Work together with your fellow circus mates to make it to the end for a grand prize!" Caine was practically bouncing up and down, extremely excited to show his humans his art, but the adventure did not sound appealing at all. Let alone on today where everything already was to much. The bright lights of the artificial sun, the sound of water rushing against her ears as her ribbons eventually got drenched in water sounded like an nightmare.
She was ripped out of her thoughts by Jax's hands ripping her comedy mask off her. His hands where cold and plastic. It felt horrible against her own skin, sending a nervous chill down her spine.
Gangle was to overstimulated to protest Jax. She didn't trust her voice right now to work in her favor, and it would likely just lead to more noise. A dissatisfied hum came from the tall purple rabbit.
" Oh Gangle~? You still… here?" Jax question. She looked up at him, and his yellow smile was plastered on his face. His voice was loud and against her ear.
To much,
To much.
To much.
Jax would lift the comedy mask a little higher. Gangle was mildly aware of Zooble near by trying to get Jax to give it back. Yet Jax would let it slip out of his hands with a shrug.
"Oops," The noise as the glass of the comedy mask broke on the marble floor was excruciatingly loud.
To much,
to much.
To much!
TO MUCH!
Gangle desperately pressed her ribbon hands against her ears, squeezing her eyes tight to block out the light. Jax started to stammer something else, but stopped when Zooble reached out to her and she was met with the cool plastic hand of Zooble touch her shoulder. Gangle moved away as if the touch was fire against her skin. Their eyes peered onto her, turning into as close to a frown they could manage without a mouth.
"Uh Caine? I don't think Gangle should really go on an adventure today." their voice was hushed. Yet it still felt like to much for Gangle. Caine floated down to Gangle, looking over her hunched form trying to block out the overstimulating environment. Caine frowned itching the top of his jaw in confusion.
" Good idea, Zooble!" Zooble shot him a warning look, mouthing for him to be quieter. Caine rubbed the spot behind his molars, before saying in a whisper yell.
" She seems… overwhelmed. Since the health of your brain is my utmost priority, I think it would be in her best interest to stay here and rest!" he'd spin around before pointing his staff at Jax.
"And Jax will stay with her!" Gangle felt her heart sink. Jax was the last person she wanted to be around right now.
Ragatha hummed out a concerned response, "Jax? You really think that's a great idea?" Jax would have normally responded with some sarcastic phrase, but he was quiet as he seemed to have realized Gangle wasn't okay.
" Yeah. Don't you think I should stay with Gangle? Considering she's my girlfriend?" Zooble said frustrated. The AI paused for a second, before he nodded his head in agreement.
" Zooble will stay with Gangle! I'm sorry you haft to miss out on today's adventure!" Zooble sighed, they would probably be biting their lip if they had a pair. Truthfully, both Zooble and Gangle would much rather be in the closest thing to home in this circus than Caine's adventure. Caine would began to open the portal, as the rest of the crew slid out to go onto their adventure of the day.
"Let's get you to your room, Gangle" Zooble whispered trying to stay as quiet as possible.
"Sorry," Gangle muttered.
"No need," Gangle said shoving off the comment with their hand.
Zooble didn't turn on the lights of Gangle's room, instead they grab a blanket and drape it over a stage light to block out the lights to make the room as dark as possible. The stage lights where honestly one of the worst parts about Gangle's room. They were always there. Bright, bold, and loud.
Gangle would let her body sink onto her bed. The fabric soft and familiar and her ribbon legs pulled tight against her chest providing a nice pressure. Zooble paced her the bucket of fidgets she kept in her room to self soothe. Gangle reached in and grabbed a cylinder with tiny spikes. It always felt nice against her ribbon skin, a nice since of stimuli she could control.
"Anything I can get for you?" Zooble asked in a hush toned. Despite their best efforts it still was overwhelming. Gangle didn't trust her voice and resulted to shaking her head.
"Do you wanna be alone?" Gangle nodded, her ribbon hands rubbing the fidget between themselves. Zooble nodded, opening the door as quietly as possible before letting Gangle be fully in the comfort of the quiet.
Relief washed over her as she was finally alone. She let her self breath in the comfort. Quiet. The spikes of the toy felt nice and cool against her as she rubbed it up what was or would have been her forearm if she was still in a human body.
Up and down.
Up and down.
Up and down. She could feel her body begin to relax, settling into the warmth of her bed. Then she rotate the spike to go across diagonally of her thighs.
Left and right.
Left and right.
Left and right.
Everything felt calm again, peaceful if anything in the tranquility of the room. She didn't think she could go and brave the overstimulation of the outside, but it was better now. Gangle lifted herself against her bed, keeping her thighs putting the nice pressure against her chest. Her hands reached instinctively for her sketch book. Art was always a nice way to calm down. Often it was one of the only things that could silence her overwhelmed brain.
She began sketching, just pages of single eyes. Some from NPCS, her fellow circus members, or animes she had watched before being the fatefully day she put on that headset. Eyes where familiar, something she always found herself sketching when she didn't feel the desire or energy to fully concentrate. She also had to admit that the feeling of a pencil in her hand drawing the rough outline of ovals felt nice to repeat over and over. So she did until she had reached 3 pages filled with eyes littering the whole page.
She sighed as she flipped through the pages feeling them graze against her hands. She was glad that in the circus she couldn't get paper cuts from the pages rubbing to quick against her fingers. Her eyes traced over the drawings she had done over the years. Strangely, her sketch book never seemed to have an limited amount of pages, more pages would simply come before she could run out of them. Yet the sketchbook never seemed to get bigger from the more pages. She decided to not question it.
A knocking on the door brought Gangle out of her thoughts. She felt mentally exhausted but she responded, agreeing to let them come in. Zooble's triangle head peaked in with a soft, but concerned smile. Gangle waved at them softly which seemed to reassure them.
"Are you doing better?" they'd close the door behind them. Their voice still soft and calm.Gangle Nodded, patting for her partner to join.Their body sunk into the bed close, but not touching next to hers. Out of their pocket, which they had none but the circus mainly ran on cartoon logic so it was best to not question it, pulled out Gangle's broken comedy mask and handed it to her. Gangle accepted it with a gracious nod, but didn't put it on instead tracing the eyes with her hand.
"Thanks Zooble. For everything," Gangle said softly. Talking still felt like a lot, but Gangle manged to push through it slightly.
" No need. I care about you. I want you to be comfortable," they paused for a second, unsure how to tread the topic " I haven't seen you so overstimulated before. I'm worried about you". Gangle hummed softly, she offered her hand to Zooble, who let their hand intertwine with hers.
" Bad day. When I woke up everything was just already to much. The best way I can describe it is my body just… freezes? Like I'm trying to escape the overstimulation. Everything is too loud, talking feels too much, any form of stimuli is exhausting. When I was in therapy, my therapist referred to it as a shut down". Zooble listed quietly, tracing their girlfriend's palm in soft loops. She let her body sink into the soft touch, leaning against their shoulder.
"My mask felt strange against my face. Everything was to bright, too loud, and just to much. Then Jax breaking my mask was just the breaking point," Gangle sighed now placing the comedy mask to her side.
"He's an asshole," Zooble grunted, before shaking their head to get themselves back on topic, " Is there anything I can do for you when you're having a shutdown or to avoid one?"
Gangle paused for a second. " I think in the circus there will always be days like This. It was like this outside where I would shut down at McDonald. It comes with the territory of being autistic. As for what to do, it's hard to say. I've always been alone through things like this. People don't tend to notice, they think I've just gone quiet."
Zooble wrapped their arm around Gangle's shoulder, pulling her closer. "You shouldn't haft to go through it alone. You deserve to be accommodated,"
" What normally helps is just being alone. Time to decompress in a quiet space. You helped a lot Zooble,"
"I'm glad I did. Is there anything I can do for you now?"
Gangle hesitated, " I like having you close. Just stay here and hangout with me," A smile lined Zooble's eyes as they agreed, pulling her closer to their own body.