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Sanemi had a problem, a problem named Kanae Kochou.
He had no idea when it started, how it started, or why, but it had begun. No matter how hard he tried to fight it—and believe him, he really tried— it kept growing, and now there was no stopping it. To be honest, it scarred him more than he cared to admit
He had fallen in love with a butterfly.
It wasn't a shock if he was honest with himself. He knew everything about her.
Her favorite color(Green)
Her favorite food(mushigashi)
Her favorite flower(Sakura flowers)
Her favorite books(Romance)
Her fears
Her habits
Her hobbies
her dreams
the song she would hum when she was in a good mood
He heard all of it, remembered all of it everywhere and every day
And that smile
That damned smile
It was beautiful every time he saw it; the world seemed to freeze in that moment. The damn thing was specially tailored to get in his way.
He hated it, hated how deeply he loved it, how it inexplicably pulled at the strings of his heart. Each time he found himself anticipating those moments, a wave of anger washed over him. They brought forth memories of his mother, memories that tugged at the frayed edges of his carefully hidden vulnerabilities. Even amid his father's relentless cruelty, his mother wore that radiant smile, an emblem of unwavering strength, as if to assert that all was right in their fractured world.
It infuriated him that a simple expression held such sway over him, that it could dismantle the fortified wall he had painstakingly constructed—a wall forged from anger, resentment, and endless rage that he thought was impenetrable. Each time she smiled, it felt as though she possessed the power to breach his defenses, effortlessly shattering the barriers he had erected to shield his heart from the chaos. He hated the ease with which she could penetrate the fortress of his emotions, rendering him vulnerable in ways he had desperately tried to avoid.
Conversely, that same radiant smile became his anchor, a compelling reason to persevere. It created within him a fierce determination to return home, to confront and conquer the challenges ahead, not as a weary soul resigned to despair, but as a man filled with purpose and hope. Her smile was not merely a fleeting gesture; it was a beacon of strength, illuminating a reservoir of resilience he had never realized he possessed. With it, the chaotic world around him began to regain its order and clarity, revealing a profound truth—he had something truly invaluable to fight for, something that made every struggle worthwhile. Something worth living for.
He tried to fight it. He tried to forget her.
She made sure that didn't happen.
"Sanemi," Kanae smiled as she walked up to him, "it's been a while."
"Kanae," Sanemi said, looking away, "what are you doing here?"
"Looking for you," Kanae said almost immediately, no shame. As usual, she never hid the fact that she liked him. So here she was at his estate to see him cause he had been avoiding her. Cause it had dawned on him that this was real, not some passing phase she was going through, she looked at him with those eyes full of love and affection and made him feel things he didn't want to
"I have the feeling you've been avoiding me," Kanae said after a long silence, "no, not a feeling, I know you've been avoiding me."
"What gave you that idea?" Sanemi said, trying to hide his arm in vain cause Kanae's medical eye focused on the poor attempt at aid he had attempted
"Call it a hunch," she said. "Something's wrong."
"What makes you say that?" Sanemi muttered
"Well, you haven't been by the mansion in what three weeks?" Kanae said, "You normally come by with some minor injury or excuse to see me."
"I've just been busy."
"You've been avoiding me."
"No, I haven't."
"Yes, you have Sanemi," Kanae said, her voice laced with concern. She could see right through his facade. "I know better than to fall for the simple 'I've been busy' act you like to put on." As she spoke, she reached out and placed a comforting hand on his, her touch warm and reassuring.
Sanemi shifted uncomfortably, his gaze fixed on a dull spot on the wall, deliberately avoiding her piercing eyes. "It's nothing, I've really just been busy," he replied, the words spilling out almost robotically. He could feel the weight of her gaze pressing on him, and deep down, he knew that meeting her eyes would be his undoing. If he looked at her, he feared he would be compelled to voice the turmoil he felt inside—he was afraid of what might slip out, of the vulnerability it would expose.
But Kanae was determined. She sensed the turmoil bubbling beneath his calm surface, and she wouldn't let him retreat into silence. With a gentle but firm resolve, she took both of his hands in hers and brought them to her heart, grounding him in the moment. Those were the same hands that had healed countless wounds, both physical and emotional, bringing comfort and peace to those around her.
Now, Kanae delicately cupped his face with her gentle and calming hands, instinctively urging him to look at her. Her touch was both soothing and insistent, and slowly, he found himself captivated by the worry etched on her features. There was no denying it now; the depth of her concern was like a mirror reflecting the pain he had tried so hard to hide. He finally met her gaze, and in that moment, the walls he had built around his heart began to crumble.
"You're lying," Kanae said, "you can tell me."
"I'm telling you I'm...fine," he broke free of her gaze, looking away, hearing her sigh.
"Sanemi"
"don't"
"You're being difficult," Kanae said, her voice rising a bit
"Then just give up," Sanemi argued
Kanae let out a heavy sigh, her shoulders slumping as she leaned against the wall. "You know I'm not doing that," she said, her voice tinged with frustration. "Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?"
Sanemi ran a hand through his messy hair, his brow furrowing as he tried to gather his thoughts. "You wanna know what's wrong? Fine," he shot back, his irritation flaring for a moment. "What's wrong is that you love me," he continued, his tone softening slightly, yet still edged with confusion. "What's wrong is that no matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to grasp it."
She stepped closer, her eyes searching his. "Sanemi," she whispered, hoping to bridge the gap between them.
He turned away, a pained expression crossing his face as he avoided her gaze. "And to make matters worse," he continued, his voice cracking with vulnerability, "I love you too." The admission hung in the air, heavy with emotion. "I love you, but I just can't figure out how to express that in the same way you do for me." His frustration bubbled up again as he shook his head. "You have no idea how hard it is."
"to love you and not know how."
The silence between them thickened, and Kanae felt a rush of empathy for him, recognizing the struggle behind his words.
"To love you and not be able to tell how much it means, to see your smile, and feel that no matter what you do, it won't be enough." Sanmei sighed, no longer able to look her in the eyes, "How hard it is to love someone so perfect."
"You're perfect for me, Kanae," he admitted. He said it out loud because it was true; she was everything.
He hated it.
Oh, how he hated it.
He hated that she was perfect for him because deep down, he knew the truth, even if she didn't see it yet. One day, she would. She would see him for who he really was.
"And I'm no good for you."
He knew better
He knew he shouldn't believe they were made for each other
He knew that he was no good
He was anger.
He was rage.
He killed his own mother.
No end to his story was happy
No way that he was destined for a good place
Kanae deserved better. She deserved someone who could lift her. help achieve the dreams she had, take care of her, and love her in a way that mattered
All he would do is drag her down
Kanae shouldn't shackle herself to someone so
broken
Kanae said nothing, but her smile spoke volumes. It was the kind of smile that slipped past his defenses, disarming him completely. He found himself captivated by it, feeling an overwhelming rush of affection every time she looked at him that way. Her smile, warm and inviting, had a profound effect on him; it sent his heart racing in a way that felt almost reckless, its intensity echoing what he knew was unhealthy. She had this extraordinary ability to draw him in, like a powerful drug he couldn't hope to resist or ever give up. In her presence, he felt both exhilarated and helpless, caught in a beautiful, addictive spell that he never wanted to break.
It wasn't long before she cupped his face in her hands. her soft and delicate hands, and brought their foreheads together
"What good are words?" her voice was a whisper, "they only get in our way anyway."
"Kanae"
"I love you, Sanemi," Kanae whispered. "I'll say it as many times as I need for you to understand."
"I," Sanmei, was stopped when she put a finger on his lips
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I love you."
She repeated that same phrase five times. and each time made Sanemi weaker
"And I know you love me too," Kanae whispered. "I don't care if you don't know how to say it, and I don't care if you can't express it in words. What you do for me is far more important. With you, I don't have to be strong; I don't have to be the oldest. I can just be myself." She smiled as she said this. "So no, you don't have to say anything, Sanemi, because I love you just the same." Sanemi sighed and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. "The only thing I've ever feared was that you wouldn't feel the same," she admitted.
She smiled back at him. "But you do, and as long as you keep showing that love, I will love you, no matter how hard you think you don't deserve me." She leaned in, planting a gentle kiss on his lips, "because despite it all, I see you, the real you.
"I see it in how you show concern for others when you think they're not looking," Kanae told him.
"I see it in the way you protect Genya," she smiled
"I see it in the way you care for Shinobu when I'm not around."
"I see it in the way you are gentle with Kanao."
"I see it in the way you respect Aoi."
"I see it when you interact with Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho."
"I see the man you are, and that's the essence of what draws me to you," Kanae said with a soft laugh, her eyes sparkling with warmth. "In those fleeting moments, when you reveal your true self, I catch a glimpse of the incredible person beneath the surface. It's in those times that I realize just how perfect you truly are."
"You're perfect, Sanemi," Kanae whispered
"You're perfect for me."