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Life was a cruel mistress- constantly pulling you towards the edge, holding you over the precipice, only to wrench you backwards and hold you tightly into her loving chest. Or at least that's how it felt right now. Your nose is clogged and every second that passes, all you can think about is the sweet, fresh smell of breathing in air. Life is cruel- constantly tantalizing you with moments of fresh clarity, only for your nose to clog shut again and for your throat ache with a burning ferocity.
Being sick is miserable and so you lay here alone, face buried into your pillows and body tucked tightly into your thick blankets as you groan and wheeze quietly in pain.
This wasn't an ordinary illness, no, you were sure you were going to die alone in your bed. Your head throbs with each breath, pulsing with overwhelming pressure as you feel your heart beating loudly in your forehead. Your eyes water and burn with every blink as your nose drips precariously onto the bed, pooling with a small puddle of drool dripping out of your mouth. And your throat, worst of all, feels as if life itself grips it, wracking its sharp talons through your vocal cords- rendering you voiceless and in constant agony.
You wheeze again and sniffle, attempting to clear your sinuses to allow any breath to come through- to no avail, of course. A cough racks through your chest at this, clenching your lungs tightly as phlegm fights to dislodge itself from your lungs. You want to fall asleep, to rest endlessly until your body heals itself, or you die silently, but the burning ache keeps you awake and you're destined to feel every second of this hell.
A knock sounds at your door startles you from your self-deprecating thoughts. You're not expecting any visitors so you ignore noise, nestling deeper into the pillows as you grown loudly at sound echoing through your apartment continually. The person will not give up and you relent, pulling yourself up to trembling legs as your head swims from the sudden change in pressure. A voice echoes from behind the door and you frown deeply, eyes drooping and head shaking in confusion.
Lars.
You unlatch the door, leaning heavily onto the wooden frame as you pull it open slowly. Lars stands on the other side, gloved hands clasped together tightly as he plays with his covered fingers. Tears well silently in his eyes as he smiles gently, relief flooding over his face as he takes in your fatigued figure.
“H-hi, Lars-” you try to speak, but your throat closes around nothing and you cough aggressively, body hunching over at the force. Lars leans forward, hand extended before stopping and hovering it over your back, teasing you with the warmth of his body. You stand back up and lean onto the frame once more as you wheeze for a moment before continuing, voice a low, weak whine, “what are you doing here, Lars?”
“.. you didn't show up..”
“..show up?” Your eyes pinch tightly, confusion wracking your brain at his words, “show up for what, hun?”
“Movie night”
Your eyes shoot open, and your head spins precariously as the memories return. Move night happens every Friday night at Lars’ built in garage apartment. And last night was Friday. You missed it. You sigh and lean back against the wall, looking at Lars as he pinches his eyes together and fidgets, concern lining his beautiful face.
“I-I tried to call you last night, but you didn't answer so I thought you were mad at me, but then you didn't answer again this morning!” He pauses and breathes deeply, biting his lip as his brows furrow, “a-are you okay?”
“Y-yeah!” You sigh and subconsciously lean towards him, desperate for his warmth. “I'm just a little sick right now, sweetheart. I-I'm sorry for ditching you I didn-” A cough racks your body and Lars jumps, hand resting on your back, awkwardly patting the phlegm away. “I-I'm sorry… Lars…”
He shakes his head and pats your back again, pulling away quickly as he wrings his hands together once more. He points inside and stutters, “c-can I?” You move away from the door, motioning him in before shutting and locking it quietly. He stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, looking around at your belongings and clutter lining the shelves. He's never been in here for very long, preferring to instead have you at his place, where he is comfortable and safe in his own protected bubble. You never pried or pushed him to reconsider, just remained happy he was even with you and comfortable enough to let you touch his skin and love him in the way he deserves.
You walk over to the couch and plop down, body sagging into the cushions immediately as your body trembles from exertion. Lars hesitates for a moment and watches you shake- not knowing how to help. He reaches a hand towards your shoulder and stops when you cough and groan in pain before rubbing your throat. Pinching his eyes together he decides then, that he will help you feel better and that he will do anything to complete his goal.
You listen as his footsteps patter away, towards your room before he reappears, blankets and pillows and even a singular teddy bear grasped tightly in his arms. It's the one he got you for valentines this year, as soft and as cuddly as him with big fluffy, brown arms- it even somehow looks like him. You huff out a laugh as you watch him approach, nose and chest wheezing at the motion. He stops right in front of you and motions your head up before placing the pillow underneath your head and fluffing in dramatically before tucking you under the soft, fluffy blanket. He holds the teddy in his hand and shakes it back and forth, grabbing a fuzzy arm and waving it at you theatrically.
“Howdy!”
You giggle and hold a hand out, wiggling your fingers for him. When he holds the bear out for you, you grab his wrist and pull him in, laughing painfully at the way he huffs from the unexpected gesture. You force him all the way down before pulling at his shoulders to lay him on top of you. You sigh at the pressure of his weight, laying back onto the pillows as his warm, soft body keeps you safe from the illness. He wiggles uncomfortably for a second before pulling himself onto his hands, leaning down over top of you with strong, thick arms. You grab his forearm, stroking the material of his flannel with a finger as he gauks at you openly.
“I feel better now!”
“You do?” You sigh and close your eyes, wrapping your fingers around his forearm tightly as the pressure returns in your chest- a cough threatening to claw its way out of your chest. You turn your head and cough into the pillow, heart deflating at the way Lars jumps back, arms and hands disappearing from next to your head. “You don't!"
He stands up and paces next to the couch, hands moving rapidly though the air as you lean over and pick up the discarded bear, holding it closely to your chest as you wheeze. If he won't cuddle with you, then you'll just have to accept the next best thing. He stops and looks at you as he bites his lip harshly and winces from the pain. He leans over once more, placing a large hand on your forehead before reeling back from the overwhelming heat.
“You're not just a little sick! You're very sick!” He pauses and nods, confident in ability to help, “where's your medicine?”
He starts walking towards your bathroom, stopping as you whisper out, “I ran out last night…” He turns back around and huffs, cheeks inflating dramatically before he sighs out deeply. “Okay! Uhhhh…. I can get some!” He rushes towards the door, adjusting his gloves as he grabs the handle. You huff out and whine, turning around to face him as he leaves, your raspy voice echoing out loud complaints.
“Lars! Aren't you forgetting something!”
He rushes back, biting his bottom lip as he leans down, head level with you. His eyes flicker over your face, concern lining his beautiful eyes. “Kiss!”
“Y-you're sick!”
You groan loudly and fall back against the cushions, bringing a hand up in a playful faint, ignoring the feeling of a cough rattling its way through your chest. He sighs and looks away before leaning over you, hand resting next to your head as he smiles gently.
“Well, someone insists on leaving already and I-” a cough, “I need a big strong man to give me a goodbye kiss so I can feel better! I'll die without it Lars!” You place a hand on the back of his head and scratch the back of his neck, preening at the way his face burns from the praise.
“I-I don't want to hurt you!”
“You're not going to hurt me sweetheart… why would it hurt?”
“I-I don't know….” He looks away and hangs his head, resting his forehead on your chest, “you don't feel good.. I don't want to make it worse…”
“If anything, a kiss from you will make me feel better. You always make me feel better Lars, especially when I get to hold and touch you.” His eyes meet yours, this time brimming with unshed tears as he whimpers softly at the confession. He leans in, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of your mouth before pulling away. You tighten your hold on his neck and chase his lips, giving him a soft peck before relenting and relaxing into the couch, fingers playing with the soft hair at his neck.
He's always so awkward when receiving or giving affection, it's oddly endearing, but still overwhelmingly sad. You frown and think of the life he lived up to this moment, the years of neglect and abuse that lead him to be so isolated and so terrified of touch. It took him years to be this comfortable with you, allowing you to touch him as you pleased, but he's still hesitant to reach out first. The first time you had kissed him, he cried loudly, years of pain and loneliness echoing into your chest as he held onto you, fingers clawing at your arms desperately.
So, you relent, scratching the back of his head once more before letting him go and watching silently as he stands up again. He looks down at you, a soft smile on his face as his eyes shine with unspoken adoration. He nods once more and bites his lip again before speaking.
“I'll be right back, I promise!” He walks to the door and opens it standing in the doorway before repeating himself. It's more of a reassurance for himself, that he's not abandoning you like so many abandoned him.“I'll be right back!”
You just hum and wave your arm back at him, nestling into the covers as exhaustion overtakes you. You pull the bear into your face, inhaling the scent of Lars cologne that he insists on spraying on it every week when you visit. You drift off, imagining that it's him laying next to you, ignoring the feeling of cold seeping into your aching body.
~
You don't know how long you lay there, filtering in and out of a restless sleep before a timid knock sounds throughout the room once more. You snort and sit up slightly, brows furrowing before you remember the circumstances. Laying back down you yell out, throat and head aching at the unnecessary strain.
“It's unlocked Lars” You cough and wheeze before turning over, face pounding with overbearing pressure. The door opens slowly with a low squeal and you crane your neck to look at a sheepish Lars, who's currently holding a ludicrous and unnecessary amount of bags. He smiles and pauses, lifting up the bags and waving them excitedly at you.
“I got medicine!” He shuffles towards you, holding the bags in his hands before setting them down and checking your temp again. You smile softly and chuckle as he winces again- no apparent change.
“Did you buy the whole store, sweetheart?”
“No! Just everything you needed!” He begins pulling items out, listing them as he goes, “dayquil, nyquil, cough drops- three different flavors, pedialyte” he pauses and grabs another bag, “another bear and fuzzy blanket, fuzzy socks, soups, sprite, crackers, tissues AND” he holds up the last item grinning wildly at his score, “new movie for us to watch! To make up for last night…”
“Hmm you did buy the whole store,” he pouts and sulks for a second before you continue, “thank you so much sweetheart. You're the kindest… most considerate boyfriend ever.” You cough and wince as phlegm shoots out of your mouth onto your closed fist. Ew.
Lars jumps up, grabbing the bottle of dayquil before ripping it open and measuring out the correct amount, handing the cup to you with shaky hands. You drink it, throat burning as you swallow it before coughing loudly at the disgusting flavor. A hand appears in your vision, the uncapped bottle of pedialyte firming grasped in it. You giggle and take a sip before it appears once more, holding out a cough drop.
He's a mother hen right now.
He grabs the items and walks towards the kitchen, organizing the items on the counter. He returns once more, the new blanket, bear and socks gripped firmly in his large hands with a napkin peaking out of it. He hands you the napkin for your hand before kneeling at your feet, hands now bare as he covers your freezing toes with the soft material of the new socks. You giggle at the sensation, his fingers accidentally tickling your skin before chucking the dirty napkin at the table. He chuckles and crawls up towards your head before pulling the new blanket around your body and tucking you in gently. The new bear appears at your neck and nuzzles it's way in, making a new home next to your old one. Lars leans down and places a soft kiss on your forehead, lips lingering on your hot skin.
“All better?”
You hum dramatically and speak, voice crackling painfully, “Hmmm better. Not alllll better but better…”
He pouts and sits up straighter on his heels, eyes flickering over the room as he tries to remember what he forgot.
“Awww, nooo. What did I forget?”
“Some cuddles!”
He sighs loudly as his body shakes, relief flooding his body, “wooo, thank goodness! I thought I forgot something from the store!” He stands and pauses, thinking about how to maneuver you. You just slide to the edge of the edge of the couch, leaving a small gap for him to slide into while you pat the area. He stands and leans over you before you stop him.
“Lars” He pauses and he eyes shoot towards yours, “shoes and jacket, baby.”
He shoots back and yanks off his shoes and jacket, throwing them haphazardly on the floor as he trips and stutters loudly. He stands in front of you, and nods once, cheering quietly as you nod back. He hops over you gently, settling his soft stomach against your back as he leans on his elbow next to your head.
His hand comes up and hovers next to your head before gently resting on you, fingers threading softly in your hair. It surprises you, but you don't show it, letting Lars feel comfortable and safe and exploring your body as he wants. He relaxes finally, his head resting on the couch's arm as he plays with your hair and locks a leg in between yours, intertwining himself with your body.
He hums then, a low rattle that vibrates your chest- filling you with a warmth you've been waiting for. You cough softly and relax back into him, feeling the way that his chest stiffens before relaxing and curling into you protectively.
“What movie did you get sweetheart?”
He jumps back up and groans loudly, “the movie darn it!” He shifts and awkwardly vaults over you, letting out soft, persistent apologies as he moves your aching body. He grabs the case and waves it around happily, “The Princess Bride! It's a classic, you're going to love it!”
You just giggle and sniffle a bit, not willing to tell him you've already seen the movie countless times. He slides the disk into the player and starts the movie, grabbing the remote as he rushes back to cuddle once more. He resumes his position behind you, pressing a soft kiss to your temple as his fingers find your hair again, scratching lightly at your scalp. You find yourself drifting off against him, headache easing and chest pressure slowly releasing as your body relaxes into his comforting, warm embrace.
He makes you feel better… safer… and more loved.
“Are you feeling all better now?”
“Yeah, all better Lars” He hums and presses another kiss to your temple, lips lingering as your eyes flutter closed again. “I love you, baby.”
He whispers against your temple his reply, mustache tickling your skin as his lips move, “And I love you.”