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“Robby, I… I can't”.
The rays of morning sunshine found its way through the half-opened curtains carefully dispelling the darkness of a dim sleepy kitchen. One of the bravest and brightest flew down the window all the way to the floor, ran further through the whole kitchen and climbed up the wall splitting the room right between the kitchen island and the counter and not even noticing the bare feet standing in its way.
“I have a wife. I have tanner”.
Leaning against the counter, Frank clung to its marble surface so desperately that Robby could see his white knuckles even in the dim kitchen light. It took all of Robby's willpower to turn his gaze away from Frank's golden feet sinking in the bright sunshine light and tensed knuckles whitening on the counter.
Tanner. And a wife.
“I'm sorry, I… I can't”.
Frank shrugged helplessly, his eyes down and lips pressed tightly. Robby tilted his head in question. He saw this was coming the moment this conversation had begun. Except for, he didn’t see this conversation coming. And he surely didn’t see what had been coming the night before it.
Robby shifted from one foot to another leaning against the table in front of Frank. He tried his best to look like he didn’t understand what Frank meant.
“You can’t what exactly? I'm not asking you for anything”.
Frank snapped his head up just to meet Robby's gaze. He bit his lower lip as if carefully thinking what to say next.
“I know,” he said finally. The answer was as safe as it was vague. “I know, just—”
Just a wife. And Tanner. They were persistently crawling to Robby through the golden sunray splitting them up; away from Frank, somewhere where they could finally be acknowledged. Tanner is Tanner. Not just a son, not just a kid. Tanner. Abby, however… just a wife.
Frank covered his face with his hands, breaking eye contact; he rubbed it fiercely. Then he shifted in his place standing straighter. Further. He hid behind the golden line that no longer dispelled darkness; it made it thicker.
Robby didn’t like it.
“Let's just pretend it never happened, okay?”
Robby had been expecting it from the moment he had woken up in his bed this morning and sleepily pressed a kiss on the top of the black head laying peacefully on his chest and brushing Robby's face with the soft messy hair; the said moment was after he realised whom the head belonged to.
Robby could have been expecting it as much as he wanted — which was none — but something twisted painfully inside of him, anyway.
“Okay,” Robby took a step forward — eyes still on Frank — standing closer to him; he squinted his eyes involuntarily when the sun splattered in his face and took another step. The air around them immediately started buzzing with electricity almost scattering with sparkles in those inches that were left between their bodies. Robby leaned on the counter putting his hands on either side of Frank’s thighs. To this, Frank tensed up so hard that Robby couldn’t help snorting. And then he got closer to Frank's ear — close enough just for Frank's burning skin to be barely touched by his hot breath.
“Okay, we pretend it never happened. We pretend you never kissed me in the first place,” somewhere under the palms covering Frank’s red face — as red as his ears, Robby could tell — a quiet «fuck» were let out. “We pretend you never made yourself home on my knees. You didn’t reach for my crotch any chance you got and you didn’t make my neck blooming with every shade of red," Frank sucked in a breath and somewhere at the back of his mind Robby wondered if Frank remembered last evening as clearly as Robby himself.
“And we do pretend that you never said something like «I wanted it for so long»,” Robby pulled away just to look into Frank's face, “Frank. Look at me”.
Frank took a sharp breath but put his hands away; his eyes were glistening.
“We pretend it never happened, okay?”
“Robby, we were wasted,” Frank's voice was quiet, small and almost pleading.
A sad smile made its way on Robby's lips; he was watching Frank's eyes watering as he ended the sentence. Sparkling beautifully in the rays of morning sunshine it threatened to wet his cheeks; they would be sparkling beautifully, too.
Robby shook his head.
“I’m not saying we weren’t”.
Frank's eyes were running all over his face, leaving wet, almost tangible trails in its wake. It seemed like he desperately wanted to say something but at the same time it was as clear as the sky on this bright sunny morning that he wouldn’t say anything. Maybe ever.
“Shouldn’t you get going?” Robby’s eyebrow raised expressively. He couldn't stop looking at the rapidly reddening eyes and wetly darkening eyelashes. What he could do is move back, finally, taking a deep breath the moment he stepped away. Robby didn't even realise he had been barely breathing all this time. “There's Tanner waiting for you. And a wife”.
Frank flinched as if he had been slapped.
Robby was right — Frank's cheeks were very beautiful when sparkling.
Frank looked down quietly and made a step forward; Robby almost felt his shoulder bumping into his chest but Frank just passed by him. A loud click of the shutting door behind him was Frank’s goodbye.
That evening was the last time Robby saw Frank with anything close to a beer in his hands.