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When the first blade slides too smoothly through her gut, before she registers the pain or the unsettling coolness of the metal inside her body, all she can think is, why? Why is this happening?
When the thousand swords descend, they are all a continuation of that first wound by Anthy’s hand. The scream that they tear from her body is the same scream.
The betrayal is senseless, beyond words, but all her attempts to understand are burned to nothing by the swords. All her awareness is burned to nothing; all the room in her heart is filled and eaten away by the pain, all but the little space that aches instead to return to Akio’s tower, to sleep face to face with Anthy, but then the thought transmutes back to rage, and it doesn’t really matter which emotion she is feeling anyhow, the pain is the same, the scream is the same, it is never-ending.
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Dearest Utena,
I do not know where you are, nor do I know how or when this letter will reach you, but I feel I must write to you.
It feels as though much has changed since you went away, although not that much time at all has passed. I have changed. I do not even know if I am still the Rose Bride. What I am certain of is that tomorrow, I will talk to my brother, and I intend this to my last conversation with him. Even if I am still the Rose Bride, I will not continue this any further.
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After a time, Utena realizes that she has stopped screaming. In the empty space of the silence, in the darkness, her wounds pulse harder than ever. She realizes they are eternal.
She remembers the horror and revulsion she felt when she saw Anthy once as a child, a strange girl skewered and imprisoned. She remembers faintly the rage it inspired in her, but she is too tired for rage now. She twitches what little she can between the blades, remembers Anthy’s twitching silhouette through the façade of her prison, but she can feel no empathy for her.
She sobs because there are no emotions left for her to feel. The swords only ever dig in deeper.
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I am sorry to have hurt you. You may not forgive me, but I must still ask for your forgiveness. Whatever happens, I will never forget all that you have done for me.
I have made my decision. This is my last night at Ohtori Academy, and I am coming to find you.
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If the Prince couldn’t save the Rose Bride, then who could possibly save Utena?
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I will not stop until this letter is in your hands, and you are safe.
Love, Anthy