Chapter Text
Nakamura flipped through the pages of the newest installment of Lovable Lunches, admiring his fictional idol Makunouchi, he would use this manga as a reference guide to getting Hirose closer to him. But after many failed attempts, he realized he will never be a confident, charismatic, and normal guy like Makunouchi is. While he acknowledges Lovable Lunches is fiction, he yearns for the love Taku and Makunouchi have for each other—wishing to share the same experiences they share with Hirose.
Hirose was absent at school today, so Nakamura’s day was notoriously worse. Not only that, lowlives kept making fun of him all day for his “weird” mannerisms, tripping him in the halls and whispering nasty remarks as if Nakamura couldn’t hear them. Nakamura developed a weird liking for the bullying, since Hirose would often defend him and it would make the other’s heart flutter. It was a weird thing, but anything to have the beautiful brown haired boy pay attention to him. But since Hirose wasn’t there to defend him, it just served as a reminder of how pathetic Nakamura feels inside.
With every page he turned, the pain in his heart grew worse. Before, he was okay with being friends with Hirose. He was okay with standing by the sidelines and seeing his beloved cruise through life. But now Nakamura realizes it was just an excuse, since he doesn’t feel worthy of Hirose’s love. “Would Hirose love a weird octopus-loving autistic guy?” Nakamura thought to himself. He then voiced his concerns to Icchan. The pet octopus in his room. Nakamura brought himself off of his bed, placing down his manga as he kneeled down in front of the mini aquarium. He had no one to talk to, most of his classmates either disliked him or Nakamura didn’t trust them with his feelings. And Hirose would find him weird, why would he want to know about the napkin-crushing octopus weirdo? I mean, Hirose thinks of him as a friend—but Nakamura constantly craves reassurance from him. He feels too insecure to believe that Hirose genuinely wants to spend time with him.
“Icchan, what should I do?” Nakamura asked longingly, dragging his fingers across the glass containing his octopus. Icchan was the only person—well, animal—that the black haired boy could rely on. “I wanna die.” He mumbled as he clenched his hand into a fist, staring at Icchan’s swift movements. He could relate to his octopus in a way, how people judged octopuses for their “unnatural” behavior and appearance. How they were hard to love. He thought of himself like that, too. Nakamura had also felt like he had developed some sort of codependency towards Hirose, like his self worth depends on what Hirose thinks of him.
Which brings him to dig his nails and drag them across his arms infuriatingly. He’s beyond frustrated for making a fool out of himself every time he dares talk to his beloved. It’s gotten a little better over time, yet those embarrassing moments from the not-so-distant past always come back to haunt him. He winced as he scratched, this has become a recurring, painful bad habit for him every time he’s frustrated with himself.
Wallowing in the burning sensation of his scratched skin, he got up, bid adieu to his pet octopus Icchan, and crashed on his bed. Tears engulfed his eyes as he tried to snap out of the negativity coursing through his brain at rapid speeds. Nakamura simply wasn’t able to be left alone with his own thoughts. His mind was home to nothing but thoughts of Hirose, self deprecation, and his beloved sea animals. Nakamura found solace in his special interests; yet sometimes it leads to him drowning in fear of being judged.
Remembering Hirose’s inspiring words— “Be true to who you are,” The motto that has been fueling Nakamura’s being for what feels like a millenia—Nakamura shut down the uncontrollable voices spreading negativity and drifted off into his slumber, pretending the pillow he’s hugging is none other than Hirose. He would also hold his own hand for so long until it felt like someone else’s—specifically the light-brown haired boy. Whatever helped him sleep at night.
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
Much to Nakamura’s demise, he woke up the following morning. His eyes ached from all of the tears he had cried, and his pillow was wet. He hoped that maybe today, he'd be able to share a cute moment with Hirose to boost his spirits. The black haired boy reluctantly got off his bed after many alarm snoozes, said good morning to Icchan, and got ready for school.
He left his home, picked up his bike, and rode it to school. He couldn’t deny it was a beautiful day. Yet, Nakamura couldn’t help but think that the day would look more beautiful with Hirose by his side. His pretty sun-kissed skin, followed by his light brown hair and sweet personality, Nakamura could bathe in it all. “Obsessed” was an understatement. He wanted all Hirose had to offer. Museums simply couldn’t compare, and no amount of sightseeing was enough to compete with Hirose’s natural beauty. Atleast, in Nakamura’s eyes.
Nakamura often daydreams about confessing all of this to Hirose. Would he appreciate it, or think the boy was a creep for being so desperately in love? Yet again, Nakamura understands Hirose is a kindhearted guy. But sometimes his brain loves to create false scenarios in which his beloved shuts down his feelings and ridicules him for it, which leads to Nakamura sobbing over his mind’s baseless nightmares. Its a fight against himself everyday, Nakamura wants nothing more than to quiet down his unsupportive conscience and just go for it.
After several minutes of biking to school in a war against his own thoughts, Nakamura entered the schoolhouse, took off his outside shoes, changed into his indoor ones, and walked to his homeroom class—where he hoped to see Hirose doing well. He still doesn’t know why the other boy skipped school the day before. As Nakamura sat down in his seat, he saw the light amidst the seemingly endless dark tunnel, the one and only Hirose. Nakamura was tired of sitting by the sidelines and falling behind. No one had asked him yet why he didn’t come to school yesterday. Nakamura needed to be the first.
He had to. He was SICK of being overshadowed by everyone else.
The boy just had to find the courage in him to ask.
Like his troubled mind, his expression looked troubled, too. Nakamura wasn’t the type of guy to easily conceal his emotions. He’s had a bad day, so it appears in his face. And unbeknownst to poor Nakamura, he was subconsciously picking and scratching at his skin. Both Hirose and Nakamura got to school relatively earlier than usual, so there weren’t many people in homeroom yet. Leading to a perfect circumstance in which Hirose would notice him.
So he did. With a quick peek to his side, Nakamura sat there subconsciously carrying out his bad, painful habit southeast of Hirose. The light haired boy noticed this, and concern quickly crept up on his face. Hirose stood up and approached the other boy.
“Hey… Nakamura? You doing okay? Do you have a mosquito bite or something…?” Hirose asked with a genuine concern for his wellbeing. Nakamura, shaken at Hirose’s sudden appearance, snapped out of his chain of negative thoughts and quickly replied.
“H-Hirose! Yes, I’m fine.. I… I was just worried—about you!” Nakamura replied, fidgeting with his hands. Hirose being the one to come up to him was perfect, he could finally use this opportunity to be the first one to ask him why’d he miss school; and hopefully prove to the shorter boy that Nakamura cares about his wellbeing.
“About me..? How so?” Hirose chuckled. He enjoyed spending time with Nakamura. He felt as if with him, he can be honest with himself and talk about whatever he wants. It felt liberating.
“Yes! You weren’t in class yesterday, and I—well, we… Were worried about how you were doing. Basically I.. Was meaning to ask you if you’re feeling well or not.” Nakamura was noticeably nervous every time he spoke to Hirose. Not that Hirose minded, he found it amusing and something special about Nakamura’s character, but it was worse before, and now that they’re both officially friends, at least the shy, black haired boy was able to form coherent sentences.
“Ah.. About that.” Hirose gently got closer to Nakamura’s face and whispered into his ear, “I wasn’t at school because I didn’t do that super big project due yesterday and I had to complete it all that day so I can come in today saying I was sick… So I can have an excuse to turn it in late.” Hirose backed away and giggled while awkwardly scratching his head.
Before Nakamura could process Hirose’s words, he was pink all over from his proximity. The boy’s sweet voice was so close to his ear, he felt as if he could melt. Nakamura could get flustered at anything, really. After finding out the reason, he let out a sigh of relief knowing Hirose’s doing well and found his way of getting around a late assignment endearing.
“That’s so you..” Nakamura giggled. His day was already brightened by having this—however short—conversation with Hirose. He was still drained from his crying himself to sleep last night, and his mind is still out of control, but whatever it may be, Nakamura was extremely grateful Hirose noticed him at a low point.
His happiness was short-lived, unfortunately. Hirose’s friends just arrived at the classroom, dragging him away from Nakamura. He felt a dangerous envy every time this happened, and he felt as if he was falling behind when Hirose’s attention was directed to his other friends instead of himself.
Hirose, however, would choose Nakamura in a room full of his classmates. He was an easy person to talk to, and while awkward, Hirose thought of him as kindhearted. Hirose admired and appreciated his interests, and loved to listen in to his frequent rambles about octopuses. The only thing Nakamura needs to secure more time with him is a singular push. He managed to snatch him in the Yokohama trip, showing improvement—yet he needs to continue pushing for Hirose. He needs to reconcile that strength he had to call out for him in Yokohama.
Nakamura, desperately trying to come up with a reason to bring Hirose back, found himself repeatedly tapping his pen onto his notebook. Until his time had run out, and his homeroom teacher had walked into the room—marking the beginning of class. He felt hopeless, why was it so hard to just spend time with Hirose?
Lunch time had arrived after a few grueling hours of wanting nothing but Hirose’s attention. As Nakamura took out his bento box to have lunch, he noticed Hirose left the classroom with his lunch. Normally, he eats with his classmates inside.
“Hey guys, I’ll be having lunch elsewhere today. Hope you don’t mind!” Hirose said with his signature playful attitude as he walked out of the classroom, ignoring the “You think you’re better than us?” reply from one of his friends.
Nakamura thought this was odd, and while he didn’t want to be a creep, curiosity fueled him into following the light haired boy. I mean, the only reason Nakamura had his lunch inside the classroom was because Hirose did too. If it weren’t for him, Nakamura would go back to having lunch on a secluded bench in the courtyard by himself, reading his sacred Boy’s Love manga.
Nakamura—being as sneaky as he could possibly be—stood up from his desk and nonchalantly followed Hirose to where he was headed. To his surprise, Hirose sat down and ate in the same secluded bench in the courtyard Nakamura sat in before. However, the awkward boy could only be so sneaky. Nakamura didn’t really account for how noisy the bush he was hiding behind would be, so naturally Hirose’s attention was brought to it.
“N-Nakamura?” Asked Hirose. “How was his intuition so keen?!” Nakamura silently thought to himself. Being exposed, he frantically stood up, brushing the leaves from his uniform and quickly muttered his response.
“Hirose! It’s you! I was… Just trying to find my notebook which I might have dropped here! Good news, it’s right here!” Nakamura frantically reached for the first book-shaped thing in his bag, and presented it to Hirose. “Found it! Phew!”
“…. That’s what you call a notebook?” Hirose giggled. Nakamura, confused by his response, glanced at what he had pulled out of his bag.
Lovable Lunches, the same manga he had been reading the night before.
Today marks the death of Okuto Nakamura. He quickly put it away and his face beamed red from embarrassment. There’s another moment he could reflect on late at night.
“Isn’t that the same manga that was lost a while ago? Ah, Nakamura, I had a feeling it was yours! You have this weird tendency to be embarrassed of the things you like. Just be yourself.” Hirose reassured Nakamura.
Everything Hirose says just makes Nakamura fall for the boy even more. He was beautiful, kind-hearted, and understanding. Nakamura just knew he would be replaying those same words in his head for centuries to come. Still embarrassed, Nakamura inquired about Hirose’s unusual whereabouts in a desperate attempt to change the topic.
“So… Uhm. Why are you eating here? Don’t you normally eat inside of the classroom?” Nakamura asked, putting away his manga while still red-faced. Hirose’s smile faltered a bit at the question, but he knew he had to be honest.
“Sometimes, I need some space, y’know? I don’t wanna be mean or anything, but they annoy me at times. They talk about the same things and it kinda bothers me. They’re good people—I just need some peace and quiet at times.” He didn’t know why he was telling Nakamura all this, maybe it was because Hirose felt safe around him, like he was someone you could rely on to understand. Nakamura was easy to talk to, and he needed to let some things out.
“I-I see. Do you want me to head out then..?” The black haired boy wanted to be considerate. After all, he related to Hirose all too well. I mean, he was the only person Nakamura actually wanted to be around.
Hirose protested. “No! Well, I said I wanted space but.. From them. Not you. Y’know Nakamura, you’re really fun to be around. I don’t mind if its you.” Hirose’s sweet words, followed by his even sweeter smile, made Nakamura’s heart burst right then and there. And if things couldn’t get any better, Hirose signaled for the other boy to sit next to him by patting on the empty space in the bench Hirose was sitting at. Nakamura almost ran there, his heart beating at the speed of a racecar.
This interaction was followed by an ecstatic Nakamura spending time with Hirose during their lunch break, they spoke about a variety of things while enjoying their food. Nakamura wanted time to stop right there. If he dropped dead right now, he would die happy.
Hirose chuckled at one of Nakamura’s jokes, before asking a question the other boy thought he would never ask.
“Dude, do you wanna walk home together after school?”
Not because of a necessity like last time, but because he wanted to. Hirose actually asked him to walk home together. Nakamura thought his day couldn’t get any better.
“Oh—yeah! Of course! I’ll be happy to.” He answered with a wide grin. The widest grin he’s had in a hot minute.