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Ai didn’t know if the one person she had set her mind on distancing from being at her doorstep the very same day she had chosen to leave for the hospital was fate, or her luck was just odd. The moment she opened the door, there was Hikaru Kamiki, about to ring the doorbell, his blue eyes as wide and surprised as hers. She could swear there was fondness too.
“Where were you going?” Hikaru blinked.
“Why are you here?” While Ai’s tone wasn’t accusatory, there was uncertainty in her voice. “I told you that we should stop seeing each other.”
Hikaru didn’t comment on that, his eyes switching from Ai’s sparkling eyes to her very prominent belly. “When are you due?”
Ai clicked her tongue, having forgotten she was almost nine months pregnant for a second. “I really don’t mean to be rude, Hikaru, but that’s not any of your business anymore.”
Hikaru, however, didn’t come all the way to give up so easily. “Half of that kid’s genes are mine, so I think it’s very much my business. When are you due, Ai?” He repeated.
“Soon,” Ai refused to give away more than necessary. “Can you please answer my question?”
“Ai, I told you to not open the door–” Saito Ichigo emerged from behind her. “Who is he?!”
“Calm down, he’s a friend who knows about the pregnancy,” Ai tried to lighten the mood, hoping Saito would buy that lie. Another one to her list. “Can you give us a moment?”
“Sure,” Saito took a step back, still a bit hesitant.
“Come in, I suppose,” Ai turned around, walking inside the apartment again. “Close the door.”
Sitting on the couch of an empty living room, Ai stroked her belly first thing. She was trying to keep her cool – Hikaru was actually the one person to which lying to was so painful that she wasn’t sure that her natural capability to mask her feelings would come to help. It had almost been nine months, and her chest still tightened every time she looked at him.
“So,” Ai took a deep breath before asking the same question as before. “What brought you here? And please stop dancing around the subject.”
“I assumed you would be giving birth soon and wanted to check on you,” Hikaru shrugged. “I’m sorry if that bothered you, but I couldn’t help it.”
“I’m not bothered, but I told you that it wasn’t necessary,” Ai shook her head, knowing Hikaru’s eyes were on her but unable to meet his gaze. “You can keep living your life as if nothing happened, I won’t spawn out of nowhere to ask for a paternity test. Promise.”
“I don’t need one, I know that child’s mine,” Hikaru resisted the urge to touch Ai’s belly, stretching his hand for just a slight second before retiring it.
Though Ai noticed. “You can do it.”
“Are you sure?” A small nod from Ai was all Hikaru needed to move his arm towards her but hesitated halfway.
Ai did it for him, delicately taking his hand and placing it on her belly, with hers on top of his. Hikaru felt his body shuddering. As if the baby could sense their father, he felt a tiny kick which made Ai hiss, but she paid no mind to it, keeping their hands together as close as she could to their child. Ai knew Hikaru still was hopelessly in love, but then again so was she.
Being rude to Hikaru was painful for Ai. Out of all the lies rolling out of her tongue, the one about not loving Hikaru was without a doubt hurt the most to say, especially when she had told him directly to his face. She had experience putting on a mask and pretending she was fine, or didn’t care, but that mask easily cracked in Hikaru’s presence time and time again.
“Does it hurt?” Hikaru wondered. “When the baby kicks you.”
“It did at first, I’m used to it now,” Ai shrugged. “Miyako says it might be more than one, giving the size of my belly and the insane number of kicks I have noticed.”
“Twins?” Hikaru’s eyes sparkled for a second. “Wait, you still don’t know? Did you visit a doctor at any point in these nine months?”
“It would raise suspicions,” Ai waved her hand absentmindedly. “I agreed to visit a doctor only if I my pregnancy symptoms were too bad, like bleeding more than usual or exceedingly bad morning sickness, all that stuff. Nothing of the sort happened, so I don’t see why risking it.”
Hikaru opened his mouth to speak but paused. Ai was already about to give birth; there was no point in scolding her about not seeing a doctor sooner. “I’m glad you’ve been well, then.”
“I have,” Ai avoided meeting his eyes, she wouldn’t be able to resist jumping to his arms if she met his gaze for too long. “Do you even know how to raise a child, Hikaru? Let alone two?”
“Do you?” Hikaru shot the question back to her.
Ai let out a chuckle, feeling a little dumb for not imagining he was very likely to use her own words against her. “I suppose not,” she sighed. “I’ll figure it out with time, don’t worry.”
“Why don’t you want my help?” Desperation began showing in Hikaru’s voice. “Fine, you can’t love me, but I refuse to leave you alone taking care of our children when there’s two of us.”
“I can’t trap you by my side taking care of a kid when you could make a career in the acting industry,” Ai grabbed her knees, wrinkling her dress in the process. “You deserve to live a long and fulfilled life without a responsibility like this, Hikaru. You’re just sixteen.”
“And you’re seventeen and have a career in the idol industry, so I don’t really think that makes much of a difference,” Hikaru crossed his legs, not defensive but tired. “If anything, idols have it much worse than actors when it comes to their fans discovering they have a partner or kids.”
Ai’s lips formed a thin line, unable to come up with something to refute Hikaru’s arguments. Because he was right. It almost seemed like he had been rehearsing every possible scenario in his head about how his reunion with Ai would be like and came up with a reasonable response for everything she would say. It was frustrating for Ai, but Hikaru had always been smart.
Clicking her tongue, Ai pinched the bridge of her nose, unsure of what to do. “This isn’t a good decision, Hikaru. Wasting the rest of your life for me it’s not worth it, believe me.”
Hikaru pinched his nose, unsure what else to say. He knew Ai could be stubborn, so there was no surprise there. “I think I should be the one deciding what’s better or worse for me, not you.”
“Don’t you understand? I’ll end up being a burden to you!” Ai finally snapped, her eyes finally letting the small tears free. “You’ll get tired of me, of the kid, of this life! I don’t want to steal the bright future you have ahead from you, it’s unfair.”
“You are being unfair making decisions about my life without asking me!” Hikaru snapped. “Do you think I would have actively sought you out if you were a burden to me? You gave me everything, then shut off and tell me you never loved me and just expect me to buy that. For fuck’s sake Ai, why don’t you listen to your heart for once and stop lying to me?”
Any attempts Ai made of keeping calm immediately failed. There was no excuse or argument from her, not an unkind word, just a deeply hurt smile. “I’m sorry.”
Out of every reaction Ai could’ve possibly had, Hikaru wasn’t expecting that one. Just pure and utter regret and sorrow. Something inside his chest began to break. He was supposed to try to get back in Ai’s life, not make her cry. He didn’t mean to, but perhaps stressing a girl who was most likely a few days away from giving birth hadn’t been his smartest move.
“No, no, no,” Hikaru immediately knelt in front of her, drying her tears with his fingers and cupping her face with his other hand, trying to comfort her. To make up for his words. “I should be the one apologizing. I shouldn’t have come.”
“No, you’re right,” Ai shook her head. “I pushed you away, I lied to your face, and I ignored what you wanted. You have every reason to be mad at me.”
“Shhh, it’s alright,” Hikaru tried to sooth her. “I’m not mad and I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Ai placed one of his hands on the one Hikaru had on her face, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch for a while. She had pushed down so many feelings that she didn’t even realise how bad she had missed him until then. She kept silently tearing up for a couple of minutes, slightly cursing the pregnancy hormones for making her more sensitive than usual.
“I’m such a crybaby,” Ai sobbed once she felt calmer. “Must be the– ouch.”
Hikaru blinked. “What?”
Ai’s free hand immediately touched her belly again. “Baby kick,” she giggled. She knew Hikaru too well to understand what he wanted just by the look on his eyes. “Do you want to hear it?”
Hikaru hesitated. “Do you want me to hear it?”
Though Ai didn’t hesitate. “Hm-hm.”
Swallowing nervously, Hikaru turned his head to the side so one of his ears made contact with Ai’s belly. He didn’t know exactly what to expect, but then he heard it. A faint but fast kicking sound. Once, twice. It was somehow relaxing to hear, to feel the movement of their child. Or children. Hikaru instantly knew that not being able to raise them would break him.
Still, as much as it pained Hikaru, he wanted to respect Ai’s choice. “Thank you for letting me do this.”
“It’s the least I could do,” Ai placed a hand on top of Hikaru’s head and fondly stroke his head. “I didn’t mean to hurt you either, just so you know. I’m glad I could at least clear that up.”
“Still, I should’ve chosen another time to have this conversation,” Hikaru fought the urge to kiss her teary eyes once he moved away, standing up and trying to look nonchalant as he placed his hands inside his pockets. “I’ll call your boss so he can take of you and I’ll leave you alone. Without coming back this time if you don’t want me to,” he said while beginning to walk away.
“Wait,” Ai acted on instinct, stretching her hand and grabbing Hikaru’s wrist.
And Hikaru waited, facing her again. “Do you want something else?”
“Yes,” Ai didn’t let go of his hand as she stood up. “You’re right,” she paused, looking up, a bit worried but still sure of her next words. “I lied when I said I didn’t want anything to do with you. I lied when I said I didn’t love you. Please, Hikaru,” Ai fought back the tears, who threatened to spill again. She hadn’t been sure of what love was. Until then. “Stay.”
╍
Ai was oddly energetic for someone who was about to give birth to twins. Walking around the hospital, making conversation to every patient who listened, insisting on using the stairs to go to the upper floors. Hikaru thought he was worrying too much if it wasn’t for Saito, who was as concerned as him about Ai’s absence of proper rest before her upcoming labour.
Ever since Doctor Amamiya – which Hikaru didn’t particularly like – told Ai that she was having twins, a boy and a girl, she was over the moon. Even if everyone recommended her to rest, she insisted that she just couldn’t lie on a bed and wait. Despite Hikaru’s obvious concern, he didn’t complain. He would take one of Ai’s loving and honest smiles over her tears any day.
“Now we know they’re boy and girl, have you thought of any names?” Hikaru asked when Saito left the room to smoke.
“I wanted to wait until they were born,” Ai replied while opening the room’s window.
“Why?”
“To know what they would look like,” Ai explained. “I know most babies are wrinkled and with their eyes closed when they’re born, but I want to see if they have anything characteristic that they could be named after. Like, hair or eye colour or something. Does that make sense?”
“I think so,” he left his coat on the hanger, keeping an eye on Ai. “How do you think they will look like?”
“I’ve thought about that multiples times,” Ai supported her arms on the window’s frame. “When Miyako told me having twins was a possibility, I kept thinking that I wanted at least one of them to look like you,” she paused. “Selfish of me after cutting you off, I know.”
“Ai,” Hikaru began walking towards her, his voice nothing but comforting. “There’s no need–”
“It’s true, I would rather live with my bad choices than ignoring they happened,” she shrugged.
“I’m not saying you should ignore them, but keep that off your mind for now, it won’t help when you’re barely a day away from labour,” he gently stroked her hair from behind once she was by her side. “I’ve stressed you enough already.”
“That’s fine,” Ai spoke in a low voice, still not looking at him. “I hurt you before, so I can’t really complain,” she paused briefly but opened her mouth again before Hikaru could protest. “I still one at least one of the kids to look like you, you know.”
Hikaru was partially thankful that Ai couldn’t see his utterly lovesick smile. He thought it was a little embarrassing to be so down bad for a second, but he didn’t care the next one. He was right where he wanted to be. “Do you really?”
“Why wouldn’t I? Imagine a mini-you running around the apartment, or a mini-me,” Ai began giggling. “With our genes, they can’t be nothing but adorable, no matter who they take after. I don’t I could ever say no to our babies, and I haven’t even met them yet. I can’t wait.”
Hikaru hesitated before posing his question. “Aren’t you scare of childbirth?”
“A bit,” Ai admitted. “I’ve had nine months to assume it’s happening, so I’ve managed to push any fear I have about it to the back of my mind. Don’t worry.”
Hikaru spoke after placing his chin on one of Ai’s shoulders. “You can ask me a lot of things, but not that.”
Ai let her head fall against his, thinking of how to change the topic to avoid both Hikaru and her to keep the dread away. “Do you know want to know what I’ve been thinking of since I saw you on my doorstep earlier today?”
Hikaru’s brows raised. “Surprise me.”
“That apart from wanting to finally meet the kids, I’ll be able to properly hug you again after giving birth,” her voice was low, almost like a whisper, voicing something she had kept to herself for a very long time. “My belly is so huge I can’t even do that now.”
“The kids need space, so the wait for that hug will be worth it,” Hikaru tried to sound as if he wasn’t holding back his own happy tears. “Do you know what you need now? Resting.”
Ai whined but knew he was right. “Fine, but just for a little while.”
At night, Ai insisting on wanting to see the stars on the hospital’s rooftop. Since Hikaru refused to leave her side, he managed to convince her to use the lift to go upstairs and miraculously succeeded. To him, Ai’s eyes looked even more gorgeous in the darkness of the night. They sparkled more than every star in the sky – or perhaps he was just too lovesick.
“You’ve been moody since Doctor Amamiya’s last visit to my room, what’s going on with you?” Ai tilted her head, scanning Hikaru’s face and not taking long to assume the answer to her own question. “You’re not still thinking about the weird looks you said he was giving me, are you?”
“He seems too infatuated with you,” Hikaru crossed his arms, staying still while Ai walked around the rooftop. “It’s not a crime to dislike that.”
“Must be my idol charisma,” Ai joked as she flipped her hair with a wink. “I tend to have that effect on people, you of all people would know that.”
Hikaru was unable to stay bothered any longer. “I very much do, but I’m not the biggest fan of that idol charisma being used against me.”
“I never knew you could get this jealous,” Ai teased, moving her hand behind her back. “Though it’s cute, so I’m not complaining. Come here.”
And Hikaru obediently walked to where Ai was. It was hard to deny her of anything. “I’ll keep an eye on him, no matter what you say.”
“If that helps you sleep better at night,” Ai stood on her tiptoes so she could kiss him, her belly being the only thing between their bodies. “There’s no need to be jealous, you know. You’re the father of my child – well, children. Now we know there’s two of them.”
“That is precisely why you should go back to bed instead of walking around in a cold night like this,” Hikaru poked her nose. “Your boss is still worried as hell and so am I.”
“Fine,” Ai gave up. “Only because I don’t want to give Ichigo more stress, and because the boy I love asked me to.”
Those last seven words stole Hikaru’s breath away. “Can you say that again?” He asked, his voice low and a little timid.
“Of course I can,” Ai leant in, supporting her face against Hikaru’s chest as much as her belly allowed her to. “I love you,” she said clearly before looking up at him. “I love you,” she repeated. “It feels good to not lie about it.”
“Then it’s a good thing you won’t have to do that ever again,” Hikaru gently grabbed Ai’s face and leant down for another kiss. “Will you please rest now?”
“Yes, sir,” Ai jokingly saluted.
They reached the Ai’s room hand in hand and Hikaru helped her lie down on the bed again, as silently as possible to avoid waking Saito up. Sitting on the armchair next to Ai’s bed, Hikaru squeezed her hand until she fell asleep. He could hardly believe that would be his life from then on, by Ai’s side and with their children, whenever they decided to be born.
No matter what the kids would be like, he would love them all the same. The idea of parenting worried him a bit, they were too extremely traumatized teenager who were trying their best at the end of the day. Though all of those concerns suddenly began to matter a lot less when Ai and Hikaru finally held their beautiful twins in their arms just a few hours later.